#me fun

[itsblasttothepast]

While stalking another blog, tumblr did the funniest thing:

When I saw it, I was like:

Thank you Tumblr, for recommending me my own blog!

[lookingforsunflowersinmylife]

Feel like crap again

There was me getting a handle on things and then the Fibro and ME kicks the chair from under me and I feel like utter crap again.  

I’ve just read this great book written by someone else who has ME and it all made so much sense that I really did feel as though it was helping.  It did help.  I have a new understanding of what’s happening to me and why it’s happening and I felt I was starting to reach acceptance.

I don’t feel quite as accepting any more.  I’m loaded with cold and then have cold symptoms on top, which has set off my costochondritis so have searing fire across my chest with the occasional stab, so fun.  Then add in the extreme pain I have with my left knee, right hip, head and lower back, again fun. The brain fog that stops me from remembering things and at times my own kids names, ooo lots of fun.  Crippling fatigue and exhaustion with insomnia so there’s nothing I can do about it, oddles of fun. And the cherry on top is the wide spread pain throughout by body.  

And the absolute killer is that this isn’t even a bad day for me.  I even left the house today.  I drove and everything.  Imagine all that and more on a bad day.

I’m not suicidal any more, thank goodness, because that laundry list is the kind of one that could push someone over the edge.  I have family and friends to get me through this.  My boys are the light of my life and I want to see them grow up and see what they become and who they love and love their children.  Those things are the only things that keep me going on days where I feel like I want to give up.  I just need to remember that.  I need to keep fighting for my family.