Chapter 12
Daryl slammed the two bike helmets onto the kitchen counter and slumped into the couch in the lounge, leaning his head back and cupping his face with his hands and rubbing his eyes. He let out a deep breath which he felt as if he was holding in the entire ride back from Paul's apartment. He didn't know how he felt. He'd never felt something like this before, or something like ~that~ before. He was upset and confused and flustered all at once and his mind was whirring. He didn't even know why he felt upset, Paul had tried to kiss him, but he was drunk? He didn't mean it and Daryl didn't know if it was that that made him upset or just the fact that he'd tried to kiss him in general. He felt his eyes tear up as his brain overflowed with emotions that he didn't understand. "I'm not gonna cry over this. It's stupid" Daryl took deep breaths and wiped his eyes trying to keep himself calm. He became overwhelmed as he tried to understand his feelings as he was unfamiliar with majority of them. He was annoyed at Paul, but he also felt guilty for pushing him away. He was upset that it happened, but he still felt that spark before he stopped it from happening. He was confused that Paul made advances to him even if he was drunk, but couldn't help but wonder if he had the same feelings when he was sober. ------ He needed a smoke. ----------- Daryl stood up and grabbed a pack of Malboros from the kitchen counter next to a seemingly forever empty fruit bowl and walked outside into the moonlight. He took his lighter from his pocket and opened the packet of cigarettes, taking one out and grasping it in his mouth. He lit the cigarette and took a long drag, closing his eyes as he exhaled the smoke taking slow, deep breaths. He knew smoking was a bad habit and he had made plans to try stop but there always seemed to be times like these where it was the only thing he could use to help him cope with whatever ordeal was developing. He stood on his porch, looking up at the sky with his arms resting on the railing along the decking. He started labelling all the constellations he could recognise in his head to try and take his mind off the whole situation. He took a long inhale and then exhale as he made his way back inside the house again, locking the door behind him and stubbing his cigarette in an ash tray. He then kicked off his boots at the door and walked to his bedroom, turning off all the lights as he made his way there. He changed into his baggy t-shirt and grey sweatpants before pulling the covers from the bed and hopping underneath them, then pulling them up to his chest. He then opened the drawer next to his end and pulled out a pen and his journal. He opened the journal to a random page and began doodling, writing random words and sentences to try and ease his mind before he fell asleep. The method Rick had suggested to him years ago really had seemed to work thus far as he fell asleep soon after he placed the book back in the drawer for the night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paul's eyes flickered open as the light his his face on his laying position on the couch he'd passed out on last night. He groaned as he rubbed his eyes and sat upright on the couch, looking at the coffee table in front of him still littered with bottles and chip packets from the night before. The memories from the night before then began flashing back to him, each flashback causing a deepening feeling of embarrassment and guilt in the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch, hugging his arms around his stomach as it began to gurgle. Saliva started building up in his mouth and he jumped up from his position and ran to the bathroom, managing to hold his hair with one hand as he vomited up all the food and alcohol he'd consumed last night into the toilet. He winced as he coughed and nothing came up as he'd already spewed it all out, his chest and stomach began to hurt and he groaned even louder as he stood up and flushed the toilet to rid its contents. He took some deep breaths before going to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, then opening a cupboard and raking around until he found a bottle of Advil. He took two of the tablets and placed them in his mouth, swallowing them down with a gulp of his water - hopefully clearing his headache. He slumped back onto the couch closing his eyes for a couple seconds more before reaching into his pocket for his phone. He unlocked it and connected it to the Bluetooth speakers in his lounge and began playing a "chill" playlist he'd made; something easy to listen to in his current state. He then checked for any messages - one from Rick, unexpectedly. He furrowed his brows as he went to open the message, he wasn't sure if he'd ever had a text from Rick before, they weren't exactly close but they were definitely friends through Maggie and Glenn. --- Rick ~ Hi Jesus, me and Michonne are having a Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday with a couple friends - you're welcome to come if you don't have anything planned, we'd love to see you! --- "Huh" Jesus almost whispered to himself at the sight of the invitation. He hadn't had a proper thanksgiving dinner in a couple years now being that he hadn't seen his family. It would be nice to have company on thanksgiving for once and his friends were basically his family now since the argument years back. He quickly replied to the message, gratefully accepting the invitation and asking if there was anything he could bring, to which Rick replied "just yourself". As soon as he replied a thanks he suddenly felt a weight in his stomach. Daryl would probably be there. He swallowed as he remembered the night before. He'd tried to kiss Daryl, not even slyly - he just straight up went for it without any thought. He cursed at his drunken past self as he began chewing at his thumb, mulling over wether or not he should actually go. He didn't want Daryl to feel uncomfortable - especially being since he's close to Rick and Michonne, he should be able to feel comfortable around them. A part of Paul was upset that Daryl hadn't tried to kiss him in return, but for the most part he felt pretty shitty. He'd taken so long to warm up to Daryl and they were just starting to become quite close friends and now he'd gone and fucked it up due to the influence of alcohol. He should've kept to his self-made rule of "don't get drunk around anyone you're attracted to." - he was just grateful he hadn't opened up about his past, he wasn't ready for that. Yes, he was attracted to Daryl but he felt content with them just being friends, he was just a good person to be around Paul thought. He felt incredibly guilty for making the man feel so uncomfortable especially when he should've known better when he felt Daryl's whole body tense up when he wrapped his arms round his waist on the bike, as to why Jesus loosened his grip a little more than he would've liked being he was clinging on for his life. He'd also almost forgotten the time he'd grabbed his hand out of fear in the haunted house - another impulsive move which he didn't plan on making until it happened. Daryl had held on, which gave Paul a little hope that maybe he was okay with it, but they hadn't mentioned it to each other once they were out of the building which had slightly dampened Pauls spirits but he knew that Daryl most probably wasn't interested either way. He'd never brought up relationships with Daryl since he walked him back to his house from Glenn's that one night. The man had radiated the feeling of uncomfortableness as soon as Paul had asked him about it, so he took a note of it and never mentioned it again. He mentioned his own relationships but he was always careful what he asked Daryl because one wrong move and they were back to being strangers - one wrong move that Paul had most definitely just made last night. He didn't know if Daryl was interested in any relationship in general, let alone one with someone the same sex, Paul was angry at himself for making a move like that and making the other man feel so upset. As soon as Daryl slammed the door shut last night, Paul had just slumped on to the couch and fallen asleep thinking he would deal with the situation in the morning when he was more sober. Now that he was sober, he still didn't know how to deal with the situation - he felt a bunch of flowers and an apology letter wasn't quite the thing for Mr Dixon. He wanted to formally apologise face to face, but he also didn't want to visit the mans home and invade his privacy especially if he didn't want him to be there. Paul sat with his head in his hands, mulling over all the different apologies he could make, eventually settling on just a text message, he'd apologise face to face when he thought the time was right and things had settled slightly more. Paul took out his phone from his pocket and began typing a message, stopping and reading it before deleting it and re-typing, making sure he was using the correct words and punctuation. He probably put more effort into proof reading this text than he had any English essay in school. --- Paul (11:46AM) ~ Hi Daryl, I truly can't stress enough how sorry I am for last night. It was totally uncalled for and a mistake. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable - it definitely wasn't my intention and I would never want to make you feel that way in my home. If there's anything I can do to redeem myself, please tell me, I need to make it up to you. I hope this doesn't change things between us as I really treasure you as a friend. Maybe we can talk soon? - Paul Paul sent the message and locked his phone immediately afterwards. He shoved it into the docking station on the shelf piled with books on the wall of the lounge room and headed to the spare room to feed his first roommate. ~~~~~~~~~<<< Daryl gulped and his breath hitched as he saw his phone light up with a message. He let out a sigh when he realised it was only Rick. He opened the message and replied quickly to Rick whom was asking if he wanted to come to his for thanksgiving - an annual get together now. They usually held it a couple days before thanksgiving as Rick and Michonne had family to go to but this year they decided to have it on actual Thanksgiving day and visit their families later in the week. Daryl had always gone, he was a sucker for home cooking and a proper Thanksgiving dinner was always calling his name. He then got up from his place on the couch and began making himself a cup of coffee. He'd woken up a little later than usual today due to his night out and had gone straight into the shower once he got out of bed to try and get a fresh start to the day. Daryl made his black coffee and went to sit back down on the couch, switching on the TV and turning it to a random documentary channel. He sat watching the documentary on the Rainforest in Southern America to ease his mind and chill for a while as he sipped at his coffee. He was interrupted from his watching as his phone vibrated on the coffee table. He flicked his eyes towards is, looking at it for a couple seconds before deciding to lean over and pick it up. He pressed the lock button on the top of the phone and he's mouth became dry as he saw who the message was from. He read Paul's message and immediately locked his phone again. He rubbed his eyes and placed the phone on the table again. He knew Paul could see now that he'd read his message but he honestly didn't know what to reply with. He was upset and confused and he also didn't want it to change anything with their friendship but he couldn't help but feel paranoid that it would and it already had. Daryl would definitely remember it, he didn't think it would change anything between them but it was certainly something he'd remember for a long time. Then came all the "what ifs", what if Daryl had kissed him back? For a brief moment when it was happening, Daryl almost felt like he would have, especially when he had that warm feeling he got whenever he had some sort of intimate interaction with Paul. It's as if his impulsive tendencies were just itching at him, trying to get him to make that move but he stopped himself before it happened. Daryl had never really given much thought to his sexuality, he'd always presumed he was straight just because he grew up in a home with two hicks that would've beat him if he was anything else. When he thought about it, he'd never really been attracted to any women in that way, of course he could admit when a girl was nice looking but he'd never seen anyone and wanted to get to know them more. His only ever kiss had been a girl, one of Merles junkie friends paired with a game of truth or dare - of course Daryl was dared to "make out" with the woman. He was 18 and she was 27, quite the age gap but Daryl had lied about having kissed someone before to ease the amount of shit he'd get from his brother if he found out he was 18 and had never kissed anyone before and was most definitely a virgin. For a while, he just thought he didn't like anyone in a romantic way - which he didn't think was normal until he did some extensive Internet research and found out a whole lot more on the topic. He'd just come to terms with himself that nobody would ever fall for him, that he was unloveable and it was too late for him to find anyone. He always felt that way - nobody would ever be able to put up with him that long enough to settle down, not many people understood his problems and it took him a long time to warm up to people so if he were to ever be in a relationship with someone, they'd have to gain his trust first. "What if..." Daryl whispered to himself as he lay his head back on the couch and took a deep breath before returning to his phone and playing a video game he'd downloaded on it to pass time at work. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\|||||||||\\\\\\\\ Thanksgiving day came and Daryl was looking forward to having a good night with his "family" for the first time in a while. He still hadn't replied to the text Paul had sent him even just after a week long time for him to consider, he felt kind of bad about it but he still hadn't quite worked out what to say and wasn't sure if he was ready to see him again or not. He kind of felt he ought to do something, apologise or... He wasn't entirely sure. He definitely wanted to see Paul, and possibly speak about what happened - preferably not, but he knew it was inevitable and he was just putting it off because he was scared of what Paul or he would say. Paul admitted it was a mistake, which Daryl presumed meant he didn't have feelings for him which made him oddly miffed. Did he want him to have feelings for him? Daryl didn't know, he just knew that when he was with him he felt things that he'd never felt before and he knew he needed to feel them again. He tried not to think about it but it seemed to be all that had occupied his mind that week, whenever he wasn't doing something to distract himself his brain just kept shifting back to those thoughts - replaying them over and over trying to analyse every tingle, every red face and work out what to do with the information it had gathered. It was like Daryl had been handed a paper on quantum physics and was told to just get on with the work having no prior knowledge - he had no clue what to do with it. That's probably why he couldn't suppress them because he hadn't come to a conclusion as to why they were there in the first place. He was hopelessly stuck in a well of skepticism and he couldn't find a length of rope long enough to climb out. -------- Daryl rolled up to the Grimes household at 5pm as RSVP'd with a cheese platter he'd found at Target under his arm. He'd opted for a plain black, short sleeved flannel shirt with a black suede jacket over the top with his only non-ripped pair of dark, navy jeans. He also wore his usual brown boots which he took off at the door and left them by the mat as he walked into the house, not wanting to dirty the carpets with his worn, messy soles. Rick welcomed him with open arms and a big grin resulting in the edges of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. Michonne then gave Daryl a kiss on the cheek prompting a flush off pink onto his face. Carl gave him a small wave and a smile from behind Michonne then gave his hand a firm shake wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving. Daryl could smell the food wafting throughout the house; turkey and stuffing, roasted vegetables which contrasted with the sweet scent of desserts, of which Daryl couldn't decipher exactly which ones. He heard a familiar cluster of laughs which made him feel warm and along with the delicious smell it lead him towards the dining room. He was greeted by a cheer and a flock of chairs being pushed back from the table as Glenn and Maggie both embraced him before returning to their seats, then leaving one guest in front of him. Paul. Daryl swallowed as he looked at the man before him who was wearing an olive button down and a pair of black jeans, his hair in a bun and his circular glasses lenses glaring in the spotlight. He gave a timid smile to Daryl before hesitantly lifting his hand up for it to be taken in Daryl's own. Daryl returned the shy smile which more often than not only tilted up to the left side of his face and took the younger mans hand, shaking it slowly and gently before letting go, leaving his fist to fall back to his side. The two men stood looking at each other for what felt like a lot longer than 5 minutes before they were awaken from their trance by Rick offering Daryl a cold beer - probably a good call for he hadn't noticed the sudden raise of temperature in his body since he's entered the dining area. Carl entered the room and sat down at one end of the table resting his face in his hands, leaning his elbows on the surface as he stared at the bowls and plates of food waiting to be scoffed down and heaved an impatient sigh. Daryl then sat at the other end of the table, facing Carl and almost mirrored his movements, then Michonne came in carrying the platter with the steaming turkey laying on top receiving a gasp from her audience at the table. She placed it in the centre of the table before Rick came up behind her, placing his hands on her waist before kissing her cheek and telling her she did a great job with the food - as always. Rick and Michonne then sat at one of the long sides of the rectangular table, facing Glenn and Maggie, Paul then sat next to Maggie at the end of the longer side, the closest end to Daryl. As the man sat down Daryl shifted his chair slightly as their feet touched under the table, then cleared his throat as if to try and loosen the tension. He grabbed his ice cool beer and placed it at his lips taking a couple sips before placing it down on the table and leaning over the table to grab the fork and cut some pieces of turkey for his plate. The table echoed with light chatter and clattering of cutlery and everyone filled their plates, everyone seemed to be chatting bar Paul and Daryl. There was an apparent awkward tension between the two, everyone talked to them, but they never uttered a word to each other the entire first course before Daryl shoved a forkful of food into his mouth as Rick asked a question. "Daryl and Jesus have been going to lunch together right?" The man smiled over at the pair. Daryl almost choked on his mouthful of stuffing when Rick finished his question, face going red as he coughed and swallowed quickly before taking a gulp of his beer. He looked at Paul who looked down at his plate, trying to hide himself snickering at the older man next to him. "Yeah, a few times" Paul saved Daryl the trouble of speaking, looking shyly up at Rick across the table, voice soft. Paul then looked back down at his plate, scraping up the remaining mashed potatoes with his fork and shoving them in his mouth. Daryl looked over at Rick who was taking a sip from his glass of beer, the man raised one eyebrow at Daryl and the sides of his mouth turned into a cheeky grin. Daryl rolled his eyes at his best friend before bringing the rim of his bottle back to his mouth. Did Rick know? Did Rick see something that Daryl didn't? Suddenly Daryl felt a wave of anxiety hit him as he thought about the possibility of Rick knowing there was something that happened between them. The only way he could know was if Paul told him which Daryl could bet that he didn't, but, did he see that Daryl was acting weird around him? He felt self conscious all of a sudden and abruptly became very aware and cautious of his actions. He knew that Rick was just trying to wind him up but there was still that thought itching in the back of his mind that maybe he was being really obvious with his feelings towards the bearded man sitting next to him - who he then realised he's caught himself staring at him for a good while. His eyes flickered up when he saw that Rick was waiting patiently next to him, his hand extended anticipating when Daryl would hand him his empty plate to be brought to the dishwasher for cleaning. Daryl mumbled and gave Rick his plate, fumbling with his hands before his friend grasped his shoulder and leaned down. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He whispered in Daryl's ear before standing up straight again and pulling out Daryl's chair for him. "Come help me with this Daryl" Rick then said out loud as if to mask his prior request. Daryl's heart was thumping rapidly as his eyes looked into Rick's, worry flooded in them. Rick returned him a reassuring look before Daryl stood up and followed him to the kitchen. Rick set the dishes down on a counter and turned to face Daryl, his hands grasping the edges of the counter surface. Daryl stood awkwardly in the centre of the floor before backing into the breakfast bar on opposing Rick, leaning his back against the table. "What's up?" Rick furrowed his brows and looked concerned as he stared into Daryl's icy blues. "Nothin'" Daryl mumbled in reply, struggling to keep eye contact with the officer. Rick exhaled sharply and grinned, looking at his feet before looking back up at the biker. He always knew when Daryl wasn't telling the truth. "You're acting weird, you've been quiet all night. Don't tell me nothing's wrong. I know you Daryl." Rick tilted his head to the right side slightly and gave Daryl a soft look, pushing him to speak more. "You know you can tell me anything brother" Daryl's heart twinged as the words left Rick's mouth, a warmth radiating throughout him and a feeling of calmness. Similar to the feelings he felt when he was Paul, but stemmed from a different sort of meaning that Daryl wasn't sure if he was ready to admit yet. He didn't really know what to tell Rick, "oh yeah it's just that a guy called Jesus tried to kiss me last week and he's sitting right next to me now and you know I don't even think I really would've minded if it had actually happened?!" Daryl was taken aback by his own thoughts as he suddenly realised what his mind just mustered up. "Is it Jesus?" Rick suddenly blurted as if he was reading Daryl's thoughts, realising that he wasn't going to talk anytime soon. "I... Uh..." Daryl stuttered, unsure on what to reply. "Did something happen between you two?" Rick enquired almost whispering, genuine concern and a sense of gentleness in his eyes. Daryl was unsure of what he was implying. It was as if Rick could actually read his mind, he always forgot how well he knew him and how good he had always been at reading him like a book. "Uhh... Nah just... Had an um... Argument" Daryl's voice was gravelly and became a whisper as he reached the end of the sentence. Rick narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him as if he didn't quite believe the words escaping his mouth. He hummed as he lifted up one arm and rest his elbow on the counter, still leaving his other hand grasping onto the edge. "What kinda argument?" He further enquired, looking up at Daryl and staring into his eyes. "Just a misunderstandin', doesn't matter, was stupid" Daryl grumbled, flickering his eyes up to Rick before back down to his hands fumbling together in front of him. "Okay, as long as it's just that. You know I'm here if there's anything else. Anything." Rick raised his eyebrows and walked over to Daryl, squeezing his shoulder before letting go and patting him on the back, pushing him back toward the dining room. Daryl swallowed and looked down at his feet as Rick led him back to the dining room with the rest of the guests. He felt rather vulnerable, Rick really emphasised that last word. Anything, he said. Yet Daryl still didn't know how he would ever be able to confess his true feelings to anyone, he couldn't even admit them to himself. So what if he did like Paul, he felt good around him, he looked forward to being in his company whenever they would meet and he could see that he really wanted to be there with him too. He was empathetic, had a clever sense of humour which Daryl appreciated and he was a good listener which he valued very dearly in a friend, the ones that remembered the little things about him and brought them up time to time letting him know that they cared enough about him to remember those kind of things. Like Glenn who remembered the name of Daryl's favourite teacher, his favourite colour, his go-to drink at a bar (whiskey and coke) and the same exact shirt he wore when they first met. This one Glenn mentioned whenever he was wearing it - an olive green and black plaid pattern, short sleeved shirt, the arms were a little frayed and a button was missing (the second one from the bottom) so it was never quite buttoned fully up. Glenn then made a joke about the forever missing button and made it his lifelong mission to find an exact replica "however long it took" Daryl always scoffed and rolled his eyes but it meant a lot more to him than Glenn knew. It was dumb, but it was those things that mattered to him. Rick listened to Daryl whenever he had something bothering him, as he did the same for him. Rick would come to him for "love advice" to which at first Daryl was mightily confused as he was probably the worst candidate for that topic but Rick thought that he was always blunt and straight to the point and wouldn't lie to him if something was stupid and he preferred that kind of approach to it rather than someone telling him something that just wasn't right at all. To add to that, Daryl knew all his friends inside out, they may not be able to tell but he he was extremely good at reading people and he knew their likes and dislikes and all the inbetweens, he could tell when they had something itching at their minds or when they were pissed off or were really enjoying something - even with little expression on their face. He watched their body language and their eyes and how they acted around people to tell how they were feeling, he remembered each of their first words uttered to him and each of their last whenever he went to sleep for that night. He was selfless and thoughtful and introverted but also witty and charming and resourceful. Most people tended to shy away from Daryl Dixon but the ones who didn't were those that felt truly lucky they had a person just like him in their lives - it was just a shame that it took a while for Daryl to realise that. So would he tell Rick that the thing that was bothering him was sitting right next to him at this dinner table? No, probably not, well, maybe not for a while anyway. He wasn't ready for that quite yet even though he knew that Rick would love him all the same. Eventually the night went on, Daryl was still quieter than usual - elephant still present in the room, wedging its ass in the space between him and Paul at the table, everyone else none the wiser to it. They had finished dessert and were now chatting amongst themselves and eventually it got on to the topic of love and marriage of all things. Rick and Michonne were talking about their wedding plans to everyone, deciding on what the menu for the event would be, asking everyone their opinions for the date in the Autumn of next year. Carl was teased by Rick and Glenn about Enid - the usual "embarrassing dad" excerpts coming from the pairs mouthes, each time another was uttered the intensity of Carl's blushing cheeks and frustrated expression increased eventually leading him to resting his forehead against the table to hide his bashfulness as Michonne told off the two giggling men telling them they'd done enough. Somehow it got to Paul who had also been rather quiet the whole night, letting everyone else speak and listening intently giving a laugh and an input if needed be - out of character for the usually chatty and easy going man. "So... How's the love life going, you found any guys that are good to you yet?" Maggie teased her friend, one elbow resting on the table as she cupped her cheek in her hand, an endearing grin on her face. Paul scoffed and raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes before letting his brows rest again. Daryl couldn't look at him, but from the corner of his eyes he could see Pauls gaze set on him for a second before looking back up at the rest of the group. "I uhm... Haven't been looking really, no, yeah" Paul gave an awkward smile to Maggie his words seemed to be in a bit of a shambles for the often well spoken and confident man. "I should start looking for ya, I don't want you getting your heart broken again by a douchebag" Maggie raised one eyebrow and smiled at Paul, voice soft, resting her hand over his. Paul smiled back at her and gave a small nod before looking back down at the board of cheese on the table - suddenly it was very really quite interesting to him. Daryl twiddled with his fingers on the table in front of him, chewing the side of his cheek - something he often did when he was uncomfortable or anxious. There was a slightly awkward silence at the table before suddenly Daryl pushed his seat back and stood up. "Better go, getting late I got work tomorrow" he grumbled before taking his empty plate and heading to the kitchen. He could feel everyones stares on him at his abrupt action and suddenly started feeling very self conscious. He heard muffled chatter coming from the dining room as he placed his plate in the sink now piling with dishes. "You know when I said anything I meant it" Daryl was startled by Rick's low voice behind him. He swiftly turned round to face his friend who had a look of concern drawn on his face. "So, what's wrong?" Rick continued, stepping a little closer to Daryl. "Nothin', just wanna go home, can't I do that?" Daryl began to get frustrated and hot as he fumbled with his fingers. "Daryl ple-" "Don't wanna talk about it" Daryl growled, his irritation getting the better of him. Rick raised his hands in defeat, he was visibly hurt that Daryl obviously didn't trust him with something and Daryl immediately regretted his words once he opened his mouth. "Thanks for having me I'll pick up the bike tomorrow" Daryl's voice then became softer as he looked his friend in the eye before dropping his gaze to the ground, the guilt of his actions weighing in on him. He then took his jacket from the hanger next to the door before swinging it open and storming out, closing it rather roughly behind him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the street heading back home. It was at least a 40 minute walk away but he could really do with the cool air hitting his face. He felt bad for just leaving like that but he couldn't be there any longer, the weight of all his emotions just piled on him at once and he felt like a panic attack was starting to well up inside him as he could feel the trickle of a tear run down his face. He wasn't sure where this outburst of emotion came from. He just knew he needed to let it out, he'd been overflowing with his thoughts the past couple months since he met Paul and he was just starting to realise that yes, he really did like him. Not in a way that friends like each other or that you like a celebrity or a teacher, like as in - you want to spend every ounce of time with them, feel physical contact, hear about their day, watch TV and movies together and feel safe with them. Shit. This was what people in a relationship felt. He wanted to be with Paul and he didn't know what to do with those feelings so fuck it might as well mope around and feel sorry for himself until he decided to step up and do something about it. So he did just that, making sure to kick empty bottles and piles of Autumn leaves on the pavement as he walked past them as if he were in an angsty Rock video, all the way back home.
