You Choose: All or Nothing
Mean! Nanami Kento x ADHD! "Too Much" Reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three...
TW: angst, arguments, feelings of not belonging, ADHD mentioned once.
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1.5k words
A/N: Just to preface, I'm medically diagnosed with ADHD, but that is not to say that my experience is everyone's experience with ADHD. This oneshot focuses more on the feelings of not belonging rather than ADHD itself.
You were always too much for people. A frequent consequence of being ADHD. It’s impossible to live up to the standards of society. Always somehow doing something wrong. It’s to dim your brightness, but still try to keep your flame flickering. Trying to be yourself, but trying to also, you don’t know, not be annoying?
“(Name), calm down. It’s not that serious.”
“You’re being a bit loud, don’t you think?”
You’ve tried so hard to find that “happy middle” that everyone wants you to be. Even your own parents can’t stand to be around your hyperactive self, claiming it’s exhausting. Eventually, you just shut down. Never talked more than you needed. Avoiding conversation as if it were the plague. No one knew you. And it was just hard never being able to be yourself without fear of rejection. There was not a single soul on this Earth you trusted with your heart. But then came Nanami.
It started off sweet. Tiny glances. First impressions. Fleeting touches. It seemed that you two found a mutual crush. Then it turned into something more. Going on dates. Meeting the parents. Moving in together. To getting married. You thought you had found the man who would make you happy forever.
He told you he loved the way you stood out in public with animated gestures and a wide grin on your face. Finding the way you jumped up from the couch when he came home to be adorable. Or when you would hang off on his neck, trying to get him to stay home, he felt wanted. You were just a happy person and Nanami was drawn to it. You thought he was okay with you being you. I mean he TOLD you he loved you, right?
But things have just been odd.
And you can’t understand what the change even is, but you can feel it. Cracking your heavy eyes open, you find his side of the bed neatly made. He didn’t wake you for a goodbye kiss? And the next morning, your kitchen counter is empty. Which is odd because every morning your sweet husband would make breakfast for you just so you wouldn’t have to take your meds on an empty stomach. Maybe he woke up late, but that doesn’t really sound like Nanami.
Then he started working late nights, claiming the office fired workers, so he was picking up the slack. When he was home, you could find him in rooms where you were not. Watching his face wince every time you open your mouth. Something is wrong.
The dining room is silent beyond the occasional clicking of forks to plates. Usually, you both sit side by side. Him, listening to your laughter and yap sessions, telling you not to talk with your mouth full. With you disregarding it completely and talking anyways. Yet today, he opted to sit at opposite sides of the table. Apparently the wine glass he’s nursing is better company than you are.
“I have a company dinner this week.” He says dully, patting his mouth with his napkin rigidly. “I’m required to bring a plus one.”
Looking up from your plate, you smile widely. This is the first thing he has said to you all evening, “It’s me, right? It’s me?” you beam.
“Yes.” He says shortly. He doesn’t even spare you a glance.
You gasp, “O-M-G, yay! What’s the dress code? Do you know? I’m going to buy the most beautiful dress.”
He winces. You pretend not to notice. “I am unsure. I will have to check the itinerary.” He states, standing up from the table without saying anything more. Creases form between your brows. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you call out, “Kento?”
He sighs, “Yes?”
Your fork plays with your food as you look back down. “I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to watch a movie with me tonight. I don’t know, we just haven’t really had time for each other, I guess. I miss you.”
“I cannot tonight. The office needs the checking documents faxed as soon as possible.” Nanami picks up his plate and pauses, “Don’t wait for me. I’ll be working all night.”
“Oh.” Your hand clenches the fork. “Okay then.”
Feeling utterly rejected, you fight the hot tears that threaten to fall. Nanami Kento, who is normally so perceptive of your emotions, closes the door to his study with a soft thud.
As the days passed closing in on the dinner party, you felt yourself begin to cave inwards. For someone so loud and bright, you became quiet and dim. You haven’t said so much as a word to Nanami. You became a ghost in your home and the worst part is that your husband never even noticed or maybe he stopped caring.
The light hum of his engine comes to a halt when he finally pulls up to the company building. The hard set of his jaw tells you that he’s stressed. You stretch your hand outwards to him, only to hesitate and clasp it back into your chest. You’d only make it worse. He opens his door in one swoop movement, traveling over to your side.
Helping you out of the car, he holds your arm to his side. He’s only doing this because eyes that are not your own are on him. It leaves a bitter taste on your tongue. You open your mouth to speak, but he beats you to it. “Just act normal, okay?”
Craning your head to glance at him, you repeat, “Normal?”
He nods, staring straight ahead. “No theatrics or anything of the sort.”
Don’t be yourself. “Got it.”
Walking in, the first couple, The Hillsbury’s, come to greet you. You’ve known the wife for around 2 years now. Normally, you meet to get coffee or at parties like these. She is just as vibrant as ever with her husband holding her hand, gazing down at her when she pulls you into a huge hug. “(Name), where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you at any of the company events recently!”
Air gets trapped in your lungs. You tensely laugh, “what events?” She lets you go and you return to Nanami’s side.
“Did Nanami forget to tell you? Events have been going on all week. Although this is the party where wives are explicitly invited.” She looks between you, confused. The husband does the same. “Oh, right!” You cover up your shock. “I wasn’t feeling well these past few days.”
Which wasn’t a complete lie. Honestly, you feel sick to your stomach now. She narrows her eyes, but doesn’t press further. The night progresses on just as shaky as it started. With him pretending everything is fine and you trying your best to act “normal” or whatever that is. Attending these dinner parties used to be such a joy for you, but now you dread the next conversation.
“And how is life going for you?” Sherry, one of the many receptionists at the company, asks you. The words get caught in your throat. What’s a good response? What can you say that won’t upset him? Should you lie? “I— it’s been—” you clear your throat, “I suppose well…”
You feel his hand tighten on your arm. The conversation awkwardly trails off after that.
Setting down your purse on the kitchen counter, you hold back tears once again.
“I was on the cusp of a promotion.” Nanami stands beside you, staring you down. “We have different definitions of acting normal.”
“My normal or what you want me to be?” Your voice is raw.
He scoffs loudly, “They’re the same.” Breaking his stare to pour himself a glass of wine. His way of avoiding hard topics. You watch him down the drink. Unbelievable. He has to get drunk to handle talking to you.
You grit your teeth, “No. They aren’t.” Storming away to your shared bedroom, you slam the door shut. Grabbing the suitcase from under your bed, you furiously shove clothes into it.
The door knob rattles with a loud knock following. “Oh please-”
“I’m so fucking done with this bullshit.” You yell through the door. Your vision gets blurry every time you blink away the tears. “You knew who I was when you met me and you certainly knew it when you married me. You don’t get to try to change me now!”
“I haven’t tried to do a single thing with you.” His defensive voice is muffled through the door.
Throwing the last necessities into the suitcase, you begin to zip it up. “Exactly! You hide in your office every night instead. You don’t come to bed! When’s the last time we’ve held a conversation? A real one.”
“I—” Nanami sputters.
When you finally unlock the door, he comes bursting in immediately. His shirt and tie disheveled with his hair all tangled. His eyes frantically trail over you and then your suitcase. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“You don’t get to decide how much of me I should be. It’s all or nothing.” You push past him. “Take the bed. I won’t be here.”
“(Name), where are— It’s not safe out there—” He shouts out, but you’re already gone.
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Chat, this wasn't my best work, but I don't think this is horrible. Idk What do y'all think?