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HASO thought
I'm so sorry y'all, but I had another toilet thought 💀 what if aliens either weren't familiar with organ donations and being an organ donor or they just flat out didn't do something like that bc they didn't need to do something so drastic like organ transplants??
It occurs to me that I probably have the tinnitus.
Silence to me has a sound on the edge of hearing, like an old CRT monitor. I never thought anything of it before, because I grew up around a multiplicity of CRT monitors, but I just woke up with my earplugs in, having found my sleep mask after a week of it being lost down the side of my bed, and stretched my eyes and looked at the darkness (I don't know if normal people do that, it's a weird little anti-eyestrain thing, I can do a post discussing it if people want), and then I tried to listen to the silence the same way and realized that it hums. I can't listen around the edges of it and get to the real silence.
I mean, it's not driving me crazy, I don't think. I'm used to it, it doesn't keep me awake or anything. But I wonder if it's a factor in how easily I get auditory overstimulation stress. (Which is A Thing given that I work in a call center...)
I've got the weirdest thing right now where my arms and legs *feel* tired. Genuinely, I don't think they are. When I hold my arms up, they don't start to shake or anything. It makes sense that it's just a sensation since those have been messing up for me but it's such a disorientating feeling expecting your arms and legs to function worse than they are. Am I stumbling because my legs are out of wack or because I think they are?
Losing weight is hard as hell. No wonder the whole industry's a sham. Before my colonoscopy, I ate 1.5 sandwiches and 2 eggs over 3 and was completely emptied and only dropped 4lb. In the 3 days since the procedure, I've only managed one meal a day and I've already regained that 4lb.
Maybe the hospital could've warned me that a potential side effect of sedation is suicidal depression. That was not a fun morning.
Feelin' depressed. Never great having to take an hour off work you'll have to make up later just for the GP to tell you "let's not do anything until you get the results back from this separate issue I didn't know about until today".
Or to be told "No, that doesn't exist" when you describe a problem...
I've got a colonoscopy coming (not looking forward to it) and the nurse has been so unhelpful regarding how long I'm going to be on the toilet. I understand "it varies" but without even a range or a ballpark, I'm bracing for 14 of 24 hours and getting no sleep whatsoever. I want to think it'll be less than that but knowing my body, it hates me and will make this as bad for me as possible so my plan is just to see how little I can get away with eating for 3 days and hope I'll have too little in my body to be in there all night.
I'm definitely going to document it though in case I can give these nurses a freaking ballpark.
15/05/2021, 10:52pm
Okay but is it weird that I am feeling imposter syndrome about having booked an appointment to see an ENT?
Like, I have been complaining about not getting enough air through my nose for years.
And now I'm like
But what if there isn't anything wrong with me and I'm just dramatic? What if my nose isn't bad enough to go see someone about it?
