It's Valentine's day and I am heartbroken.
I feel like I am hanging by a thread. The past five months have not been the best; in fact, they have not been good. I cannot seem to understand why a great amount of effort does not equate to something good coming out of it, especially when changes have been made to pull oneself out of a dark pit.
Like in any commitment, I am in the phase of consciously choosing the same thing over and over again - regardless of whatever happiness or sadness it has brought me in the past. However, I have suddenly felt the exhaustion of choosing but not being chosen back. The absence of reciprocation leaves me on the brink of letting go - feeling unwanted by an element I have consciously chosen to commit.
Nonetheless, there's me, still smiling despite all the frustration. How did I fall into this dark hole when I could have avoided it in the first place?! Are things even worth pursuing when waking up makes you feel more dead than alive?
I feel like I am just wasting my time... And then a voice inside me says, "I thought you started believing in the quote, 'Life is what you make it.'" The way I think about my reality would define it. If I feel like I am just wasting my time, then, I must be! How confusing is life!