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A Meek Heart
A Clean Slate is Open and Ready to be written on, painted upon and decorated by the Master Artist. The Clean Slate Never Protests, Resists nor Argues with the Chief Artist. Why? Because it is entirely yielded to His Trust. In 2024, there shall be a huge difference between those who serve The Lord (That is to Worship Him, put your trust in Him and Seek His will in Spirit and in Truth) and those…
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Falling over a Cup of Coffee | @Jamie
Close. She was so close. Placing fourth in the Spring Horse Race wasn't that much of a big deal, considering that she had loads of amusing memories with the racers beforehand. It was all in good fun, in the end. But she was close. So very close. Claire sat leaning against the window pane at the thought of victory slipping from her fingers. Well, all in all, she did happen to win something that gave her an odd sort of pride that blossomed warmly through her veins.
She had managed to beat the almighty Jamie- the very same one that based his very existence over victory. Well, victory sure was bittersweet. The radio droned on in the background, filling the room with monotonous news about the blizzard from Castanet reaching their shores. Tapping her fingers against her dining room table, she forced herself up and about. There was no use just sitting around thinking about nothing in particular. Perhaps she'd pop into the inn and take Jamie up on their bet from earlier...
Wrapping herself tightly in the same old scarlet scarf that had protected her from the biting winds of storms past, she found her feet carrying her to Doug's Inn before she could mentally protest. The snowflakes nipped at her cheeks, tossing in a flurry of Jack Frost's tears. Hey Jamie, guess who won a cup of coffee! Would that be a bit too much or--
Claire didn't have a moment to spare, as she crashed straight into a blur of sunset-hued brilliance. Welp, they were off to a smooth start, weren't they?
Drown Me in the Stars || @ Jamie
Huff Huff.
Crud. Being late on a day like this? Claire shrugged to herself and took a glance at the sky as the sun was beginning to hit the horizon. The stars were beginning to stand out against the scarlet to indigo gradients and her heart skipped a beat when she realized she was missing one of the best parts of the Festival. Letting out a sigh, she watched as the sun drowned in the horizon. The stars were peeking through, and she relaxed at the sight rolled out in front of her eyes. There was a major festival in Castanet and for the sake of her inner raconteur, there was no way she would miss an opportunity like this one.
Her scarlet scarf was tossed against the wind, as she tried to hold her golden locks in place. Her eyes caught the crowd of ongoers spread across Flute Fields, slowly sifting out together. Taking a sharp turn, she decided that socializing was best left for later! The stars needed her attention tonight.
As she pivoted on her feet, she smacked face first into a blur of violets and scarlets, just like the sunset sky. Rubbing her nose gently, she exclaimed in apology. "Oh I'm so sorry--!" Oh. It was... him. Her nose crinkled slightly at the thought of his sharp tongue and bitter attitude. And she smiled graciously.
"...I didn't expect to see you here, Jamie."
Jamie Got Ran Over By A Eve, Ohdear. || Eve & Jamie
It was a few days late, but the bar needed holiday decorations none-the-less... So Eve made sure to order a lot of things from the Tool Shop and today was the day to pick everything up. There was nothing holding her back when she made this rather large purchase, which meant several trips walking back and forth to drop it all off! The first trip wasn't so bad since it was easy to grab a handful of plastic bags that were filled with lighter objects such as lights and ornaments. The second and third trip would be a bit more difficult since the rest were in boxes due to fragile material...
At least it was mid-afternoon and the sun was shining, she didn't have to throw on too many layers beyond her normal red dress, black fluffy coat, white tights, and fancy boots. Heels would have to wait until Spring came back around. There was way too much snow to stomp through for her to trust her lucky heels, after all. Eve was just thankful that she wasn't breaking a sweat and kind of thanked the cold weather for that since she doesn't usually do labor work like this.
"This is the tree, right Michael? Thank you so much!" she exclaimed with a bright smile before grabbing a box that was half her size. It felt rude to ask him for help and she rejected his offer even though he was trying to be a gentleman. The tree wasn't too heavy for her-- The box was just awkward to carry. She was holding it out in front of her like she just picked up a person around their middle and she couldn't really see... Michael escorted her to the door with a hand on her back, but it was up to her to find her way home after that. 'Oh well, at least people can see me carrying this big box and they'll stay out of my way? Right.' she thought to herself. It was a tiny bit encouraging!
Now was a good time to quietly hum a song-- Because it felt weird to have her eyes on the ground and nothing to look at in front of her except for the box... So she thought of the first song she could and started off with humming before breaking out into actual lyrics. "Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, In the lane, snow is glistening, a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland~!" As if on cue when she hit the "wonderland" note, she tripped on a rock that was hidden beneath a mound of snow and it threw her entire form off balance as she tumbled forward into something-- Apparently that something was caught by surprise too and ended up being smashed backwards into a huge pile of snow. Whatever it was, it disappeared quite easily from being pressed so deeply within the snow, and Eve figured it was a mailbox or something else since she didn't hear any noises.
The blonde pulled herself back and she seemed visibly upset, more angry than anything, at the fact that her body managed to smoosh the box so it was heavily dented. "Darn it! I hope the tree is still okay... Ugggh..." She stood up and quickly brushed off as much snow as possible before reaching forward to grab her box, which seemed to be pushed towards her at the same time. "What the???" she yelped before jumping back a step while clutching the box tightly, "Oh-- OH-- Jamie! I'm so sorry-- I ran you over and I didn't know you were under there-- So sorry! Ahh..." This was bad. Really bad. Of all the people she had to run over, it had to be him?! He didn't look happy either... "I couldn't see you and I tripped, oh goodness I'm just so sorry... Are you okay? Do you need a hand?" She finally dropped the box upon the pathway and moved around it to hold her hand out to the poor guy stuck in the snow, "I'll make it up to you, how about a free meal on the house? Again, I'm so sorry sweetheart!"
Liars' Clarity | @Jamie
Claire hummed quietly to a tune stuck in her head. Carrying a bag of animal supplies and a new sewing kit in one arm, and snapping to the tune with the other, she rushed through the tangle of market stalls. Spring was the season of new life and a time of great prosperity. Or so she hoped.
Jamie was visiting the Harvest Goddess once again and stepped towards the pond when he tripped-- or rather, he took a step and his foot never landed. It was kind of like when you're walking down a flight of stairs in the dark and you think you're at the bottom, but you're not actually so you misjudge the distance between your foot and the next solid foothold and end up tripping and falling flat on your face. That was basically what happened to Jamie, except without the stairs and, instead of landing on his face, he only momentarily lost his balance before finding his footing once more on the yellow pavement of the Mineral Town market place. He recognized his surroundings almost immediately and responded with a groan. He figured trying to find his way out of the maze of booths and stalls would be his best course of action, but he only found himself more lost than found. In his desperation he'd briefly stopped paying attention to the road before him and ran right into somebody-- somebody that he recognized, much to his own dismay.
Claire: The breeze had her hair riveting back, snagging at her coat ends as though it was trying to keep her there. She found the days to be long and the nights to be even longer... It had been a month since then and a week since that and good Goddess, Claire found all those ambiguous terms to be exhausting. But this was the new life she was living. Though it lost a bit of its purpose since his viable excuse, she found herself still stuck in her place. He didn't want anything to do with her; he didn't want to try and put in a little effort to make things right. That's where their relationship went wrong. Perhaps he was right; they had fallen into bad misfortune. And a face full of reality. She was a stranger to him and he to her. It was unlikely that anything good could come out of this any longe--
Claire: "Ooof!" She lost the spring in her step and whipped out a sloppy apology in return. Pulling her hair back in scatterminded embarrassment, she felt a second invisible force take the wind out of her sails. "Oh... hi Jamie." She awkwardly picked up her belongings and forced herself to take a look at him from below, "So what are you doing about Mineral Town?"
Jamie: Running his fingers through his bangs, Jamie shot her a glare and said, quite sarcastically, "I'm on a shopping spree." Of course, that wasn't true, and he had absolutely no desire to be in Mineral Town, but it seemed as though it was only a matter of time as every time he actually went to the Goddess Spring, he seemed to end up someplace completely different. This time, it happened to be here. He folded his arms over his chest, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. "Not that it matters; it's none of your business, anyway." It was a harsh thing to say, and he couldn't bear to look at her when he did, and it was hardly satisfying. It only seemed to widen the hole drilled into his chest. But, who would believe him if he said that he'd been sucked into a magic portal and got spat back out in Mineral Town?
Claire: "A shopping spree.... At Mineral Town." Her pause was one of exasperation. There was no way he'd come all the way here for a shopping spree, but then again... there was no way he came for her either. She supposed the first idea was definitely a bigger possibility anyway. He had only come to visit her once before. There was no way he’d do that now. "Right..... Well, I can't disagree with you on that one, can I?" Her voice was snappy at best, a little worn from her lack of sleep as of late. "But you're not going to do much shopping at this point; just look at the clouds--" A booming thunder crash rolled in just as she mentioned it. The storm was coming earlier than she had assume.
Claire: "Oh Goddess, why now?" She breathed under her breath.
Jamie
"It was sarcasm, chickadee." He murmured, and straightened the brim of his hat. He'd no interest in shopping-- in fact, he was positive that there was nothing in mineral town that he couldn't get in Flowerbud, and probably for cheaper. No, in fact, he couldn't do much excessive spending as of late because these frequent and not-so-desirable trips out of town were not only sucking up his time, but sucking up his money as well. He'd lost over half the month's profits paying for meals and hotel rooms each time he got sucked into a new town, and because of the amount of time he'd spend away from home, his ranch was beginning to go down hill. It was a depressing prospect, but he was determined to keep his head held high.
The sudden booming thunder brought about a look of agitation in his eyes. Here he'd thought the blizzards were bad, but if he was going to be caught in a monsoon every time.... Jamie cursed beneath his breath at the incoming storm and stomped along the yellow path, pausing only briefly to glance over his shoulder at Claire. "Tsk. Are you just going to stand there? Don't come crying when you get soaked to the bone, then." If anything, it was a vague invitation to help him find makeshift shelter. He'd be damned if he got caught in a stormed and he'd be twice as damned if he caught a cold because of it.
Claire
"Well-- I'd assume so." She muttered between her teeth. Claire was much too tense to go clashing head to head with him right now. She shook her head in disapproval of this entire predicament and let out a long sigh. Luck never was on her side these days, was it? The storm was rapidly rolling in and she wondered if this was the Harvest Goddess' doing... She never wanted to blame the Goddess for anything, but nature itself seemed to be out of tempo. At least someone seemed to be keeping his pride on his sleeve. Some people never changed, did they?
She rolled her eyes as he shot back another retort and went off to search for shelter. "Hah, if anything... you'll be crying to me once you fail to find your way through this place." Picking up her own pace, she walked straight passed him and down the stone-cobble pathway. She took a sharp turn to the right and out of the farmer's market. Without turning her head back to speak to him, she'd assume he could hear just fine as she raised her voice. "Try to keep up, will you?"
Jamie
"Tsk. I won't be crying to anybody." Not anymore he added silently, his steps quick, but uncertain. Jamie stared quizzically at the sky and felt the first few drops of rain plop onto his cheeks, thinking of better times and only snapping back to reality at Claire's venomous retorts. He scrunched his nose in displeasure and felt the faint desire to smack her upside the head, but ignored it and pressed on in silence. He made no effort to quicken his pace.
Jamie followed the blonde's footsteps around the corner and all the way down the similar path until they reached a small chapel nestled at the end of the road. He stared up at the building and thought about the last time he'd been inside a place like this. There was no church in Flowerbud, and he'd never set foot in one in any other town, so it must have been, what, twelve years? Maybe more, by this point? He felt a raindrop fall on his hair and trickle down his forehead, at which he pushed open the large doors and ducked inside without waiting for his companion.
Claire
Hmph. Her pace was brisk, clicking hard against the stones beneath her feet. A trickle of rain followed in their midst. As the occasional drops turned into a drizzle, they arrived at the closest emergency shelter: the church. She wondered why she couldn’t just go off on her own; she could deal with a little rain and thunder, and he could deal with taking shelter at the church alone. Alone. That’s the word that kept her from turning on her heels.
Well… that... and the abrupt lightning that started streaking across the sky. The wind picked up to a howl before she could blink and she contemplated no more. She wouldn’t leave him now, but she didn’t have much of a choice in the first place. The gust forced the doors closed, shattering her eardrums with a loud boom.
Her eyes moved along the giant stained glass windows lined behind the altar. “If anything… at least it’s beautiful in here…” She let out a soft sigh. This was going to be a long day, wasn’t it?
Jamie
Jamie let out a breath, otherwise unfazed by the blinding light and booming crash overhead. He scanned the room. It was a small, simple building with a single sanctuary and three or four rows of pews. That was probably more than enough space for the small population of Mineral Town. He followed Claire's gazed to the stain-glassed windows, occasionally illuminated by brief flashes of lightening, and studied the simple designs, most depicting the Goddess and her sprites. Besides that, the room was rather plain, with common wood flooring and beige walls. He'd hardly call it beautiful, but it would bring him no merit to start an argument over something so trivial.
"Yeah, I guess." he said, plucked his hat from the top of his head, and sat down on one of the benches. The rhythmic tapping of the rain against the roof told him that it wouldn't be letting up any time soon.
Claire: She walked down the aisle, passed the rows of wooden pews. "I... wonder if Carter's tucked safe at home?" The priest lived in a small apartment connected to the back of the church; she could only hope he was warm and cozy inside, because he definitely not in here right now. Her eyes flicked to the lavender colored hair and patterned cowboy hat. Well... He was better off anywhere else right now. She shared no other words and walked up onto the altar. Sacred steps, tiled floors... it seemed as though she were stepping up in the world; well... sort of. Taking an extra match out of her rucksack, she lit the candles and sighed. Rain and candles. "How romantic." Her voice drolled with deep sarcasm, that's for sure. Waving the match out, she stepped took a step forward to look at the colored windows in front of her. Pressing her palm against the glass, another abrupt lightning bolt lit up the sky. "Monsoon."
Jamie
His knee pressed against his chest, Jamie stared out the window at the downpour. He was rather distant, tuning every sound out of his head except for the gentle clicking of heels against tile. He hated this, being trapped in a building with her with nowhere to go and nothing to do, but, it was somehow nostalgic. His eyes flicked to the altar at the front of the sanctuary, and they narrowed at her comment, suddenly reminded that this wasn't the first time they'd been in this situation.
"Romantic my ass." he mumbled, and went back to staring off into space. It wasn't anger that made his hands twitch as much as grief. Grief for the loss the things that he loved, and grief for their return, for they returned to him in undesirable ways with undesirable outcomes. Both were unfamiliar entities to him now, and he couldn't help but wonder if life took joy in repeatedly punching him in the gut. Monsoon indeed.
Claire
After the rolling thunder stopped roaring for a moment, Claire balled up her fist as his voice broke the silence that blanketed them. Turning her head to look behind her, she rolled her eyes in quiet exasperation. Why did it have to be like this? Another lightning bolt lit up the sky outside, as the light shone through the colored glass in front of her. Another bolt after another... the colors flashing for a moment of fervent wonder, only to fade back into monochrome. It all seemed so bitterly nostalgic. The harsh tug in the pit of her stomach forced her away from the stained glass window, lest she crack it under her frustration.
Sitting down on one of the front pews, facing away from him, Claire rustled through her rucksack for anything in particular to distract her. Her hands felt passed a plastic food container, the animal supplies, the sewing kit, extra matches, a pen... and they stopped at a velvet-covered box that had sunken to the bottom of her sack. Her face sank for a moment before she felt a little book between her fingers and pulled it out. She started scribbling away, wondering if she had to say anything to him, wondering what she could say to him. “...Jamie, do you not have anything to do beside frown at nothing in particular?”
Claire: “Or perhaps that’s all you’ve done as of late.”
Jamie: "Tsk." He scoffed at her insolence, shooting a glare in her direction. "I could frown at you if that would suit your fancy." His tone was bitterly sarcastic. Before he went back to staring at nothing, he noticed something in her hands that she appeared to be writing on with a pen, but he paid no mind to it. His mind was preoccupied with keeping itself preoccupied. However, its preoccupation had been broken by her outburst, and he found that he couldn't take his eyes off of Claire. He couldn't tell what it was that she was scribbling from where he sat, so he simply gazed at the back of her head, noting that everything about it, even its silkiness, had remained the same as the last time he'd seen it... and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that. Jamie suddenly felt like he'd changed to much over the coarse of a month, or rather, too much had changed for him. Even his age, twenty-two to twenty-three, which just so happened to have changed today. He felt a little jealous that she could go on living just as she had before she'd met him, as if he was nothing but a bridge to get over in the first place, while his life began to tear at the seams before his eyes. "I don't frown at nothing, Chickadee, believe me." he grumbled, not really intending for his voice to be heard, though the phrase seemed to echo around the room, repeating his words back to him like a parakeet.
Claire
“Heh, if that would have suited my fancy, I wouldn’t have needed to ask.” She murmured, scribbling away without looking back to him. Though she assumed it was difficult to talk to him, snippy answers came naturally, as though they could bicker just like-- Well maybe they couldn’t emulate the old times but it seemed as though things were easier this way. Flipping to the next page, she wrote on, about nothing in particular besides the colors that seemed to light up the church on occasion and the furious rain outside. As she hit the bottom of the page, after finally dropping a tidbit on how strangely simple it was to spite him like the times at Mineral High, she spotted a torn edge in the center crack of her diary. Had… she ripped something out of there?
Her mind flashed back to a night where dawn was almost cracking and she had awoken from another recurring nightmare. The diary was her only sanctuary but… as she flipped it open, she landed on the page that seemed to open the doors to the very things she was trying to escape from. The page had neat, scripted handwriting, scrawled in a rush as though Claire needed to get it down months before hand. It was his birthday reminder. How could she have forgotten? Her mind flashed to the present. No. It wasn’t ‘how could she have forgotten’. Rather… perhaps it was ‘why did she even try to forget?’
She stopped writing and picked up her things. There was no point trying to forget, so she and yes, even Jamie, might as well just… Claire moved over to his pew and sat at the opposite end of it. “You can frown at me from here then. It’s nothing.” She flashed him a quick smirk before setting up her journal again. “But some of the things you’re forgetting aren't.”
Jamie
Jamie folded his arms, and took no time sliding as far away from Claire as possible, letting his bangs fall over his eyes as his gaze fell to the floor. He didn't want to look at her anymore. He wanted to forget. Although he thought this, he continued stealing glances at her and crystal eyes scanning the pages of her journal. He cursed his perfect memory, for there was no way that he could possibly forget. He couldn't forget the times they'd held hands and hugged and kissed and watched the stars together. He couldn't forget from the time they'd met in the monsoon over a year ago, and he couldn't forget the time they were trapped together with cups of warm cocoa for comfort, and he couldn't forget the time he'd tore into the letter and read it over and over and over until his heart shattered and shriveled and ached so much that it seemed to drain into the pit of his stomach and blow away like dust in the wind. He could still feel it beating, so he knew it was still there, and he could still feel it aching, so he knew that it still had feeling. It only ached more with every glance towards the blonde as he remembered how much he had-- no, how much he did love her. He couldn't forget. "I'm not forgetting anything."
Claire
Claire continued writing on, the pencil curling with every painful knot in her stomach. It felt as though there were too many things that they had been trying to leave behind, too many things they had wanted to forget. Too many things to escape from. She shrugged at that thought. It seemed sheerly ridiculous that a girl like her was running from anything. She couldn't run, her nightmares told her that much. It was time to move on somehow else; it was time to throw herself head on into situations again. She tucked her pen and journal away for the night. Claire scooted in, as the polished wooden pews pulled on the ends of her coat. "Are you sure..?" She couldn't forget the warmth of his lips on hers, as he did all in his power to express things the way he knew best: without a need for words themselves. Or the way his ice-cracking eyes warmed fondly as she popped in. Or the times where their fingers would entwine between each other and a few mugs of hot cocoa. Or the times they bickered as though spite was nothing less than a tease and a kiss. Or the times where they were younger, brasher, and filled with conflicting dreams over a pile of paper wishes.
She couldn’t forget the moment when a letter shattered it all with one blow. She knew she couldn’t forget, but Claire would have to try and move on with those memories in tact. Each memory that resurfaced had her moving in closer, and by the time she understood there was too much to ever try and forget, she was close enough to him to pull out a shabby plastic container. A few small, glazed pastries sat inside, waiting to sweeten the night. If Jamie didn’t want to forget… “…If you’re sure then… I’m not forgetting anything either.” She pulled out another match, much like the match she used to light the sanctuary. Striking it, she held it above the tiny pastries with a genuine half-smile. “I know it’s not much of a cake or candle but…”
“Happy birthday, Jamie.”
Jamie
Jamie gazed at her with cold eyes, though the contempt floating in the fronts of his irises were little more than a facade to keep the fear from showing on his face. She had no reason to be closing in on him like that, at least not that he knew of, and it frightened him. He didn't want to have to face her. He didn't want to look at her anymore. He scooted along the pew until his body threatened to fall off the seat and onto the floor, but still she persisted. Once she'd slowed to a stop beside him, Jamie folded his arms over his chest and stared at the vibrant fabric of his poncho, only looking up at the smell of a burning match. His gaze softened for only a moment to admire the pastries in the plastic container. Had she gotten those specifically for him, or was it just a fluke that she happened to have them in her bag? There was no way she'd planned on meeting him at some point to present them, so he settled on the former and his eyes narrowed once more. He didn't want them. Okay, maybe he did. They did look pretty tasty, after all, and who was he to let a good pastry go to waste? He plucked the candle from her fingers and blew out the fire, reciting a secret desire in his brain, though he wouldn't tell anyone that he'd even made a wish. It was pretty childish for a man of twenty-three, after all. Jamie leaned back as he pulled a flaky confection from the container and warily took a bite of it, not quite impressed with its quality. It was cliche to say that the thought was what counted, especially since he hardly believed the thought to be there at all, so instead he just glared at her through the corner of his eyes and said, "How'd you know?"
Claire: There they were. Those eyes of his that shown with such intense emotions that they played out the inside of his own soul. They were of a lifeless, pale blue color, but they held a life of their own. He could put up a good glare, filled with hate, of contempt but... Her intuition told her otherwise. What was it that she said before? Who are you trying to fool? But perhaps she shouldn't step over any more boundary lines. She didn't want to accidentally fall-- Her mind cut off those thoughts. All she knew was if she didn't start the climb from the very beginning, she wouldn't risk falling again.
Claire's heart twisted in pain, and her blood plummeted at the truth. That was it, right? That's what she wanted? She wanted to leave it at this and this only. But was it to run away? "Of course I knew." Her voice was quiet, hinting that the answer was obvious. She had a thriving hope that bloomed in her chest, the feeling of something peculiar, something she wanted to put to rest. How, he asked? "Because you're important." Claire wondered if the three words that escaped her lips would pay off for a lack of explanation. Those words stood for more than she would-- or even could explain right now. She couldn't leave him behind, she couldn't forget him... She was very much back on point A. But that was it. No more than that. Please. Her thoughts begged. Let that be the case.
Trying to shake of her internal conflict, she put on a weak smirk. "...So? What did you wish for?" Though he was the first to tell her that there was no point in wishing for things, under a shooting star shower at that, Claire knew him. There was also something he wanted with all his heart. She just hoped it wasn't still he-- Claire swallowed and looked down at the other pastries in her container. Popping one in her mouth, she thought no more.
Jamie
He was very much taken aback by her words. Important? Since when was he important? Well, he knew very well that he was important in the grand scheme of things, but when had he become important to her? He surely wasn't important when she'd handed him that letter, and he wasn't important when she spent her time frolicking with strange men at the beach while he stood no more than ten feet away, biting his lip in unwelcome jealousy. Jamie scoffed and put the thought out of his mind. He wouldn't be deluded by her lies-- and even if they weren't lies, he wouldn't succumb to the sweetness of her words. His pale eyes gazed hollowly at the floor. To wish was a foreign concept to him, and yet he'd done it unconsciously. Why had he done it? What did he wish for? His teeth ground together as he thought to himself and, after several seconds, his lips parted. "Relief." He mumbled. Having the weight of the world and then some on your shoulders could do a number on you. More than once he'd wanted to just curl up in his bed and sleep for a year, but what good would that do for anyone? Absolutely none. The goddess would never recover without him, or so he liked to think, and that one thing that he unconsciously yearned for would only slip further from his grasp, so he would pull himself out of bed every morning and work for it. "But that was stupid." Jamie rested his chin on his knuckles. There was no point in wishing for something that couldn't possibly come true.
Claire
The silence winded her rusted gears; her mind was drowning in a cesspool of unanswered questions. Why did she go searching for answers when she could simply leave them as they were? The series of misfortunes that had come down on them... that was only because of their choices and their actions; so very reversible had they been different people. But they were so very fragile; this was so fragile, the bond constructed upon stubbornness and a touch of unspoken words in between. Because of this, the consequences they ended up reaping in return were so unpredictable, for the better or worse.
As much as they had welcomed each other in, the stone bridge between the two had gaps too wide to jump over. She had her own reasons for holding herself stagnant, aside from the overwhelming verbal encouragement from her friends. Three towns over, the letters, the rings... those reasons were nothing. They could have easily been fixed; she had--Claire swallowed quietly-- she had loved him strongly enough. The slow communication? The simple misunderstandings? She could have let it go-- she had loved him strongly enough. His frequent denial, her frequent acceptance; it was all but a slow burning love.
Claire had broken things off out of misunderstanding, but she kept things as they were because this was surely what they both needed. They both needed, especially her, to fully understand the consequences behind secrets, behind hidden insecurities. Perhaps it was simply because she didn't trust herself to make him happy; to truly be happy... there would need to be mutual understanding. She had failed to understand that the pain inflicted on her needed to be spoken to be understood, that her secrets needed to be revealed. Jamie was just the same. If there was to be another chance, they needed to truly understand this first.
Oh, how a second chance would be nice.
Her mind finally registered his voice, trailing behind a few seconds after he had broken the silence. Relief. He always did carry the world on his shoulders. Or felt as though he did. Her finger tips were cold as she remembered her promise to him. I won't leave you behind. Claire understood that they would have needed time to shoulder the weight together; he was always too stubborn to rely on others until then. I won't leave you behind. She balled them up against the moist fabric over her knees. She hadn't... left him behind. But she had left him. And they were slowly slipping into darker recesses because of it.
"...It's not--" She cleared her throat, finally, and shook her head. "It's simply natural." Claire wished that she could say something else, but no words came through. He wouldn't want to hear it. Looking down at the container, that looked so small in her hands, she murmured, "Surely the day will come." If not for me, at least... I hope for your sake that it does.
"In fact, I'll bet my own wishes on it." The weak smirk was back on her lips. This was all she could give him right now? Unsure reassurance. What a harsh reality this was.
Jamie
Jamie ran his fingers through his hair, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "Tsk, stupid." he repeated, though, this time, it was directed more towards her than to himself. Seriously, how naive could you possibly be? "Keep your wishes-- the day will never come." He stared at her, condemning her optimism. "Relief doesn't just rain down on you if you sit and wait for it. No, relief comes only after you work, and work hard, and once your eighty years old and sick with pneumonia, relief will come and pull you from life into death." That was a lie, though; an unconscious one. He was deluding himself in order to avoid happy memories. He'd felt relief before-- he'd felt relief when Claire squeezed his hand or hugged him or kissed his cheek. She held the potential to either kindle the fire of his troubles or melt them all away, and he couldn't say that he hated it. But, he didn't want anybody to hold that kind of power over him, and he felt so resentful that she did. Why did she have to hold it over his head? Why did she have to keep playing games with his head? To be loved one day and tossed away like last week's garbage the next, only to be perpetually haunted by confusing statements and sweet smiles-- Oh, he could feel his heart wrenching. As long as she was here, taunting him with sweetness and charity, there would be no relief. And as long as he locked his feelings away inside his stone-cold chest, there would be no relief. "Save your wishes for a better cause."
Claire
“...Naive it may seem now, but just you wait.” Her voice was steady; stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. Her optimism… there were points where she wondered if it was as pointless, as stupid as the world wanted to make it seem. But this was her. “Just… you wait.” She had built upon a broken person who had lost everything and infinitely more, but how she pulled herself out, how she became the Claire that he knew today… Now that, was something—no, someone—she couldn’t give up on. His words were a cold, double-edged sword. How much of that was directed at himself? Claire wanted to ask but they were stuck behind their own crumbling insecurities.
“I have enough wishes to go around, I assure you.” She shot him a blunt comment, as though irritated at his… well… normal attitude. But her smile was genuine, so very warm. Just like a crackling fire. There might have been disdain between them, but she wouldn’t back down. She had promised, hadn’t she? Claire knew she’d rather go mad than close him out completely. But perhaps her gestures were too much for him to handle right now. Their feelings were still much too raw for this.
It was inevitable that they would slowly entwine in this terrible, perpetual game of theirs again. They were stuck in their dreams, their nightmares. ’And for you? I wish I could do more than just wishes.’
Before she realized it, the words had unintentionally slipped from between her lips. More than just wishes. She looked down at her hands, pumping them quietly to keep them from falling asleep.
Jamie
Wishes this, 'just you wait' that.... The same naive banter that he knew she always went off on. Jamie didn't care for wishing, and he'd rather die than sit around and just wait for things to happen. That never got anybody anywhere. He stared off in the opposite direction so he wouldn't have to look her in the face. He didn't want to see her smile. He didn't want to be filled with the warmth it provided. He didn't want to be reminded of her goodness. He wanted to pretend that she was a horrible, sarcastic, devilish vixen who wasn't worth his time-- but he couldn't turn his back to reality forever.
Jamie froze at her words; his breath stopped short and his eyes grew wide. What was that supposed to mean? I wish I could do more than just wishes? His heart and his brain were both screaming at him-- screaming completely different things."What are you playing at?" Pathos won over logos, and he found that the tighter he clenched his fist, the more the echos seemed to bounce around the sanctuary. "I'm tired of these mind games! If... If you hate me, can't you just come out and say it and save us both the trouble[!?"
Claire
The edge of the cliff they were hanging on… it was slowly crumbling again. To climb and to fall. To make mistakes and to reap the consequences. To learn. To experience. To grow. The rain had sunken to a low rumble as of late, but his face seemed to sink like the weather. The weary emotions that drew out all his strength; he wore them openly in the clouded shine of his eyes. This was why she couldn’t just forgive and forget. They were both running the wrong way, a distance away . They were bound to play this cruel game, as though fate wanted them to climb just to fall. Something’s just wished for the world to burn.
But from the rubble, they would have to rise renewed. She had her irrational hope and he had his unreasonable tenacity. They wouldn’t sit and wait for answers, but they’d reach out for a discovery themselves. They had to. This was the one lesson they had to learn. The one goal they had to reach if they wanted to cross the stone bridge they laid down for each other.
Clarity.
“…I don’t hate you!” Claire’s face was livid with a piercing determination. Her scrunched fists were pale, the blood draining from her hands. “Through all the old facades, unexpressed pain and the secrets we didn’tshare, let me make this clear.”
“I don’t hate you! And I never have! In fact--!” I loved you and still do. She turned her body away from him and folded her arms against her chest. It was rather too cold to get her feelings out there. “I have never forgotten our promises! I haven’t given up on them either.”
“But… how about you? What are you running from?” Claire demanded more than she should have. “Because I know we’re both running from something. And we’re not getting anywhere because we’re running the wrong way!”
Jamie
Jamie buried his face into his hands, his mind clouded by resentment and the unwillingness to forgive. There was a miscommunication-- a simple misunderstanding that sent their entire relationship crumbling to the bottom of a pit. It'd been cleared up, and yet neither of them seemed to want to go back to the way things were. Why was that? He was proud, and he knew it, but was that really what held him back? Could pride really make somebody run so far and so fast? "In fact, what? In fact, you despise me? Hmph." He was so stubborn and so cold, but he didn't know any other way to be. Honestly, he didn't even want her to finish that sentence. He vaguely wanted her to love him, no, desperately wanted her to love him, but.... He was afraid. He was afraid that if she did, history would only repeat itself. Jamie'd had his heart broken more than once in his life, and the mediocre patch-ups just weren't going to cut it anymore. He was afraid of love. He was afraid of what it would to to him. He was afraid of falling apart. "I'm not-- I'm not running from anything, okay!?" It was rare for Jamie to lie, but he'd found himself lying a lot more often as of late. "In fact, I refuse to run from anything!" He pulled his knees to his chest, the heels of his boots clicking against the wooden bench, and hid his face in the coarse fabric of his poncho so that she wouldn't see the tears welling in his eyes. Jamie was so determined to keep his feelings away, but the glass case around his heart was cracking under the pressure of her words.
Claire
Her eyes hardened at his suggestions, as though she couldn't comprehend how he could blatantly just-- How could he just deny everything she just said, everything that's been said before-- She let out a long exhale before continuing down her train of thought. This was Jamie after all. The one person who could act so high and mighty without realizing the footing crumbling underneath his feet. And this was the one person who could be his own self-demise. Claire loved him nonetheless.
They weren’t aiming for some amateur patchwork now. If anything was to be fixed, if they could simply just… start with better footing… Claire knew she wouldn’t ask for anything but that. She wanted more; she wanted him to love her with every fiber of her being… and simply take her back as she was. But she couldn’t hope for it. It was the best for him; she wouldn’t ask for more than what he could take. And that was what she aimed for.
His frustrated roar echoed throughout the sanctuary, plucking another heartstring. She glanced at him for a second, curled up in such a pitiful position… And she swallowed harshly. No..! Not again. This was exactly why she didn’t want to get involved. Claire bit the side of her lip, knowing it was too late to take anything back.
She didn’t want him or anyone else hurting because of her. Claire knew it was only a matter of time before she left scars too deep to heal. But now that she ended up like this, surely she had something to say. ’I’m sorry for the scars,’ her brain would scream. Her voice would not cooperate.
Instead she held herself together, despite the welling soreness that was erupting from her throat. If there was one thing he could do, he could make this raw pain swell up like knives. All the years that were left tearless, with a snap of his fingers, would be simply forgotten. He had that affect on her. Yet, it wasn’t her time to cry, not… yet… She bit back weakly.
“Jamie, I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again. W-we’re both running…”
She didn’t know whether to scoot closer or fall back. As broken as she was, her voice took a life of its own.
“Just who…” Her voice died off for a moment, as she wracked up enough strength to keep it going. “Just who are you trying to fool?”
Jamie
Jamie sat, reveling in the silence that came between them. The drumming of the rain against the stain-glass windows seemed more distant now. Tears wet his eyelashes, streamed down his cheeks and gathered on his woolen sleeves like morning dew on grass. He felt so stupid-- why was he crying? What was he crying about? Was he grieving over the loss of so much that he held dear? Was he puking bottled-up feelings through his eyes?
Sometimes you don't need a reason to cry. You just have to, and even if you don't really want to, your face contorts and the tears stream down anyway.
He kept his head down long after the silent tears had ceased and simply listened to her speak. He'd heard this many times before: Who are you trying to fool? That was a damn good question. Who was he trying to fool? He knew by now that Claire could see right through his facade, so... what was he doing? He pondered this for a long while before finally lifting his chin and resting his cheek on his arm so he could look at her face for once.
"I don't know," he said with a cynical smile. "Myself?" Perhaps, he thought, that was true. He wanted to believe that he didn't need anyone-- that he didn't need her. He'd gone so far as to convince himself that he hated her as an extra measure for keeping his heart locked up. But, he realized now, speaking with her in the church and feeling the strong need to wrap his arms around her, or at the very least, hold onto her hand, that he wasn't fooling anybody. Not even himself. The smirk faded from his lips and his eyes drooped as he looked over her features. She was just as lovely to him now as she was however many months ago she'd cut him off. She was right, though-- they were both running in the wrong direction. So, maybe it was time for a step in the right one?
"Sometimes..." he mumbled, wondering whether or not to continue.
"Sometimes I sit down and make myself read over that letter. I crumpled it up so many times that it's practically torn in two now, but I still read it." Jamie bit his lip, and turned his head towards the alter. It hurt to look at her for too long. "Whenever I felt like there was some chance that you might come knocking on my door again, I sat down and read it to bring myself back to reality; to convince myself that you don't love me and that you never did love me and that you only stayed with me because you felt sorry for me."
The confessional door across the room was shut tight, but what did it matter? There was nobody here, and the sound of the rain drowned out his voice to the outside world. The whole church was his confessional now. "I wanted to convince myself that I hated you. But I couldn't hate you. I could never...." He turned his face away now, urging himself to just spit the damn thing out and get it off his chest. What's the worst that could happen? Surely nothing worse than what already was. Besides, he'd said it before on different occasions, so why should this be any more difficult? Jamie swallowed hard, keeping his head turned as far away from her as it could go, and mumbled almost inaudibly, "...I love you."
Claire:
Not one person she had ever met could knock the breath right from under her; there were far too many layers to make such a sheer effect on her emotions. Oh, who the heck was she trying to fool? Herself? Claire felt numb from the bottom up, as though the tight knot she had around her feelings had constricted into a cold hang noose. Her lungs constricted painfully, as though each word that came out of his mouth just tightened the rope. It was that crooked smile that stabbed through his features and straight into her heart. She couldn't feel the tears streaming down her face but her brain could barely register much else anyway. She felt sick. Sick because the resolve still stood vigilant in her heart. Sick because she wondered what all this pain was for, if her resolve was really worth it. Sick because she was despicable. To ruin the young man that she loved.
Sick.
What was her reasoning behind this again? Why did she hold herself back when she just wanted to run straight into his arms and forget—That’s it. She didn’t want that to happen again. To have things fade from your memories. Like a flame being put out between calloused fingers. With a snap of your fingers everything could be gone in an instant.
She didn’t want to run anymore. Whether it was in the wrong direction or the right one, she didn’t want to escape. It was time to learn from their mistakes. It was time to understand the godforsaken pain that ran through their veins. It was time to live again. Though… The two broken people with shattered pieces spread across the floor of the chapel… they were finding it very hard to live right now.
She couldn’t take her eyes off of him; her beautiful, ruined Jamie. And she simply sat there, trembling under the weight of her tears and listening to the pain she had inflicted him. “…To think that every day away from you, all those agonizing months…. To think that I had written that letter thinking our love was all but mutual at that point. To think that the very fiber of my being screamed and battered to stop before it drove me to ruin..” To stop what? To stop writing the letter that would break them both? To stop letting this get to her head? To stop loving him?
Impossible.
“So I did what I thought was the only way to find out what exactly I wanted to stop.” And she smiled. “It’s not a great one… but I think I’ve found my answer.” What a smile of such pure melancholy. “…But just know that I…” Her voice was a ghost of all things that were, all things that are and all things that could have been. A quiet stream of tears still trickled down her cheek.“…I will always love you.”
“And that’s why I can’t go running back.”
Jamie
"...."
He heard her words, but he was not listening. He didn't want to listen. He didn't want to hear her explanations. He didn't want to hear her excuses. After all that time.... After the months he'd spent wondering, after all the months he'd spent accepting, and after all the months he'd spent loving her, how could she possibly think that their love wasn't mutual? He didn't understand her. He didn't understand her logic, and he didn't understand how a simple string of misaddressed letters could possibly spiral things so out of his control.
She stared at him, and Jamie's heart wrenched. He couldn't bear to be looked at, and turned his head away, trying to drown out the sound of her voice with the downpour rapping against the stain glass windows. The thing was, though, that he could no longer here the rain. He listened close, but nothing came. He looked, and saw the orange light of the unclouded sun illuminating the sanctuary.
"Liar." he mumbled beneath his breath.
Jamie closed his eyes, hating himself for feeling like he did, and hating Claire for causing it. There was no way she really loved him. If she did, she wouldn't keep hurting him. If she did, she wouldn't have handed him the damn letter in the first place. "I don't want you running back. I don't-- I don't want anything to do with you... Liar!"
Who was the liar? Claire? Ha! What a joke. He wanted to think she was at fault. He had convinced himself that he'd been lied to, but really he was lying to himself. Didn't want anything to do with her? What a load of horseshit. But, no matter what, he had to keep his feelings in check, if for nothing but his own well being. It wasn't like their relationship was very stable anyway. It was... It was almost like she'd sucked in his very being and tore it to shreds without giving anything back. Even after all this time, he still knew nothing of Claire, while she knew everything of him. It's for the best, it must be! They really were strangers after all, it seemed.
Claire
As soon as the somber smile graced her lips, it disappeared. Just like that. He couldn’t bear to look at her… but who could blame him? She had single handedly ruined both their lives from the moment she handed him that letter. But all that regretting was in the past. No matter how many faults they seemed to strike up, like embers for a fire, it was for the best that they kept moving forward. Walking on hot coals and through flames of passion and destruction, they were doused in a dose of chilling reality. The rain had lightened up, as though their tears had been the final downpour. The silence was maddening, as her heart tightened at the sunlight. It seemed as though the weather had moved on, towards brighter times. But what about them? She couldn’t help wonder how much longer they’d be burdened with these anchoring emotions; it seemed like only eternity was appropriate.
“….Liar?”
Her soft expression plummeted, as her eyes flickered dangerously. She opened her mouth to retort, to bring something of her old fighting spirit back, just to shoot down his accusation. But Claire sighed and let it go, allowing the flame to flicker off on its own. She listened to him shoot off carelessly, stabbing into her heart with every word that slipped out of his mouth.
“Sure. I’m a liar. We all are, birthday boy,” she stated coldly. Her eyes narrowed as she slung her rucksack over one shoulder. Claire was done for today. Completely and utterly done. Why did she have to love a guy like this? Why did she still love him… so much so that her emotions could have ended her right there and then? Goddess—
They were hopeless.
“You can call me whatever you want.” Her glare was like fashioned daggers, aiming right for his heart. “But in the end, you should know that I meant it. And still mean it.” She turned away, towards the exit. Towards anywhere but here. Little had she known, she had left behind a small velvet box on the pew nearby. It was something she'd regret later on, that's for certain. She turned to give him one fleeting glance before taking her leave, out into the crisp realities of the world.
“It’s not like you knew much else about me to begin with.”
Jamie
"Tsk."
His tone was cold, but his heart ached. How stupid did you have to be to say something like that to someone? How cruel? How inconsiderate? The more he thought, the angrier he became, and he couldn't very well blame Claire for never really loving him. Who could love a guy like him, anyway? Selfish and cruel and inconsiderate.
Jamie heaved a sigh, his eyes flickering towards the small box left so carelessly on the wooden bench. It didn't belong there, for sure. Could she have dropped it on her way out? He snatched it up and pulled back the velvet top, revealing a small golden band-- or, more specifically, a promise ring. He narrowed his eyes. This must have been in her rucksack, which meant that she must have planned to give it to someone-- and after that ordeal, he doubted it was for him.
He snapped the lid shut and shoved the thing into his pocket. "Huh! Always love me, she says? Know that she means it, she says? What a load of crap." He sniffed, blaming the cold and not his tightening throat for the action, and headed for the church's grand exit. Whoever she'd planned to promise herself to would surely be disappointed, he thought, which only meant some empty satisfaction for him. Oh, how he'd laugh to see her come running back to him, searching for her precious little ring.
He left the church with this thought, and walked his way back to Flowerbud. Once home, he'd shove the jewelry in his nightstand and never have to look at it again. Hopefully.
meekheart replied to your post: meekheart replied to your post: ...
<3333 Oh my goodness, I am so excited. Thank you so, so much!!!
hahaha no worries girl xxx
meekheart replied to your post: meekheart replied to your photo: fave place in...
Where did you get them?!
here :) the brand is Kaimei Shoes http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Womens-Peep-Toe-Punk-Chunky-Block-Heels-Platform-Buckle-Strap-Sandals-Shoes-58-/251339475209
meekheart replied to your photo: fave place in my city
I love your shoes :(
omg thankyuu!! i got them today :)
