#meesho rants

[mrsemory]

Hmm..

Today I just feel like listening to sad music, and crying? But like I don’t even know why or what I want to cry about. I just want to curl up in my bed with all my Bill pillows and just sob. I don’t even have a reason to feel sad (that I can think of consciously) but something in me feels so hurt. I’m gonna be off and on a lot today, moderating my brothers stream and trying to draw. Something in my heart is really aching though, and I feel so lost for some reason. Depression is honestly the worst fucking feeling in the world, and the grip it has on my heart is suffocating. 

[mrsemory]

Today was so hard

I struggled to find the strength to get out of the house for very long with my mom. My head was killing me, my body was so shakey, and I didn’t have much vertigo thanks to the meds, but it made me VERY aware of everything else wrong. I don’t get what’s wrong since they don’t seem to find anything with blood work and all the other tests they do. I have an appt the 23rd to see my primary, but like, I need answers. I literally sit in my house all day, every day, fighting to get the strength to get up and get out of bed and move. MAKE my arms move, MAKE my body stand for very long.  This prolonged fatigue is going to make me passout again, and that’s the last thing I need. Not to mention I can’t imagine how much I am worrying my mom and MuuOppa. Augh, I just, I want answers, and I want to stop feeling in the dark. It brings out the worst in me. 

[mrsemory]

fuck this human cloning paper augh

[mrsemory]

All the no.

So yesterday I had a "customer" actually call the store and ask what color people you shoot in call of duty. It took EVERYTHING in me to just keep calm and talk to them in a normal tone. There was a man in the background of that call hooting and hollerin' about getting to shoot 'N's in their face and mow them down. Next of course it turned into your run of the mill 4chan type phone call with them asking if we sold XL condoms and if they could come get all this at the store. It got so bad though that I just hung up on them, I was really getting fed up. Is this really what our society is like? Is this really okay to let kids grow up and say? I refused to answer the phone the rest of the day, I was just so mad, and it's still making me mad. Ugh. 

[mrsemory]

Meesho ranting a lot

AUGH, I cannot stand this. I have been cold turkey from my prescription medications for about 2 weeks now? Mostly because my insurance was *surprise* canceled on me for scripts (but not for visiting doctors, go figure.) Now I'm sitting here with my fibromyalgia going crazy and out of whack, I'm in so much pain, my anxiety is through the roof, and my sleep is out of control no matter what I try to take for it. 

It doesn't help either that my Grandmother is all 'Oh this is fantastic, medication is bad for you! Be stronger than the pill!' but look at how bad I am doing. Look at how awful my mood is, how terrible my pain and flare ups are, the swelling that keeps happening in my joints that I have no control over. Not to mention if I have an asthma attack, you better pray to god I have a working inhaler lying around somewhere /knock on wood.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford to pay for these pills, but I can see the effects it's having on me and it's terrible. I feel terrible, and today's the worst it's been in a long time. Just typing, moving my neck, anything is exhausting and I just want my pills to get it to a manageable state again. 

Sorry, I just needed to rant, I don't know what to do with myself and I think I might just go sack out and hope the pain is gone when I wake up. /sigh

[mrsemory]

Do you ever just severely dislike a person, but you're forced to be nice to them/bite your tongue around them for the sake of others? Yeah fuck that I really don't wanna be nice and if that makes people dislike me, oh well. :T 

[mrsemory]

Why the fuck does everyone call themselves trash? What's so hip and cool about saying you're trash, omg such trash? JFC stop belittling yourselves and realize you're better than that, or get away from me, I don't wanna associate with garbage. I wanna associate with these beautiful, intelligent, funny, wonderful people that I come onto tumblr to reblog funny pictures from. 

[mrsemory]

People might be mad at me, and that's okay. I just am not gonna jump on this ridiculous bandwagon of 'boycott the MOAMT' thing before there's concrete evidence explaining to me why I should. There's been no post that explains anything to me or shows any kind of proof about why. Also Ami has apologized enough to the internet about her personal life and actions in the past. If you can't move on from the past, then I'm sorry for you. I really am, but I'm not gonna let myself be stuck in that forever. Everyone has to move on at some point, and I think it'd be a great idea for her dream to be realized and the fandom to have this dream turn into a reality. So for now, I'm in support unless something sways me otherwise. Doesn't mean we can't be friends, doesn't mean we can't have differing opinions, but don't hate on me for mine. Jfc.