Raya in denial about her feelings for Namaari
Here you goooo Rated M
It’s just sex.
It’s not anything.
Raya repeats this again and again in her head when they’re together like this. In the dead of the night, the heat of summer, writhing against one another’s naked form. Panting, breathless, between kisses that are far too messy to belong to ‘just friends’.
Namaari’s fingers are inside her, claiming her again as she’s done for nearly a month now. Her body God-like as it cants in unison of her pistoning fingers, Raya’s hands gripping her waist as she rocks herself up into her. The friction is slick, wet, it’s making her stomach dip and her head fall back in such a way that she never knew was possible. She’s begging for more, her body needs this. Namaari needs this, they both can’t seem to make it a day without their hands on each other.
But it’s just sex.
It’s not anything, Raya reminds herself.
There’s no feelings between former friends turned enemies turned friends again. It’s too complicated, it’s too new and painful to call it what they both know what this is. To say that all this time they’ve had something far deeper between them than their anger, their mistrust, their bantering and petty jabs at one another. To acknowledge the deep-set ache in their hearts would be to acknowledge that somewhere along the last six years they got it completely wrong. That the chasing and fighting were so much more than just that, it was concern and it was hope and it was hiding something that neither were brave enough to admit.
God forbid they ever admit they were wrong.
They already did it once with the dragon gem, and that was in the case of the world literally ending. Here and now, it felt so much more heavier, riskier and painful to say they were wrong about the other. To admit feelings that were good, to show the others something real had come between them. Something had changed. Something had happened. Something was different.
But, again, to admit it was something would admit that it was anything.
And it was nothing.
It was just sex.
It was just a release. It was them fighting late on the training grounds, the air charged and their bodies electric as they tossed and tumbled along the ground. Namaari slammed back into the dust, Raya pinning her to the ground. Frozen, catching their breath, and then it was Raya who got the wind knocked out of her as Namaari gained the advantage when she pushed Raya onto her back. Hair tossed, eyes blown wide, until they screwed tightly shut when their mouths slammed together into a heated kiss. Namaari taking her right there and then, Raya’s cries of pleasure echoing into the late night air when she entered her for the first time with her long thick digits. Raya’s first kiss upon her lips and her first taste of cum when they later fell into Namaari’s bed. Her jaw aching the next morning from pushing her tongue deep inside her, wanting to memorize the feeling and taste of being in between her legs.
It was just quick little touches behind closed doors, fumbling with belts and fabric, pushing down into drenched folds and hearing each other’s names against their ear. It was just hidden bite marks, just a shiver that ran down their spines, just a hushed whisper behind closed doors. It was just a weekend trip when Raya could no longer stand to survive on only memories, fingering herself when she wanted Namaari. Imagining she was the one fucking her roughly into her bed, making her cum spill, her body warm and so satisfied. Lies told to family, friends, anyone who noticed their absence and wondered where they had gone off to; playful jokes being mentioned that both Namaari and Raya would roll their eyes at. Acting as if they hadn’t just finished each other off before returning back to the public eye. Back to where things were normal, without the weight of this confusing transition they were in.
That same transition that hit them seconds after their release, the steady moments of their bodies going from the euphoric feelings that came with a climax to that of acknowledging the feelings in the air. Seeing what they’ve done to each other, what had been done to them, and the shame that followed it.
Not for what they felt, but what would happen next.
One of them would leave.
Today it was Namaari.
Raya laid on her side, staring out towards the view from her window as she heard Namaari gather her clothing that Raya had torn off her hours before. Dressing quietly, carefully, as if at any moment either of them could break the silence and they’d have to come to terms with everything. The things they had done to one another, the feelings that were so obviously there, hidden behind their lust, Raya’s pride of wanting to be right and Namaari’s fear of rejection. To speak would be to admit that they cared, to linger here in this place any longer would show that their feelings ran deeper than they would ever admit, to fall asleep in each other’s arms would be showing that this was way more than just nothing.
But it was nothing.
It was just sex.
Raya kept telling herself that.
Especially when she felt the bed dip, Namaari’s finger moving to tuck her hair back behind her ear and kiss her temple. Not a word, not a sound from her lips, yet the act shook Raya down to her core with the loudness of it.
The way it said this was more than just nothing.