A costume party isn't exactly where Kyle would like to spend his evening, but it's a fun once-in-a-while occasion. After being told to bring a friend, he recruits Johnny for his own amusement.
He expects the man to show up dressed like Connor MacLeod from The Highlander, William Wallace or like a character from Still Game. Something undeniably Scottish. He's proven wrong and an idiot.
He's a fool to think a man with four sisters would show up as anything less than Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality.
Johnny makes it clear, rather quickly, that the idea was not his, but he lost out on a "shitebag if ye don't" to his oldest sister, and so he shall walk with pride, if not unsteadily in the heels. The lilac dress was not made to accommodate someone with such a wide torso and a lack of boobs; the wig is cheap and looks it; the entire costume is terrible. It's the greatest thing Kyle has ever seen.
Countless photos are taken; several enter his blackmail folder. They're an odd mix: The Terminator and Miss Congeniality, but people eat it up, and the drunker they get, the more they fall into their roles.
It isn't until they're both drunk, and Johnny's trying and failing to pull the dress down after getting a little too enthusiastic with his dancing, the fault lies in ABBA, that Kyle is faced with the consequences of the Scotsman's costume.
Johnny catches him staring, of course he does, Kyle doesn't have the sobriety required to be subtle as he checks out the sheer size of Johnny's legs.
His fellow sergeant bats his mascara-coated lashes and holds a hand over his crotch, arching his back without shame.
"Don't hink yer getting in ma dress, darlin. Terminator or no, a'm still a classy lady."
Kyle decides then and there that the dress stays on when they fuck.
