#melanie king

[thiswillhelpmehurtyou]

Melanie yo

[ollieofthebeholder]

Each Sunday, post six sentences from a writing project — published, submitted, in progress, for your cat — whatever.

In a way, it was no different than Jon or Melanie packing their things for uni, but in another way it was far, far worse. Some of the things Antony decided he wanted to bring with him had been in their place so long there was a discolored patch behind them where the paint hadn’t faded, leaving stark, visible reminders that wouldn’t be easy to cover up or hide. And then there was the fact that neither of them could ever remember having spent a night in the house without Antony there. Even when Gillian had been in hospital, the brief period before she’d realized it was futile and elected to come home on hospice, he’d been home every night. They were adults—well, mostly—they didn’t need their daddy home all the time, but it was still going to be hard.

Especially knowing this was it.

[wander-bunnies]

Some more tma designs

[imatiredflamingo]

[Spoilers for tma episode 157 -Rotten Core]

IS JON LISTENING TO THE TAPE FROM PREVIOUS EPISODE????

AAAAAAAH

"This tape was left on my desk. I don’t know by who, but to my mind, there are three options. Martin has left it here to let me know that whatever the situation is with Peter Lukas, it is entering its final act, and he needs my help. " Aaaaah

"Alternatively, Peter may have left here to… goad me into action? Or just to gloat, to highlight my helplessness at everything. " I don't think he would take that risk...

"Or Annabelle Cane is trying to manipulate me into thinking it’s one of the other scenarios. Previously, the spiders have made their presence clear when they’ve sent me… hints… but I can’t take that for granted." I don't think it's her either.

I don't know, but I like the first option so I choose this one.

Oh, there's a statement with the tape?

"Statement of Adelard Dekker, regarding a potential pandemic originating in the town of Klanxbüll, Germany. Original statement given 14th August, 2013." Another one by Adelard Dekker...

But about a pandemic???? I'm getting flash-back...

Given 14th August 2013! I'm listening to this on August 15th! Exactly 13 years and ONE day later...

"You must forgive me, Gertrude, for any typing and spelling errors that might be in this message. My hands are shaking quite badly and my fingers… aren’t what they were. Even so, just knowing where this is going, this statement… I can feel the Eye’s power on me, be it ever so slight. Steadying me. Helping the words flow." Okay...

"Is it strange that here, now, that seems almost a comfort? This is the last time you will hear from me." Oh no, why?

"You must trust me on that and not come looking. Not that you would – I know you’re too smart for sentimentality, especially after what I have to tell you – but I feel it worth saying nonetheless. Perhaps I’m simply prevaricating. Trying to cling on to a few more precious minutes of life." IS HE DYING???

"But that’s not me. I know what awaits me, and must have no hesitation in going to my reward. I know you’ve never had much patience for my faith, but perhaps it will provide you some small peace knowing I face my death gladly, knowing I have done my duty before God." Wow...

"I have spoken to you before of Christabel, my contact within the ECDC. She had a run-in with the Crawling Rot some decades ago and has since then kept me up to date with any incidents they have encountered which display… unusual properties." the Crawling Rot... Obvi, the Corruption, especially for a pandemic...

"Well, she alerted me to what was internally believed to be a potential pandemic originating in the small town of Klanxbüll on the German-Danish border. From what I understand, it was a perfectly pleasant small town, remarkable mainly for a rail line running out to a large island off the mainland." Everything was fine... until the fire nation attacked.

(Why do I know a reasonable amount of ATLA references when I've only seen the three first episodes???)

"But as it was, it had been completely quarantined. Christabel reported that the disease seemed to be artificial or man-made in origin, and her colleagues were keen to label it as a bioweapon, but its behavior didn’t follow any normal patterns or vectors. Combined with its extremely disturbing symptoms, which caused the skin and muscles to become loose and malleable until they sloughed completely off the body, leaving only a skeleton and organs… well, she was certain that it was the product of an otherworldly evil, and called me." Ew ew ew

"I’ve spoken before about how keenly I’ve watched news of possible pandemics, which is where I suspect the Extinction may pull away from the Corruption during its emergence." You should have seen 2020...

"I had no interest in compromising Christabel’s position, so I made my own preparations for entry, borrowing a hazmat suit from one of the tents erected around the perimeter. I always despised trying to move in those things, but it seems they’ve made some real improvements in them over the last fifteen years, so I was able to stay relatively quiet as I talked my way past the cordon and headed into infected Klanxbüll." I'm imagining him just trying to sneak in, wearing that bulky suit lol

"Once inside the town, it became rapidly apparent how bad the situation truly was." Oh.

"Thin trails of blood and skin crisscrossed to the streets, and the walls and windows of nearby buildings were coated in a fine sheen of discarded gore. It didn’t take me long to find my first victim, wrapped around a lamppost. He had clearly tried to lean on it for support in his distress, but his flesh had begun to spread and fuse over it in thick, ropey tendrils. His bones were almost bare to the elements." EW EW EW

"But it was then that I saw the thing that, to my mind, is perhaps the worst of it. His heart was exposed. It was beating fast, so fast, despite the awful green decay that seemed to be eating at it. " THAT POOR GUY WAS STILL ALIVE??? IT'S SO AWFUL

"I knew at that moment there was nothing that could be done to save the town. But I could, perhaps, identify the cause." Did his investigations cost him his life???

"I began by checking houses, looking for anything that might have been an unusual artefact or one of those dreadful books. " Yeah, best to check if it isn't because of a Leitner book...

"Still, for all the quaint homes with their slanted roofs that I combed through, I found nothing that might qualify as an origin for the small town’s gruesome demise." Okay...

"But neither did I find many other victims. There were a few: a woman melted into her now crimson bed; an old man whose bright eyes still stared out of his skull, watching the television, though the rest of him lay pooled on the floor. And in all of them, the frantic beating of their decomposing hearts." those poor people...

"The state of these homes, however, would seem to indicate that many had begun to develop symptoms while still inside. Countertops in otherwise empty houses would be coated with blood; wooden floorboards peppered with flecks of gristle. Yet of these individuals, there seemed to be no obvious sign except a line of viscera leading towards the front door." this is so terrible...

"It was then I realized that I had been following the trails entirely the wrong way. They were not people returning home to die. The sick were pulling themselves out of their houses, crawling, dragging themselves towards some other place, leaving bits behind on the rough pavement as they did so." oh...

"So I began to walk, slowly, both because of my bulky suit and the rising sense of dread in my stomach. I wonder, Gertrude, whether you are truly as fearless as you seem, or if you are simply a master of disguising your terror. I suppose I’ll never have a chance to find out. I rather hope it was the former." Yeah, maybe...

"I found the source of this sickness in the parkplatz opposite the train station. The cars had been pushed to the side, clearly at great cost to the bodies of those that pushed them, and in the center was a figure from whom the rot clearly flowed" what is it?

"He was sat upon a most dreadful throne, formed from a dozen, two dozen bodies mixed together like putty. Eyes staring out like horror-stricken stars twinkling in the night, and their hearts beating for all to see. A moaning came from that awful seat: voices trying to scream through things that weren’t their throat." Oh this is so awful...

"I will confess to being perversely disappointed when I saw the figure sat upon it – no pale spectre in a lab coat, or twisted golem of petri dishes and test tubes. No, he was lanky, wearing an ill-fitting brown suit and a smile. I’d never previously had the misfortune to meet him, but I knew the description well enough to recognize John Amherst." JOHN AMHERST??? HE WAS LAST MENTIONED IN SEASON TWO AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT HE HAD BECOME

"So it seemed it was not the Extinction, as I had anticipated, but simply a new and awful strain of Corruption." Yeah...

"At first I was struck almost with despair, having nothing to hand with which I might attempt a confrontation with this creature, but upon retreating some ways and considering my options, I realized I actually had almost the exact resources to hand that I might need." Go on, put an end to this!

"A few minutes spent scouting the surrounding streets even revealed a small construction site almost precisely suited to my requirements. I returned to the cordon and took what I needed: a stretcher, as many quarantine sleeves as I could carry, and a syringe. The medical staff appeared to have retreated to the large tent that served as their base of operations, and if anyone noticed me, they didn’t interfere. I loaded the gear into a wheelbarrow I had taken from the building site along with a thick metal chain, and began to head back towards the parkplatz, stopping only to fill the syringe from a can of garden pesticide I had noticed during my earlier sweep of the houses." This is gonna be unhinged. I love it.

"Finally, I revealed myself. He approached me coyly, clearly believing me to be a foolish or lost ECDC medic. Perhaps he assumed I was frozen in terror at the sight of his work, and luckily my hazmat suit did much to hide my expression. He walked up to me with a smile so wide it tore the edges of his mouth, leaking a sick green liquid from the edges, and reached a hand out for my mask. It was then I gripped his hand and plunged the syringe into his spongy flesh, and pumped him full of the chemical cocktail. He staggered back, ripping the needle from my hand, and fell to the floor, shaking." YEAH, GO ON, TAKE THAT!

"I had no illusions of poison being sufficient to destroy an avatar of Filth, though from what I knew of his affinity to insects, I hoped it would be at least temporarily effective." Oh yes it was

"Regardless, I had to work fast. I dragged him to the stretcher and strapped him down, wrestling against his thrashing spasms. Even through the hazmat suit I could feel the diseased heat of his skin.I wrapped him around with the chain, which would, I hoped, hold him fast, as I pulled the plastic over the stretcher in layer after layer until I could barely see him through the thick clouded material. I hadn’t brought any of the supports with me, so in the end, it looked less like the well-constructed tube of a quarantine stretcher, and more like a lumpy vinyl sack." lol

"I dragged the thing over to the building site and, with the last of my strength, threw him into the hole that had been left.By this point, the concrete truck I’d turned on earlier had been mixing for some time, and it was a simple matter to open the pump and pour the contents of its hopper down on top of him. How much he had recovered by this time, I couldn’t say for sure, but… he certainly moved around plenty as that thick gray sludge began to cover him."

It's insane. But it works.

Also, it reminds me of that one episode of Supernatural...

"I can’t deny some pride in my solution, Gertrude. In all our discussions of how to contain a being that we could not destroy, I’m not sure we ever hit on a method quite so neat. I am no builder, but by the end I think you would have been hard-pressed to criticize how well that concrete had been laid, and Amherst four feet beneath it." lol

Tbh, his solution was good. Insane, but it worked!

"And now, the part of my tale you must have anticipated from the beginning. During the altercation, the adrenaline had kept me from noticing the tear that Amherst had made in my hazmat suit while I wrestled him onto the stretcher, but as I sat to savor my victory, it became clear that a great cut on my leg had gone clean through the material." Noooo :(

"There was no way that I was not infected, and indeed over these last few hours, I have felt the sickness working on me. My pace is sluggish and I can feel my skin begin to loosen. My heart is beating so fast it shakes my whole body." This is so awful...

"But I shall not wait for it to putrefy as the rot overtakes me. I have dragged those other afflicted I could find into the parkplatz, laid them at the feet of that appalling throne, and taken the last gift of that generous construction site: a dozen cans of petrol. I will sit upon that seat and release these poor souls from their suffering, and hopefully make things simpler for the ECDC cleanup crews." Oh...

"Perhaps you were right about the Extinction. I’ve been hunting it for decades now, and while I have seen evidence of its influence in other powers, I have never found anything to genuinely prove its emergence as a true power of its own." At least you tried.

"For all that, though, I cannot regret at the time I have spent seeking it. I have done my duty, and none may ask more of me. I am proud of the work we have done, and it has been an honor to do it alongside you." He's almost gonna make me cry :(

"Goodbye, Gertrude. May you find your rest where no shadows are cast, and no eyes may see you slumber."

Wow. It was.. disgusting. And sad.

"This, uh… this changes things. I – I think. if Martin found this, read it already, then perhaps he’s having second thoughts about – about Peter and the Extinction. This – this could be a cry for help, his way of asking me to follow him without Peter knowing, or…" Maybe!!!

"or what? I don’t understand. Martin’s been quite clear he doesn’t want my help. Am I just hearing what I want to hear?" I don't know either, but you better figure it out quick!

"I need a second opinion, but… Basira and Daisy are… out… somewhere. they left in a hurry and didn’t tell me why, now their phones are going to voicemail. Maybe they’re just on the Underground, and probably – that doesn’t help me now." It's odd... Are they okay??

"I need someone I can trust." Who is he gonna turn to...

OH HE WENT TO SEE GEORGIE

"No, Jon, you’ve done enough!"

"I just need to talk to –"

"What don’t you understand? She mutilated herself to get out of that place, and there is absolutely no way I’m letting you involve her again."

Oh, they're talking about Melanie...

"Look, is she here or not? She – she said she was staying with you."

"Yes, she’s here."

"Really? Where’s all her stuff?"

"Bedroom. Why?"

"No, I just…Oh. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t – I didn’t realize you were to-together." THEY'RE TOGETHER????

HOW DIDN'T I CATCH UP ON THAT

Honestly, good for them!

"That’s ‘cause it’s none of your business. Now leave."

"Please, Georgie, it’s not – I just need to know I’m not overreacting to something. I need an outside perspective."

"Sure, well, here’s one. Get out of my flat."

Understandable. They both said they were done with that, and she has every right to stand for their choice.

Oh, hi Melanie!

"Oh – what’s go… what’s going on? You – you woke the Admiral."

"Hey, hey, easy. It’s – it’s all right, he was just leaving."

"Melanie, I…"

"Jon?"

"Yeah. It’s me."

"It’s all right, Melanie."

"Jon, leave."

"I’m sorry, I just… it’s Martin."

"Jon… don’t. Please."

"No, you’re right, I’m sorry. You alright?"

"Yes. I’m… I’m actually doing okay.

"That’s good."

"My therapist isn’t happy about it, you know. Unsurprisingly. Tried to have me put away, but they, um… they let me come here. It’s – it’s been good for me though I feel alright. I’m – I’m not scared anymore." Good for her, she's doing pretty well!

"Melanie, you don’t have to do this."

"It’s – it’s okay. He’s welcome… as a friend. But that’s it."

"Right."

"But you’re not after a friend, are you, Jon?"

"I need an ally."

"Then I can’t help you."

Yeah... It's understandable.

Alright. That didn't went as he expected but that's understandable. Melanie and Georgie wanted to stay away from anything related to the Institute, to weird problems, and they stand on that. It's their right, and I support their choice. Yeah, it means that Jon is going to have to find someone else to help him, but that's alright. And I'm glad that Melanie is doing okay!

(Also, getting to hear the Admiral is always great too)

OH, HE WENT TO SEE HELEN NOW

HE DOESN'T TRUST HER BUT HE'S DESPERATE

"I need – you said before you knew the tunnels, right? That you’d been a… part of them?"

"Not my exact words, but close enough."

"I need to know what’s in there. What’s at the center? I-it’s important, Martin – I need to know."

"That’s a shame, because I’m afraid I’m not going to tell you!" Why???

"What? Why not?"

"Because I have a good enough sense of what’s going on to know that it will be much more fun without my involvement!" Oh...

"What? You – you said you were going to help!"

"I am."

"I don’t have time for this. What is at the cen–"

WOW WOW WOW

Is she threatening him with a knife???

"No. We’re not playing your game. Now don’t forget how sharp I can be, Archivist. Perhaps here, now, you’re powerful enough to learn what you want from me, but if you try, I promise you I will resist. And only one of us is going to survive the attempt." Oh, she's done playing nice...

"Fine. Can you take me there? To the center"

"I honestly don’t know. But I’m not inclined to risk it." Ouch...

"Run home, Jon. Find a victim on the way. Chaos is coming and I think you’d best be ready."

"Just tell me what’s going on. Please."

"Bad things, Archivist. Really bad things." That's not helpful...

Okay.

Wow.

He's on his own now. What is he gonna do? Something stupid, probably. Next episode is probably gonna start with "supplemental, I'm in the tunnels by myself, I got lost again".

He's gonna do something stupid. Something reckless.

BUT HE WILL DO IT IN THE NAME OF LOVE

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm gonna listen to episodes 158 and 159. I'm scared.

It's gonna be my birthday, they can't make me cry on my birthday, right?

Everything is gonna go fine as a birthday gift, right???

I'm scared😃

[inhonoredglory]

The Magnus Archives Characters ↳ Georgie and Melanie

Posting my character headshots into a series :) og versions under the cut.

[worldwright]

Dear Magnus Institute Colleagues,

First of all, I regret to inform you that Mr Bouchard is dead. Now I imagine many of you will be shocked by this, but as it turns out, he's been dead for over twenty years. The head of our institute for that time has been, as it always was, the decrepit corpse of our founder puppeting the body of a man who would not be missed. He's finally bit the dust now. You're welcome.

Now, regarding the institute's future, we are currently in the process of liquidating all assets. Once this is completed, all funds not dedicated to finding a new place for the contents of Artifact Storage will be split equally amongst current staff as severance and an apology for your sudden loss of employment. We're tearing this place to the ground! Sorry, but trust us-- it's better this way.

Sincerely,

Melanie King (transcribed by Martin Blackwood)

[imatiredflamingo]

[Spoilers for tma episode 155 -Cost of Living]

Conversation between Jon and Basira!

"Any luck?"

"No. If they're still around, they're staying hidden"

"Not like there's a shortage of places to lay low "

"Hmm. London's what, 600 square miles?"

"607."

"Whatever."

"So I guess we'll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now. I'll add it to the list." Yay.

"No sign of Annabelle either."

"You still on that?"

"You're not?"

"I mean... I don't know how much she can predict or manipulate the future, but I think she's proven she can at least avoid us finding her." I don't think she can predict the future. But hey, at least she's not actively trying to kill you, so...

"How's Daisy?"

"I don't know. She's recovered from your little... confrontation, but she's still getting weaker. I'm worried she's-"

"Yeah."

"Why did you call her and not me?" Oh, I hadn't understood that it was her that he had called... I thought that he didn't get the time to actually make a call...

"Honestly, I panicked. Her name came up first on my phone."

"I'm trying to convince her to go after them. To, uh... Hunt them." Uh.... Not sure about that. I mean, yeah, she's weak and it's like Jon, she needs to Hunt like he needs statements, but she's trying to resist that....

"Why?"

"Because I'm not going to lose her."

"She goes hunting again, you might anyway."

"And if she doesn't, she might die" Yeah, I get her point. I don't want Daisy to die either, but... Aaaah, it's complicated!

"Something you're fine with in certain other cases, and something she's made peace with."

"Because of the guilt she feels over the stuff the Hunt made her do. It's not her fault" You know that it's not only that...

"Earlier, when she was still out of it, I... I saw some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did while she was police. I'm not convinced I disagree with her assessment. Do you want me to tell you?" I know that she's still kinda delusional about this but don't push it, Jon.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew the sort of things she did, and you let her.

"No. Not exactly. I thought... It's not that simple.

"It never is. But that doesn't make it okay." Exactly.

"None of us are who we were, Jon.

"No, I suppose not. In many ways it's simpler now isn't it? At least now our demon have names" that doesn't help...

"Have you thought any more about what I said?" What?

"Yeah. I don't think I can. Daisy wouldn't come if I didn't, and I'm not leaving her behind. Beside, both of us being blind would be... anyway, being stuck here isn't exactly her main problem right now" Oh, right, getting blind to quit. Understandable.

"I suppose not."

"And with those Hunters still out there" Yeah, too risky.

"No, I understand. Just wanted to make sure you knew you had the choice" What a choice... But yeah, at least he told them.

"Yeah. Anyway, I should go check on her."

"Sure. Do you mind closing the door?"

"Statement time."

As she said. Statement time.

Near-death experiences? That's gonna be interesting. About the End, maybe?

"You've got to understand, I have so much to live for. Oh, okay, that's not quite it. I know most people have plenty to live for, but what I mean is that my life does good. I put a lot into the world. Did you read about that homelessness initiative that got 8,000 people into shelters? That was me. I've financed dfug projects, organized inner city violence initiatives. I've always been aware of the position I'm in, and keen to use that power to actually help people" Okay? That's a good thing!

"And I know that everyone's life has value, but I just need to be clear that my impact on the world is a positive one. My existence does a lot of good, and that's only gotten more true since all this started. I've given more, spent more time on charitable stuff, and helped more people. Sorry, I'm just... aware of how this story makes me look and I don't want you to think I'm some selfish monster grinding people up just to extend my own ghoulish life. I'm trying to do good." What, does this person... lives longer when they help people or something?

"I've always tried to live a healthy life; never smoked or did drugs, watched my diet, got plenty of exercise. So when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding... that wasn't fair. I mean, even if I had to have epilepsy -which I could live with- having my first attack at the top of a staircase, five weeks before the happiest day of my life, that's just not fair! There was no reason for it, I'd done everything right! It shouldn't have happened like that." Oh, I feel bad for them. Yeah, sometimes it's not fair and it happens even when you do it well...

"I don’t remember falling exactly, just the world spinning and moving around me as I remained absolutely still. There were these cracks, like gunshots in my head. And even now I don’t know if that was part of the seizure, or how my mind processed the breaking bones. Then I was on the ground, looking back up the stairs, and thinking to myself how strange it was that I wasn’t there. I’d been stood just there, so why couldn’t I see myself?" Oh, that person almost died there...

"But more likely I thought it would be nothing. No heaven or hell, no thought or sensation, just… Nothing. You wouldn’t even notice you were gone. But it wasn’t like that at all. I don’t know if I have words for it. How can you describe being aware of the absence of everything? Life. Light. Warmth. It was very dark, and very cold. It dawned on me that this might be my existence forever. There, beyond time, and I tried so desperately to scream, but I had no lungs or throat in that dreadful place. I couldn’t even cry. Then I was back in the light with such a sudden jolt that I found myself trying to blink, even though I had no eyelids or even eyes. But I could still see." This is terrifying...

"I was standing in what seemed to be an operating theatre. Doctors and nurses in scrubs and masks buzzed around and through me, busy with something on the long table in the center of the room. It didn’t take me long to realize that what they were busy with was me. I didn’t look like myself, so bruised and discolored, with a great gash on my forehead. Is it odd to say that this sight filled me with relief? There was a sudden rush of realization. I wasn’t dead, I was having a near-death experience! I’d read about people having encounters almost exactly like this one, and they had seemed fine. I might still be okay. I might live." Oh.

"Then I became aware of a long, steady droning sound, and my vision turned to the flat unmoving line on the heart rate monitor." Oh no

"The panic I felt before returned all at once, but now focused, acute. I didn’t have any arms but still I tried to reach out, flailing towards the doctor who was leaning over my body, trying to restart my heart. And then I felt something. I felt myself reach into his chest, held the strong steady beat of his heart. Calm. Calm while I was lying dead on the table. There was a sudden moment of rage and hate that flowed out of me down at his torso, and he began to convulse. He staggered backwards from the table arms dropping to his side, struggling to speak. And I heard the drone of the monitor turning to a beep. Beep. Beep. And I was gone." That's... basically trading a life for another, right?

"When I woke up I was lying in a hospital bed, very much alive although the faces around me were grave. I asked her what had happened, and one of the nurses very kindly explained to me about the seizure, my fall, and what my recovery might look like going forward. But I could tell she was holding something back, and after some pressing, she finally told me that the doctor who saved my life had suffered a fatal heart attack while he was treating me." Yeah, that's what happened.

"I couldn’t have killed him, it wasn’t possible. But there was no point to putting that thought out into the world anyway. I just had to try and forget." You didn't mean it, but it happened.

"My recovery time was nothing short of miraculous. Within a couple of days I was out of the hospital, and my broken bones all seemed to be clean breaks that healed very fast. In the end, we didn’t even need to delay the wedding and… despite everything, it was perfect. The church was magnificent, the reception the most fun I’ve had in years, and Daven was exactly the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." Great!

And they asked people to give money to charity instead of gifts, that's nice!

"It was a year later that I slipped in the shower and cracked my head on the tap. I hadn’t had any further seizures, and in fact the doctors hadn’t be able to find any trace of epilepsy in my scans at all. No, this was simply a freak accident." Oh no....

"Again I found myself present over my own body, a severed presence watching as the water continued to beat down on my unmoving form. I was starting to develop a suspicion, a vague idea of what might be going on." Oh?

"I tried to move and I could. It almost felt like walking though I had no legs to carry me. Unable to touch the bathroom door, I simply moved through it, then out into the world, looking for something I couldn’t quite name." Alright, like a ghost...

"Perhaps that doctor had not been an accident. Perhaps his death and my life had been one and the same." Yeah, probably!

"Did I have to do it again? The idea appalled me to my core, but it seemed the only explanation. I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. We were on the verge of closing a deal that would provide fresh water to impoverished communities in a dozen developing countries. Without me, it would fall through." Was it the genuine reason, and did you just... not want to die? (Which is a reasonable concern)

"I found her sitting in a park all on her own. An old woman, frail and shivering, staring out of the ducks over the water, empty bread bag by her side." oh....

"If only I could have explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed. But I couldn’t talk to her, and I needed to live. She was found dead of a stroke, and I woke up in my shower with a splitting headache." You traded your life for another one, for the second time.

"I thought I’d solved it. If anything else like that happened, I knew what I needed to do. But when I began to have a fatal allergic reaction during a lunch date only two weeks later, despite having no allergies previously, I realized I had miscalculated." Well, you're buying yourself more time when you shouldn't be here anymore. That changes the course of time, so many things, that's an attempt at trying to balance things out.

"Perhaps it was life itself that I was taking, and the old woman that had hardly any left in her, and it had run out too fast." I don't think it's that....

"This time I sought out a homeless man. Young and strong, though his life was clearly over as he tried to destroy himself through drinking. I followed him into an alley, and his liver gave out, just at the moment the EpiPen was pushed into my leg. But even that seemed to run out faster than it should have. The car accident was only three months later, and I even found myself resenting the poor vagrant for not having more life to sustain me." Yeah, that's not how it works.

"I made a decision. One I am deeply ashamed of, but I honestly thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep living like that in the shadow of death, of what I had to do to keep going. One sacrifice, I thought. Just one, from someone with their entire life ahead of them. I took a newborn." NO.

No, taking people's life to continue to live is already a morally questionable choice, but a newborn... that is a limit not to cross...

"It’s strange, the maths you do of it all. A full life ahead of it, but aside from the devastated parents, no real harm to the world as a whole. No good works left unfinished." that kind of reasoning...

"Surely this would be enough, surely it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die." I understand that you were scared, but... the time you were meant to die had already happened.

"Eventually I realized it had nothing to do with age or health. It was about connection. About joy. The more friends, family, loved ones the person has, the further out the terror of sudden death spreads from me. The longer it keeps me alive." Oh that's awful...

"I’m 40 now, and I have taken the life of beloved mothers, respected professionals, pillars of the community. But I have done so much good with my life, I’ve reached further helped more people than they ever could have. Since this became my existence I’ve thrown myself into philanthropy harder than ever, and the world is so much better for me being in it. I’m not saying how I live is right, or good, but it is the position I have been put in, and a decision I have to make. I never wanted to weigh up the value of a life, to set it on the scales against my own, but that’s a choice that I am forced into. And it is one I will continue to make." This is kinda like the Trolley problem, huh?

Wow... that statement was....

"What is the value of a life? Is it something that can be quantified, put down as numbers, good deeds, bad? And when your life your existence is at the cost of doing harm, what then? I’ve – I’ve saved the world, the whole world. Does that give me the right to take what I need to survive?" It's still complicated...

"I’ve been reading nothing but these old, dry statements for so long, I – I feel weak. Like I’m fading away. Do I restrain myself, keep my appetite in check, even at the cost of my life? Or do I try to rationalize what I am, like Ms. McHugh? I find myself hating her, her callous self-deception. But am I so different? Daisy’s chosen to resist in her own way, knowing full well it might take her life in the end, Melanie too. I respect them for it, but I – I don’t know if I can follow their path." obviously this isn't an easy choice...

"I suppose I have a way out now. One that wouldn’t even kill me, at least, I hope not. And yet here I am still. Am I a coward?" Not wanting to gouge your eyes out sounds pretty reasonable.

Oh, Melanie's there, hi!

"Oh, come in, Melanie. Funny, I was just… how are you?"

"I’m… good, actually. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I am good." That's nice to hear!

"You sound like you’ve made a decision." wait...

"I have, yes.'' WAIT

Is she.. gonna... quit???

"Thanks for telling me, by the way. It didn’t look like it was easy for you."

"It wasn’t. I don’t think, uh… I don’t think it wants to lose anyone, but I thought you of all people deserve the option." indeed, but...

"But I understand it’s a big thing. We’ll keep looking. Maybe there’s another way –"

"No, Jon. I’m going to do it. I’m quitting."

SHE'S ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT

Melanie...

She is gonna blind herself? That's awful, but it's her choice...

"Oh. You’re sure you’ve thought it through? I don’t know if we can look after you, you know? Afterwards."

"You won’t need to. I’ve – I’ve made a few arrangements, and… it’s going to be okay. Honestly. I think it is. I – I can’t be a part of this anymore and if this is the price, then I think I’m okay to pay it." Obviously this is something that she has thought a lot about. This isn't an easy decision at all. But if she can make it work... It's her choice after all. She needs to be free from the Institute, and that's more than understandable.

"It’s – it’s the rest of you I’m worried about." I wanna give her a hug.

"We’ll be fine. Always have been."

"Not always." Yeah...

"No, I guess not.…well, if you’re sure."

"I won’t be around after this, but I’ll leave details in case you need to get in touch, um, but…" So... it's a goodbye? But not a goodbye forever, right?

"I understand. How are you planning on doing it?"

"Got, uh, got one of those awls from the book repair suppliers, up in the library? If it can punch through books it can punch through, uh… Well it – it should do the trick. No reason to try and make it too complicated." This is awful.

"I’ve left a proper resignation letter on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually. Almost made me wish it was Elias. He would have hated me not serving out my two weeks notice, heh. Not sure Lukas even knows who I am… probably for the best." Haha.

"We'll miss you" Yes.

"Do you need any, uh… help?"

"No. I’ve got this. But if you, um… If you could…In five minutes, I would appreciate it if you could call me an ambulance." She's gonna have to do this alone...

I don't even know what an awl is. But I think it's going to hurt a lot. Let me look it up...

OH.

Yeah, this is definitely going to hurt a lot.

Melanie, you are so much braver than me. Of course this is a very difficult decision to make, and I know very well I couldn't have done that. But she wanted to get out of the Institute, not to be part of it anymore and work for the Eye. She actually made the choice she had to make to follow that way.

At least, she's gonna be free from this place.

I'll miss her, ans I hope we hear her again. And that when we do, she'll be happier. She deserves it.

That episode was... a lot.

Moral compass, what a wonderful and complex thing.

And there's only 5 episodes before the end of the season. I'm scared...

[riverbubbletea]

"When did I start to lose the parts of me that weren't just anger?"

Melanie King, aka my wife

Close ups under cut!