#melipastel

[deliriumsminion]

From Ohm’s stream: Delirious has a sixth sense and attempts to guide 2 naughty campers to victory.

(edit: apparently ohm split the original full stream VOD into separate videos based on the matches he played that night, so I edited the link to match the one match that this video is based on. Also, ohm put a video of this up on youtube too so if that’s easier you guys can check it out here.)

[choliyo]

♥ ♥ ♥

Please don't make degrading comments about the guys I dated just because you met Eric. I won't be low and pretend I know Owen in that fashion. Whatever regret/feelings/thoughts passed between you on liking Brandon is kinda irrelevant now seeing were it stands. 

Really now? You sure liked to talk shit about them. Sure seemed to enjoy when I agreed with you. Degrading, huh? But you sure like to degrade me by calling me a slut or acting as if I would be after all  the guys you were with if I had a chance. Just some food for thought, they weren't that great and I didn't want them. "I'm gonna get this guy to buy me coffee, put it on Facebook so this other guy can see it and get mad." I definitely didn't do well as a friend enabling that behavior or standing up for you when that guy was playing you by going at him when you should've done so yourself. You had no issue using the internet as a soapbox for this drama, and using names, so enjoy the retribution.

You saying you had only grew to like him and how it was unplanned justifies nothing. I can also say I cared about guys and cared about smiles or whatever. It's in the moment, it happens when you meet someone new and its fresh. If that's what gets you off and is worth friendships, then so be it.

Yeah, you know, there's a thing call emotions that most people have? If I could've switched them off at your highness' beckoning I would've. Life doesn't work that way; the human psyche doesn't work that way. You're trying to be a psychologist aren't you? Learn the gist of your trade. Steven had a point when he told you to list the basics and you couldn't (pro-tip you should've since they're covered in intro classes) and frankly it's a shame I know more about that than you do. And sadly, no, I don't do things to get myself off in some weird way. Shocking, I know. You seem to neglect that I was the one cockblocking thirsty guys coming at you on your stream and defending the relationship in the works because you wouldn’t. 

I also figured you'd take the 'losing her chance' road, but I'm sorry you have to stoop low enough to take shots at friends. Comparing me to Owen and your friend, if it's what helps you understand then do whatever helps you. I know Steven did things, things I constantly disagreed with. But as it is, he was right on a lot of complaints/lack of care he described about you. I just don't see the point in bringing him into this seeing as how both sides were shit. 

Take shots at friends? Bringing up a friend to explain that isn’t taking a shot at her, and she and I talked a lot about this. You however, fit that description. You came at me on twitch, using names and literally doing the thing you said you'd never do: use social media to bring your drama online for everyone to see. You did it. And yeah, using my experiences is what helps me make decisions later on when I'm encountered with similar problems. That's what experiences and mistakes are for. Except unlike the two of you, Owen and I had a full on relationship. Just because you have everyone babying you through life doesn't mean people will approach their situations like you do. And yeah, I definitely didn't give a damn about the apartment. He didn't give a damn about himself, so I wasn't compelled to keep things nice. Was stuck in a mess, might as well live in a physical mess. I was so beyond caring the thought of jumping out the window or overdosing on Ibuprofen as a means out was really enticing.

Literally, that was the definition of the relationship: shit. And that wouldn't be the first time you had besmirched him on social media though, because you have to me before. 

Besmirching on social media doesn't mean what you think it means, but I'll bite since your reading comprehension leaves much to be desired. What that means is that I didn't go online telling everyone publicly on social media the things he did. I didn't go and broadcast my personal drama to strangers online to feel validated in my stance. If anyone witnessed anything it was through Skype and G+ and I always tried to mute during any time that he and I talked.

Whether you want to use the 'times I was mad at you', that were never discussed then, and is now being brought up now only shows how bad of a friend you did turn out to be.. If there were problems you bring them up during the friendship, when it happens, not later to use as a crutch when something like this goes down to justify all your bullshit. 

All this privilege you're tossing at me is hilarious. Yeah, baby girl living at home and getting everything paid for by mom and dad and not expected to do anything at home, 'cause mom's got that set down. Of course I wasn't going  to tell you anything I felt you did wrong. You have a history of reacting badly when people point out that you are wrong, and you were my only friend there. What happens when you stop talking to me, hmm? But you wouldn't know about living miles away from home and not having many friends, would you? Or having to be stuck at home when you weren't at school or work because you really had no place to go. But it's so easy to sit on your pedestal and make observations on things you've never experienced and assuming your perspective is spot on. A crutch? Nah, I kept that stuff to myself because being in my situation and liking your friendship at the time, I wasn't willing to have you become some sort of enemy. 

I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I know all these times from the past in which you felt neglected because you had no balls to talk or defend yourself. If you're that eluded by dudes this easily and find yourself being swept away, hey girl, you go do it. I don't want to interfere with your next boo and ride to college.

Of course you don't, but then again my memory retention is better than most people's and I can annoyingly recall things other people necessarily wouldn't. But nah, he's not my next ride to college. I had been set on Washington State before ever meeting your brother, and had constantly brought up my desire to study there to Steven prior to meeting Brandon. Of course, he has selective memory so he probably thought that was something I had grown past when he kept pushing Leslie U to me. My next boo? What is this, high school? I'd assume otherwise since we're adults, but since I have to stoop down to some sixteen year old girl high school antics I suppose I'll allow your choice in diction.

You have no place to judge me on what happened in the past between me and Brandon now, after we're over. Maybe if you were giving decent advice and we were still together. Because when it gets real, I could've gave a rats ass if he did that to me on his stream. I always stood by single but said 'sort of' in the moment of being on the spot. As for the giggling that one time? No recollection, as you lack speaking in the moment about how you actually feel.

Well, yeah we've moved beyond that now haven't we? What happened, happened.  And don't you lie to me, you would've been SO upset if you had been pushing to make it official and he was wishy-washy on you. Anyone would. No one likes for people to play games with their feelings. No one. I already reiterated as to why I never opened my yap, so you can refer to my response above.

Again on Steven and you, I really don't care. All he says is that you mooched off of him and you're moving onto Brandon, so who really knows? Again with however I treated Steven, if I lived with your brother I'm sure I'd find plenty of shit to bitch about on how you communicate with family. 

I mooched off of him? He could make that argument, I don't really care. I didn't intend to, constantly brought up the fact I'd have to pay him back for everything if we broke it off. But I bet he also neglected to mention the time where I was the only one with a job and the biggest reason we even had food to eat was because we were both on Welfare, and your grandmother said rent did not have to be paid while he was unemployed. Fuck, if I were such a gold digger I still would’ve stayed with him despite feeling no attraction whatsoever.  He sure got to mooch a bit from me when I had to buy him clothing since he refused to do anything of that sort for himself and about fainted at the thought of two articles of clothing costing $45. And yeah, maybe. But one thing for sure is that we don't yell at each other in front of other people that we're with. My sister has never yelled at me in front of her friends or mine, and vice versa. I've also never done that to her. We've expressed if we had gotten annoyed but that’s about it. 

So take that as you may. Most of the time you spent on 'the sidelines' involved Steven having to be there. As I opened up to you before you left, I didn't want to be with him AND you. But if you want to be nosey about the relationship between me and my friends. 

Don't care about your other friendships. And yeah, YOU ask your brother who apparently had to be joined at the hip with me every chance he got why he couldn’t fuck off.

Val's mother recently approached me and thanked me for being friends with her, because apparently I'm her only one she hangs out with. Ashley recently opened up to me about our issues and we discussed like friends do. Also about how her one other friend hasn't been able to make our last plans because she picked up a job, since we used to all hang.

I've been approached by parents too. Does that really mean I'm a great friend? Eh. Maybe. Alright, but let's not pretend that one tweet was about either of us because there is no Jessica you've ever talked about and you know it. It was at the time Ashley and I weren’t keen on giving you attention. Do you really think you were fooling anyone? 

It is funny that you say that though, about time going on. Because honestly, when time went on I actually understood why from Texas you complained about friends not including you places. 

Yeah, in high school. I've not had that problem with them since 2011. I stopped talking to one of them specifically because of it and she approached me and we patched things up. The one friends I’ve made after the fact have never done that to me, so yes, I do suppose we’re pulling straight from high school past. As of now, my one problem has been transportation. And that's my biggest problem in terms of complete independence. But hey, working on that now (Thank you Felix)!

Stop asking yourself what's wrong with your friends and start asking yourself why you're blaming friends. This friend is the friend who drove you around and wasted time hanging out with people who put no effort into their relationship. This friend had to argue with her mom (who chauffeured you around) on why I still talked to you when you always had an attitude of 'I don't know what I'm doing', around everyone. 

That’s funny, because I found myself wondering about whether Erin was in the wrong or you were. But I digress, because this isn’t about that. I didn't know what I was doing in a lot of aspects, so yeah that was my attitude. But once again, if you felt I had to be babied into knowing where to go, you have been more. You've been constantly hand-held through life. You've never lived away from home (I have twice), never been in another state. Never had to remake any sort of life in a completely new area, culturally, geographically, and educationally. Never lived in poverty or without luxury either. If I had to walk somewhere because I had no car, despite it being a bad neighborhood or area, I had no qualms. I didn't bitch out because "omg ghetto people" or "omg someone might attack me." I had to be somewhere, I'd get there. Rain or snow. You have a curfew and a parent bugging you constantly about what you're doing. You have to lie instead of being truthful about many things, such as drinking (You're twenty one, fess up already) or staying over at other people's houses. You have shown constant indecisiveness in many aspects of life, from school to work.

Even my parents thought you were mooching off Steven, nobody understood your lack of care to what was happening. I'm so sick of defending someone who in the end is just unappreciative as fuck. My parents were hurt you didn't even want to thank them or say goodbye. I lied and said Steven forbid you, when in reality you're just lazy and make excuses. Wish I could say I had a better conversation with you, because I had a pretty decent one with Brandon. He knew better than to use this issue to bring up ridiculous bullshit of the past. If we do talk again I hope it's with someone who's mature and can talk civilly about one issue without opening a book of many unaccounted others.Until then, hope this relationship doesn't end as doomed as yours and Stevens did.

Yeah, I didn't care anymore. I had done a year and a half of caring, and part of it against my own wishes. I appreciate Steven and what he did for me. I disliked him immensely as time went on, but I still recognized what he did for me and am sorry I was not able to return the favor. Maybe someday I will when I have the opportunity to. This was why I always answered him when he’d attempt to talk to me, even despite not wanting to talk anymore. I recognized he was hurting, needed comfort, and talked to him when I could. I was pretty lazy at home. I didn't care anymore. I was never truly happy there and as time went on, I didn't want to bother with the physical representation of what that relationship was--a mess.

As for your parents, Steven didn't want me accompanying him to the house whenever he went, had nothing to do with making excuses. Understandably, because it would be awkward for all parties. But I was more than willing when you said they would join us for ice cream the day before I left, only for them to opt out. I did want to thank them and say goodbye. Alas, I didn't get to. Get off your high horse. You wanted to know how I had the balls to do this, it obviously needed some retrospection and prior events to fuel it. Things don't happen out of thin air. Another thing you need to learn on your path to being a psychologist. You've got a lot of balls to talk about maturity when you were the one that decided to spread this on social media, use names, and try to get your internet white knights to defend your damsel-in-distress complex.

Just to reiterate some points that you decided to bring up on chat last night (did you really think your “ex” wouldn't tell me you were on Twitch shit-talking?) however. I never talked to him on Skype right after you were done. He only added me to the group so I'd make some new twitch friends and we all hung out in unison at streams/G+. We never actually went on actual calls until maybe mid-May and all the conversations prior to that were just friendly discussions over life, video games, and things we both enjoyed.

And to call me delusional and tapped in the head... fucked on all levels? I'm aware of my choices and their consequences. I'm a sentient, functioning adult. I know what I'm doing with my relationships, and frankly, I know I'm smarter than you are for many reasons. Namely, because I could've kept this entirely off the public, but you chose to flash it much like basic people on the internet do. For what? I don't know, but I'm assuming that it's your narcissism giving you the need to have your ego stroked. I get it, the fatter, uglier girl got the guy you were thinking of hitting up again. Had to be because she ravenously sought his cock and he felt bad for her, because how else could she get him when she's not as hot she is?

So if you don’t want to talk to me that is completely fine. I am not going to crawl back to you and wonder what could’ve been if you choose to cut ties. But I’m also not going to sit back and let you act like you had everything all figured out about me in regards to how I felt about you or Brandon. And don’t worry. I don’t plan on it. And like what you said yesterday, it isn’t a phase. You’ve no right to sit there and act sage on these matters, when you’ve never experienced such loneliness and emotional regression against one’s self. You’ve never had to live with someone who tried to get things from you, physically and mentally, that you didn’t want to give. You are so unaware of human emotion and its workings in that you think I somehow did this to get my rocks off or to spite you. I didn’t, and perhaps you’d do yourself a favor by expanding what you know on relationships, people, and the human condition overall. You do not get to govern other people’s relationships just because you feel entitled to them. You cannot dictate who they can go to and who they can’t go to as if they’re a piece of property and you’re some real estate agent. That in itself is very childish. I didn’t have any of these problems in high school and frankly, you’re too old to be acting like you’re still seventeen.