Fem!Reader who likes to yap and spill the most random facts during the afterglow.
This is for my girls with a chatty brain like mine, that likes to come up with random stuff at the most inappropriate times.
CW: none. This is just some stupid brain fart I had while watching a documentary on YouTube. Fluff and banter and a homeopathic dose of smut.
"You know what…"
"Here we go again", Simon sighs exasperatedly, although there is no malice behind his words.
Not that he hadn’t already noticed the tiny twitch at the corners of your mouth anyway, even through tired, half-lidded eyes. Ever the attentive observer.
He pulls you deeper into his embrace, kissing the slightly damp skin where your neck meets your shoulder, and the stubble on his chin scratches a particularly sensitive spot, causing you to shudder comfortably before you continue. "I learned something interesting about the mating life of barnacles the other day."
"Barnacles."
"Yes. Did you know they have the largest penis in the animal kingdom? Compared to their size of course."
"That so." Another kiss on your shoulder blade.
"Uh huh. Eight times their body length."
Simon pauses for a moment, giving you a half amused, half serious look. "Fucking hell. You trying to tell me something?"
Giggling, you cuddle further into his embrace.
"Nah, you're more than enough for me. No need for a sixteen meter penis."
"Glad to hear that", he deadpans. "I'm already carrying enough gear around. Wouldn’t even know where to put it."
“For one, you could wear it around your neck like a scarf.”
Simon huffs at that, biting your earlobe in retaliation, purring “I prefer to have your thighs around my neck.”
Goddamn, goosebumps. You almost forget what you were about to say next.
"Anyway”,you breathe. “The wildest thing is how barnacles mate. They stay in their shells and just reach out with their penises, poking and prodding blindly at any opening they can find."
"Sounds like my teenage years."
"Simon!" You laugh, giving his chest a playful pat.
"What."
"Aaaanyway, they aren't prude either. Sometimes there might be up to seven penises reaching into the same shell."
"Alright, I’m not exactly sure where this is going, love."
"Just imagine that…"
"I'd rather not."
But you aren't stoppable at this point.
"Like, you're sitting in your single room apartment, minding your business, and suddenly you remember that you left the window open, but it’s already too late - seven penises are coming in and you are like ‘not again’-”
“I’d fend them off with my own large penis. Use it as a whip or somethin’.”
Clearly tired of this topic, he’s reaching for you in earnest now, pulling your hips back against his groin.
“Wait, did that turn you on?!” you gasp as you feel him pressing hard against you.
“No. Now get on all fours, princess.”
—
Later you lie on Simon’s chest, listening to his calm and steady heartbeat - when a thought crosses your mind.
“Did you know that male mantis can still mate even after the female mantis bit off their-” - “NO!”
—
As you probably already noticed, english is not my first language. Feel free to point out mistakes and I’ll happily correct them. Other than that I’m trying to get into writing - we will see how it goes.
The video in question: https://youtu.be/4qKbI2NR_XE?si=G-Ria7M5E9hiTZVB
Currently obsessing with the idea of the 141 being anything but good in bed :( (got loosely inspired by this masterpiece of Simon being taught by reader how to fuck properly 👌🏻
CW: light smut, nobody will be satisfied :(
PRICE. He's not old old yet, but his wild years are definitely over. So be prepared to be left hanging, all hot and bothered, because the man prefers a quiet evening on the couch with a cigar in his hand and football on the telly :( “Sorry love, come join me on the couch, yeah? Can sit for me all pretty in that tiny dress.”
GAZ. Cums prematurely. He's just so excited, okay? :( doesn't matter that the two of you have had this friends with benefits thing going on for almost a year now. “Shit, sorry love. Give me a minute and I can go for another round.” (which will be over just as fast). He makes sure to make it up to you with his skilled mouth though, otherwise you would probably have given up on him long ago.
GHOST. Sometimes doesn't cum at all. It's most likely his job, the stress, the last mission he can't get out of his head. The man is tired with a capital T. So don't be surprised if he slows down in the middle of it all, just when you thought you were really getting into it. “Simon…” you whine, your hips desperately trying to pick up the rhythm again. Too late, he already slipped out of you. “Sorry love, ‘m just so fuckin’ knackered.”
SOAP. You couldn't believe your luck when you picked him up at a bar. Who would have thought that this specimen of peak attractiveness would choose you out of all the pretty women in this place? Too bad you missed the subtle signs :( See, Johnny's a whore, but he can't get a woman to take him home twice, so he couldn’t believe his luck when he spotted you amidst all the turned up noses. Pretty, clueless bird. It dawns on you when he's on top of you, going at rabbit speed and for what feels like hours. You make a mental note to get some ointment for friction burns first thing in the morning. “Sorry love, [sniff], ye forgot something in the oven?”
About me: I am in my 30's, german wannabe artist and currently dipping my toes into writing to live out my CoD hyperfixation. I live with two cats (pets are the better kids, fight me), some reptiles and a brain that comes up with more ideas than I have time to put into practice. Update - currently I'm spending most of my rare free time with learning Blender because I want to play Barbie with my favourite CoD characters for entirely legitimate and perfectly acceptible reasons. Bear with me 😅
Enjoy your stay and be kind!
My AO3 // My TikTok // My Instagram // My X (Twitter)
Blender Projects #melli goes 3D
Soap (Portrait / Test Render)
Soap - Sleep easy, soldier
Ghost - Aurafarming
Ghost - calm before the storm
Drawing projects #melli draws
Sneak Peek - Ghost Animation
CoD x Backrooms
Casual Simon
Lumberjack Johnny (WIP)
Sculpting projects
Fallout Ghost
Writing projects #melli writes
Lighthouse series (ongoing):
[A collection of one shots featuring fem!Reader x Ghost or fem!Reader x Soap]
Afterglow (Ghost x Reader)
Lighthouse (in progress; Soap x Reader)
Safe haven (in progress; Soap x Reader)
I might also yap and spread my probably inaccurate head canons now and then, you can find these under the hashtag #melli yaps.
Some Housekeeping:
Please keep in mind that some of my posts will be nsfw or otherwise sensitive. I will tag them accordingly, but I can not heed those tags for you, that is your job.
I'm always happy to learn, so if you notice any mistakes, please point them out kindly.
I will not engage in any political and/or religious discussions. People can't discuss rationally about these topics and we don't need another war zone.
Please do not feed my work to AI. Honestly. That shit sucks. May your pillow be too warm forever if you cross that boundary.
I love comments and interaction and will always try to reply. But alas, I have a life with obligations outside my little fantasy world lol, so it might take some time.
If you want to know something else, feel free to ask!
Last but not least....
I am a hopeless simp for Soap and Ghost... so feel free to simp along with me lol. We are here to have fun after all.
