Warnings: Angst, heavy angst, hurt/comfort/hurt, reader is from Wammy's house, the story takes place the night before Mello's attempt to kidnap Kiyomi
Word count: 1.5k
A/N: yep, I did it again, posting for Death Note, while having a dozen fandoms to write for.
P.S. I don’t know, if anyone ever said this, but Mello OWNS the Leave My Body song by Fever Dreamer. The heavens said so, not me. Highly recommend to listen to it while reading as did I for about 5 hours in a row.
"This work can be considered as the second part of the storyline. The other parts you may find here"
Another sleepless night, full of endless calculations, checking maps and plans again and again. Another night that he spends alone, sending her to sleep and listening to the beeping of computer signals from the next room, where Matt is working on hacking city networks.
Another night... The air rings in the ears with increasing tension, the blood beats an uneven pulse in the temples, forcing to frown painfully and clench the fists, so that nails scratch the palms.
He heard a slight rustle at the door and turned around. A young girl stood in the doorway, rubbing sleepy eyes with her sleeve.
“Hey, are you okay?” His tired gaze, clouded from long work at the computer, began to clear up, and softness flashed across his face.
“I can't sleep,” you muttered, leaning against the door frame. “I’ve been thinking... Are you sure this is gonna work out?”
His face became serious and detached again, he turned back to the monitor.
“I'm sure,” he said shortly.
“I'm sorry ...” you guiltily lowered your eyes to the floor. “It’s just... I'm just afraid of losing you, you know...” You looked up at him and your lips trembled. “I'm afraid of losing you and Matt, I'm afraid to stand on your graves and mourn your short lives, cursing myself for not being careful enough, not being attentive enough. I'm afraid to go back to an empty dark apartment where your voice will never sound again. I'm afraid to be left alone...”
You gently put your hands on his shoulders, and buried your nose in the golden hair, inhaling the barely discernible scent of engine oil and heavy cologne. Memories flashed in your head of the day when, along with a bag of daily products, Mello brought an extremely expensive bottle from the store, which he stole from under the noses of the guards.
Over the years of working for the mafia, he got used to a luxurious life, got used to the fact that he could indulge his little weaknesses, get everything that he could not have in the Wammy's house. Now he no longer had the funds of the mafia, but no one could take away his skills and ability to get anything he wanted.
“Please... I beg you... Let me stay near you,” you whispered. “Please, let me help. If something happens to you, I will never forgive myself for inaction, when maybe I could have saved you. I beg... Please...”
You heard Mello sigh heavily and covered your hand with his palm, slightly squeezing.
“Y/n... You're everything I have, everything I've ever needed... I want you to be happy, I want Matt to be happy. I want both of you to live your long and happy lives. But mine... I lived long enough to make dozen mistakes and... I don't care anymore... If I'm going to die this time it will be just a part of the investigation, just a piece of puzzle for Near to solve. I already know, that I'm not the one to end this. I never was.”
The way he said it, the sharp bitterness and doom in his words made your heart sink. You felt like something broke inside you. For the first time he accepted his defeat. For the first time, you felt scared.
Your fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt as you clenched your teeth to keep from crying of helplessness.
“Please... Don't say it like you don't care about your death.” you wheezed. “I'll kill them all. I'll come to their fucking headquarters and kill everyone. I'll kill them for you. One of them is Kira, so I won't miss. I will kill everyone. I... don't want to live without you. If you die, I can't...”
Your hands were trembling and you shut your eyes to do not let the tears flow. You couldn't say it, as if the mere thought of the possibility of a negative outcome was a betrayal, as if you were giving up on him.
A quiet sob escaped from your throat, causing Mello to flinch and turn to you.
“I don't want to lose you again…”
You couldn't hold the tears anymore and covered your face with your palms. With every second it seemed to you as if reality was slipping away, as if everything was happening outside of your consciousness and you couldn't help it. Over the past few months, Mello has been distancing from you, completely devoting his strength, energy and rage to the investigation. You didn't interfere because you understand how important it was, but now... Everything had gone too far and you couldn’t fix it anymore.
You felt hands fall on your trembling shoulders and Mello pressed you to him, nuzzling the curve of your neck. You shut your eyes and pressed closer, clinging to him like a life-saving straw, holding together the fragments of your world falling apart, breaking at the seams.
“I love you,” he murmured into your neck. “I love you with all my fucking heart. If we were in another world... In another life... If we could be like this forever...”
“But we can,” you pulled away, looking into his eyes. “Mello, we still can do that. Let's quit the investigation, let's move somewhere unknown, buy a tiny cottage in a quiet village and do some shitty normal stuff other people do. Run a business, buy a dog...
Please Mello... I thought... I thought we could’ve become a family…” you timidly looked into his eyes. “You, me, Matt... What more could we want?..”
His long searching gaze seemed to look through you, into the very soul, laying out each of its components, studying and exposing all hidden fears, worries, hopes. You got scared that you said too much, that you could damage the fragile connection between you, that you disappointed him.
He quietly raised his hand and touched your cheek. His thin fingers weightlessly outlined the line of your cheekbones, descending to the lips. He touched the lower lip with his thumb and pulled softly.
There was still doubt in his gaze, but you saw how his eyes were filling with calmness and the heaviness of tension was fading away.
He gently lifted your chin and moved closer to your lips.
“You know... in the end every time you appear to be right,” he chuckled bitterly, shortening the distance between you.
You felt the metallic taste and the rough skin of the lips, bitten in moments of nervous tension. Your hand gently tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, softly stroking the place of the scar on his beautiful face. He deepened the kiss, pulling you closer by the waist and guiding your chin with two fingers.
Lately, when the investigation occupied all his thoughts, there was nothing but a brief kiss, fleeting sparks of feelings, unconscious hugs, when you happen to sleep together. Now he was kissing you sincerely, demanding, tenderly, as if begging you for something that you couldn't understand yet. As if he was speaking in another language, afraid to say out loud what he had to say long ago.
“I love you,” he whispered into your lips, pulling away.
Now you saw in front of you nothing but a boy from the Wammy's house, the one you remembered so well, the one that shared his dreams and achievements with you, the one that beat the walls and swore to win Near during the next test. The boy who came to your room and made a promise to find you, looking at you with a long wistful gaze, before leaving the Wammy's house forever.
“Y/n, I... I cannot change it anymore. We have to do it tomorrow. And we will. It's more than me, it's more than us. I know what I gotta do and I will do it. I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I cannot promise you anything this time... I will try my best for you, but... You have to know, no matter what's gonna happen tomorrow, I love you and I always will. Don't blame yourself, alright? You couldn't change anything. You're the best thing ever happened to me and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.”
He once again pressed your hand tight and quickly headed back to the computer, as if he was afraid that at any moment, something in him could overpower, break his determination.
“I hid the rest of the mafia's savings in the basement. They will be enough to change documents and buy real estate in Canada. They're yours now, and... Take care of Matt, okay?”
You walked stiff-legged to the door, realizing this was the end. You failed. Your throat was dry, your tongue wouldn't obey you, there was a fog in your head, as if you could pass out at any minute.
“And... One more thing.” he said quietly over his shoulder. “I know, maybe it's stupid but... I want you to know my name. In the end... I don't want you to remember me as Mello...
Yellow flashes of the road lights |Mello x Reader|
Pairing: Mello x Reader
Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, mention of wounds, needles, burns, blood
Word count: 1.6k
A/N: finally! I made myself do that! I translated this work.
"This work can be considered as the first part of the storyline. The other parts you may find here "
Yellow flashes of the road lights, blurred by the rain streaming down the pane, swept past the window. The van bounced on every bump in the road and flew for some distance with almost no traction, so it seemed that one wrong move would cause it to fly into a ditch, but every time with a strong shake, the wheels crashed down on the road again continuing this crazy race.
Mello groaned hollowly and writhed, lying on the frayed seat, while with trembling hands you tried to fill a needle with painkillers from an ampoule found in a travel first aid kit.
“Oh God... It's okay, it's okay,” you muttered in panic, trying not to cry or fall into hysterics of horror. Finally, you managed to stick the needle into the rubberized lid and began lifting the plunger, frantically trying to extract information about the dosage of this drug from your memory.
“One, two, three,” the liquid rose from mark to mark, it began to seem to you as if your vision was blurred, the lines of marks with numbers mixed together, you did not distinguish how much remained to fill.
“Six!” you shook your head, tightly shutting your eyes in an attempt to bring your broken mind to life. Now all that remained was to inject painkillers. Inject it and it will get easier for him…
Bam!
The car jumped on another bump and you almost dropped the needle from your hands. Mello on the seat let out a loud groan and twitched in convulsions. For some moments he was losing his consciousness from the pain, but then the same pain was pulling him back to reality.
You've never seen such monstrous burns. The pink skin was covered with droplets of reddish blood that appeared like drizzle, the injured areas were bordered by a brown line of burnt tissues and in some places, there were terrible grooves in the skin filled with oozing scarlet blood.
This sight paralyzed you, you wanted to scream in horror, but you clenched your teeth, holding back tears, and rushed to him to prevent Mello from disturbing the wounds.
“It's okay, it's okay!.. Wait! Mello! Everything will be fine! I beg... Mello!”
It cost you a lot of effort to fix his shuddering body on the seat, after all, even in this state he was much stronger than you. You grabbed his hand and started trying to feel for a vein. It was not an easy matter. His muscles were tense, he was shaking, but finally you managed to find the right place for the injection.
“Now the main thing is to hold him in place.” You raised the needle to the elbow.
“It's okay, Mello! It's all good..” you exhaled, trying to calm the trembling in your hands.
“I have to do everything right. I have to help him.” With a sinking heart, you inserted the needle under the skin and pressed the plunger, injecting painkillers. Mello twitched, but you already managed to take it out.
“It must work now. The effect will be in a couple of minutes at this dosage. God, let everything be alright, let everything be alright...” You sank down on the floor next to the seat, not letting go of Mello's hot hand.
He convulsively clenched at each of his groans and it seemed to you as if you felt his pain, as if his pain was transmitted to you and condensed in the heart, tearing it apart. You couldn't watch him suffer, you couldn't forgive yourself for not being able to help.
“He is now struggling in agony, imprisoned in the hell of his body and your pathetic pain is like an indignity to his torment. You have no idea how much he's suffering right now.”
Suddenly the hand that was clutching yours relaxed, the moaning stopped. “It looks like the painkillers worked and he blacked out again,” you sat up to check his condition. Having felt the pulse, you calmed down at least by the fact that the dose was correct, he is unconscious, which means he can't hurt himself.
“Now what remains is to wait until we arrive at the headquarters, there will be normal medicines, a surgery and we will be able to help him... Everything will be fine, everything’s gonna be fine...”
You collapsed on the floor, hugging your knees. Tears welled up in your eyes, you trembled all over your body, knocking out your breath. You were scared
“It wasn't supposed to be this way, it's all wrong...” The mind refused to accept reality, pain throbbed in the temples, making the cheekbones cramp.
“This is wrong, but it's reality. You need to accept it and do everything to prevent this from happening again in the future. You need to do everything to help Mello, help him restore justice, help fix this reality. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do anything for him. I 'll do for him anything...”
...
The van braked sharply and you woke up from the painful half-sleep, still sitting on the floor next to Mello. You jumped up and rushed to him, berating yourself for your weakness, you should have been watching him. To your relief, your fingers felt the pulse again and you calmed down a little. Mello was still unconscious. Now it was necessary to get him to the surgery as soon as possible. The back doors of the van swung open and Matt appeared in the dim light of the headlights, accompanied by two mafia men.
“Come on, guys, we need to lift boss onto a stretcher!” he commanded.
The stretcher was carried into the van and Mello was as gently as possible lowered onto it.
“Okay, now get inside quickly,” Matt ordered in a hushed voice.
The two who came with him, with all possible in such circumstances care, took out a stretcher and carried it towards the building. You jumped off the step and trudged after them, shivering from the cold.
You still haven't come to your senses after waking up and have been trying hard to piece together the scattered thoughts and events of the last hours. You heard the sound of the van doors slamming behind you and Matt's footsteps catching up with you. You walked side by side in complete silence, words were unnecessary and you both felt it. Matt opened the door, letting you go first.
The bright light of the ceiling lamp hit your eyes and you felt the faint smell of alcohol and some medications coming from the door just closed, where the stretcher with Mello was carried. Now all that remained was to wait.
You landed on a narrow leather sofa by the door of the surgery, and you felt falling asleep again. Unable to resist the weakened from the stress and lack of sleep body, you switched off, resting your head against the armrest.
You were woken up by Matt gently shaking your shoulder.
“Y/n, Y/nnn,” he called you quietly. “He's awake.”
You flinched, while the pain hit your temple again.
“Oh, god...” You jumped up from the sofa, but your legs wouldn't obey, you tripped and would have fallen if it wasn't for Matt, managed to grab you by the waist keeping you from falling.
“Thanks,” you muttered, leaning on his hand.
“I...” You suddenly felt a terrible weakness in your whole body, as if at any moment you could lose consciousness, tears for some reason flowed down your cheeks, you looked at Matt pleadingly. He got it without words and, throwing your arm over his shoulder and holding you tightly by the waist, led you into the office.
Mello was lying on the operating table. His body was tightly bandaged from hips to the neck, the left side of his face was hidden under a layer of medical cotton wool and bandages. You felt a lump rise in your throat and tears fell in a hail, your legs seemed to go numb and you would have fallen to your knees if not for Matt's strong arms supporting you.
You wanted to scream, but the sound stuck in the throat, tearing the cords, and you stared blankly with eyes full of despair at the man lying in front of you.
You leaned forward and Matt led you to a metal chair at the table. You grabbed Mello's hand and fell on your knees, sobbing and pressing his palm to your cheek. Matt picked you up and sat you down on the chair. The tears were pouring non-stop, but you didn't have the strength to stop them.
“Mee-Mello...” you whispered. Every sound cut the throat. “Please... I'm sorry... I’m so sorry... I.. I love you... I'm so sorry...”
You didn't understand what exactly you felt at that moment, a whirlwind of emotions raged inside, making you suffer in helplessness in attempts to curb your own will. "You have to pull yourself together! Pull yourself together!"
“I am... I love you," you looked into his eyes and tried to smile.
"I... I'm so glad... That you're alive...” you pressed your forehead against his palm.
“I love you... I love you, Mello...”
Suddenly you felt him move his fingers, you raised your head and met his gaze. You've never seen him like this before. There was no usual grin or irritation in his eyes, they reflected that rare, deep feeling that Mello so carefully hid from everyone, which appeared for an instant in his gaze in those moments when you were alone. He looked at you with tenderness and warmth, his lips twitched painfully, but he did not stop smiling weakly.
"I love you..." he whispered faintly and gently ran his fingers over your cheek. You smiled through the tears and pressed his hand to you.
A/N: @cyxxxx sorry, it took me longer than I expected, but I tried my best. So, hope you enjoy it. Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
"This work can be considered as the third part of the storyline. The other parts you may find here " (and here you may read an afterword for this work)
"Today I'm dirty, I want to be pretty
Tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt"
You played the rough strings, leaning back against the gray wall covered with scraps of old wallpaper. Through the glass, muddy with the dust of the city and streaks of years of dirt, the sun's rays penetrated into the room like golden threads, illuminating specks of dust, dancing in the air, and as if absorbed by the darkness, they sank into the depths of the hall.
"Today I'm dirty, I want to be pretty
Tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt"
The distant noise of the street seemed to come from a dream, more like the rustle of leaves on a light breeze. The honking of cars, the voices of people, the singing of birds-all this dissolved in the dusty air, mixed with it, and like a fog enveloped the mind, plunging it into a kind of trance. The cycle of time closed with a shining wire of solar music, intertwining with such a small and cramped, but so huge and endless space of a stuffy room.
"We're the nobodies, we wanna be somebodies
When we're dead, they'll know just who we are"
A ray of sunlight on the opposite wall illuminated a worn fragment of a heraldic lily on a piece of wallpaper, and you, without knowing why, could not take your eyes off it. Your voice was low, but you could feel each sound resonating in your chest, trembling on the tip of your tongue, causing a slight shiver and spreading a pleasant warmth through your body. It was as if you were trying to taste each word, to grasp its hidden meaning, slowing down the rhythm, stretching out the bars, as if you were carving each letter on the walls of your soul.
"We're the nobodies, we wanna be somebodies
When we're dead, they'll know just who we are"
Your voice suddenly weakened and broke off on the last word, and you chuckled soundlessly, swallowing the lump and feeling your fingers tremble. You didn't notice a man appear in the dark of the room. Leaning noiselessly against the doorjamb, he listened to your singing without moving.
"Yesterday I was dirty, wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt"
You flinched in surprise, your heart pausing for a moment, causing you to smile involuntarily at your sensitivity in the next second. The voice sounded hoarse after a long silence, but its depth and the bitterness that came from the very soul filled the room like heavy sea water swallowing a sinking ship. You closed your eyes, trying to catch every second of the sound, every transition and shade of his voice, trying to let his longing into your mind, to feel his pain. He said the last word with anger through clenched teeth.
"Yesterday I was dirty, wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt"
You sang, as if echoing him. Leaning over the guitar, you couldn't see the person standing at the door, but you could feel the heavy, thoughtful gaze on you all over, making it seem as if he was very close, standing right next to you, almost touching you...
"We're the nobodies, we wanna be somebodies
When we're dead, they'll know just who we are"
His voice was close to your ear, and you could almost feel his warm breath on your skin. You tightened your fingers on the strings, trying to calm the trembling and banish the painful sense of elusive reality. You wanted to hear it again, to capture in your memory forever the interweaving of your voices, to preserve that sacred moment of inexplicable happiness, which seemed to fade with every second, like golden grains of sand slipping through your fingers, leaving instead a bitter, cruel darkness.
"We're the nobodies, we wanna be somebodies
When we're dead, they'll know just who we are"
The last sounds of your voices faded into the echoing silence. Seeping through the muddy walls, they rushed towards the boundless ocean of the sky, carried away by the streams of sunlight... You didn't dare look up, as if you were afraid of breaking the tender bond between you.
"It's a pity we didn't sing together so often," he said after what seemed like an eternity. You heard the rustle of his clothes as he rose to his feet.
"You know... I've always loved your voice, " you said softly, and finally looked up at him. Your lips trembled, but you couldn't let tears cloud the features so dear to you. He stood in front of you, illuminated by the amber light, the sun glinting in his hair. His gaze was warm and sad, like an autumn sunset over a yellowing forest.
"Y/N..." He touched your cheek with his thin fingers, and you closed your eyes, trying to remember his touch. "I loved you... I loved you more than anything in this mad world..."
You felt him pull away and unconsciously tried to grab his hand. The outstretched hand dissolves like smoke, and your fingers weakly grasp the void in an attempt to touch the much-desired image. You shudder in a fit of despair, a silent moan escapes from your chest and a veil of tears blurs the sunny silhouette.
