#meme: shitposts

[chuuyaaf]

Donut anon: SILLY YOU SAY?! How about dazai and chuuya's s/o cosplaying them and copying their abilities. Like while having a bath and scrubbing she would take off her glove scrub while chanting chuuya's ability for corruption?

meme: send me shitpost-y requests and I’ll do a 5 sentence response!

Dazai:

You giggled as you tripped over the lengthy, tan trench coat. Clearing your throat, you lifted your hand which was messily wrapped in bandages. “Have an energetic and clean suicide~!” You whipped around and held your chin in your hand, “After all, I am Dazai, the Agency’s most trusted and reliable-” You yelped out as you were lifted from the ground and tugged against your lover’s chest. 

“Were you serious about that suicide offer?”

Chuuya:

“Oh, grantors of dark disgrace - do not wake me again,” you mumbled dramatically as you wiped the soap suds off of your hands. Within the next second, you were tossing soap balls across the bathtub, mocking Chuuya’s ability. 

“What the hell is all this-”

Chuuya walked into the bathroom, hearing your ridiculous giggling.

But not before getting assaulted by a soap ball landing in his face.

[chuuyaaf]

Silly??!?!?? How about Chuuya trying to act cool by smoking round his s/o and then choking on it

Chuuya trying to be all smooth and epically failing is my favorite. 

meme: send me a shitpost scenario~

~Admin Kat

“Hey girl, why don’t you let an upper member of the Port-”

Chuuya never got to finish his sentence as he inhaled too much smoke and immediately started violently coughing. You covered your mouth to try to stop yourself from giggling as he struggled to recover.

“...Mafia...take you out?” he struggled to say as tears clouded his eyes. 

[chuuyaaf]

Ooooh this shitpost thing sounds awesome. Can I ask for Kajii shamelessly and unnecessarily announcing to other port mafia members that he isn't wearing any underwear?

THIS IS INSPIRED FORM THE NEW CHAPTER ISN’T IT

This is the most shitpost scenario I’ve written yet lmao

meme: send me shitpost scenarios~

~Admin Kat

“I WAS SO INTO MY SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS THAT I FORGOT TO PUT ON UNDERWEAR THIS MORNING!!!!!” 

Kajii burst into the meeting room where Tachihara, Hirotsu, Gin, and Higuchi were gathered.

“...WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THAT, YOU LEMON FREAK?!” Tachihara pointed and yelled at the Port Mafia’s bomber, while the rest of Black Lizard leadership sighed in exasperation. Kajii began to laugh maniacally, babbling on about the lack of underwear and excess of scientific progress. 

“He’s not okay.”

[chuuyaaf]

Shitpost scenario: Dazai scandalizing (doesn't have to be s/o, go for whoever you want the possibilities are endless) someone with the nastiest, most obscure urban dictionary definition he can find

I started giggling maniacally at this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

meme: send me shitpost scenarios~

~Admin Kat

“Kunikida-kun~ Do you know what a bukkake is?”

Dazai had an innocent look on his face, contrasting the not-so-innocent word he was asking about. Of course, his partner pushed his glasses up and listened intently as Dazai explained the term in the most obscure way possible. 

“It’s an extremely unique practice that allows you to bond with your lady friends~” 

Kunikida being who he was, immediately started writing this down.

That pen broke a thousand times over when Dazai revealed what the true meaning of the word was, in all its sinful glory.

[chuuyaaf]

Dazai getting into a serious, life or death towel fight with someone of your choice?

Yay, people are responding. I’m assuming this is for the five sentence shitpost? If not, just send in the request again and I’ll add it onto the scenarios list! 

Also on another note, @goddamnitdazai and I decided to open a blog purely for shitposting and I’ll have this meme open constantly on there so I can channel my garbage writing daily. 

Love you all <3

~Admin Kat

meme: send me a shitpost scenario request and i’ll write a short five sentence response <3

The whip of the towel cracked through the air. You screeched out as you dodged Dazai’s next assault and whipped your own towel back at him. Both you and your lover ran and jumped throughout the empty shower room, your towels having long abandoned their duties of covering your bodies. There was a hint of pride and determination hidden within your eyes.

This meant life or death after all.

[chuuyaaf]

Shitpost request here, senpai: Fukuzawa attempts to smuggle several kittens into his office without the ada members noticing 😀 pls and thank

DID SOMEONE CALL ME SENPAI

I want cats. I’m sad now.

meme: send me shitpost scenarios~

~Admin Kat

“What’s that meowing?” 

The members of the ADA looked around the office, hearing a faint mewling. Following the sound, Ranpo cracked open the door to the President’s office, his face falling flat when he saw the sight in front of him.

“There, there, you have a home now,” Fukuzawa cooed one of the many kittens that were lying on his desk. And that wasn’t including the twenty or so kittens that were running around his office wreaking havoc.

[chuuyaaf]

For the shitpost scenario: Ranpo arguing with kids over limited candy at a store please! :)

I feel like this is the first Ranpo request even if it is just for the shitpost meme haha.

meme: send me shitpost scenarios~

~Admin Kat

There were only two things that Ranpo believed without needing solid evidence: that he had an ability and that he needed sugar or he would not survive. As he reached for the last lollipop on the shelf, his hand bumped into that of a young boy. The boy stuck his tongue out at the detective, whining that the lollipop was his in a bratty tone. Ranpo copied this, placing either of his hands on his sides, “I’m older so I get first dibs, you brat!” 

Regardless, both the sweet tooths got kicked out of the store before reaching a decision.