#memreez

[puddel]

this bathroom was an all timer

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

A friend from college posted nearly one hundred photos covering my last two years of college: our theatre productions, parties, goofing around in dressing rooms or wherever. I'm not in more than 10 or so, but it turns out that a third of those show D and I, who had just started dating in the Spring of 1997, together.

I don't even know how I feel about it. It's not recognizably grief, or regret, or warmth, or...anything.

It's blankness. Like looking at a picture of strangers.

[stanakaticitalianfanpage]

❄️Winter Wonderland.❄️ #FilmFestival #Kustendorf #Memreez

drstanakatic

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

August Blog A Day: List Edition

22. 5 albums that remind you of your Teen Years

Kick - INXS

The Joshua Tree - U2

Nevermind - Nirvana

Blood Sugar Sex Magic - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Rhythm Nation - Janet Jackson

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

30 Years Later, Almost Exactly

A high school friend posted a clipping from our junior high newspaper about my winning the district spelling bee in March of 1989 with this picture of me:

And honestly, it’s shocking to me how, at just a few weeks away from turning 44, I am exactly the same person I was just a few weeks away from turning 14. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it really is.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

9 Years Ago Today

I was suddenly and unceremoniously kicked out of my sweet, way-under-market Williamsburg loft due to chronic neglect by the building owner. (Like, the city came in and booted out everyone in the building with ZERO notice.)

We moved to Flatbush several weeks later, where we lived for five and half years.

Then Harlem for nearly three, although there were bigger changes at that apartment than geography.

And now six months at Tubby Heights.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

Feeewings

I’m constantly seeing posts on FB (or here, or wherever) of moms just completely glowing about their kids--how smart and funny and cute and kind and talented they are, and how they did this special thing or that project with/for them.

Memories are funny things, but I don’t remember my mom ever saying or doing that sort of thing for me.

She did let me do plenty on my own--maybe too much? I didn’t consult her on where I applied to college; my parents never even saw my applications--but in retrospect, it feels like I was just not very important or interesting to her, beyond making sure that I wasn’t an incompetent asshole who would need to rely on her for anything. And by that measure, I guess she a pretty good job.

(This is not to excuse my dad. Our relationship is plenty fucked up in its own way, but that is another post entirely.)

Even now, comparing my family to, say, @theraconteurasaurusati‘s--it’s like we’re from different planets in terms of family dynamics. 

The older I get, the more troubled I am about how I was raised, and the more satisfied I am that I didn’t inflict my fucked-up-ness on another generation.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

Yay?

My undergrad institution was (again) listed as the #1 public university in the Midwest, and #8 of all Midwest institutions. 

I do feel like I got a good education there, and I did it without accruing any debt, but if I had it all to do over again, I think I would do it differently.