I've often wondered why I have the time to sit around doing nothing but reblogging things, finishing complicated games in a day, listening to music all day like I have to do nothing, being able to draw all day without a thought of how long I should be doing it...I've come to the conclusion that I stay inside the house too much, but why? Why, do I stay in all the time? Is it because I don't have the ability to do so? What drives me from talking to everyone I meet? What drives me into staying in the corner like a 5 year old? Is it because I'm...afraid? Why am I afraid? I wish I knew....I wish I knew....but I do know...I know why, but why am I afraid to admit it? Why am I afraid to admit that I allowed my dad to traumatize me about every vivid detail of the world? It's as though if I admitted it, I'd feel like a brat running away from home because I didn't get to have my way.....but am I supposed to have my way with my life when I become an adult? Make my own decisions? My own mistakes? I should be able to become who I want, but do I feel if I do, my dad is going to be there and hurt me for it?