Daily we need to be mindful of taking care of ourselves. Keeping both our mental & physical needs at a healthy balance.
I am going to be offering a Self Help Toolkit series. In the series, we will be working through steps of a self inventory there will be worksheets & a discussion available.
How can the idea of running a marathon
be used as a good innuendo for life?
First of all what is 'challenge' and how can a challenge be a blessing in disguise? The majority of challenges we face in 'life' get thrown at us, rarely do we pursue to push for hardship by choice. It's simply exhausting and overwhelming. Unless you get some sort of satisfaction out of it. However we happily roll up our sleeves when we are a bit bored with life. We choose to push for trial. Bringing back some excitement into an otherwise dull life. Signing up for a marathon seems to become the experiment of choice. It means labour, actively doing the work yourself. Being in control. Finding some meaning in life, generating focus, overcoming a set back or bad habit. Also possible is covering up rather unpleasant obstacles we won't dare to challenge head on. Pushing for feedback, getting hurt, getting upset, coming to a halt. Working through it, getting better, getting up, higher up. Manifesting motivation into race day. And sometimes losing sight of the actual goal – bored, frustrated, unable to cope. Back to square one: challenges in 'life' thrown at us. Square one comes with internal conflicts and feelings of worry, self doubt and loss of power. Chasing your own tail. Does it matter if we challenge ourselves or get challenged if it all potentially ends up in an endless and fruitless task – the Sisyphean task? Life is going that way and you will rarely be able to avoid the occasional road block. But don't surrender just yet. It's just a road block.
What to do when facing a road block?
Q: What do you do when you are facing an obstacle?
Q: How can you use these valuable insights for your current challenge/ obstacle/ problem/ task/ dream/ goal/ figurative road block?
Failure only comes to full effect once you stop trying. Would you just come to a halt, stuck with this road block and eventually die out of thirst, hunger, loneliness, boredom, anger? No, that seems a rather foolish idea or action to take. Instead you come up with alternatives. A diversion: around, over, back with external help or you get this road block out of the way yourself. Which ever it is, does not matter at first, they all hold potential for you to continue your journey. There is no right or wrong. As long as you keep trying. Have a play. Taken good measure or being old enough to refer back to experience, you may be able to predict the outcome. Playing it safe might not work, have some fun gaining more. No false illusions, having the mental strength to pull yourself together after getting knocked down can be hard work indeed. A lone trip between rockbottom and mountain top.
Q: What is worse? Feeling miserable and bathing in a grim, chest crushing and heavy sensation; or taking that single step towards change and see what happens?
Makes sense, but why can I simply not get going?
One simple answer: You haven't plotted out a goal or destination that is worth going for.
Turning dreams into goals requires motivation and action. Motivation is a desire, a passion for the end result or the journey towards your destination. And action: you have to get going, no one is going to live your dream but yourself.
A small but powerful distinction:
Q: Are you goal orientated (eyes on the prize) or process orientated (enjoying the ride)? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being: I don't care and 10 being: my innermost desire; how much do you want to achieve your goal right now? How do you feel if you could have it right now? As if it already has become true? What do you see, hear, feel in this moment of standing at the mountain top?
Getting anything between 8 and 10 and you can be certain to have the motivation to go. Make the first step. You are going to do great.
Anything lower than 8: Not enough motivation yet to gain momentum, so
Q: What is currently in your way of achieving your goal? What are the road blocks? How can you work with them? Is your goal too big? Make it smaller. Is your goal too small? Make it bigger. Get the motivation, the objectives lined up.
You said comfort zone? I don't know what that means.
Q: How do you define comfort zone? Where does yours end? What lies beyond your comfort zone? Anything interesting? Who defines the border of your comfort zone? What limitations do you set yourself? And is this really true? A 100%? All the time?
The same person who chooses to run a marathon might be completely incapable of applying valuable personality traits like passion, determination, focus, commitment, discipline etc. to other areas of life – and vice versa. Rarely does the type of 'challenge' matter: it is the same person, the same system facing the challenge. When referring to system think body, mind and heart; ideally working together in alignment. Hence taking a step back from the challenge and cross referencing capabilities can be very liberating and resourceful.
Gain some perspective and break the challenge into smaller more manageable pieces. How about getting creative around your problem? What other pathways can you walk to reach your desired goal? Hitting the wall with your head over and over again might be effective at some point. Painful for the time being for sure. How about zooming out, stepping away from the wall, taking stock. Maybe you want to run and take a big jump across or just simply walk around the edges? Take control by being yourself and have faith in your decisions and capabilities.
Worry – a constructed false reality.
Worry is a construct of thought, you experience the future in the now. Good news: we cannot time travel. Therefore where is the need to think about what lies ahead, things you might not be able to control anyway, things that look and feel so overwhelming they numb you? And how can you know? Have you arrived in the future yet? Looking back at past events, have they been really daunting and scary? Or easy and manageable after all?
With negative associations you limit yourself and waste precious energy of being associated in the moment, being truly in the here and now. Prepare your future in the present but no need to over think what your limitations are. You will find out, once you get there. They might not even exist at the point anymore.
Inner conflict based on value clashes.
Inner conflict, a strange feeling of 'something is not quite right', is a valuable sensation: your system is trying to tell you something. At first you might be confused and have no clue in how to decode this strange sensation that just bubbled up. It can be a feeling, a thought, a sudden raise in your heart rate, confusion, a nervous twitch, pacing around the room, loss of power, feeling distracted, feeling actual physical pain, feeling sad for no good reason. Do not tempt to shut your eyes and turn around, even run away. Hold it, find the time to start an inner dialog.
Conflict is associated with a clash of values for example. Someone wants you to do something and you feel like this person asks you to make a killing. Highly possible the task at hand works against your highest values and beliefs. If you see yourself in a situation like this, find an appropriate moment of downtime and take a piece of a paper.
Brainstorm.
1/ Write down any values and beliefs you hold high, personality traits that are important to you and you want to surround yourself with in other people. For example: health, success, power, balance, happiness, fun, diversity, friendship, family, security. Money is not a real ‘value’. Chunk it down to its essence: What does money stand for? What feeling do you associate with money? You are more likely to find answers like security, freedom, etc.
2/ Gather as many as you feel like. Keep going beyond 15, there are many more to bubble up. No restrictions, just let the words pop into your head.
3/ Once you have done this go through your list. Notice how you can group some of the words, making up 'areas of your life', you might hold different values for work and leisure, the stage you are in life right now or various experiences that influence your life depending on context.
4/ Top 10. Create your Top 10. Sometimes you have values that are different in meaning but equally important. Have two No.1. That is perfectly fine.
Now you have this powerful list, use it as a filter. Apply it to any situation, decision, scenario you face in life. Or a challenge you had in the past. Notice how to see things differently just by knowing more about yourself – seeing life through your values-filter. Sometimes just acknowledging what is going on, can help you to gain perspective. Try to match your values or dial back on some to work out a solution or compromise. Very powerful when dealing with people, at work or in a relationship.
Values will change over the due course of life, experience we gain and people we meet. A decade ago you would have laughed about your 'old self' and your trivial values compared to those you hold true today. Welcome to your life. Welcome back the reins.
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Faith, self belief and confidence – where to start?
Self doubt, worry, trust issues and lack of confidence result in loss of power. Can result in depression. Can make you feel like tumbling around in a turmoil. Out of control and at effect. It can make you feel sick, angry and tired. Anything feels like a hard effort. Fun? I don't know what that is anymore.
The first step to address any of these stressful feelings and associations: simply be aware of them. Do not put a lid on there and try to forget. Think about how you can take responsibility now. Are you living someone else's life or yours? No one else is responsible for the state you are in. You might be affected by something someone did or said, but it is up to you how to respond. It sounds simple. And it very much is. Take the nonsense, stay where you are and feel sorry for yourself. Or change it. Remember the wall – walk around it. See the beauty of what lies ahead. The lightness and ease once you consciously made the decision to let go and move on.
There are many definitions of confidence and many more opinions. Tend not to use this word too much, as we all have different understandings of what we actually want to make meaning of. Let us keep it as being certain of your own abilities and capabilities in a given situation. An emotional security of self.
Confidence is something you cannot force yourself into or purchase in a shop or is given through birth. You can gain assurance through working on your personality. It needs to come from within (intrinsic). Money, objects, medals, Facebook likes and a tap on the shoulder (extrinsic) can add to the bank account of confidence but it will not last for long. You will constantly seek for more. A hunger that never will be satisfied. True belief in yourself can be grown and nursed by one person only: yourself. The same applies to the principles of motivation.
Tapping into it.
Knowing your values from earlier, have a think how these can benefit your trust, faith, control, self belief, assurance, traits and so on. Find practical examples. Sources of energy, things that make you happy. Habits, people, tasks that give you that extra push, passion, warmth, power. Tap into it. Imagine what it would feel like to have all this right now. Hold that thought. And come back to it whenever you feel a struggle. Relax. Easy.
