#mer.txt

[loungemermaid]

Ilya buying a label maker with a Cyrillic alphabet and labeling the whole house because while Shane’s gotten good at pronunciation, his reading in Russian is terrible, probably because he doesn’t see the letters often enough. Everything gets a label. Refrigerator(холодильник). Hair brush(щетка для волос). Cabinet(кабинет) Everything. It takes Ilya hours and he uses two rolls of label maker tape and at first he does genuinely do it to be helpful but towards the end he makes a label that says Husband(муж) on it and sticks it on his forehead because he can and he just waits for Shane to come home from whatever photoshoot he had to do that day.

[dragon-petals]

some girl i went to HS with: God says abortion is wrong!!

me: didn't God also say sex before marriage is wrong, yet you had a baby outta wedlock?

[shrug emoji]

[frogget]

ah

[loungemermaid]

Soft butch Jane Hollander finally cutting her nearly hip length hair into a choppy razored wolf cut/shag and Lilya Rozanova legitimately forgetting how to breathe as she slams her rum and coke at a stupid bar in Tampa in a dress she thought would be funny but now looks stupid because god, she’s never even seen Jane in pants let alone the smudgy eyeliner and crisp button down with the sleeves rolled up and wide leg trousers, sunglasses tucked in her cleavage and oh my god, is she wearing a black lacy bra? Can she actually see Jane Fucking Hollander’s Bra ™? Did her awful fucking movie star boyfriend make her change her image?? If he did it would be a weird choice because prissy, perfectly feminine, princess Jane looks gay now. Really fucking gay.

[loungemermaid]

I don’t have a clever way to start this post but!! Important!!

Shane probably doesn’t know he has a flat affect. I didn’t know I did until I was twenty six years old. I thought I was extremely animated in both face and voice. I’m not. At all. I have a very very flat affect, very Paris Hilton “that’s hot”. This had to be pointed out to me by my wife who has known me for (at that point) seven years. (To their credit, they thought I knew).

Anyway when I learned this a lot more things made sense. I’d always been told I had a “tone” but I thought a “tone” was something you put on, not just the natural way I talked, so I thought I constantly was doing a “sarcastic voice”. I didn’t realize that it sounded like I was deadpanning every conversation I ever had and as a bonus was usually rolling my eyes, because I didn’t know that a) I wasn’t really making eye contact and b) rolling your eyes doesn’t literally mean rolling them in a circle like a goddamn cartoon character.

Given that Shane doesn’t think he cries because tears aren’t falling, and how flat his affect is in very serious moments, I don’t think he knows he does this at all, and is going to have to be told by Ilya, and go through the bewildering experience of being known by someone better than he knows himself.

[loungemermaid]

I need Shane to have a specific, obvious type and it’s all men with dark blonde/light brown/русый (rusiy, thank you Russian for having a name for my natural hair color that isn’t like ‘dirty subway water’) hair and it’s just glaringly obvious to everyone except him. Shane and Ilya watching the Star Wars prequels and Shane just goes “I had the biggest crush on the guy who plays Anakin” and Ilya just laughs like “yeah I could’ve guessed that one” and Shane is shocked like “wym”.

[loungemermaid]

“Haymitch loved Katniss more than Peeta” no, Haymitch knew that saving Peeta instead of Katniss wouldn’t be doing Peeta any favors. He wasn’t going to condemn Peeta to the same life he had. He wasn’t going to force him to be the next reincarnation of himself, stuck at sixteen. District Twelve already had a loverboy turned misanthropic asshole. It didn’t need another. And that’s exactly what would’ve happened if he let Katniss die and Peeta live

[loungemermaid]

The thing about hollanova is it would be so much worse. Lilya and Jane could be rivals in their competitive lives and fully hug and kiss each other in public and it would just be gals being pals. They could have matching tattoos and people would say they’re just good friends. Matching jewelry and it would still just be cute and friendly. Lilya, being a bi woman, would have to come out like 18 times before anyone took it seriously. They could hide in plain sight for years and then when they were ready to come out it would take an act of god for anyone to believe them