#merasmus.

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚂𝚒𝚛 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚎!

@handfulofclovers

?!!

Soldier stumbles back, tripping and landing on his ass.

MERASMUS!! ( @thegreatmerasmus )

The American angrily shakes his fist in the air.

AGGH!-- NOT YOU TOO!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! EVERYONE KEEPS FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ME!!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS YOUR MAGIC, BUT YOU HAVE FALLEN UNDER YOUR OWN SPELL!!! I..... I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

𝚂𝚒𝚛 𝚂𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚛! 𝚂𝚒𝚛 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚜 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚒𝚝.

@handfulofclovers

...I WILL NOT BE DOING THE DISHES TONIGHT, BECAUSE I HAVE A- Uh...uhmm...A...A WAR TO ATTEND TO!!! IF MERASMUS CANNOT UNDERSTAND THAT, THEN HE IS HOPELESS!!!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚒𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚛! 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚛 (𝚜𝚒𝚛 𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚜) 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚜𝚘, 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚏𝚎.

@handfulofclovers

HELLO AGAIN LITTLE MISS!! I DO NOT WANT TO BE KILLED... BUT MERASMUS IS INFURIATING ME!!! HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU A REAL WEAPON!?! THIS IS AN INSULT TO ALL DEAD AND DYING SOLDIERS EVERYWHERE!! HERE,

TAKE THIS, AND BLOW ME SKY HIGH!!!

(I'll just respawn later, don't you even worry about it!) YOU NEED THE PRACTICE IF YOU WANNA BE A REAL KILLER, LITTLE LADY!!!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

“ꜱᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ!! ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴄᴘꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴋᴇʀꜱ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴡᴇ’ʀᴇ ᴜɴꜰɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴀɪꜱᴇ ᴄʟᴏᴠᴇʀ! ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴀꜱ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ’ꜱ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ!”

@thegreatmerasmus

!?- THOSE DAMN COMMUNISTS!!!! MERASMUS!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD ANTI-CPS SPELLS PUT IN PLACE!?!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇɴᴇᴡ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴀʀᴋ ʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ ʟɪᴄᴇɴꜱᴇ

@thegreatmerasmus

MERASMUS!-

A blush rises on Soldier's face for a moment, before he shakes his head rapidly to clear his thoughts.

He suddenly drops to a pleading position on his knees, hands clasped in Meramus' robe.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME PROTECT OUR BABIES FROM THE EVIL COMMIES AT ANIMAL CONTROL!!! I- I FORGOT TO RENEW MY RANGER'S LICENSE, WHICH MEANS YOUR WIZARD TOWER IS NO LONGER A RACCOON SANCTUARY!!!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

“ᴄᴜʀꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ᴀ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇᴛ ʟᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴇʀ, ꜱᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ! ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʜᴏʟᴇꜱ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴡʜᴇʀᴇ!”

for it seems clover took the rocket launcher back with her

@thegreatmerasmus

heheHAHAHAAHA!!! THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO GIVE HER SOME PRISSY BUTTERKNIFE!!

IF ITS UP TO ME TO SHOW OUR GIRL HOW TO BE A REAL MAN, THEN I WILL DO IT!!! (We are roommates!! That means legally, we share custody of that child!)

HOPE SHE BLOWS YOU UP NEXT!!!!

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

sir, i for one am frankly not a fan of affection, but i must hop on this bandwagon and give the handsome american a smooch… mmmmmmmwwwwwaaaah !!!

sorry sir, bye sir

Before you could lay your grubby lips on the hot face of this American Stud, Soldier grabs your entire head with a single hand, freezing you there.

HOLD IT, BUB!! I'M, APPARENTLY, A MARRIED MAN!!- SO THAT MEANS...

Soldier appears to freeze in thought for a moment, hmm-ing to himself.

MERASMUS!! ( @thegreatmerasmus )

SINCE I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS, DID WE EVER AGREE TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP?-

[redsargentgeneralsolly]

“ɪ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴜᴍᴇʀᴏᴜꜱ ᴀᴍᴏᴜɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ…ᴜɴꜱᴇᴛᴛʟɪɴɢ. ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴄᴏɴꜱɪᴅᴇʀ ɪɢɴᴏʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟꜱ.”

// MERASMUS IS JEALOUS

@thegreatmerasmus

HAHAHA!! I MEAN, I'D REALLY LIKE TO, BUT THEY JUST KEEP THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME!!

IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU CASTED A SPELL THAT TRANSFERRED SCOUT'S LADY ATTRACTION POWERS TO ME!!

BUT THAT WOULD NOT BE TRUE. BECAUSE SCOUT DOESN'T HAVE LADY ATTRACTION POWERS. BECAUSE SCOUT IS REALLY UNATTRACTIVE.

ANYWAYS, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME FINDING A NEW ROOMMATE, MERASMUS! I'LL BE FINE!!