#messingwiththematthews

[professorgaia]

#familymatters I hear, "The only way out the ghetto, you know the stereotype Shooting hoops or live on the stereo like top 40," or in a body bag. You are now living proof that stereotypes don't mean shit. You made it out by walking out on faith, by believing in yourself, and by being fortunate enough to have people in your life that share real love. A month ago, when you got here, you couldn't swim. Just over a week ago you were swimming in a pool on a mountain in California. Another stereotype dismissed. You can swim and you wont die only seeing Detroit. You can do anything, see whatever you want. YOU CAN MAKE IT ANYWHERE, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS BE UP TO YOU. Love you nephew. #stereotypes #KendrickLamar #corinthians #swim #live #hood #detroit2vegas #detroit #313 #IMPORTEDFROMDETROIT #swimgood #blackpeoplecanswim #idonthavetodieinthecity #nephewLOVE #aunt #tia #messingwiththematthews #theworldisaghetto

[professorgaia]

There aren't very many people who I feel truly see me. There aren't many people who I feel view the world in a perspective that I can understand and experiencing you as a child and then again as an adult.... You weren't always there when I needed you. But in your absence, in showing me everything you weren't, I learned to figure out how to be everything I am. In the memories, the music, in the pain there was a love that I know in my heart I will never experience again. Our moments have been limited, but man were you overwhelmingly impactful. If not to me, then with so many others around me. Your passion for life, your love for my mother, your commitment to melody... I thought I had so much time. And figuring out how not to be bitter... I am angry because you left us so suddenly, but I am happy because I know peace is finally what you achieved. You deserve it. You've always deserved it. And even though most of us didn't realize the sacrifice, even though it took me to adult hood to truly understand the circumstances... I love you so much Dad. And I would have loved to do everything that we planned. Dreaming with you, laughing with you.... forgiving you.... I wish we had more time. There aren't very many people who I feel truly seen you. There aren't many people who I feel viewed the world in a perspective that you could understand and experiencing me as a child and again as an adult.... I wish we had more time. #messingwiththematthews

[professorgaia]

Older siblings. I must admit that growing up in the shadow of other children is a bit intimidating, especially when there is such an age gap. Most of your life you are trying to impress them or gain their approval in some way. In most cases that eventually shifts, and you start to realize the constraints that a child has as they enter into adulthood. For me watching my older sister & brother make mistakes, well it showed me a perspective of what type of life I wanted to live, and how certain action will leave you to certain consequences. Now as an adult, I see how much those choices & consequences effect the heart and the amount of compassion and the amount of love that remains...& even though I have known you both for 27 years, I often feel like I have never known you at all. I find it interesting that you grow up believing that if it doesn't benefit the family than it is not good for you. I ask What is family? Is family the heartless entity that bargains with love? Is family expecting you to provide even though there is no system of growth? Is family knowing you have someone to fall back on, even though you have always turned your back on the cause? Is Family Saying I LOVE YOU without even acting on love? Can I love you truly if I don't know you? Can you allow me to love you if you don't know you? What life doesn't tell you as a child, is that the same people who you looked up to, the ones that use to look down to you, could possibly be the same people who look to you for a sense of freedom. Sometimes being the only one has to be enough. Sometimes isolation is the only way to quiet the demons of our past. I don't blame you. I don't blame anyone. It's easier not to try and I get that. Everyone settles, that's how the tyrant ways of America came about. But in a world where I often feel alone, I will say that I miss the idea that you will always be there to protect me. I miss the security of your shadow, even when it hid me from the light. I miss not feeling like the oldest. I miss the idea that we all were apart of something bigger than us. I miss our illusion of love. It will always be the beginning of my story. I'm grateful. #messingwiththematthews