Okay, I’m way past all of this now(seriously, way past), so it’s super late in coming, but I’m having feelings about the disaster mage. So batch one of the dialogues that hit way closer to home with Inquisitor!Jowan than any other character I’ve played.
~Given how early in the game it is, he almost agrees when Alexius calls him a mistake. He shouldn’t be here, he isn’t who they think he is, this was all just an accident of circumstance, and even beyond that, his life prior to becoming “Herald of Andraste” is so riddled with mistakes(doozies, too, that keep hurting the people around him) that part of him does wonder at times if he’s a mistake. In general. As a person. Not big on self-confidence, Levyn.
~Following out from that, he really struggles a lot with everyone looking to him as some sort of savior. Especially because he’s spent the last decade trying to hide and keep as low a profile as possible, being the center of attention practically makes his skin crawl. He doesn’t get it. He’s nothing special. He’s having trouble believing the Maker or Andraste or whoever would choose him. On purpose. And that people would follow him. Willingly. (Of course, they all think he’s a noble from Ostwick, not a maleficar apostate from Ferelden. But that’s a whole ‘nother mess)
~Mother Giselle, man. I really love her as a character, and Levyn more than any of my Quizzies needed to hear a lot of what she has to say. She has a way of seeming to know exactly what he needs to hear(Especially pre-Skyhold), and saying it with grace, even if it’s something that makes him uncomfortable bc of how right she is. Like, that scene leading up to ‘The Dawn Will Come’, he’s seriously toying with coming clean, even if it gets him executed or whatever, just so they can have a leader would actually knows wtf they’re doing. Rather than a screw-up apostate who ruins everything he touches. And then she just.. hits the nail on the head multiple times during that conversation, gives him a lot to think about(part of him even wonders if she knows he’s not actually a Trevelyan, but he’s too scared to bring it up), which he does on the journey to Skyhold...
...where we get the dialogue with Cassandra pointing out that it’s not who he is or where he came from but what he’s done that makes him Corypheus’ rival, makes all these people want to follow him. They’re following out of faith, both in the Maker/Andraste and him. Because he’s earned it. He’s proven he can do this, and they trust him, no matter how out of his depth he may feel. That’s the first moment where he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can do this. He’s still sweating bullets that the whole ‘Not Levyn Trevelyan’ thing will be found out, but he’s no longer convinced he’s going to screw this up.
~When he does the “undercover” thing with Iron Bull to see what the troops think of him, that kind of blows him away. He’s not used to people(except Trinne, who’s biased) thinking he’s anything more than a failure, or at best mediocre. So the way Mira and Tanner talk about him, he can’t keep his mouth shut, bc wow that’s a lot of pressure and he does not feel like he deserves so much praise. He’s still trying to make up for mistakes from a decade ago and these people are practically putting him on level with Andraste.
~It’s eyeopening, in multiple ways. They think that about him, but couldn’t recognize him standing right in front of them. He’s a symbol to these people, and aside from all the other implications of giving hope and needing to lead and all that, telling the truth now will do so much more harm than good in some circles, and change nothing in others, but the mess it would make isn’t worth stirring, so he just buries his past a little deeper and fully embraces the concept of “Whoever we were before, we are now the Inquisition”. By the mercy of the Maker and the best friend he hasn’t seen in a decade he got a second chance. What better way to use it than saving the world?
Bonus:
*cough*
