my brain went blank, sorry bestie. but here you go :)
“I’ve never done this before.” Jackie bit her lip as she hovered over her girlfriend.
“Me neither…” Jan stared at Jackie’s lips, desperately wanting to close the gap between them. “But I want to… if you do.” She ran her fingers down Jackie’s arm.
Jackie hesitated with her answer. She wanted to have sex with Jan, but her brain was filled with thoughts of how she would hurt Jan, or that she wouldn’t be good enough for Jan. “I-i-” What if Jan hated it and never spoke to her again? Or what if Jan had only been using her to have sex and then she’d dump her and it was some cruel joke? Or what if she was no good and would embarrass herself? But she loved Jan, and Jan wanted to. “Y-yeah.” She whispered.
Jan caught the hesitation and uncertainty of Jackie’s answer. “Jacks, we don’t have to.” She made sure there was no hint of disappointment in her voice, because she wasn’t. “I want us to both be ready for this next step in our relationship.” She slowly sat up as Jackie sat next to her. “Okay? I will wait as long as I have to.” Jan leaned over and kissed Jackie’s cheek.
hii lynn💕 can i ask for jankie + "what you said yesterday, did you really mean it?"
bestie... i don't think this is the fluff you wanted, but i needed a funny kid jankie moment <3
“Hey, Jacks?” Jan questioned as she licked her ice cream cone. Her mom always took them to get ice cream after their piano lesson on Friday. “What you said yesterday, did you mean it?”
“What? That I think squirrels is a weird word and should only hav-”
“No!!.” Jan chuckled, almost dropping her cone. “Do I actually put butterflies in your stomach?”
“Oh yeah!!!” Jackie giggled into her hand, “you do! Like when you grab my hand after recess or when we’re playing fairies and you kiss my cheek! How do you do it?”
Jan shrugged her shoulders and licked the melted ice cream that fell on her hand. “I asked my mommy, and she said it only happens when you love someone. I don’t remember putting them in your stomach though.”
Jankie (Jackie Centric): Inspired by “You Might Not Like Her” by Maddie Zahm
TW: homophobia (internalized and religious) and eating disorders (only one line or two)
Summary/Excerpt: “I’m me and… I like me. I like women. I like Jan… and that’s okay. I like that about me…”
If you would've told me I'd throw away my purity ring in the middle of an airport
My younger self would laugh, would never believe that
It's against everything that we stood for
She'd hate that I've smoked weed and cussed frequently
And she'd try to convert everyone I call a bestie
You'll throw shots in the dark and blackout at a bar
There'll be good and there will be bad parts
Jackie stared at her hand, the tan line of her purity ring slowly disappearing. She had just recently thrown it away when she returned from visiting her parents. She didn’t believe that it described her anymore, and she no longer wanted to be associated with something that usually had a bad representation.
The ring symbolized the girl that was pristine and obedient like her parents wanted her to be. The ring was more than just saving herself for marriage, but it meant that she would blindly accept her parents’ faith and beliefs with no questions asked.
Jackie ran her finger over the tan line and thought about how much her life had changed in the past weeks. Her friends were completely different than what she would ever imagined. They were rambunctious and unapologetically themselves. They were everything that Jackie used to want to be. She wanted to be careless and fuck up. She wanted to get so drunk that she wouldn’t remember what happened the next morning. To get so high that she felt like she wasn’t in her body. Jackie wanted to be the person she used to hate.
Someday you'll kiss a girl and you'll panic
Some guy'll break your heart and you'll feel manic
Then you'll learn to let people have their opinions
And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in
Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets
Say you're doing okay and really mean it
You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you
For a while, you might not like her, but I do
She turned over in her bed and stared at the framed photo on her nightstand. She grabbed the gold frame and ran her finger over the glass. Her breathing paused for a moment as she stared at the beautiful brunette that had her arms around her. “Jan,” Jackie whispered to herself.
Jan had turned Jackie’s life upside down. From the moment they met in class, Jackie knew that she was into Jan. Yet, she wouldn’t allow herself to believe it. She wouldn’t like when her mind wandered to holding Jan’s hand or kissing her. Jackie forced her heart to stop pounding, untied the knots in her stomach, and dried the sweat that formed in her palms.
But then she couldn’t get Jan off her mind. She thought of her as soon as she woke up, while she was brushing her teeth, eating lunch, everywhere. She couldn’t get Jan off of her mind. Jan had infiltrated her space -both mental and physical-, and Jackie was not happy with how her body reacted to it.
Jackie never told anyone about her crush on Jan. Even though she was sure it wouldn’t happen, she was afraid her parents would find out and disown her. They never seemed accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and she knew this because the church consistently talked about how being gay was wrong and that everyone who was gay would not join them in the afterlife.
Knowing that she wouldn’t be accepted, it was easy for her to denounce the religion. However, she lied to her parents whenever they asked her about it. Although she wanted to stand up for herself and be completely clear about her religious state, she was also worried that her parents wouldn’t understand why she left–they had blindly followed the religion since they had been born.
Some days feel like whiplash
One eighties, and you'll hate that
You'll label yourself just to take it back
Convinced you're not bi cause you're way too into guys
And the first time you have sex, you'll cry
You'll sometimes skip meals and numb how you feel
And you'll miss the old you, but here's the deal
That good girl you were was really fucking bad at being real
The transitional period she was going through was more confusing than not. Some days she would find herself loving the new person she was, and then the next morning she could barely drag herself out of bed because of who she was. She went through every label, trying to discover which one described how she felt. Jackie took online quizzes and read many articles to find herself. At the beginning of finding herself, she didn’t think she was anything but straight. She had been infatuated with her past boyfriend. Jackie didn’t think she could love a guy so hard and also love women.
Jackie set the photo back down on her nightstand, turning back over to her back to stare at her ceiling once again. Her eyes filled with tears as she continued to think about how different she was. She no longer had her purity ring. No longer believed in religion. She was at a healthy weight. She was no longer restricting herself to focus on something besides her sexuality. Jackie was close to being happy. She just needed to allow herself to be unapologetically herself. Younger Jackie thought she was being real and authentic, but now that she looked back on it, Jackie was being the version of herself her parents wanted.
Someday you'll kiss a girl and you'll panic
Some guy'll break your heart and you'll feel manic
Then you'll learn to let people have their opinions
And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in
Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets
Say you're doing okay and really mean it
You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you
And for a while, you might not like her, but I do
Jan had kissed her. Just an hour before now. She was leaving Jackie’s place with the rest of their friends when she stayed back a moment to kiss Jackie. Jackie moved her fingers to touch her lips, wishing she could feel Jan’s against hers again. Her hands traveled to her shoulders, where Jan placed hers during the intimate moment. When the kiss was over, Jan gently smiled and left the home, leaving the ball in Jackie’s court. It’s what sent Jackie into a spiral. She panicked. It became entirely too real, in that moment, that she liked women.
It was a complete contrast of how she felt when she and her ex-boyfriend had kissed or even when she had sex for the first time. “Did I love him?” Jackie whispered to herself as her tears fell down the sides of her face. She did feel love for him, but when it came to being intimate with him, it didn’t feel how it felt with Jan. Her heart never skipped a beat, her eyes never became glossy when she saw him, and she had never felt the pulse between her legs with him.
When he broke up with her, she was crushed. She begged him to try and make the long distance work, but he told her that he didn’t think it would be worth it. Her heart had been smashed by a hammer and broken into a million pieces, but now she wondered if it was because she loved him or because she was single and had to figure things out.
Woah, woah
You might not like her, you might not like her
Woah, woah
You might not like her, you might not like her
“I don’t care,” she mumbled to herself and sat up in her bed. Jackie stood in front of her mirror. “I don’t care what other people think. Who cares what my parents think? Or what their religion thinks?” Jackie wiped her tears away from her cheeks. “I’m me and… I like me. I like women. I like Jan… and that’s okay. I like that about me…” She began telling her reflection, tears flowing down her face. “I like who I’ve become.” She bit her bottom lip as she grabbed her phone from the dresser and texted Jan. Her hands shook as she anxiously typed a message. Jackie sent it before she psyched herself out.
[Jackie] 12:21am: Hey, Jan. Can I take you out for lunch soon? I have something to tell you.
She knew that it was around ten a.m. where her parents were currently at, so even with her emotional state, she dialed her mother up.
Someday you'll think you disappoint your parents
But they'll love you not despite, but regardless
Then you'll learn to let people have shitty opinions
And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in
“Mom? Is Dad around? I need to tell you something.” Her chest tightened as she began to explain to her parents. They didn’t take it too well, but they also told her that they still loved her regardless.
“I still love you, Jacqueline,” her mom spoke.
Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets
Say you're doing okay and really mean it
You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you
And for a while, you might not like her, but I do
That’s when Jackie knew. She liked this new version of herself.
A/N: as pride month comes to an end, i needed to write a fic to the song that helped me come out to my best friend :) i saw myself as jackie in this fic, although i have not been as brave as her and told my parents. but this fic and song means so much to me, so i hope you enjoyed! sorry it's not romancey hehe.
gigi/daya “i was too embarrassed to say anything.”
hi love! sorry it took awhile :( i got it before bed! and i’ve also never written daya, so this may be totally off but :)
“I was too embarrassed to say anything,” Daya stared out of the car window, rubbing her sweaty hands on her jeans.
“Why?” Gigi chuckled, popping another french fry into her mouth. “Did you…” It paused as another giggle escaped her mouth. “Did you really think I didn’t feel the same way about you?” Laughs continued leaving its mouth between the sentence.
Daya knew Gigi wasn’t meaning to make her feel embarrassed, but she was usually able to tell when someone was crushing on her or reciprocated feelings, but Gigi was so… complex. “I… no? You’ve never done anything to show it..” Her voice choppy as she met Gigi’s eyes.
“Daya… I use every single pet name I know on you. My heart rate increases when you message me. My dad asked why I was giggling at a message, and I had to lie because he didn’t know about you… I- I- we had a blushing competition to see who could m-“ Gigi cut itself off by laughing even more. “I’m sorry! I’m not trying to embarrass you. I think it’s super adorable, but… how did you not know?”
ask and you shall receive :) i also totally thought it was only five sentences or less so…
“What the fuck are you doing?” Gigi tightened the bath towel around her chest as she watched Crystal frantically tossing all of her belongings into a suitcase. “Crys? What are you doing?”
Crystal met Gigi’s concerning eyes with her pink, swollen ones. “Why don’t you ask the girl you’re cheating on me with?”
