Oct 20, 2022
The Unbeatable Squirrel-Girl (2015) #1 🐿
Jennifer Parks Variant Cover for Thor: God of Thunder (2012) #19 🐱
seen from China
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seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from Japan
seen from Brazil
seen from Yemen
seen from China
seen from United States
The Unbeatable Squirrel-Girl (2015) #1 🐿
Jennifer Parks Variant Cover for Thor: God of Thunder (2012) #19 🐱
my beloved koi boi <3
(+chipmunk hunk & mew) 🫶🫶
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Round 1 Group 4
Alpine (Marvel comics) vs Mewnir (Marvel comics)
Marvel kitties!
Alpine
Mew
My cat Snowball as THE MIGHTY MEWNIR (aka Cat Thor)
Reasons why Nancy Whitehead is the absolute best and I’m in love with her:
1) cute as heck
2) loves cats and squirrels
3) very smart and sciencey
4) deeply supportive and loyal friend full of love
5) but still cranky and cynical when she needs to be
6) so cool that she became actual friends with Loki 30 seconds after meeting him
7) good mom friend
8) not shy around any avengers despite the fact that she is a huge nerd and writes fan fiction about Thor
9) protective™
10) constantly cool hair
11) knits !!
Advent 2017: Day 12
Doreen and Nancy at NYU
Guys, guys, I just started reading the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl and it’s awesome! Doreen is amazing, and I love the art style (Erica Henderson’s art is just so happy!) and Tippy Toe is the best ever!
Look who’s back! Yes, it’s them - soft, cute and Hela-proof Mewnirs! Specially for “Thor: Ragnarok” season.
First six are already on the way to treir new families~~~ We are out of materials now, so new mewnirs will be ready to ship in about 10-14 days. But you can pre-order them now before they're sold out again. Pre-order mewnir here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/168518362/pre-order-mew-mew-mjolnir-kitty-small And visit our shop for more Marvel stuff: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TwinsGeekShop?ref=l2-shopheader-name
Thor: Love and Thunder Rewrite (AKA Love and Thunder but with Loki and Squirrel Girl)
Hey guys! Here’s part 6 of my MCU rewrites! Enjoy!
EXT. REALM OF THE GODS - DAY
As Rapu is choking Gorr to death, we suddenly see RATATOSKR, a large black squirrel with a long horn protruding from her head. Like a shadow, she creeps up to Gorr's ear and begins WHISPERING:
RATATOSKR
Kill him... kill him! Take the necrosword... Kill the gods! Go to eternity... Take what you seek! Summon the bifrost! Kill... all the gods!
Gorr's eyes widen and turn yellow. As he beckons the sword to his hand, his skin turns a sickly pale. We see visions of the bifrost and eternity.
Suddenly, Gorr stabs Rapu in the throat. Rapu wheezes in shock and collapse. The other gods cower in fear and vanish.
RAPU
The sword chose you... You are now cursed...
Gorr watches as his transformation completes.
GORR
Funny... It doesn't feel like a curse...
(He pulls the sword out.)
It feels like a promise.
(He glares at Rapu as he collapses and bleeds to death on the ground.)
I used to believe in you... I used to think you were benevolent... But I see now... that I was wrong. I was weak!
(Beat)
All you gods care about is yourselves. So this is my vow...
(Beat)
All gods will die.
Among the shadows, we see Ratatoskr transform back into her human form. She is a tall woman with jet black hair and a small streak of blonde. She smirks as she exits.
INT. CAVE - DAY
Korg is telling Thor's story to a group of alien children.
KORG (V.O.)
In fact, he lost a lot of people in those days! His mom! His dad! And that guy! And that guy! And whoever that is! And Heimdall! And his brother. And his brother again! And... again. But he came back, so hopefully Loki won't die a fourth time. Because that would just be embarrassing!
We cut to Thor getting a massive tattoo of Loki's helmet on his back with "RIP LOKI" in large text underneath. Thor grins as Loki enters, reading Shakespeare.
THOR
Loki! What do you think?!
Loki looks up from his book and raises an eyebrow, apparently not amused.
LOKI
Hilarious.
He returns to his book and exits.
We see clips of Thor's life as Korg continues narrating.
KORG (V.O.)
Poor Thor had to watch his planet explode. And then he said, "what have I done?" It seemed that everything and everyone he loved, he lost. So he hid his heart behind a big, fleshy bod, so it could never be broken again. But just because he was done loving didn't mean he was done fighting! He teamed up with the Guardians of the Galaxy and set off on some classic Thor adventures! He got in shape, putting in the hard yards! Turning pains into gains! And never skipping leg day! He went from dad bod to god bod! But beneath his god bod, there was still a sad bod just trying to get out! Because all of the bods that Thor had worn over the years couldn't hide the pain that he was feeling on the inside. So, he gave up his search for love, accepting that he was only good for one thing: meditating... searching for inner peace... and everlasting nirvana...
EXT. ALIEN PLANET - DAY
We cut to Thor meditating underneath a tree. Suddenly, Loki chucks a can at his head.
THOR
Ow!
LOKI
Are you going to help, or are you just going to sit on your ass all day? The irritating human says he needs us in battle.
PETER QUILL emerges from behind.
QUILL
Uh, yeah, you know, the "irritating human" has ears.
Loki raises an eyebrow and makes Quill's ears disappear with a wave of his hand.
LOKI
Really? I don't see any.
QUILL
(yelling)
What?
Thor rolls his eyes.
THOR
Loki, enough.
Loki sighs and makes Quill's ears reappear. As the other Guardians enter, Thor stands up and picks up Stormbreaker.
QUILL
Come on, big guy, let's go. And keep an eye on your brother, please.
As they walk, Thor and Loki trail behind the Guardians and talk quietly.
LOKI
You could've taken your "spiritual journey" anywhere in the galaxy, and you chose to join these buffoons?
THOR
They're quite entertaining once you get to know them.
LOKI
I have gotten to know them; that's the problem.
THOR
Well, no one said you had to join us. You know, if you don't like it, you can always-
LOKI
If you suggest that I "wait quietly" back in the ship one more time, I'm going to jab my dagger through your throat.
THOR
I'm only looking out for you-
LOKI
I can take care of myself, Thor! I never asked you to look after me like some helpless child!
Thor pauses, stiffening. After a moment, he glares at Loki.
THOR
Fine.
He walks off, ahead of the group. After a moment, MANTIS timidly approaches Loki.
MANTIS
Do not be angry with him, Loki. He is just afraid... of losing you again.
After a pause, Loki sighs.
LOKI
I know.
INT. MALL FOOD COURT - NIGHT
We cut to what looks like a black-and-white pencil-drawn comic coming to life on lined paper. We see big letters reading "CAT THOR" as we hear NANCY WHITEHEAD'S voice narrating the comic and doing the voices of the characters.
NANCY (V.O.)
Cat Thor in... Ice to Meet You!
The words "Ice to Meet You" are suddenly crossed out and replaced with "Ice to Beat You.”
NANCY (V.O.)
Wait... I mean... Ice to Beat You!
We see CAT THOR, a giant white cat dressed as Thor fighting the frost giant schnauzers, creatures that look like frost giants with schnauzer heads.
NANCY (V.O.)
Cat Thor once again battles the Frost Giant Schnauzers!
FROST GIANT SCHNAUZERS
Grrr!
CAT THOR
Laufur, I declare thee and thy allies... to be bad dogs!
Cat Thor tosses his hammer, Mewnir, which has the face of a cat drawn on it, at the schnauzers. They all collapse, and Cat Thor laughs.
CAT THOR
Cat Thor wins again!
FROST GIANT SCHNAUZERS
Nooooo!
We see a sign in the shape of an arrow that points to the planet Catsgard. Using his hammer, Cat Thor flies away.
CAT THOR
And now, I must return once more to Catsgard!
FROST GIANT SCHNAUZERS
Forsooooth!
We see Cat Thor meeting with a cat dressed like Odin.
NANCY (V.O.)
There, he meets with Meowdin, the Allpawther!
MEOWDIN
Did you defeat the giants, my son?
CAT THOR
Verily, Father, for thee might say I gave them... claws for concern?
MEOWDIN
Ay, thee proclaims that every time. Now, let's flex our muscles, as is the tradition of our people!
CAT THOR
Agreed!
They both flex their muscles.
NANCY (V.O.)
The end! A Nancy Whitehead production. Words by Nancy Whitehead. Pictures by Nancy Whitehead.
We cut to a mall, where Doreen and Nancy are eating. We see Nancy, who now has short, bright red hair, is showing her comic to Doreen.
NANCY
So? What do you think?
DOREEN
It's perfect. Beautiful. Tumblr's gonna love it.
NANCY
You think so?
DOREEN
Definitely! Cat Thor's the hottest thing right now!
(She drinks the last of her soda and checks her watch.)
Alright, it's getting late. Let's head back.
Nancy grins.
NANCY
What, you don't wanna stay up late partying? Didn't you learn anything from college?
DOREEN
I learned that I need my eight hours, thank you very much. Now, let's go before I turn into a zombie.
We cut to outside the mall, where Doreen and Nancy are chatting.
DOREEN
Can you believe they closed?
NANCY
I know! Like, what the hell? Their sandwiches were so good! I can't believe they didn't get good business!
Tippy-Toe suddenly starts chittering at them.
DOREEN
What's the matter, girl?
Tippy-Toe jumps off Doreen's shoulder and points at a nearby bush with her tail. As Doreen inches closer to investigate, Ratatoskr pops out, back in her squirrel form.
NANCY
Whoa!
Doreen kneels down to take a closer look, and picks up Ratatoskr.
DOREEN
What kind of squirrel are you?
When she reaches to pet her, Ratatoskr chitters in protest.
DOREEN
It's okay! I'm not gonna hurt you!
After a moment of hesitation, Ratatoskr slowly allows Doreen to pet her.
NANCY
Have you ever seen a squirrel like that before?
DOREEN
No... I've never even heard of a squirrel with a horn on its head before.
NANCY
Do you think it's some kind of mutation?
DOREEN
I don't know... But it's pretty cool! She's like a unicorn squirrel!
(She scratches under Ratatoskr's chin.)
What's your name, girl?
Ratatoskr chitters.
DOREEN
"Rachel"? That's a cute name! Well, Rachel, do you wanna come home with me and Nancy so we can learn a little more about you? You'll love it! There'll be tons of squirrel friends you can meet...
(She opens up her utility belt and shakes a bag of pistachios teasingly.)
And plenty of nuts!
Doreen and Nancy giggle as Ratatoskr nods enthusiastically. Doreen puts Ratatoskr on her shoulder as Nancy picks up Tippy-Toe.
DOREEN
Alright, then, it's settled!
They start heading off.
DOREEN
We're gonna have so much fun, Rachel...
INT. DOREEN AND NANCY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
When Doreen and Nancy enter, Doreen puts Ratatoskr in a container with food and water next to a few other squirrels.
DOREEN
Alright, Rachel, this is Monkey Joe and Mr. Liebermann! Monkey Joe and Mr. Liebermann, meet Rachel!
The squirrels squeak.
DOREEN
Now, you all get some rest, and in the morning, I'll run some tests for you, Rachel. No needles, I promise!
(She yawns.)
Good night, guys!
NANCY
Good night!
They exit to their rooms. As Ratatoskr settles down on a bed of straw, her gaze turns to a nearby framed photo of Nancy and Doreen's selfie with Thor. Her eyes narrow.
We cut to the next morning, where Nancy walks out, yawning and still in her PJs. She puts a kettle on the stove and walks over to where the squirrels are sleeping.
NANCY
Morning, Rachel...
(She pauses when she sees that Ratatoskr is not in her bed.)
Rachel?
(She begins searching around the apartment.)
Hey, where'd you go?
We see a shadowy figure creeping up behind her. Suddenly, Ratatoskr, now in her human form, attacks Nancy from behind, tackling her to the ground. Nancy screams.
RATATOSKR
Where are the Asgardians?!
NANCY
Wh-Huh?!
RATATOSKR
The Asgardian princes! You know where they are! Tell me!
NANCY
I don't know what you're talking about-
Suddenly, Doreen jumps on Ratatoskr and attacks her.
DOREEN
Get away from her! What do you want?!
Ratatoskr pauses and smirks when she sees Doreen's matching locket with Loki.
RATATOSKR
Actually...
(She uses her magic to snatch the locket off Doreen's neck.)
I already have what I want.
She vanishes. Doreen rushes over to Nancy and helps her up.
DOREEN
What the hell was that?!
NANCY
I don't know!
DOREEN
Who was that woman?!
NANCY
I don't know!
DOREEN
How did she even get in here?!
NANCY
I DON'T KNOW!
Doreen pauses and sighs.
DOREEN
Are you okay?
NANCY
Yeah... But that woman... she took Rachel!
DOREEN
What? I thought she just wanted to know where Thor and Loki were!
NANCY
I mean, yeah, she was asking about that, but...
(She pauses when she sees Doreen stiffen in dread.)
What?
DOREEN
The locket... She took the locket! She can use that to find Loki's location!
(She rushes to her high-tech monitor.)
I'm gonna call the Guardians.
NANCY
Okay, okay, um... What do you want me to do?
DOREEN
Well, that woman must've been related to Asgard somehow, so... just find out anything you can.
NANCY
Where should I look?
DOREEN
Databases, Google, Wikipedia... I don't care, anywhere.
NANCY
On it.
We cut to later where Doreen is talking with the Guardians.
QUILL
Yeah, Thor and his brother left a couple days ago.
DOREEN
What?! Where'd they go?!
QUILL
Uh... I don't know; maybe back to New Asgard? What's the urgency?
DOREEN
There's this crazy woman looking for them, and she doesn't exactly seem friendly.
ROCKET
Well, hey, maybe she won't even bother looking in New Asgard!
QUILL
That'll be the first place she looks, dumbass!
ROCKET
Well, maybe she'll think they wouldn't be stupid enough to go there 'cause it's too obvious of a hiding place, when it turns out they are that stupid, so it all works out!
Quill gives him a weird look.
DOREEN
She broke in here earlier and attacked us. She stole my matching locket with Loki. The Asgardian magic inside was the only way I could communicate with them!
NANCY
See, this is why Asgardians should really invest in cell phones.
DOREEN
Nancy... Not helping.
NANCY
Sorry.
NEBULA
I'm sorry we can't give you any more information, Doreen. We haven't heard from them since.
DOREEN
That's okay. Thanks anyway, guys.
(She hangs up and grabs a suitcase, turning to Nancy.)
Pack your stuff. We're going to New Asgard.
Nancy gasps.
NANCY
Seriously?!
DOREEN
It's our best shot of finding them before that woman does.
NANCY
Yes! I made a whole list of stuff I wanna do there!
Doreen raises an eyebrow at her.
NANCY
I mean, I know it's not, like, a vacation, but, you know, once this is all resolved, and everything's fine and good, then we can do some sightseeing!
Nancy continues typing on her computer as Doreen begins shoving clothes in her suitcase.
DOREEN
But I just don't understand why she would take Rachel! I mean, all she wants is to find Thor and Loki, and, you know, most likely do some super violent stuff to them... What does Rachel have to do with any of this?
Nancy suddenly pauses and stiffens.
NANCY
Doreen... I don't think that woman took Rachel...
(Beat)
I think she was Rachel...
Doreen frowns and looks at Nancy's computer screen. She is on a Wikipedia page about Ratatoskr, with an illustration of the horned squirrel at the center.
EXT. NEW ASGARD - NIGHT
During Gorr's attack on New Asgard, Doreen and Nancy enter, lugging their suitcases. Nancy also has a cat carrier with her cat Mewnir inside. As they look around, they see the place is in chaos. All of the townspeople are fighting with each other, while at the same time being attacked by Gorr's monsters.
NANCY
I knew we should've taken the 8 AM flight...
DOREEN
What in the world? What's going on here?!
An Asgardian suddenly throws an axe at her. She quickly dodges.
NANCY
HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THAT THING, YOU JERK!
Doreen looks around, bewildered.
DOREEN
These people should be fighting these creatures attacking them! Why are they fighting each other?!
NANCY
I mean, I knew they were a warrior culture and all, but this is...
They pause when they see a giant monster looming over them.
DOREEN
Run!
They ditch everything except the cat carrier, and begin running away. Doreen whistles, and her squirrel army begins swarming the monster.
DOREEN
Get back! Get away from Mew!
NANCY
Yeah, don't touch my cat!
Mew lets out a small whimper as they rush towards a small crevice to hide. Suddenly, Doreen shrieks as she runs right into Loki.
LOKI
Doreen?! What are you doing here?!
DOREEN
Well, I... We were gonna... Ugh, no time to explain! Give me your locket!
Confused, Loki slowly hands her his locket.
LOKI
Wh-
Doreen quickly snatches the locket out of his hands and tosses it to the ground, stomping on it and crushing it with her foot.
LOKI
Hey!
DOREEN
Ratatoskr's looking for you!
(Beat)
LOKI
What?
INT. NEW ASGARD TOWN HALL - DAY
After the children are kidnapped, Thor, Loki, Jane, Valkyrie, Korg, Doreen, and Nancy are meeting in the town hall. All the villagers are yelling at Valkyrie.
VILLAGER #1
Some king you are! You're supposed to protect our children!
VILLAGER #2
Do you even have a plan?!
VILLAGER #3
How are we supposed to depend on your for anything?!
VALKYRIE
Look, I need everyone to calm down-
VILLAGER #1
You're a disgrace to the throne!
THOR
My friends, we must not quarrel! In times like this, we need to unite and come together. I see what's happening here. You're afraid... Scared... Afraid... and anxious.
NANCY
(whispering to Doreen)
Those all literally mean the same thing.
THOR
If we are to find the children, we must look within ourselves... and trust each other. So let us unite... as one people! As Asgardians!
After a pause, the villagers immediately resume shouting at each other. Thor sighs, looking irritated. He turns back to the group.
THOR
Anyone else have any ideas?
Doreen picks up a megaphone and shouts into it.
DOREEN
EVERYONE SHUT UP!
The crowd begrudgingly falls silent.
DOREEN
Look! Nothing is going to get fixed if you guys just keep screaming at each other! Now, go outside, get an... infinity ice cream cone, or whatever you guys call those things, and chill out so we can come up with a plan!
The crowd grumbles and starts to shuffle out of the room. Loki scoffs in disgust.
LOKI
They themed an ice cream parlor after the man who slaughtered half the universe? How fitting of a decaying late-stage-capitalist society.
THOR
Something is very wrong with the villagers.
VALKYRIE
Really? You just noticed?
DOREEN
It's Ratatoskr.
Thor freezes.
THOR
What?
Korg gasps.
KORG
Oh, I love that film! With the little chef rat?
Doreen pinches the bridge of her nose.
DOREEN
No, not "Ratatouille", Ratatoskr. The trickster squirrel from Asgard.
THOR
She used to travel down Yggdrasil, the tree of life, delivering messages and telling stories... often ones filled with lies. I've heard tales of her being jailed in the Nine Realms, held in place by powerful Asgardian forces laid down since the time of the great beginning. These barriers had weakened once before. Many hundreds of years ago, Ratatoskr escaped here to Midgard. Her influence then nearly ended this world. The Wabanaki people know her as Meeko, she who came close to destroying all. She was only stopped by Asgardian intervention: we confined her to her squirrel size and returned her to Asgardian custody. For eternity, we hoped. But our powers are not what they once were, and if she has escaped once more... Her words can cut into the mind, turning confidence into insecurity into envy and hate. She might even be trickier than Loki.
Loki raises an eyebrow.
LOKI
Shall I take that as a challenge?
Nancy holds up her phone.
NANCY
Well, luckily for us, I do have all of Earth's accumulated knowledge about Ratatoskr... Uh... I mean...
(She clears her throat and deepens her voice.)
I bring tidings from Midgard to thee from the great seer Wikipedia...
Thor raises an eyebrow and glances at her phone.
THOR
Your seer Wikipedia claims that if we all donated now, his fundraiser would be over within the hour.
NANCY
Uh, yeah, he does that...
JANE
What I don't understand is if this... Ratatoskr was imprisoned on Asgard, shouldn't she have been destroyed when it... blew up?
THOR
The only way out would be through manipulation of Asgardian magic, but I can think of no one who would be so reckless.
After a pause, Loki clears his throat awkwardly.
LOKI
About that...
Everyone slowly turns to look at him, giving him an irritated look.
LOKI
You know how sometimes, you pull a prank that seems amusing at the time, but then you sort of end up regretting it decades later?
Doreen covers her face with her hands.
DOREEN
Oh my god...
Suddenly, SIF enters.
SIF
Well, good, since you've made this mess, that means you can clean it up.
Loki smiles.
LOKI
It's good to see you've recovered, Sif.
THOR
Sif, you're still injured!
SIF
I've recovered enough. And whatever you're planning, I want to join you.
VALKYRIE
Are you sure?
Sif glances at her for a moment.
SIF
Positive, Your Majesty. It's bad enough that the children have been kidnapped; you'll need all the help you can get taking on another enemy as well.
DOREEN
Well, I don't think the two are unrelated. My guess is Gorr and Ratatoskr are working together. He might even be under her spell.
Sif raises an eyebrow at her.
SIF
What makes you say that?
DOREEN
Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? Gorr wants to kill all the gods, Ratatoskr probably wants revenge against the Asgardians for her imprisonment... their goals are basically the same.
VALKYRIE
Good, so then we kill two birds with one stone.
LOKI
Well, it won’t exactly be easy... The last time Ratatsokr was on Earth, she destroyed all of the giant lizards you humans call “dinosaurs.”
(Beat)
DOREEN
I’m sorry, what?
THOR
We can't just go marching into the shadow realm by ourselves. It could be a trap. We could be endangering the children. We need reinforcements. We must raise an army.
VALKYRIE
Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
THOR
I'm thinking it.
JANE
What are we thinking?
VALKYRIE
Omnipotent City.
NANCY
Which is...?
THOR
It's the home of the most powerful gods in the universe. We can build the greatest team ever! We can recruit Ra, Hercules, Zeus-
DOREEN
Wait, wait, wait, hold on, you mean the Greek and Egyptian gods are real too?
THOR
And Aztec.
(Beat)
DOREEN
Huh... Well, my perception of reality has been permanently altered... for, like, what, the fifth time this year?
THOR
Yes, Zeus, was my idol growing up...
NANCY
(whispering to Doreen)
Wait, wasn't Zeus, like, a huge douchebag?
DOREEN
Well, I mean, Norse mythology wasn't always accurate... Maybe he's actually super nice! Like the Disney version!
Nancy gasps.
NANCY
Hey, you're right!
THOR
Stormbreaker!
Stormbreaker flies into his hand quickly, causing him to recoil.
THOR
Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down! Relax!
VALKYRIE
No, no, no, we are not traveling in Stormbreaker's janky bifrost. Look what just happened!
THOR
Well, we can't exactly go in your tiny flying portal, can we? We won't all fit!
JANE
Stormbreaker has the power to get us there; we just need something to focus that power so it's not so... unpredictable. If we had a ship, we could harness it and use Stormbreaker as a power source.
Valkyrie raises an eyebrow.
VALKYRIE
We need a ship? I've got one.
Doreen turns to Thor and Loki.
DOREEN
Oh, this is Nancy, by the way. I'm her sidekick.
Nancy grins at her.
LOKI
Ah, Nancy! I don't believe we've been properly introduced.
He shakes her hand.
NANCY
Hi! I'm a big fan of, um... some... of your work?
Loki grins.
LOKI
Such honesty! I love it.
Thor smiles at Nancy.
THOR
Hello, Lady Nancy! It's good to see you again!
NANCY
Hi!
(She holds up Mew.)
This is my cat Mew, the inspiration for Cat Thor! I named her Mewnir, 'cause, you know... It's like your hammer Mjolnir... Except with a "mew"... 'cause she's a cat...
(Beat)
Are there cats on Asgard?
EXT. SHADOW REALM - NIGHT
Gorr is sitting, examining the necrosword. Ratatoskr emerges behind him.
RATATOSKR
Are all the children accounted for?
GORR
Every last one of them. I've killed my fair share of gods... but I'm not done yet. The Asgardians will be next.
(Beat)
RATATOSKR
I've waited so many years for my revenge... The Asgardians imprisoned me... Locked me away like filth! Now, I will complete what I started and destroy them!
(She lets out a small laugh.)
It's a shame about Loki... He had... potential, when he freed me... But now, he's become just like the rest of them... Pretending to be "noble" and "righteous"...
GORR
There are no "righteous" gods... only self-serving ones. When I'm through with Asgard, I will find Omnipotent City and slay the last of the gods.
Ratatoskr scoffs.
RATATOSKR
I don't care about the other gods... I just want the Asgardians to burn.
EXT. OMNIPOTENT CITY - DAY
Doreen and Nancy look around, amazed at the flying ship and the city. Loki smiles at them as they exchange a thrilled glance. We suddenly hear a MEOW. Valkyrie glances at Mew, who is curled up in the corner.
VALKYRIE
You brought the cat?
NANCY
What? You said "bring the essentials." Mew's essential!
Mew lets out a yowl as the ship crashes into the ground.
We cut to later, where the group is walking through the city. Thor and Jane are chatting.
JANE
Yeah, you know, I'm still workshopping my catchphrases...
THOR
No, they're good! Mine is, "This ends here and now!"
JANE
Oh, that's so good!
DOREEN
Ooh, ooh! Do you guys wanna hear my catchphrase! It's "eat nuts, kick butts!"
(She grins.)
'Cause, you know, I'm part-squirrel...
(Beat)
JANE
So... do you... have a girlfriend?
THOR
Uh, no... too busy... Just, you know, work... and everything...
(Beat)
JANE
I'm gonna go check this place out.
She flies off with her hammer. Loki approaches Thor with a grin.
LOKI
Ooh... Are those feelings I'm sensing, brother?
Thor lets out an unconvincing laugh.
THOR
Pfft... "Feelings"... Yeah, right...
Loki smirks.
EXT. OMNIPOTENT CITY - DAY
The group is gathered around a statue of Zeus.
THOR
It's invitation-only, so we're going to have to keep a low profile. Luckily, disguises are my specialty!
He drapes his cape around himself like a toga and grins.
SIF
How... convincing...
Valkyrie enters and drops a bundle of cloth on the ground.
VALKYRIE
I found these.
THOR
What are those?
VALKYRIE
Actual disguises.
(She starts handing them out.)
They're the cloaks of the emotion gods, so each color represents a different emotion.
Doreen puts on a green cloak.
DOREEN
Ooh! I wonder what emotion green is? Maybe jealousy?
Valkyrie pauses when she sees Loki.
VALKYRIE
Sorry, mate... There's not enough disguises for all of us. Looks like you'll have to sit this one out.
Loki chuckles.
LOKI
Uh, did you forget that I'm a shapeshifter?
Valkyrie raises an eyebrow.
VALKYRIE
So, what are you going to shift into?
Loki grins and turns to Nancy.
LOKI
Nancy, what did you say the name of your comic was again?
After a pause, Nancy gasps.
We cut to later, where the group is walking in their disguises. Loki has shape-shifted into CAT THOR, holding the hammer Mewnir, which has a cat face drawn on it. Doreen and Nancy grin and snap photos of him on their phones.
THOR
Couldn't you disguise yourself as something else? Anything else?
LOKI
Does my new head annoy you, brother?
THOR
Yes.
LOKI
Then no.
Thor scowls at him.
INT. HALL OF THE GODS - DAY
After Zeus disregards Thor's pleas for help, the others stand off and remove their disguises. Loki shifts back to his human form. Zeus raises an eyebrow at them.
ZEUS
Asgardians? I thought we'd seen the last of you when Odin died. And...
(He glances at Doreen and Nancy.)
Who are you two?
DOREEN
Uh... I'm Squirrel Girl, the... goddess of squirrels! And... this is...
(She glances at Nancy.)
Nautical Nancy! The... goddess of boats!
She grins and gives a thumbs-up to Nancy, who just shakes her head in response.
ZEUS
You two are not gods. You are mortals. This is not good.
NANCY
Fine. You know what? You're right. We're not gods. And can I just say, you are nothing like the Disney version!
Zeus looks confused.
DOREEN
You should all be ashamed of yourselves! All you do is sit around here and pat yourselves on the back for being gods while the people you're supposed to protect are dying! And you wonder why this guy wants to kill you?!
The crowd murmurs in dissent.
DOREEN
I mean, I'm not saying he's right, but, like, I understand the rationale!
Loki stands up and laughs nervously.
LOKI
I'm terribly sorry - you'll have to forgive my friends here; they don't seem to understand how extremely powerful you all are...
DOREEN
I know! He's just being a dick!
Loki looks irritated.
ZEUS
(to Thor)
You bring mortals to my sacred hall? This is against the rules. You have broken our sacred code. And that is why... you cannot leave.
Just as several guards begin to approach Thor, the group attacks.
INT. VALKYRIE'S SHIP - NIGHT
After the group escapes Omnipotent City, they begin sailing towards the Shadow Realm. Mew is holding what remains of Korg's head and drops it on the floor.
KORG
Oh, thank you, strange cat!
Nancy is chatting with Valkyrie.
NANCY
So, how exactly do you reverse Ratatoskr's curse?
VALKYRIE
As far as I know, we can't. Ratatoskr's magic remains intact as long as she wills it. After that, people sort of get a Ratatoskr hangover and they’re way more jealous than usual for a couple of days, and then it wears off.
NANCY
Great, so, we either have to kill her or get her to reverse the spell herself. Neither of those sound particularly easy.
VALKYRIE
For now, what we should really be focused on is not getting cursed ourselves.
NANCY
I mean... couldn't we just wear earplugs or something?
VALKYRIE
They won't block out enough sound.
NANCY
Hmm... What about music?
VALKYRIE
Music?
NANCY
Yeah! If the music is distracting the brain, maybe it won't be so focused on Ratatoskr's words!
Valkyrie shrugs.
VALKYRIE
I mean, I guess it's worth a shot. Got any particular music in mind?
Nancy grins.
NANCY
Can I borrow your speaker?
We cut to the back of the ship, where Doreen is working on making another locket as the song "Levitating" by Dua Lipa is playing over Valkyrie's speaker. She hums along to the song as she works. Suddenly, Loki uses his magic to appear behind her.
LOKI
What are you working on?
Doreen shrieks and whirls around as Loki laughs.
DOREEN
Don't scare me like that!
LOKI
I thought you were supposed to have enhanced reflexes?
DOREEN
I'm busy! I'm working on making a new locket! And I don't have a whole lot of Asgardian tech to work with, so it's gonna take me longer. Although, Nancy says you guys should really get cell phones.
LOKI
Please, why would I waste my time with meager technology when I could have a much better gift from a friend?
Doreen smiles at him. After an awkward silence, he clears his throat.
LOKI
So... um... this is... Midgard music?
DOREEN
Yeah, it's fun!
(After a pause, she grins.)
Dance with me!
LOKI
W-What?
DOREEN
Come on!
She grabs him and giggles as she puts her arms around him. Loki looks bewildered for a moment, then smiles back. They laugh as Loki twirls her around. After dancing for a while, we see Thor and Jane talking out on the deck. As they talk, the music stops. Doreen and Loki stop dancing, their smiles slowly fading as they glance at each other. Loki quickly turns away and grits his teeth.
We cut to the bar area, where Sif approaches Valkyrie.
SIF
So, how's life on the throne?
Valkyrie laughs.
VALKYRIE
Right now? Awful. Everyone back home hates me.
SIF
That's just Ratatoskr talking. They don't really mean what they said. I think you make a great king.
VALKYRIE
I don't feel like a great king. Sometimes, I wonder if I should even be on the throne at all.
SIF
Of course you should! You know, I think you make an even better king than Odin.
VALKYRIE
Well, don't say that too loud. He might send down lightning from Valhalla to smite you.
They both laugh.
(Beat)
SIF
I... heard you lost someone special to you in the battle with Hela.
(Beat)
I'm sorry.
Valkyrie sighs.
VALKYRIE
Never had a "special someone" since. I don't know if I want it again... Too much pain.
She downs a shot of whiskey.
(Beat)
SIF
Hela killed all of my friends.
VALKYRIE
You mean Fandral?
SIF
And Volstagg... Hogun... She just slaughtered them like animals... and I wasn't even there... Loki was still masquerading as Odin at the time, and he sent me off on some... meaningless crusade...
(Beat)
VALKYRIE
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself... She would've killed you too.
Sif sighs.
SIF
I'm trying.
VALKYRIE
Well...
(She hands Sif a beer bottle and holds up one of her own.)
To trying.
Sif smiles.
SIF
To trying.
They clink bottles. Just as they're about to take a swig, the ship suddenly rocks violently. Doreen and Nancy rush to the window.
LOKI
What the hell was that?
Doreen's eyes widen.
DOREEN
Uh... Loki... Remember that movie we saw in New York?
Loki raises an eyebrow and glances out the window. Several SPACE SHARKS are surrounding the ship and ramming into it.
NANCY
Just our luck! There's space dolphins, so of course, we have to have space sharks too!
DOREEN
Can't anyone tell these goats to go any faster?!
Thor begins to summon lightning, but Valkyrie stops him.
VALKYRIE
What are you doing?! Do you want to blow up the whole ship?!
THOR
Well, I can't exactly use Stormbreaker! We still need to run the ship!
LOKI
Well, this is what magic is for!
He begins casting magic bolts to shoot at the sharks as Mew runs around, meowing in terror. Jane uses Mjolnir to fight the sharks off while Doreen uses her knuckle spikes.
DOREEN
Back! Get back! Go find food somewhere else!
SIF
Hold on!
Sif steers the ship towards the Shadow Realm. The sharks dissipate as they crash land.
EXT. SHADOW REALM - NIGHT
After Gorr captures the group, several dark vines wrap and tighten around Doreen and Nancy. Gorr approaches them.
LOKI
Get away from them!
A vine wraps around his mouth, silencing him. Loki struggles with his magic, but the vines wrap around his hands. Doreen reaches out to grab Nancy's hand as Gorr gets closer.
GORR
You... are mortals... Why would you waste your time fighting for gods who wouldn't lift a finger for you?
(Beat)
DOREEN
You're wrong... Thor and Loki are my friends... I care about them!
(Beat)
And they do care about us!
Loki gives Doreen a soft gaze, and Nancy winces as Gorr laughs.
GORR
And why do you think they would do that? Your lives are meaningless to them! A split second in time... Compared to thousands of years.
DOREEN
Not all gods are selfish, Gorr. I know that Rapu hurt you. But that doesn't mean all the gods would do the same! Ratatoskr is manipulating you! She's influencing your mind!
(Beat)
GORR
You might call it "influencing"... I call it... enlightening.
Suddenly, the vines disappear, causing Doreen, Nancy, and Loki to collapse to the ground. They rush to hug each other. As they look up, they realize they are in a barren land, different from before.
NANCY
Where did that creep send us?
Suddenly, they hear a WOMAN'S LAUGH behind them. They turn to see Ratatoskr emerging in her human form. Loki stands in front of Doreen and Nancy.
RATATOSKR
Loki... You've grown since I last saw you... Grown more insufferable, that is...
LOKI
Leave them out of this, Ratatoskr. Thor and I are the ones you want. They have nothing to do with this.
RATATOSKR
On the contrary, Loki, any friends of yours are enemies of mine... And to be honest, I just find the red-haired one annoying.
DOREEN
(whispering to Nancy)
Nance... Now would be a good time for some tunes...
Nancy frantically tries to reach her phone.
NANCY
I know, I'm working on it!
LOKI
(to Ratatoskr)
You manipulated the minds of an entire village.
RATATOSKR
Oh please, like you haven't done worse. Besides, I didn't put any words in their mouths. How do you know they don't secretly enjoy hating their so-called "king"?
DOREEN
Uh... Because that's not how that works? You can't mind-control someone to be a jerk and then ask the jerk you've created if they're into it! That doesn't count! The real Asgardians would never do this!
RATATOSKR
How do you know? How can you know? How can you trust that any one of your friends doesn't secretly want you to fail?
DOREEN
Uh, because I know they're not jerks, unlike some people I know? AKA you?
LOKI
You never should've come back.
Ratatoskr smirks.
RATATOSKR
What makes you think I ever left?
We cut to a flashback of Loki's first arrival on Earth at SHIELD. We see Ratatoskr has disguised herself as one of the NASA scientists standing next to Dr. Selvig.
RATATOSKR (V.O.)
I was always here, Loki... I was watching when you first arrived on Midgard... I've been watching you and your pathetic brother all along... Waiting for a moment of vulnerability...
We see Ratatoskr playing dead among the other scientists after Loki and Hawkeye leave. Her eyes open just before the compound collapses.
RATATOSKR (V.O.)
Gorr has made a powerful ally... Now I have the perfect opportunity to end your precious Asgard once and for all!
We cut back to the present, where Loki's eyes are wide.
LOKI
That's... That's not possible... I would've-
RATATOSKR
Sensed me?
(She laughs.)
Don't give yourself too much credit, Laufeyson. You're not that perceptive.
(She unleashes her claws.)
I'd prepare my last words if I were you...
DOREEN
I hate to break it to you, but it's still an army of squirrels against one.
Monkey Joe, Tippy-Toe, and Mr. Liebermann stand by her side, ready for battle.
DOREEN
I kinda like those odds...
Before she can command the squirrels to attack, Ratatoskr quickly reverts to her squirrel form and whispers in the squirrels' ears. After a moment of staring at each other, the squirrels quickly run off.
DOREEN
Wh-Hey! Guys! Where are you going?! Guys?!
(She glares at Ratatoskr.)
You know, normally, I would say I love all squirrels unconditionally, but today, I'm willing to make an exception.
Ratatoskr inches forward, about to whisper in her ear. Suddenly, Nancy starts blasting "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses on her phone, causing Ratatoskr to recoil.
RATATOSKR
Gah! What... What is that horrible sound?! Turn that off!
Doreen quickly lunges at Ratatoskr, and they fight. Nancy gets behind Loki.
NANCY
Uh... This is probably a bad time to mention this, but, like... I've never really fought before; I usually just kind of do things behind the scenes...
LOKI
No matter, just stay behind me!
He generates a protective shield while helping Doreen.
NANCY
Hey, just in case not enough people tell you this, you're pretty cool! Do you want to get coffee with me and Doreen sometime?
Before Doreen can land the final blow, Ratatoskr disappears.
NANCY
Wh-Where'd she go?
DOREEN
We don't have time to find out! You guys see if you can find a way back to the ship!
She rushes off and finds the squirrels screeching at each other.
DOREEN
Hey, come on, guys, stop it! This isn't you!
The squirrels ignore her.
DOREEN
Please, listen to me! I wouldn't be who I am without you guys! You're my buddies! I love you!
The squirrels continue screeching. After a pause, Doreen takes out her bag of pistachios.
DOREEN
And I have these...
The squirrels immediately stop and rush up to her, nuzzling her lovingly as they eat the nuts. Doreen grins.
DOREEN
I knew that would work...
As Thor is fighting Gorr, Jane flies off with Valkyrie. Doreen, Nancy, and Loki rush up to Thor.
NANCY
Thor! We're here!
Suddenly, Thor loses his grip on Stormbreaker, sending everyone through the bifrost except Gorr.
INT. NEW ASGARD INFIRMARY - DAY
Doreen is talking with Loki outside Jane's room.
DOREEN
How's Jane?
(Beat)
LOKI
It's bad. Mjolnir is temporarily giving her strength, but it's weakening her body in the long-run. Her immune system is losing the ability to fight the cancer. If she wields the hammer one more time...
DOREEN
We can't let that happen.
(Beat)
I'm going to take it.
(She extends her hand, and Mjolnir flies into it.)
It's the only way to keep her safe.
(Beat)
LOKI
Doreen, she's... mortal. It's only a matter of time before Thor... loses her anyway, and...
DOREEN
Then we'll just have to give them as much time as we can.
After a moment, Loki slowly nods. Doreen works up a little smile.
DOREEN
It'll be okay. Don't worry.
(Beat)
Hey, I was thinking... If I'm going to have Mjolnir, do you think maybe I should have some, like, Asgardian armor to go with it? Like-
Loki smiles and transforms her clothes into brown leather Asgardian armor, complete with a cape and helmet.
DOREEN
Whoa... Thanks!
The helmet slowly slips down her head.
DOREEN
Oof!
(She lifts the helmet back up.)
This helmet's kinda big, though... Do you think you could make it a little smaller?
Loki smirks and shrinks the helmet so it fits in between her fingers. She frowns and gives him an irritated look.
LOKI
What? You said to make it smaller.
Doreen scowls at him and chucks the tiny helmet at his head.
EXT. NEW ASGARD - DAY
Valkyrie is talking with Thor, Loki, Doreen, Nancy, and Sif outside.
VALKYRIE
I'd love to join you, but... I'd probably die and never get the kids back, so you guys will have to go without me. All you have to do is destroy that sword. It's his source of power. He'll not survive long without it.
(She bumps weapons with Thor.)
Also...
(She picks up an alien rifle and hands it to Nancy.)
I figured you could use a weapon of your own. I mean, you know, besides my speakers.
Nancy gasps.
NANCY
Seriously?!
(She turns the rifle over.)
I can feel the power...
DOREEN
Uh, not sure that was such a great idea, but okay...
NANCY
Don't worry! I'll be completely responsible-
The rifle suddenly fires, blasting the side of the "Infinity Ice Cream Shop."
(Beat)
NANCY
Oops...
The group turns to leave. Valkyrie hesitates for a moment.
VALKYRIE
Hey, Sif.
Sif raises an eyebrow and turns around.
(Beat)
VALKYRIE
Don't die. We... need a good soldier like you.
(Beat)
SIF
I'll... try not to.
EXT. SHADOW REALM - NIGHT
During the final battle, all of the children imbued with Thor's power are fighting the monsters. Loki is hiding with Nancy behind a corner.
NANCY
Okay... I see two on the ceiling... I'm gonna blast 'em.
LOKI
Wh-You can't go out there! You'll be killed!
NANCY
Nah...
(She cocks the rifle.)
You're so gonna cover me.
She rushes out and starts screaming and firing at the monsters.
NANCY
BY THE POWER OF CAT THOOORRR!
Loki's eyes widen and he quickly uses his magic to lift up Axl and make him fire his magic at the monsters attacking Nancy from behind.
AXL
Hey!
Nancy grins at Loki.
NANCY
Thanks, man!
We cut to Doreen, who is fighting Gorr. He kicks her to the ground and lifts up the necrosword, ready to strike her down. As he brings the blade down, Doreen suddenly catches it in her hands, grunting as she uses her strength to grab the sword out of his hands and toss it aside. She flips Mjolnir around a few times and strikes Gorr with it, sending him flying. Thor and Loki look on in awe.
THOR
(to Loki)
Did you know she could do that?
Suddenly, Ratatoskr attacks Doreen, sending them both flying far from the others. Ratatoskr grins as Doreen slowly picks herself up.
RATATOSKR
Your friends aren't here to save you now, mortal. It's just you and me.
(Beat)
DOREEN
Your move.
Ratatoskr lunges at her, and they begin to fight. As the battle continues, we see Jane beginning to stir. Suddenly, Doreen gasps as Mjolnir flies out of her hand back to Jane.
We cut to later, where Doreen is still fighting Ratatoskr. Slowly, Doreen's squirrels begin to join her. Ratatoskr smirks, expecting them to turn against Doreen, but her eyes widen when they stand with her.
RATATOSKR
No! How...?
(She growls in frustration as the squirrels lunge at her.)
Get off of me, you beasts!
The army begins to grow as more squirrels join Doreen's side. Finally, Doreen uses her tail to knock Ratatoskr on her back, pinning her down. Ratatoskr lies still for a moment. Doreen slowly backs up as she sits up, clutching her arm. After a moment, Doreen kneels down beside her. Ratatoskr snarls at her.
RATATOSKR
I enchanted your little pets... Why didn't they obey me?
(Beat)
DOREEN
Because I have a bond with them that's stronger than your most powerful magic. It's deeper than you'll ever know.
Ratatoskr scoffs and looks away.
(Beat)
DOREEN
Why did you spend so much time trying to destroy the Asgardians? Why did you hate them?
RATATOSKR
I don't need to explain myself to the likes of you.
DOREEN
Were you afraid?
RATATOSKR
Shut up.
DOREEN
Did you think that you'd never be able to create anything for yourself? That destroying things was all you had?
RATATOSKR
Shut up!
(She growls in frustration.)
Everyone was always so perfect... Up in their stuffy palaces... All while I had to do their dirty work... And everyone always had that... that look in their eyes... That spiteful, mistrusting look...
(Beat)
DOREEN
Trust me, I know what it's like not to fit in. Loki does too.
Ratatoskr rolls her eyes.
RATATOSKR
Loki is weak.
DOREEN
Loki learned that there was a second chance out there for him. And there is for you, too... if you're willing to take it.
(She stands up.)
You might not have fit in on Asgard... But maybe you've still got a shot on Earth.
She extends her hand to Ratatoskr, who eyes it suspiciously.
RATATOSKR
Why would anyone trust me now?
(Beat)
DOREEN
Give them a reason to.
Ratatoskr hesitates for a long moment. She slowly takes Doreen's hand and stands up with her.
We cut to later, where Doreen is walking back with Ratatoskr. Stormbreaker is opening the bifrost.
LOKI
All of you! Get to the bifrost, now!
Sif corrals the children into the bifrost. Loki pauses when he sees Doreen walking with Ratatoskr. He frowns for a moment, but nods when he exchanges a look with Doreen. Ratatoskr walks through the bifrost and disappears. Loki turns to Doreen and Nancy.
LOKI
You both should go too.
NANCY
What?! We're not leaving you! We're staying here!
DOREEN
Trust me, Loki, we'll be fine!
(Beat)
LOKI
I know you will.
Before they can protest, Loki uses his magic to send them into the bifrost.
EXT. ETERNITY - DAY
After Jane dies, Thor begins to sob. Loki slowly approaches him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He grits his teeth and looks down for a moment. They both slowly glance at Love, who smiles at them.
INT. THOR'S SHIP - DAY
Korg is narrating about everyone's lives. We see Love drawing Cat Thor's face onto Mjolnir.
THOR
Oh, that... that's not coming off, is it?
Love grins.
LOVE
It's from Auntie Nancy's comics!
KORG (V.O.)
And not only did Love gain a cool new dad, but she also got a temperamental uncle/aunt!
We see Lady Loki marching after Love in her house.
LADY LOKI
Young lady, if you cast another shadow bolt in my house, so help me, I will banish you to the mirror dimension for an hour!
LOVE
You can't talk that way to me! I'm adopted!
LADY LOKI
So was I! Do you think I got special privileges?!
We cut to Ratatoskr wearing human clothes and reporting on TV in London.
KORG (V.O.)
Ratatoskr chose to start a new life on Earth... as a reporter named Rachel Oskar!
RACHEL
And if I may be allowed a personal note, I would like to say that bringing this story to light has been the most challenging - and satisfying - experience of my young professional career...
KORG (V.O.)
Valkyrie even found love again... And Asgard gained a new queen!
Valkyrie and Sif share a quick kiss as they overlook the Asgardian children training in battle.
We cut to later, where Lady Loki is waiting inside Thor's ship. Suddenly, Nancy enters.
NANCY
Hey, Loki! Did Love like the comics?
LADY LOKI
I believe she even drew Cat Thor's face on Mjolnir.
(Beat)
NANCY
I feel like the responsible thing would be to say she shouldn't have done that, but man, that is way too cool!
Lady Loki laughs. Nancy hands her a pair of deep green hand-knitted gloves.
NANCY
Oh, I, uh... I made these for you.
Lady Loki looks stunned.
LADY LOKI
You... made these? They're beautiful!
NANCY
Oh, you know, I just really like knitting, and I just kinda wanted to say thanks for-
She freezes when Lady Loki hugs her.
NANCY
Wow, I... didn't think you were much of a hugger.
LADY LOKI
I'm not, usually, but... I can make an exception for a few people.
Nancy grins.
NANCY
Like your brother?
Lady Loki cringes.
LADY LOKI
Eh... A few... other people.
NANCY
Well, I'll see you around! And I'll bring more Cat Thor! Bye, Loki!
As she exits, Doreen slowly approaches Lady Loki.
LADY LOKI
Has Nancy made you a pair of gloves yet?
DOREEN
Only about 20 of them. It's kind of her thing.
They both laugh.
LADY LOKI
Oh! Before I forget...
She takes out the sheet of paper with Tomas Lara-Perez and Ken Shiga's names written on it and hands it to Doreen.
DOREEN
What's this?
(Beat)
LADY LOKI
When I was exploring the multiverse, I... met some other mutants.
Doreen's eyes widen.
DOREEN
You did?
(Beat)
What... What were they like?
LADY LOKI
Well, actually, they were a whole school of mutants.
DOREEN
Really?
LADY LOKI
Yes. They took in mutant children who were cast out and taught them to control their powers. There was one that could shoot lasers out of his eyes, one that could shape-shift... there was even one that had knuckle claws that were sort of like yours, only they were... metal... and much bigger...
Doreen giggles.
LADY LOKI
There was also one that could find where other mutants were, so I... I asked him to find some close to you. Those names are of two mutants that live near you. They're the same age as you... I believe you even attended the same university.
Doreen stares at the paper in awe.
DOREEN
You... did that... for me?
(Beat)
LADY LOKI
Of course I did.
They smile at each other for a moment. Doreen looks down shyly and takes out a new Loki locket. She hands it to Lady Loki.
DOREEN
Oh, right, uh... new and improved... These ones can't be activated if they've been stolen, so, you know, hopefully there won't be any more "incidents"...
Lady Loki laughs.
LADY LOKI
Thank you, my dear.
(Beat)
May I... ask you something?
DOREEN
Yeah?
Still holding Doreen's hands, Loki slowly shifts into his male form.
LOKI
Do you... prefer seeing me like this? I mean... in this form?
Doreen raises an eyebrow.
DOREEN
Why would I have a preference?
LOKI
Well, I just... I know that you're used to seeing me in my male form, so I feared that seeing me in my female form would be... I don't know, like... seeing a different person.
DOREEN
Of course not! You're still Loki!
Loki lets out a weak laugh.
LOKI
Well... Everyone's always seemed to have an opinion of who "Loki" should be, but... something tells me yours might have more weight than others.
Doreen smiles.
DOREEN
In that case... I think Loki should be whoever Loki wants to be.
Loki smiles at her. She glances at him for a moment before slowly pulling away.
LOKI
I... suppose this is goodbye... again.
Doreen nods slowly.
DOREEN
For now.
(She smiles.)
Try not to let Love and Thunder drive you crazy.
Loki smiles and gazes after her as she leaves. We slowly pan out to see Thor has been standing behind him, grinning like an idiot.
THOR
Ah, this is wonderful!
Loki jumps and turns around, looking irritated.
LOKI
What?
THOR
Lady Doreen! You're in love with her!
LOKI
What?! No I'm not!
THOR
Yes you are! It's adorable!
LOKI
Shut up, Thor.
Post-Credits Scene
INT. SHIELD COMPOUND - DAY
Doreen and Nancy are walking with CAPTAIN MARVEL down a hallway.
CAROL
Sorry to call you guys here on such short notice... I just didn't have a whole lot of options at the moment.
NANCY
No, it's fine!
DOREEN
It's totally okay!
NANCY
We're actually, like, huge fans.
DOREEN
We love you.
(Beat)
Was that weird to say?
Carol smiles.
CAROL
We brought in the artifact yesterday... I wasn't sure if you could tell me anything about it. But I wouldn't touch it if I were you. It froze three of our agents already.
Nancy raises an eyebrow.
NANCY
It froze them?
Carol opens a door to a chamber.
CAROL
Take a look for yourself.
Doreen and Nancy's eyes widen when they see what is inside. It is the Casket of Ancient Winters. Doreen and Nancy exchange a glance.
DOREEN
Where did you find this?
CAROL
Sector 14 in the newly charted star system.
NANCY
Is that close to where Asgard used to be?
CAROL
About 50,000 miles away, yeah.
(Beat)
You guys look like you know something.
(Beat)
DOREEN
We need to get Thor and Loki back here... now.
Fun fact: The actress who does the voice of Ratatoskr/Rachel Oskar in the Squirrel Girl Radio Show (Tina Benko) also played one of the NASA scientists in the first Avengers, so I thought it would be a cool idea if those characters were one and the same!
Also, to give credit where credit is due, a LOT of the scenes in this rewrite were taken directly from the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl comics, so definitely check those out as well!
Finally, my version of Loki Season 2 is coming soon! Stay tuned! :)