My Notes on “It’s Meaningless Without You”
3RD GRADE
Makoto invited Haru to join Iwatobi SC because he knew Haru liked water and swimming and he wanted to be with Haru in the thing that Haru liked. Seeing Haruka happy made Makoto happy.
6TH GRADE
High Speed Ch. 3.2 (Makoto POV)
“It’s not because Matsuoka-kun asked, but I’m thinking that I’ll try swimming the medley relay. So…… Haru, let’s swim together. It’s no good if Haru’s not there, if it isn’t Haru. I want to swim with Haru!”
Without stirring, without even changing his expression, Haruka accepted them up front, Makoto’s words that seemed to strike hard. To the point that it’d make you think as if he could even be able to count Makoto’s breathing and pulse, with a cool gaze. That gaze of Haruka’s cools down Makoto’s burning heart and body. Makoto felt the ripples in his chest rapidly calming down. ”
Novelization Ch. 6 (Haruka POV)
“That’s why the first time I heard “it’s pointless without you, Haru” I was a bit confused. How should I take those words of Makoto’s? Should I accept them? For a moment, I didn’t know what to do.
The elementary school me didn’t say anything and just stared at Makoto’s face. I’m sure it was only a short amount of time in reality. But to Makoto that short moment probably felt like forever. He quickly said, “sorry for saying something weird” and smiled at me. I probably should have said something back to him at that time. I took advantage of the fact that Makoto understood me without me having to say anything.”
Makoto took Haru’s silence as acceptance. Haru saID he was just confused during that situation.
Makoto is quite optimistic in his own way. He thinks what he likes and Haru lets him.
I don’t think they ever talked about this. Ignorance is bliss.
Haru will undestand.. slowly but later.
FIRST YEAR, MIDDLE SCHOOL
High Speed 2 Ch. 2 (Haruka POV)
Nagisa clung onto Haruka’s chest. Clinging onto him, he silently cried.
Haruka acknowledged what he was feeling for the first time.
––Loneliness.
In the water where neither Rin nor Makoto are, he felt loneliness.
High Speed 2 Ch. 3 (Haruka POV)
It’s not that he’s discovered a special meaning in basketball. However, there’s no meaning in swimming now, either. If he’s swimming meaninglessly, then it’s the same as playing basketball meaninglessly. It may still be better, if at least Makoto is there.
At least Haru knew that he felt lonely without his best friends.
Haru is getting there with his feelings slowly but surely.
High Speed 2 Ch 10 (Haruka POV)
“Haahaa, what were you doing. With something like this.”
“……I thought of going to a place where Haru isn’t.”
Haruka’s heart leapt. Where was he trying to go. What was he trying to do. What would’ve happened if he were a little slower.
“……Why?”
Asking that was the most he could do.
“Will I be alright even if Haru isn’t here? …..I wanted to make sure of that.”
Raising his eyebrows, he shows a lonely smile. Makoto was fighting all along. He was suffering, all along. In a place where Haruka’s thoughts couldn’t possibly reach……
“Would Haru be alright even if I weren’t here?”
He can’t lie to him anymore. He can’t deceive him. He can’t trick him. Neither Makoto, nor Haruka himself.
“–– I wouldn’t have looked for you if I were.”
“Right.”
Makoto’s unexpected behavior worried his mother and also Haru.
Haru admitted that he could read Makoto well but it was not yet enough to see his inner turmoil. He now understood Makoto more.
Haru admitted to himself and Makoto the truth.
This brings me back to:
High Speed Ch. 3.2 (Makoto POV, 6th Grade)
“He gazes at Haruka’s eyes. He realized that he was the one whose heart could be seen through. It was like that since he was young. Even though he never said anything about himself, he knew everything about Makoto. He understood him. And then, he pretended not to understand. His heart opens up. There was no longer a meaning in locking things away.
This was about Makoto’s fear of water and Haru recognizing it. Makoto was not wrong about this. At 12 years old he tried to guess Haru’s mind.
Makoto was right when he says Haru pretends not to understand.
Liking to swim even though he’s afraid of the water, but wanting to escape when he enters the pool, and that’s why he wants Haruka to be there, but Haruka is blunt as usual……. Even so, he didn’t care about that right now. Just having Haruka understand that that’s what he’s like was enough for now.
In elementary up to middle school Makoto relied on Haru being by side to help enjoy swimming (at first) and to help him face his fear of water and the ocean. Everything is better when Haru is with him.
Haru relied (unknowingly) on Makoto as well to push him to do many things which he won’t care to do if left alone, such as attending Iwatobi SC, joining tournaments and choosing school clubs. As long as Makoto is there Haru has an excuse to do these things.
Of course the above makes it seem that their friendship is superficial but the underlying truth is that they really like spending time with each other and would be happiest when they are both experiencing the same things side by side.
Novelization 0 (Makoto POV, First Year Middle School Flashbacks)
Haru doesn’t talk much. He’s always been like that, but after he quit the swim club at the end of our first year of middle school, he’d become that way even more. I know about what Haru is thinking without him saying anything, but when he suddenly said he was quitting the swim club at that time, I didn’t know why. I just knew something had happened, and I kinda figured out that he didn’t want to talk about that with anyone. That’s why I didn’t dig into it any deeper and just smiled and said, “Then I’ll quit too.”
Haru quitting swimming club during their First Year in Middle School plunged Haru to darkness even Makoto couldn’t follow. So Makoto quit the swimming club too. Makoto understood that Haru is getting hurt by swimming, even when Haru loved it so much. And at that time Makoto was still very much afraid of water. Without Haru in the water with him, swimming would just be meaningless.
The unknown three years in between unmistakenly healed them both. Makoto, found strength in Haru as a person, continued being by his side. In time Makoto’s fear of the water subsided.
Haru, while slowly healing, probably pretty much relied on Makoto’s support and cajoling to do the things he likes.
They found meaning and happiness in each other in those three years before Nagisa returned to their life and kickstarted the events of S1.
FIRST YEAR, HIGH SCHOOL
FREE! S1 EP 6
Novelization Ch.6 (Haruka POV)
Then I thought about the question Makoto asked before. Something that’s scary to me? What is the thing that I’m most afraid of?
The thing that I’m most afraid of. That’s a presence that’s always been with me suddenly disappearing. I thought that that might become a suitable answer to “It’s pointless without you, Haru” The feeling that I hadn’t been able to put a name to until now.
But I thought I could put it into words now. Makoto. I… “What is it Haru?” “I….” I tried to get it out of my mouth, but, I really couldn’t put it into words. I felt embarrassed about saying it out loud. “Nothing…” Makoto smiled at my hesitation. Seeing that I thought, oh, right, Makoto can read my mind. Seeing Makoto’s smile, it made me feel relieved. “Nothing. Thank you, Makoto….” Since it’s Makoto, he can understand without me saying anything. I once again took advantage of Makoto’s feelings.
Notes:
Haru’s full understanding of what Makoto really means to him only really came after that near-death experience in the training camp.
FREE! S1 EP 11
Everything above ^^^ explains why Haru thanking Makoto in Ep 11 was a Major confession.
I think we know now what Haru meant to tell Makoto the morning after Makoto’s almost drowning experience.
