#mhara rambles

[mhara]

Ooooh tell me more about littleSpoon.

First of all, it's Phi's fault:

One of those little throwaways that y'all do that puts an image in my brain that I HAVE TO DRAW OR I WILL DIE.

Initial rough draft:

More solid drawings:

I really need to get around to scanning and finishing the whole little comic properly in krita! xD

[mhara]

Adopted my baby girl TWELVE YEARS AGO today!! 😭🩷🩷🩷

[mhara]

WIP Wednesday

Frak it, I'll take the excuse. Been working on that little E33 birb!AU comic and this panel with Birbstave is just. So. PERFECT.

I love it so much xD

[mhara]

I used to draw every single day, constantly. Doodled all over everything. That stopped almost completely about eight years ago. My mental health spiraled so badly I dropped out of my dream school and I lost parts of myself I wasn't sure would ever come back.

About a month and a half ago I started watching Daredevil. I can't articulate why it resonated so much, Charlie's work in particular, but it gave me my spark back. I've been drawing more these past three weeks than most of the last eight years combined. It gave me back my art, gave me back that piece of myself, and that's helping me feel a little more myself than I have in a long time. 🥹🩷

[mhara]

Stupid pharmacy taking its sweet ass time refilling my venlafaxine so today was day one of cold turkey withdrawals from 225mg of it, YAY!

Within 9 hours of missing my dose, I already started vomiting. Granted, the added dizziness and electrical chaos probably compounded with the dizziness I've been experiencing in general lately to help that along.

It's not even the nausea or crap like that that's the real issue for me this time, nooooo. Withdrawals can apparently cause nightmares (thanks for confirmation Google), and tonight I'm having recursive ones— dream within dream within dream, feels like an eternity, extremely distressed in them because I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to fall asleep in them but had the most terrifying sleepwalking/dementia?!?— and when I actually woke up not long ago, I hadn't even been asleep an hour. It felt so long. 😭 The main reason I know I'm actually awake right now is that Revan physically came over for pets when she heard me stir 😫

Oh and I was actually having trouble falling asleep and moved to the couch because that tends to work, and SUPER FUN that's how the nightmare started too, hence realty confusion and being extremely grateful for Revan making herself known.

I'm so tempted to just try to stay awake now, you have no idea 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

I NEED MY DRUGS.

[mhara]

Soooooo..... I decided to enroll in the next tier of schooling starting Monday (online), and it's finally hitting my brain and I'm trying to keep from panicking. 🙃 Because I'm not employed. Because I've already got tens of thousands of student loan debt and this will add even more. Because now that I've slowed down and actually have time to start to think about the decision I made, I'm terrified I'm not ready and honestly kinda trying not to vomit. (Why do I decide things on impulse??) I feel like I really need to apply for a part-time position as what I've already trained for so that I don't completely fall on my face because it's been A YEAR since I've done ANYTHING and THAT'S REALLY NOT GOOD and I already had confidence issues before and now I'll be expected to lead and !!!! (゜-゜)

....I'm not good at not panicking when left alone to my thoughts.

Can I please have some virtual hugs? I really need a hug.

and can the upstairs neighbor PLEASE shut UP??? quit dropping things and stomping everywhere and WHY ARE YOU SINGING NOW TOO???

[mhara]

Brain, can you please not start panicking and causing stomach aches in anticipation of starting a class on Monday? Pleeeease?

[mhara]

Hey BWA,