#mharoshi

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from Sunset

I have serious studying problems. I fail at coping with them. Just to clarify some things, so that it can be easier for you to answer, I’m at university, we don’t choose our subjects, we have 5 deadlines/finals, each exam has it’s number of points, and when we collect x number of points, we can access the next year of uni (I’m currently at my second year). I haven’t let’s say collected that number yet so I can’t enter the next year. I am a bit terrified and discouraged, but at the same time I’m determined to pass those 5 exams. It’s a huge amount of exams. I have tried in the previous deadlines to pass some of it, but I gave up and had to study from the same damn books over and over again. And that is what sickens me the most. I’m sick and tired of it, you can guess. I’m mostly discouraged. And I gave up so many times! I also have a bit of trouble seeing my worth both as a student and a person. The main problem for me is staying focused and maintaining persistence. There is also my diagnosis, if that means something to you, I have psychosis and sometimes, I get emotionally unstable, but that doesn’t prevent me from studying, it’s just that I’m not trying hard enough. How do I get out of this black hole? I’m so hopeless. please tag Sunset

Hello darling,

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you! I’ve had the exact same thing when studying for big exams that I’ve had to take and actually at one point simply doing homework became too much for me.

It’s actually so normal but there are ways of getting around it and I hope that sharing some of my tips will be able to help!

Take breaks if you can- I know that for me I get burnt out super easily so I set alarms on my watch so that every 30 minutes I go and get something to drink (Tea or water usually) so that I can have a minute to myself before I start working again

Turn off anything that will distract you, I have my phone and computer disconnected from the internet so that I can’t go and distract myself. 

Try making your notes and studying as exciting as possible, I like to have coloured notes that make me really happy to complete, I condense all of my notes per topic onto A3 pages so that they are all pretty and colourful.

And most important for me, I can’t work at home, I go to the library or I used to go into my school so that there’s fewer things to distract myself with. 

And Finally I think you should probably talk to someone about how you are feeling. Hopelessness is a really key signifier of depression and you said that you sometimes get psychosis, well sometimes a lack of concentration can be linked to depression and psychosis! If you go to your doctor about it they might be able to give you some therapies alongside medications which might be able to help you concentrate more. I know personally that depression can make concentration really really frustrating and everyone says I’m lazy but the fact is, if you are struggling this much to concentrate it will go much deeper than “not trying hard enough.” You are so worthy though, I promise you. It sometimes feels as if our grades define us as people and failing at school and university is important, but please remember that you are so much more than a letter on a piece of paper. You are a person that cannot be defined by one (or 5) exams  

Remember that you are so amazing and this doesn’t define you even though it is hella difficult <3 Much love, Roshi

[mental-health-advice]

I don't know who to ask about this, so here. I'm detached. There's this buzzing in my head. I've always had bad memory, but sometimes I forget that I'm in a body. I forget what I look like. I say things without realizing, even typed. My words don't make sense. There are thoughts that aren't mine. I don't know where they come from. Everything is disjointed. When people talk to me it startles me. Everything is monochrome. Others don't relate, & say I should worry. I don't. Is that wrong? Should I?

Hello sweetie, This sounds awful and I’ve been there so I know just how scary it is and can be. First things first, I want to just re-assure you that you are not going crazy and you are going to get through this I promise you. Obviously I’m not a medical doctor so I can’t diagnose you with anything but it sounds as though you are experiencing some dissociative symptoms. It’s different for everyone but I strongly urge you to go and see a doctor for these things that you are feeling. Have you ever considered going to see a therapist about how you feel? There are all kinds of therapies that can help with the symptoms you are feeling. For me (and people are different so I can’t say that its the same for you) It came from my anxiety, and once I had therapy for the anxiety then the physical symptoms started to subside and leave me alone so that I could live my life normally again. I don’t think you should actively worry because it might make it worse, but you definitely should go and see a doctor or a therapist so that you can get help <3 I know all of this is really scary but its actually pretty common for people to do so please don’t think you are alone or that you are going mad because honestly neither of those things are at all true.Here’s a page on Dissociative disorders and you should take a look at at so that you can feel a little better <3 Please look after yourself for me okay? Roshi

[mental-health-advice]

YouTube video!

The wonderful Roshi has made a video about Social Anxiety! She talks about what it is and how you can manage it. I'd highly recommend watching! https://youtu.be/JL8vM48FJAg Keep fighting beautiful ❤️ Love Pauline

[mental-health-advice]

It's almost like I'm a sponge that absorves their feels. I feel so drained, so drained of all energy. I'm an introvert, like most of them. We need time alone. I love talking to them and helping them but it gets to a point where I have like 3 people texting me with huge existential messages and they really feel bad, they really do, I'm on the verge of crying honestly because it bothers me so much. I love them, but I don't know if I can handle to take care of them all. (part 2) (tag as "shine")

Hey there lovely, We don’t seem to have a part one from you? it may have not sent properly,  it tends to do that sometimes, or maybe it was answered separately so I’m sorry about that! Next time if you put your tag in both asks then we can find it easier, but I’m very sorry and I’ll do my best to answer this one <3

I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this, it’s really not fair that you feel like this, you don’t deserve to be in any pain. You are totally within your rights to be like that! Its who you are and needing time alone isn’t a bad thing at all!

The main thing to remember darling is that you come first, I know first hand how much it can hurt when your friends are hurting, and it’s not fun at all, you are so incredible for trying to deal with this, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to. 

Remember that your mental health is just as important as theirs and if they are making you feel uncomfortable/ exhausted and things like that, then you just don’t have to reply. Fundamentally, if they love you then they will understand that sometimes you have to be alone, and thats okay. You could even explain to them that you love them but sometimes you can’t help. You have to recognise that you are just as important as them, and putting yourself first doesn’t /ever/ make you less of a good friend. Its exhausting to always have to listen and help other people, but you have done so well, and these 3 people are so so lucky to have you in their lives, you care so much and that should mean the world to them.Keep on keeping on, Roshi <3

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from Kay

Really need advice :( I feel like being attracted to women makes me a pervert. I came out to a friend a few years ago, and she was very accepting and said very supportive things… but her behavior did not match her words. All of the sudden she couldn’t change in front of me or sit to close to me anymore. I wasn’t even attracted to her, at all! She made me feel like i was a sexual predator and I still feel like I am one when I am attracted to a girl. If I start thinking about a girl in that way I start thinking to myself “not gay, not gay”. I know this probably sounds irrational and you will say being gay is ok but I don’t feel like it is and I don’t know how to be ok with it or if i want to be ok with it. i could just date men, idk. But there is this amazing girl I like and I really want to see if it could work but i will never be able to make it work when I feel like this. On top of that when I came out to my family they were super accepting but when I jumped back in the closet and told my mom i was straight she was so happy and I don’t think i can come out again. I feel so disgusted with myself.

Kay

Hi there Kay! I’m so sorry that she reacted like this, she has no right to make you feel that way. I had a very similar situation when I came out as pansexual and its really annoying and not fair on you at all! These are completely normal feelings to have and it's all to do with other people’s opinions, and it's not your fault. First of all you are not, under any circumstances a pervert. You are gay and that's great, you have a whole different experience of life and that’s awesome, sometimes you just need reminding of that! Some people just assume that because your sexual orientation includes them then you are going to suddenly be obsessed with them, but it's just not true darling, you are still their friend and you still don’t see them like that. Maybe you could try talking to her about it?

Second, I used to do this all the time, I’d look at a girl I was attracted to and then repeat in my head “no, no, I’m straight why am I thinking this” but the more you realise that you really can’t help your feelings and that they are natural (some penguins are gay!!) then you can begin accepting yourself. When you find yourself having these feelings, can you try to remind yourself that if you are attracted to her, then you are attracted to her and you can’t help that (also if she’s cute then go you.) It’s going to be difficult but the more you practice it then the easier it will become. As soon as you feel comfortable with being gay then it will be easier to ask someone out and be your own fab gay self with another person (p.s. I think that you should totally go for it, if you are comfortable of course).

Its okay, you don’t owe anything to anyone else, you can come out again when you are ready, sexuality is fluid and you being confused and struggling with it is totally normal, you don’t have to do it now, and you don’t have to do it tomorrow, but maybe one day, you’ll feel like you can. Please don’t feel disgusted, you are such a wonderful human being <3 Keep on keeping on,

Roshi

[mental-health-advice]

Hello, my friend always brings up stuff I do wrong. Some of it is true but I feel like I can't deal with it right now as it is making me feel worse. Every time she brings it up it makes me really suicidal and I feel like if I keep telling her how she makes me feel in hopes she'll be more considerate but I'm scared that I'll be emotionally abusing her or something. As much as she does hurt me quite a bit emotionally I can't seem to break it off. She can one of my only great friends sometimes.

Hiya Darling, I used to have this exact same problem and it really does suck and you are doing so, so, so well at dealing with it <3 

She has no right to criticise things that you literally cannot change and I’m sorry she is doing this to you, I’m sure she’s a great person but this isn’t a very nice thing to do.

I know you don’t want to make her sad but in my opinion the best way to get through to her is explain to her how much you are hurting at the things that she says. You wouldn’t be emotionally abusing her in anyway at all! You are just explaining how you feel about some stuff that she does. The same way that she brings up stuff that you do, you are entirely entitled to talk to her about how you feel.

If she is making you feel like this and you can’t talk to her about it, or she ignores the fact that she is hurting your feelings, then maybe you should think about spending less time with her, if she doesn’t appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are, there is a chance that you would be better off without her (of course only if you are comfortable with this idea! I’m not trying to tell you what to do!!) This way you don’t stop talking to her completely, but she is not around as much to negatively influence you, because that's not fair! 

Also, if you are feeling suicidal then you really need to seek help, can you try writing a list to stay like ours here? Or watching our video. You are such a wonderful person and the world would suck without you.

You are such an incredible human being and you deserve to be surrounded by people that treat you well.

Keep on keeping on, you’re fab <3

Roshi

[mental-health-advice]

I'm not sure what is wrong. I feel not together. My mind is all over the place. I get really mad easy. Nothing bad has happened. I'm pretty sure it's just my meds wearing off, but I'm not going to put up with this every few hours! Do I quit taking the medication or do I deal with it until it stops. It's ADHD meds. Tag as Dylan

Hi sweetheart, This sounds really difficult, you are so so brave for messaging us and for asking for help.

First things first, you should never stop taking your medication without talking to doctor, your ADHD is really important and needs to be treated. Think of it this way, you wouldn’t stop taking any other kind of medication if it was helping you would you? Also it's really important to remember that medications can affect you a lot without you even knowing it, to stop straight away can become very difficult and your body might not be able to cope so pretty pretty please don’t stop without consulting someone. In addition to this, you can also mention the side affects that you are getting with this medication and your doctor will be able to help you with what is going on right now.

Secondly, maybe you could take a look here at our anger management page to find some tips that could be useful in the future, and heres our page on calming yourself as that might be helpful if the side effects are still really difficult to manage. You can get through this though, you are super strong and you will get there, I know it.

Keep on keeping on sweetheart, you got this!

Roshi

[mental-health-advice]

tmi mention/// (?)i have ocd and i can't stop thinking about this and i can't stop feeling guilty. i was sitting in the living room and my mum was in the room and idk how else to say this but my private parts were feeling weird? i don't mean turned on, i know what that feels like, but it felt like something was wrong? so i idk touched them (again, not for pleasure or anything) like to see what was up and now i feel disgusting for doing that with a parent in the room

Hi there sweetheart, 

I just wanted to say that I think you are so brave for messaging us about this, it’s really difficult to talk about and I’m sorry that you are feeling like this. Sweetie, I think the important thing for you to realise here is that your genitalia are no different from any other part of your body, its just our culture that makes us think that they are different by covering them. For example, if you had a weird feeling in your toes, you wouldn’t feel disgusted at yourself for touching them would you? 

Please, for me, remember that you aren’t strange or weird, try and remember that you aren’t a bad person for doing this, every part of your body is just a part of your body and nothing more so please don’t worry too much about this. I’m not sure if this will help much but male (sex not gender) people tend to re-arrange down there all the time because it can get uncomfortable (my brother for example does it all the time and it' really normal- My mum has to tell him to stop all the time) so please don’t think that you are disgusting!Please try to forgive yourself for this, if you feel this guilty for doing it, then you know in your heart that you don’t want do it again. 

Keep on Keeping on, You’ve got this, <3 Roshi