You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?
The emotional amnesia.
Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.
You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.
It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?
And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.
hello dolly! so I hope you don’t mind this request it is really odd but I randomly get waves of feeling homesick when I am literally in my own house and just get a wave of derealization and I was hoping you could make a fix of Sevika comforting reader during a moment like this. I hope this isn’t too weird 🫶🏼
Hi Kim! I’m sorry you experience that 😢 sounds really frustrating! I hope you’re doing well and I interpreted this okay 🩷
Wife!Sevika x Reader - Derealisation
Summary: During a sudden wave of derealisation, you feel disconnected and overwhelmed until Sevika gently grounds you, staying with you until you feel real again.
It starts small.
You’re standing in the kitchen, hands resting on the counter, staring at nothing in particular. The light feels too bright. The room feels… off. Like it’s been copied slightly wrong. The edges of things blur just a little too much, sounds come from too far away, like you’re underwater.
You blink.
It doesn’t fix it.
Your fingers curl into the countertop, grounding yourself, but your body doesn’t quite feel like yours. Your chest tightens. Breathing feels strange. Too shallow. Too conscious.
Something’s wrong.
“…hey.”
Her voice cuts through it, low and steady.
Sevika doesn’t rush over. She never does. She just steps closer, slow enough not to startle you, sharp eyes already taking you in.
“You with me, honey?”
You try to answer. It comes out weak. “I… don’t feel right.”
That’s all she needs.
Her hand comes up, warm and heavy as it cups the back of your neck, anchoring you. Not forcing. Just there. Solid.
“Yeah,” she murmurs, softer now. “I’ve got you.”
She shifts closer, close enough that you can feel the heat of her body, the weight of her presence. One of her hands slides into yours, fingers threading through, squeezing just enough to be real.
“Look at me, baby,” she says, gentle but firm.
It takes effort, but you do.
Her face is clear. Grounded. Real.
“Good,” she says quietly. “Stay here. With me.”
Her thumb starts brushing slow circles against your hand, steady rhythm, something for your mind to latch onto.
“Tell me five things you can see.”
You hesitate. Your voice feels far away, but she waits. Doesn’t rush you.
“The… the table,” you manage. “The window. You. The… the sink. My hands.”
“Good,” she says again, like you’ve done something important. Because you have.
Her hand tightens slightly at the back of your neck, guiding your forehead gently toward hers.
“Four things you can feel.”
“Your hand,” you whisper. “The counter. My shirt. Your… your thumb.”
“Yeah. That’s it.”
Her voice stays low, even, like a tether pulling you back piece by piece.
She doesn’t let go. Doesn’t step away. If anything, she moves closer, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, lingering there.
“You’re safe, sweetheart,” she murmurs against your skin. “It’s just your brain being an asshole. It’ll pass.”
Your breathing starts to steady, slowly syncing with hers as she subtly guides it, her chest rising and falling against you.
“There you go,” she says when she feels it. “That’s better.”
Her hand slides from your neck to your cheek, rough thumb brushing soft across your skin, grounding in a different way now.
“Stay with me as long as you need, baby,” she adds, quieter. “Not going anywhere.”
And she doesn’t.
She just stands there with you, solid and warm and real.
Holding you together until the world feels like yours again.
Transmedicalist's essentially saying that you need to experience body dysphoria to be transgender is some of the most ridiculous and ableist shit I've seen. Not top five, but it's up there.
I'm agender and functionally transmasculine. I do not experience body dysphoria, because I'm pretty much dissociating 24/7. I feel no connection to my body. I don't care what it looks like, because I don't even feel real most of the time. I like presenting in certain ways, but I don't feel distressed over my breasts or vagina, because I barely feel any connection to my body as a whole.
Does that make me "not transgender"? No. It makes me a transmasculine person who suffers with dissociation, and, as a result, doesn't feel body dysphoria.
And if I was fully present at all times but still didn't feel body dysphoria? I'm still transgender. Mainly because people don't have to be miserable with their bodies to be trans, but also because I'm not going to listen to what the ableist bastards in the transmedicalist community have to say. Who honestly would?
tw: eye/semi-realisticly drawn eye close up, depiction of possible eye strain?
I see out of this eye, but does it belong to me? Am I seeing myself?
Set while at the Jackson-Blofis house in the Hidden Oracle. I headcanon that Apollo deals with a lot of depersonalisation as Lester, especially in the beginning when this body didn't feel like his yet.
It's quite a feeling, to look in the mirror and realise that you recognise 'your' body, and yet it dosen't feel like yours, it dosen't feel like you.
also rip i forgot how hard it is to draw full pieces with colour i'm outta practice. I kinda just had an idea with the eye imager and tried to wing it ;a;
yet another phm idea for the masses to consume as either a potential headcanon or fic prompt
feat. depersonalisation
ok so first depersonalisation can be experienced for a number of reasons including but not limited to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, hormonal shifts, ocd, and various other mental and personality disorders. and i’m sure we can all agree that grace has been chronically stressed for a long while and also probably has ptsd. so he totally could experience depersonalisation.
and here i’m referring mostly to the feeling of being disconnected from your body and/or inhabiting your body kinda like a ghost. sure you’re in the body but the body isn’t you.
and then of course all the things that come with depersonalisation of that flavour like treating your body and brain as separate entities from yourself that you sometimes need to wrangle into submission or negotiate with to get things done.
idk my thought process was that maybe the rock aliens feel more solid in themselves since their brains are made of crystals and they never forget, etc? i just think it could be fun to watch eridians be baffled by the concept of feeling like the body and brain aren’t part of yourself. it’d probably start with the lil phrases.
“sorry, my brain is being stupid.” -> maybe for anxiety grace can’t seem to shake despite consciously rationalising his feelings and deciding it’s not that scary
“c’mon brain work with me here.” -> maybe grace forgot something and is trying to remember
“my brain is being mean to me.” -> nightmares/intrusive thoughts/anxiety
“my body just can’t follow orders right.” -> perhaps said in reference to his clumsiness
“my body just won’t get the memo.” -> said in annoyance when his body gives him hunger cues that he can’t follow because he’s trying to ration
“it feels like my body is betraying me.” -> when they’re getting close to erid and grace is getting sick
and if you wanted to go even deeper you could even connect it to the fairly widespread human belief that our consciousness or soul is seperate from our bodies and can move on to other planes of reality or inhabit different bodies or linger in places without a body after we die. or maybe tie it back to having a brain that’s mostly water making us feel much more fluid and we therefore can easily feel disconnected from ourselves? there’s lots of ways you could take this tbh.
you could also play with different severities of depersonalisation if you’d like! maybe it only feels mild during the mission when it’s kind of helpful to disconnect and just work as hard as possible. but then once there’s suddenly 4 years of downtime with no particular objective to work towards and with the lack of focus and direction to keep grace tethered the disconnect feels much more like a problem. maybe rocky gets really concerned because sometimes grace just loses connection with his body and sits trapped in his mind looking out, and that manifests as lots of spacing out, dissociating and sitting very still staring off at nothing.
go for your life really
and as always anyone is free to adopt these ideas for personal headcanons, aus and fics they want to write!
