#microcosme11

[isthenapoleoncute]

Rating: Cute!

Napoleons make great companions for children. Sure, it looks like the Napoleon is considering whether this boy is edible, and whether or not he should unhinge his jaw like a snake and swallow him whole as a yummy snack, but!

1.) napoleons hardly ever do that

2.) when they do, it’s usually against naughty British children who ate dessert before dinner or didn’t do well on their lessons or disappointed their parents

3.) this napoleon looks so content! And napoleons are bad liars and quick workers. If he wanted to eat the boy, he’d already be eaten

[isthenapoleoncute]

I had a sexy statue of Napoleon installed in my backyard and someone wrote graffiti on it: "If I live, you will die." What kind of coward would do such a thing?

A stupid one. What sort of Napoleon owner would not be proud to die for their pet Napoleon? One time I had to produce an ax to chop a great white shark's head off to protect my Napoleon's; I'd do it again

(Artist's rendition of me defending my Napoleon from a shark).

Also, I like how the Napoleon you submitted looks like he is trying imitate his sister, Princess Pauline! What a good boy!

[isthenapoleoncute]

Rating: Cute!

As caterpillars go into cocoons, this Napoleon has morphed into a First Consul! He has a luscious red pelt and - oh, look! He’s started to shed his hair. I’m especially pleased that he has a suspicious glint in his eye, as this means he has not succumbed to hubris as Napoleons are prone to do. An excellent specimen.

[isthenapoleoncute]

Rating: Cute, for what he is!

This is an unusual Napoleon, another who is definitely not from the Napoleonic Wars. But he's a happy, healthy Napoleon who likes solving mysteries and having adventures on a Man Called UNCLE! One time, I saw this Napoleon stop one of Robespierre's descendants from nuking the entire world, which was a weird episode for several reasons, but it's what I remembered.

[isthenapoleoncute]

Rating: Probably Cute! But beware!

Your Napoleon wants to show off his hands! Napoleons love their hands and think those are their best feature. He’s not hiding it in his jacket, no sir, he’s showing it off! A proud Napoleon! A happy Napoleon.

But is he a healthy happy Napoleon? Hmmm

The way he’s rubbing his belly makes me wonder if he has a tummy ache! Napoleons are very susceptible to tummy problems, even if they don’t always vocalize it. Maybe take him to a vet. Better safe than sorry!

[isthenapoleoncute]

Rating: Cute!

This Napoleon is owl-shaped, but he's still got that Napoleonic moxie and characteristic strut. My concern is, why is he naked? Silly Napoleon! You should go put on some clothes!

Aww, he's still cute tho, little baby. Probably too excited to go forth conquering and to conquer to worry about pants!

[isthenapoleoncute]

My Napoleon might have spent too much time with my friend's Murat. He's lost all control over his clothes allowance (which I assumed would be small since he only wore two uniforms at all times) and my credit card bill will be enormous. What to do?

Rating: Cute!

Okay, it might not be cute for your bank account, but in terms of this being a happy and healthy Napoleon, it checks out! Napoleons sometimes like trying new outfits; in Egypt, they try on turbans; around Murats they might want to mimic is flamboyant style of fashion!

If it really bothers you, do what the Napoleon's companions did in Egypt: laugh at him a bit. He'll get embarrassed and revert back to his normal pelt!

[isthenapoleoncute]

I think my Napoleon killed someone

Rating: Cute!

I think your Napoleon just made this person faint. Maybe he announced a divorce. Or maybe this woman was dramatically begging for her husband's life and knew that a fainting spell would add the necessary drama. Or maybe he beat her Pokémon.

Throw some water on her, and she'll be fine.

And if she isn't?

Eh. Well, your Napoleon cannot exactly conquer most of Europe by not killing anybody, can he? Grow up.