first of all, i wanna say i’m going to talk about age gaps + such (woa!!) so it’ll be under the cut. dunno how to tag it tho. I want to clarify that I am 19 and my partner is 18. Normal age gap, we would’ve been in the same graduating class if we both didn’t move schools, yadadada. It’s a gap of like, a year and four months - literally nothing
kinda a long-ish post alsooo
i’ve been thinking back to that time when i got kinda dogged on for claiming them as my date.
i’m a middle, i’m 14 cause i’m basically part of us during the pandemic (oh wow it’s been six years). whatevs, that’s personal context that i don’t need to further clarify.
basically i was in a server where i had called our date… Our Date. i think they ❓’d me or i’d talked about middle stuff before, I don’t know. but this person asks if *i’m* dating our partner. to which i say yes, since i am.
queue concerned spiel that i’m getting groomed and “I don’t know how your sys hasn’t realized it. you should break it off with them. they’re 17 and you’re 14… the year gap is bad”
which. WHAT. bodily we were 18 at the time. also ages get fucky in systems and stuff. i had 18 years of life experience and am the older one in our relationship.
they said that maybe i was trying to act “big” and that my partner should be more of a caregiver role for me. …i could not fucking imagine that ☝️ i have a very big crush on them forever
this is basically just me complaining about people sticking their noses and assuming things.
they didn’t know or seem to care when i brought up Real and True things such as
1) Bodily I am an adult and understand my own feelings of maturity better than someone else
2) I wouldn’t try and force my S/O into a caregiver role
3) I had a hugest crush on them 4ever
4) just saying “our S/O” or “my S/O” shouldn’t prompt all that actually
5) i am the one that approached them! it was a very honest conversation of (this is paraphrasing obvi), “Hey, I really like spending time with you and I have a crush on you. I know I’m like fourteen in my head so I get if you’re uncomfy with it. I know a lot of other parts are on kissing terms with you and i’d like to be too..!!! Also i’m sorry and if you wanna just be friends that’s okay too!!!!”
6) My S/O took their time in responding (super fair)
7) we only date when we are both comfortable with it. we only kiss when we are both comfortable with it. etc. every day is a case by case basis and that’s fine. it’s what’s good for us
8) matter over mind!! we would've graduated together if it wasn't for moving around and shit!!
i understand being concerned, but trying to get me to instantly break up with my partner and/or force them into a role that NEITHER of us want nor need them to be in is weird as fuck.
i don’t think some people realize that different parts from different systems have different things they're comfortable with. just because i’m scared to drive doesnt mean i can’t date or whatever.
like if you wanna get trauma-metaphor-y with it (our sys is very metaphorical) then of course i want to be able to be dependent on someone else in some way! we were 14 when we went through puberty, of course i’m gonna wanna date about it!!!
i’ll probably filter some of this into a better post that isnt just me bitching !!! cause this is something i have strong feelings about in general.
