can we likebe normal about introjects who do not use canon pronouns. cool yeah, i do NOT care that this character uses they/them canonically. when you talk about ME as a PERSON, you will use she/her because I use she/her. can i matter more than some fucking pixels, please?
and i’ve had people assume that we’re transphobic of some kind because i, an introject of a character that uses they/them, use she/her. like NO??
it feels like “introjects aren’t source!!111!!!11!!1!” goes out of the fucking window when you use gendered* pronouns and you’re sourced from a character that uses they/them
yea, no. i didnt interpret the source material wrong or anything like that. I personally used they/them for a bit until i realized she/her made me SO much happier. And that’s great! i am not bound by my source
*yes, gendered in particular. In our experience introjects that use neopronouns or it/its have better experiences in getting their pronouns respected. This is not a broad statement but just our experience. I’ve also seen parts that use he/him get treated better than parts that use she/her from the same source. WHAT THE FUUUCK, let me be a GIRL.
I do not need to explain why I use she/her, just let me be a fucking GIRLL!!!!!!
first of all, i wanna say i’m going to talk about age gaps + such (woa!!) so it’ll be under the cut. dunno how to tag it tho. I want to clarify that I am 19 and my partner is 18. Normal age gap, we would’ve been in the same graduating class if we both didn’t move schools, yadadada. It’s a gap of like, a year and four months - literally nothing
kinda a long-ish post alsooo
i’ve been thinking back to that time when i got kinda dogged on for claiming them as my date.
i’m a middle, i’m 14 cause i’m basically part of us during the pandemic (oh wow it’s been six years). whatevs, that’s personal context that i don’t need to further clarify.
basically i was in a server where i had called our date… Our Date. i think they ❓’d me or i’d talked about middle stuff before, I don’t know. but this person asks if *i’m* dating our partner. to which i say yes, since i am.
queue concerned spiel that i’m getting groomed and “I don’t know how your sys hasn’t realized it. you should break it off with them. they’re 17 and you’re 14… the year gap is bad”
which. WHAT. bodily we were 18 at the time. also ages get fucky in systems and stuff. i had 18 years of life experience and am the older one in our relationship.
they said that maybe i was trying to act “big” and that my partner should be more of a caregiver role for me. …i could not fucking imagine that ☝️ i have a very big crush on them forever
this is basically just me complaining about people sticking their noses and assuming things.
they didn’t know or seem to care when i brought up Real and True things such as
1) Bodily I am an adult and understand my own feelings of maturity better than someone else
2) I wouldn’t try and force my S/O into a caregiver role
3) I had a hugest crush on them 4ever
4) just saying “our S/O” or “my S/O” shouldn’t prompt all that actually
5) i am the one that approached them! it was a very honest conversation of (this is paraphrasing obvi), “Hey, I really like spending time with you and I have a crush on you. I know I’m like fourteen in my head so I get if you’re uncomfy with it. I know a lot of other parts are on kissing terms with you and i’d like to be too..!!! Also i’m sorry and if you wanna just be friends that’s okay too!!!!”
6) My S/O took their time in responding (super fair)
7) we only date when we are both comfortable with it. we only kiss when we are both comfortable with it. etc. every day is a case by case basis and that’s fine. it’s what’s good for us
8) matter over mind!! we would've graduated together if it wasn't for moving around and shit!!
i understand being concerned, but trying to get me to instantly break up with my partner and/or force them into a role that NEITHER of us want nor need them to be in is weird as fuck.
i don’t think some people realize that different parts from different systems have different things they're comfortable with. just because i’m scared to drive doesnt mean i can’t date or whatever.
like if you wanna get trauma-metaphor-y with it (our sys is very metaphorical) then of course i want to be able to be dependent on someone else in some way! we were 14 when we went through puberty, of course i’m gonna wanna date about it!!!
i’ll probably filter some of this into a better post that isnt just me bitching !!! cause this is something i have strong feelings about in general.
i wish more plural-oriented apps did not have "plural" or "multiple" in the name!! i really do understand why they do, it makes sense. however when trying to be discreet, it's really hard when i have apps and bookmarks for PLURALkit, PLURALspace, SimplyPLURAL, PLURALlog, etcetc.
I know there's some that don't (write.lighthouse i love you), but a majority do. it's a simple way of signaling wtf their app/site is for. However I Want To Be Discreet with My Bookmarks if Someone Were To Take A Glance Or Something
and i'm just jealous of plurals who could have simplyplural and stuff on their phones while under parental watch.. i wish mine were ignorant to tech things like that!!!
maybe it was just the communities we were in and around, but it feels like a lot of people were inflamed at others saying things like “my parts” “your parts” and “their parts”
I remember someone’s response being something like “I don’t say “my headmates” since they’re not mine, they’re people not objects,” when they were asked a question of “what’s it like for headmates that aren’t fronting?”
maybe it was the general time (this was like.. 2020/2021)? but i remember seeing this everywhere
it never made sense to us since, it would be like saying “my friends”, “my family”, “my teacher” and whatnot. you’re not claiming ownership, but rather relationship/comradeity(??). like i don’t own “my partner” but we share partnership status. i don’t own “my teacher” but they’re still the person who teaches me.
im bad at wording but like.. It makes sense, yeah?? there’s a difference between “my toothbrush” (object, claiming ownership) and “my friends” (real people, claiming bond).
i think a lot of people saw “my parts/alters/headmates/facets/etc” and assumed it was in an ownership way, for some reason
Hello plural community. In front of you is a cool dollmaker. You decide to use it to make some avatars for parts that don’t have one. That’s cool! Dollmakers are made to be used. You update wherever it is stored, Pluralkit.. Simplyplural.. Lighthouse.. Just wherever.
This is where you have a choice. Do you credit the dollmaker? No, no, I don’t mean “I made my av on picrew!”. I’m asking if you credit the specific dollmaker, whether by the name of the dollmaker or the artist behind it. Oh, you’re not going to? Whatever, I’m sure I can find some sort of mark, they often add that to dollmakers. Not like the artists ask you to just say who made it, not like you’re using art from someone else.
“Dollmakers are made to be used!” I.. already said that. You should also credit them. You should credit any art or image. Yes, I understand the pains of being unable to find credit. It’s annoying. However, you didn’t really make it. Even if not for the sake of crediting artists, don’t you want to be able to reference back to it easily? Don’t you?
anyways, that’s that. maybe it’s cuz we’ve had our art stolen, but we are sooo fucking anal about making sure all of our parts have artist credit for their avatar. i’m not trying to claim a moral high ground either (i’ve had people be a jerk about that), but it’s so annoying to us. especially when it’s a cool looking thing! i either want to follow the artist or use the dollmaker for myself, but there’s a serial lack of credit!!! i get so many responses of “I made it on Picrew!” or “I made it on DollDivine!” or “I found it on Pintrest!”
THAT ISN’T GIVING ME AN IDEA OF IT’S SOURCE!!! Dollmakers are easiest to deal with since they do tend to have a maker’s mark of some kind, but otherwise trying to reverse search can be a fucking pain. especially if they have used a mask or effects on it (i am not against this, it looks cool but please credit), it is hard as fuck to reverse search.
we have one part where her art was posted on a platform that is gone now, and we acknowledge that. in the meantime? she is doing her best to draw herself. we are personally bothered by the lack of verifiable source.
i understand that you can get really attached to something that’s a faceclaim, but don’t you want the artist that made it to get more support? what if someone else sees that dollmaker and thinks it’s cool, maybe you and them share a feature that not many dollmakers have and they want to represent themselves that well too.
i’m not expect everyone to be as hardass about it as we are to ourselves, i don’t expect exact links, but even just a mention of “picrew was [Picrew Name!]” or “dollmaker by [Artist123]!” helps so much.
“How do I deal with my annoying, bitchass persecutor alter (whom I hate)?” is something i see WAY too much EVERYWHERE. this is barely hyperbole, it is just the shorter version of what i see.
Have you tried talking to them and being nice to them?
Are you being pushy? You shouldn’t do that. They probably need space.
Why do you badmouth them at every chance you get? That is not helping.
Do you respect their privacy?
No, I don’t think they’re just evil.
“They’re just reactionary!” They are probably reacting to their emotions and traumas.
Are you punishing them, jailing or something? Are you hurting them for expressing themselves? Are you even telling them why you’re doing that?
Can you have a mature conversation with them?
Are you being kind to them?
Do you understand that people do things for a reason?
Have you considered trying to accommodate them?
Can you shut up, I feel bad for them.
“But they hurt me!”
I’m starting to think it was somewhat prompted. You sound like an ass.
People aren’t just “evil” for no reason.
Okay, even if they are a bad person… you should be nice to them.
Are you being kind to someone who is hurt?
Are you being kind to an extension of yourself in a sense?
Are you reenacting what was done to you, now that you have the power to be the abuser?
I think you’re just punishing them for being hurt.
Have you tried talking to them?
Have you tried showing compassion?
Have you tried being a good person to someone who needs it?
Can you be nice?
Can you try? Can you try harder?
Sure, I understand that sometimes it's more than that. I know that people (plural or not) can be cruel without reason. Yes, this is more through a disordered lens. No part should be forced to talk. I think a lot of angry, hurt, and/or sad parts would be more willing to quit those "bad behaviors" (are you trying to train them like a dog?) if you showed grace.
Being unconditionally respected as a human person is healing and opens so many doors for everyone. Unconditional love is genuinely a life-altering thing. You have to extend grace. Everyone should be allowed respect, dignity, and privacy.
What point of behavior is there to where they forfeit these basic things?
I understand not having the tools or methods to fully help, but I am telling you that compassion goes so far.
As a part, my story related to this is very nuanced and I understand that nothing in plurality is black and white. There is a difference to being gently spoken to and told that I shouldn't front alone, for everyone's sake -- that I am allowed anatomy, even if I tend to negatively spiral quicker than others compared to being harassed, hurt, and isolated for displaying emotions that other parts repress.
If a child does something wrong, how do you communicate that to them? Do you lash out at them or do you talk to them?
There's a difference between immediately reacting (short-term) to forever isolating and disrespecting a part (long-term). Other parts were displeased when I first did some things, which is a fair reaction. However, they didn't punish me. They helped me.
Compassion goes a long way, especially when it's people in your brain that you will live with forever or for a very long time. You cannot sustain suppressing every part that does something wrong or expresses emotions wrong.
Sometimes, there may be nothing you can do. That is okay too. Everything is different for everyone.
I would like it noted that I speak from the lens of disordered plurality and this is my personal experience. I understand that I am not a monolith and I am just a random blogger with another crude username. This is something I have seen in younger, older, newly discovered, and plurals who have known about their systems for years. Although, it is mainly in younger and newly discovered plurals, I have seen community pushes into this mindset. I do not think this is healthy.
I think everyone should show compassion, grace, and love to themselves and their parts.
why do people act like littles can do no wrong. like why do people think it’s fine to be mean when they’re either a little or in littlespace.
irl i’ve had people be so mean, disrespectful, and boundary-crossing when they regressed since “you know how kids are.. i was in littlespace, it’s fine!”
i am fighting you (when you’re big so you have the advantage that you will need). kids aren’t jerks like that. they’re blunt and make observations that are meant to be neutral. yeah kids CAN be mean, that’s a thing (i got bullied as a kid by kids).
but regressing or being a little isn’t an excuse to be mean, i’m going to put you in the timeout corner for smacking me.
you can literally set boundaries with kids, it’s not “too complex”. you might have to use simpler language or explain some things but children are nicer and smarter than people give them credit for. i do not CARE that you’re regressed, i am not letting you tug at me because it HURTS.
im literally a little too but i am NICE and POLITE!!!!!!! when i regress i do my best to be KIND and GOOD!
