#mindswehave

[mindswehave]

27 Things I Learned Before 27.

Brush your teeth before bed every night.

It’s always worth it to wash your makeup off after a night out. 

It’s the people, not the place. 

If you’re lucky, no one loves you more in the whole entire world than your mom. 

You don’t know the outcome until it happens (5 ½. Anxiety is just made up conspiracy theories about yourself).

You experience time on your own timeline. 

You have power – use it. 

When you have the idea, you’re ready. 

You’ll never regret buying the concert ticket. 

Your BEST friends are the ones you can sit on the couch with for hours without speaking…and you also have no photos with them. 

Always listen to the music you love, no matter what. I’d recommend starting the day with “Unwritten” by Natasha Beddingfield every once in a while. 

Karaoke is always a good idea. 

Your friend’s success is your success. 

Buy. The. Shoes. 

Don’t spend too much time with the unenthused. 

Listen to the music and watch the videos your friends send you.

You teach others how to treat you.

Brooklyn is best. 

So is home. 

Your sister knows you better than anyone in the world. 

Don’t buy into trends. And don’t buy something just because it’s on sale. 

Make a "dinner making" playlist.

It’s never worth it to stalk your ex on the internet.

Save voicemails from your family and friends. 

Everyone thinks they are bad at their job. 

Keep your old journals. 

Change is one of the most beautiful things we are allowed to experience – never stop learning about yourself.

[mindswehave]

Some words I read recently that have been helping me get through.

[mindswehave]

Wait.

Jacob Norris . March 18, 2020

These types of stories are commonalities for me at this point, and honestly they’re probably expected.

It was a cold night in February two years ago. I was with three friends of mine, Josh, Meghan, and (of course) Olivia in my apartment in Brooklyn. It was the type of hangout where everyone gets along but you really hone in on one person—and to no surprise I was all in with Olivia. Liv would probably describe me as the bad influence brother because I always feel it’s my obligation to bring the party. So, mid-hangout I roll up a joint for me, Josh, and Liv (a smoking novice at the time). About 10 minutes later, we were rolling around my bedroom belting Rent followed by word-for-word raps of Childish Gambino’s “Bonfire.” Everyone is a bit theatre-gay meets wannabe free-styler right?

Anyway, we practically exhausted ourselves from the instantaneous choreography and dove into the type of conversation you have when you’re high. The existential type of convo that makes the rounds of politics, sex, our futures, why people have foot fetishes, our moms, what the fuck is mayonnaise and why do I love it, loneliness, etc. Let’s not forget that this whole conversation has been backed by music; a soundtrack to enhance the vibes. 

Somewhere along the way, the conversation splits off into pairs so, naturally, Olivia and I dive into our love of music. Being the genre bending junkies we are, we made the rounds until I realized I had to take advantage of this Mary Jane moment.

I looked at Olivia and basically just said buckle up. I turned my speaker all the way up and played “Wait” by M83. It’s a song that feels like it could be placed in any scene of my life and it would make sense. So, eyes closed and in perfect silence, we just listened. The final note played and I sat up, tears streaming, only to find Olivia doing the exact same thing. We just stared at each other, chuckled, wiped our tears, and then cried again. It was just emotional serendipity. We both were feeling such different things yet both were so in sync. We’ve shared experiences like this a few times since and I guess we are just riding the same wave length on a regular basis. I don’t know how to describe it but I’m happy I have that with someone.

I love you, weed. I love you, music. I love you, Liv.

[mindswehave]

The Eating-Too-Much-of-an-Edible-to-Seem-Cool-in-Front-of-your-New-Boyfriend to Having-Otherworldly-Visualizations-that-Lead-you-to-Believe-you-Knew-him-in-a-Past-Life pipeline

Heather Sillins. January 22, 2024

(Photo via Vice)

I first met my now-boyfriend when I was coming out of a toxic relationship. I was really in no place to be starting over with someone new, but the pull I felt towards him was undeniable, so in true 21-year-old fashion, I said fuck it and took a leap of faith. We had been dating only a month or so when he invited me to spend the night and take some edibles. I ate more than I should have with great confidence – as if it would make me seem like it wasn’t one of the first times I had done edibles (once again, in true 21-year-old fashion). Well, about an hour in I started to completely trip out. I was laying in his arms, in his bed, when I began thinking about how new the whole thing was. I spent the year prior feeling like my legs were buried two feet underground in a sandstorm due to my last relationship turning in a direction I had never expected. Perpetually flirting with leaving my ex but incapable of committing for far too long. On a random Friday night I was able to make the dash and ran directly into someone else’s space. I was happy about it, but somewhat alarmed by how quickly I was moving on. Now I was in a new man’s bed with my head on his chest, out of my mind off half an edible, trying to act like everything was how it should be. I felt weird. I felt like I knew him so well without really knowing him at all. I felt shocked by my ability to leave my ex-boyfriend of 3 years in the dust one random Friday night. I felt so at home and so confused by the comfort this new person brought me. I told him I needed to close my eyes and turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the thoughts written on my face. My eyes were closed, my mind was racing. Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I was looking into a slightly shifting milky glaze – comparable to looking at a glass slide through the lens of a microscope. After a few seconds the space was stained with purple and blue dye. The dye swirled around before falling into its form – the side profiles of two skulls – one larger – blue, and one smaller – purple. In an intuitive wave, and with no cognitive reasoning, I somehow knew it was us. It felt like an image of our souls resting together in a past life. I imagined a different version of us buried next to each other in a cemetery plot somewhere in the world. I internalized it as a sign that I was where I was supposed to be. That this person I had only known for a few months was going to end up being someone very important to me. Someone that changed my life. Someone that showed me what the word love really meant. I felt overwhelmed... and a bit out of my mind. Here I was with a brand new person, panicking in his bed, on an internal spiritual journey uncovering our past and future, and I couldn’t even tell him because I had only just met him. But I felt it without a hint of doubt. All my fear of starting over with someone new melted away that night. It was the only time I felt connected to a life that I, consciously as my now-self, had never lived. A few months later he told me I was the color purple. He wasn’t sure why, he just saw purple and thought of me. Again, a wave of peace came over me. Still, I didn’t tell him what that meant. A year or two later, I told him what I felt that night. He laughed at the thought of a younger version of me panicking over a sense of destiny while he was oblivious next to me – totally enamored by Regular Show or Shark Tank or whatever mindless show we had on. It’s been nearly four years since that moment and it still leaves me with a sense of clarity that I can’t quite explain.

[mindswehave]

Hey all, Making a brief return to say a few things I’ve been thinking about:

Healing is not a gorgeous tree-lined one way street. Sometimes you get turned around right back to where you came from and that’s because you’re learning.

Don’t waste precious time sulking over things completely out of your control. You can only control yourself: your behaviors, what you’d like to change, what you’re okay with.

IDon’t miss out on the good things by spending too much time with the unenthused.

You don’t always need to be excellent. Sometimes you fuck up. It doesn’t make you any less.

Live by what you love. Spend time with your hobbies and passions. Listen to your friends. Hug your family.

IThink about grounding techniques. Who, what, where holds you down? Reach out for those things when you need a hand…it’s okay to get help.

I

💚

[mindswehave]

ctrl.alt.delete.

Sabrina Talbert . August 13, 2020

The summer after my freshman year of college, I got my first and only tattoo while in London. Earlier that Spring, a former professor of mine did a lesson on Stoic philosophy. He explained that the Stoics believed the key to living a happier life was to avoid getting emotionally invested in the things that were out of your control and instead preparing the mind for those unforeseeable moments. They also believed in teaching yourself how to respond rationally to what was in your control. The paper plane itself has no real attachment to me, but I felt it embodied the message.

I often find myself wrapped up in existential matters that I can't change much about. This includes issues like world hunger, poverty, access to education, human-trafficking, racism, etc. I can do everything that I, just one person, can do to make a difference and inspire change. However, one person can’t magically fix it all; that’s just not realistic. I consider myself to be somewhat of a radically empathetic person. That said, I have a tendency of getting emotionally invested in things that are impossible to understand or simply out of my control. There are some problems that will never get fixed in my lifetime, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. I love that I can apply the meaning of my paper plane to everyday scenarios...not just big issues, but the small stuff too.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Stoicism requires a lot of internal digging to tackle your emotional responses and train your mind to accept the uncertain. There are some things we will never be able to fully prepare for. Life is unpredictable, and all you can do is focus on the things you can control and let go of the things you can’t. There’s no use in entertaining things that are out of your control for longer than what’s necessary.

Applying Stoicism to my life hasn’t been easy, and it’s still very much a work in progress. Nonetheless, my tattoo is my daily reminder that I am in control of my peace. Regardless of all the things I can’t control, I have the potential to be in complete control of what I let influence my happiness. It’s also a way of holding myself accountable for what I’m capable of doing in response to or in preparation for what life throws at me. It’s a little reminder to ask myself, “Did I do everything I could?”

[mindswehave]

This is a quote I came across when looking more into how to grow a brand via social media. It stuck with me because of my new found interest in HOW and WHY we use Instagram. Especially now that we have been quarantined and stuck inside for longer than ever before, we are spending a lot more time staring at our screens looking for entertainment, attention, something to buy, etc. But I don’t think our relationship with social needs to be negative. I believe that social media was created with the intention of sharing and a way to connect with like-minded people all over. Whether it’s in the same town, the same state, or the same country, social media allows us to stay in touch with each other no matter where we are. There are unfortunately many negative aspects of social media that have come up over the years, trust me I know. However, social media is a TOOL and if we are using it in a positive way - uplifting ourselves & others for example - we can totally change the course and direction of some of those negatives. My biggest thing is having INTENTION. Follow people who make you think, who make you happy, who inspire you, and people who make beautiful posts that are just nice to look at.

Follow brands you believe in! Share comments, reply to comments, reply to stories, and share posts on your own stories. Leave a caption. Use a hashtag. There is so much we can do as instagrammers to use this platform to its full potential. Let me know how you will use the app more intentionally below - I’m happy to hear and always open to new advice 💚

[mindswehave]

I Am Enough.

Emma Trivunovic . July 24, 2020

It’s hard for me to forget a good idea once it comes to me. And this was one of my best.

I enjoy irony and making people question things they usually wouldn’t.

I hope whoever reads this understands the importance of storytelling afterwards.

Last year, I took a queer studies course over the summer. I took this class for a lot of reasons, but mainly to educate myself on the queer community and to learn how to be the best ally I could be. I didn’t expect this class to impact my life forever, but alas, here we are. Pretty soon into the course I began questioning myself—am I queer? Is it possible to be sort of queer? Am I queer enough to be considered queer? Do all the kids who take this class immediately question their existence??? The topics we covered regarding identity and gender I began to heavily relate to. I started to freak out. I told myself, "stop trying to latch onto these descriptions because you think it fits you, it’s not who you are." And then we were assigned to read To(o) Queer the Writer by Gloria Anzaldúa and it changed everything. I was reading something written by someone from my culture. I began to feel less in denial about my feelings.

“Queer readers want to interact, to repeat back or reflect or mirror, but also do more than just reflect back and mirror—to add to the dialogue,” (p169).

This finally made me realize my personal dialogue and that my feelings were worth investigating. From a young age I was pushed into gender norms I knew didn’t fit me. I had 2 older brothers that heavily impacted my life. I wanted to be like them and act like them so bad I even tried to dress like them. But, my mom wouldn’t have it. She’d call me a ‘changa’ (female monkey in Spanish) and drag me to do my least favorite activities. Shopping for holiday dresses still hurts to think about—I remember being so miserable, hating the feeling of putting on big stupid dresses. The feeling of being forced to do things and not understand why I was doing them still stings to this day. My identity, I was positive at this point in my class, was more on the nonbinary than female side. My feelings were real and valid.

Later on in the course, I remember reading something about how society has constructed subliminal ways to put women in boxes. This really resonated with me relating back to how I felt growing up. What it came down to, in my mind, is as a woman, you’re either two things in the eyes of society—a lady, or not good enough. A lady is respectable. She sits with her legs crossed, speaks when she’s spoken to, and cooks dinner for her family. Her hair is always neat, her clothes are never dirty, and she’s always pleasant. You see it in your mind and think “that is what a lady looks and sounds like, what’s so bad?” Well, what bothers me the most about this mindset is we’ve lost sight of the most important thing about her—she’s a woman before she’s a lady. Good for the girls who can go out looking put-together with a smile on their face. I’m genuinely happy for them. But that doesn’t make the rest of us butches or bitches—more labels given to women by society who don’t align with its expectations. I shouldn’t have to dress to society’s standards to earn respect. I shouldn’t have to look a certain way to be worthy of attention. Who I am for what I am will always be enough. I refuse to change for anyone but myself.

When I realized how much power the word ‘lady’ held in the world and in my personal life, I did the only thing that seemed logical—tattoo the word on my middle finger. So I can give the world a big fuck-you whenever I don’t meet its expectations. For all the times I was told as a little girl to sit and act like a lady while wanting to scream—this is for you, girl. Fuck the world and its expectations for young girls and women. Fuck it all to hell. Don’t be afraid to rethink what you thought you knew about gender. Normalize accepting different points of view. Accept and love one another.

(This tattoo also represents how 'lady' can be used when referring to royalty, so i can be royal bitch, too).