CW: Hallucinations, Loss of Sanity?, References to Suicide
The first night ███ was gone, Adrien slept in his mother’s old room. Maybe it was because ███ had spent some time in there before parting, maybe he just couldn’t bear to spend a night in his one bed now that it was missing a person in it. Regardless, with her absence, Adrien was told the nightmares would stop. Plagg even swore to stay in Adrien’s room as a show of assurance, saying that such things could only happen while in the direct presence of a Miraculous. …And, for what it was worth, Adrien would never in his life have enough knowledge to prove nor disprove this assertion.
But the nightmares… really hadn’t stopped. Something was different, yes, but his sleep was still disturbed. It felt like going over memories that he wasn’t sure were ever his own. A lot more nebulous, perhaps free-flowing, like crystal-blue water washing around in his head.
Adrien really should’ve known this the second he had entered his mother’s room. He opened the door with a lot more care this one particular night, taking into account how far along the night had been and how quietly he was meant to operate, both out of etiquette and for his own safety, though mostly the latter. Just a peek into the room before him, and he had fallen backwards, a hand suddenly clasped over his mouth tightly.
It wasn’t every day you saw your mother’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling, after all.
—It wasn’t real, and he knew that. Or, maybe it was more accurate to say he knew he would never be believed if he told anyone he’d seen such a thing. Emilie had died of illness after all, clearly… even if Adrien had never seen any symptoms of it, and even if nobody ever told him what this illness even was. To propose that his mother was stolen from the living world through an act her own was seen as humiliating a dead woman with no means to defend herself—from the accusations, that is. Adrien’s motives for believing so, however, were that Emilie had little means to defend herself in most cases—her marriage to his father especially.
Upon seeing the spectre, Adrien immediately began clawing at his eyes, trying to forget it. With a blink… it was gone, and he was simply just.. well, crazy.
But now he was in bed, thinking about that and more, and as such, sleep evaded him. He’d close his eyes, and feel as though with every flicker open his vision would grow blurrier, but he never got the feeling it was because he was truly falling asleep. Seeing through the eyes of another rather than the visions of Hypnos, as it were. And when his eyes were closed, he’d remember conversations he had with Nathalie, with Gabriel, about trivial matters such as the weather, of work, remember asking Nathalie about anthropology, talk to therapists about the state of the marriage, mention stress and seeing things in the halls that weren’t there and of peacock feathers and…
This wasn’t working, and it hadn’t for years. She needed to get up, precisely because she didn’t know what was wrong.
And so, she sat up in her own bed, tucking a golden lock of curled hair behind her ear. Those darned visions of feathers just couldn’t rest, now could they? She’d never go back to herself at this rate, go back to her career, back to her son. Back to that terrible, terrible arrangement of hers that Gabriel called a ‘partnership’. It was truly, truly terrible that Nathalie had to witness it all, and she regretted ever taking that girl in. Especially now that Nathalie had gone from a consultant to a secretary to a personal nanny….
So, Emilie, now in her bathroom, just stood in front of her vanity mirror and wondered just what she would do to make the visions stop.
…Emilie?
He touched his face—Her face? His mother’s. But it couldn’t’ve been his mother’s face, for then it would be his mother’s hand. He couldn’t, shouldn’t scream, that wasn’t the answer— But what else was there to do? He looked over herself—No, the hands weren’t his own and the shoulders weren’t his own and neither were his legs or his feet or even the clothes upon her body. Fingers not the right size clawed at a face not the right shape— But the eyes were the same. The eyes were the same.
No, it was those damn feathers again! Get a hold of yourself, Emilie. For once in your life keep yourself sane, for your family, for your image, whatever that damn bird hasn’t ripped from you yet. You don’t feel the feathers on your skin, the doctors said they’re not real. Trust the doctors, please.
Adrien couldn’t control what he was thinking anymore— The voices in his head belonged to another mind, another entity. He trashed about, only for every glance at his reflection to show a version of him he’d rather die than be.
They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead.
Emilie tore through every cabinet, looking for something that she’d already used four years ago.
They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead.
Every bottle, every salve and tincture was left to spill on the floor—bleach and ethyl, ammonias and perfumes. What had she been looking for? What was she looking for now?
They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead.
There was no rope, no blade, no razor. The doctors had taken everything from her—Called her a hysteric, a schizophrenic, a liar.
They’ll only stop when I’m dead. They’ll only stop when I’m dead.
Emilie turned to the mirror, her face pale from weeks of starvation. Gaunt, hollow-cheeked and wild-haired like a banshee, making her eyes all the more terrifying to stare at.
They’ll only stop when I’m dead.
With all her dying might, she struck the center of the mirror, causing it to shatter.
…And then, it was gone. Adrien would have to pick up the pieces.
aarrrghh! ok ok ok. getting my ideas out for this whole Emilie&Adrien psuedo-dynamic mindfuckery. as well as the JUICY idea of miraculouses making their holders go insane, often to death in some way or another. Claudia isn't totally important to this so I censored her name out so my Adrinette buddies can imagine it was Mari instead :3
