When I am with you I see myself
I see you seeing yourself.
Our physical boundaries disappear
and I can’t imagine ever feeling alone
again, as long as you are with me.
It’s quite addictive I must admit.
Your accurate reflection makes it
possible to experience myself with
such an intensity, that I keep
wanting to go back to that
feeling of unity.
It's a blessing and a curse to be able to
connect with people in that way.
Look through their eyes,
breath into their feelings.
A blessing because making deep
connections is the most beautiful
thing in the world. We crave it badly,
we need it like air. And you know
that all to well, that's why you do
what you do.
But for you gaining connection
also means losing who you are.
You learned you couldn't trust
people to respect your boundaries
and fulfill your needs, unless you
gave up yours.
Now you made it your expertise
to merge with others and to forget
yourself, trying to fill this always
lingering emptiness inside.
That’s when it became your curse.
Everytime you meet someone,
you start to feel suffocated and
resentful. You despise them for
losing themselves, for needing you.
Feeling your sense of self dissolving
with every breath they take,
or is it yours?
Failing to see that you abandoned
yourself to gain the connection in
the first place. Convinced you gave
them what they wanted, they did not
possibly want to connect with you
for you.
I guess you will never know,
because you won’t take the risk
to feel the pain again of being
rejected for who you are.
Not being sure anymore who that is
exactly, losing it while doing what
you're doing so perfectly.
Feeling robbed from your identity
you need to push away to be able to
sense yourself again. Blaming
others for being needy and attached,
when you were the one who created
the enmeshment in the first place.
You don't want to need anyone
but you make them need you
without having to take responsibility.
And now you wonder why you
attract all these manipulative,
controlling people?
Maybe you need to wipe away the
fog on the mirror.
