#missing you.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

From Stephen: "I read a quote in this morning’s paper attributed to composer Gustav Mahler that stopped me for a moment: 'Death has, on placid cat’s paws, entered the room.' I shoulda known something was up. David and I butted heads a lot over time, but they were mostly glancing blows, yet still left us numb skulls.. I was happy to be at peace with him. He was without question a giant of a musician, and his harmonic sensibilities were nothing short of genius. The glue that held us together as our vocals soared, like Icarus, towards the sun. I am deeply saddened at his passing and shall miss him beyond measure.” 

[StephenStills]

[12-55am]

Twelve.

I thought I knew what love was but I didn’t. I only lived in the moment and enjoyed my time not ever worrying he’d leave. He kissed me goodbye one day and I never knew it’d be the last. He never spoke to me again. I was young and I got mad. How could you just get up one day and decide you didn’t “love” anyone anymore. I did spend a lot of time missing him but never would I take him back, i don’t remember much from those days. it’s been 5 years since then.

Fifteen.

I knew a little about love. Love was the boy with green eyes with a hint of brown. But I always wondered why he’d like to make me cry. I didn’t know why he’d put his hands on me in a not so nice way. He said he did it because he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. I stayed because I thought I loved him and he “loved me” I started to believe I deserved this feeling of self hatred because he taught me it. We started fighting twice a week and I didn’t have a enough energy to put up with it anymore. I finally saw the abuse he was doing and I let him go one afternoon over the phone. I didn’t feel a thing as he cried to me. I didn’t miss him and I still don’t. That was a year ago.

Sixteen.

I knew love wasn’t the boy with the green eyes, that was manipulation. Love was being with the boy with curly hair and brown eyes. He always wondered why I flinched so much. I told him one night and he sat silently beside me comprehending what I said. He hugged me for the rest of the night. He was very understanding and patient with me. He put up with my bad days. He never did get upset when I didn’t want to do anything. I looked at him as a soulmate I guess you’d call it. But I guess he didn’t feel the same way. People change and he found someone else he liked better and one day he left me. I missed him then and I still do now. I’d take him back no matter what. I loved him. It’s been hazy since then. It all happened 5 months ago.

Sixteen-Seventeen.

I always read things about people coming back and a part of me hoped that’d happen to me but another part didn’t believe that stuff. But one day the boy with the curly hair and brown eyes stepped foot back in my life and I accepted him without question. I loved him then and I love him now and that’s not good.

-Ojistah

1.18.20

[kelsey-leighhhh]

I knew as soon as I lifted my head off your chest that night, I would regret it for the rest of time.

[thoughtsnfeelingsofacloudedmind]

I wanted to wish you happy birthday so fucking bad yesterday, and yes; I absolutely rememberd. but I don’t think it would have matter that I did 😞💛

Happy birthday anyway. 😞

[gayforadayeveryday]

Another sunset I wanted to show you. God I hate not talking

[momforaminute-x]

Missing you.

[youaremyfavouritepain]

I want you forever.. even when we're not together..