(Is not a blanket rule, spiritual imperative or moral necessity)
Duncan Trussell& Mitch Horowitz on the DTFH
Mitch: “Switching venues and getting out of relationships that cause agony is the closest thing I’ve experienced to a revolutionary change in my life.”
“You don’t owe your courtesy, your spiritual practice, your understanding to somebody who is directing hostility towards you...and you certainly don’t have to sit around analyzing it or getting into some morbid self-reflection about it.”
[We need friction in life. That’s how we learn many lessons. AND we also don’t have to stick around once we realize some situation or person is not good for us. We can see the experience for what it taught us and move on.]
Duncan Trussell: “Basically what you seem to be saying is this concept of forgiveness being a spiritual law - that you should always forgive no matter what - is madness.”
“Some of my greatest moments of learning in my life have been when I hurt a friend and they don’t forgive me.”
[Duncan reading Mitch’s book]:
“The moral suasion to forgive often places the individual in an unnatural position and produces inner division that gets diverted into other often hostile or self-negating behaviors. That does not mean that forgiveness is unwarranted in given situations nor that it has not healed wounds. It means only that I reject forgiveness as a blanket rule, spiritual imperative, or ethical necessity.”
Duncan: “That’s so liberating. I think so many people are gonna benefit from that..just because all of us are just sick of feeling guilty because we haven’t forgiven somebody who has hurt us. So on top of someone hurting us, we are compounding that pain by beating ourselves up for the fact that we haven’t achieved some miraculous state of letting go of that anger in the timeline that some of these people are recommending that we do.
It’s a very sweet thing. We have to take it easy on ourselves.”
Mitch: “I think we also have to reject being handed down definitions about what is and isn’t real to us. I think too many of us have grown up being told, for example, ‘you’re too sensitive.’ What does that even mean? In my world, being too sensitive is good -is positive. Every artist, every inventor, everybody who ever led a revolution was too sensitive..so I don’t see that as something that needs to be fixed. I think we have permitted ourselves to be persuaded that things in us need fixing that maybe don’t need fixing. Maybe what we need is to be in a different neighborhood and I just want people to feel that that full range of options is open to them.”