#mixedwithmonet

[mixedwithmonet]

me: you know that thing when you're looking through your own pictures --

coworker: *questioning look*

me: you know, like when you're just going back through all your own posts...?

coworker: what are you talking about

me: ...

coworker: ...

me: so, yeah. that's what I did on my day off.

[mixedwithmonet]

I was thinking about how I used to like the Spice Girls when I was a kid

I liked them so much, my mom actually bought me the VHS of their movie, which I watched religiously. By 2000, I was 8 years old and "over it," but lately, I've been thinking about that part of my childhood more, and this has always bothered me: I always wanted to be Posh Spice, but of course I was always likened to Scary Spice. And now, as an adult, I think of how formative and fucked up that is, and how something so little gets ingrained so intensely. The implication was that you couldn't be polished and put together if you were dark with curly, big hair -- no, then you were SCARY! And I spent the next ten years avoiding being "scary," trying (and failing) to tame my big, frizzy hair and being constantly frustrated by all of my features that seemed, in the world at large (and long after I had left the Spice World behind), to point me out as "scary." As an adult, I just see that, even if representation happens, it's important we consider what that representation is. Blackness is not wild, crazy, or scary by default. We are silky, sexy, smooth, "posh," and sophisticated as well. We are just as diverse and multi faceted as other races. The more we restrict what blackness is, the more others allow us to be restricted. These are two unrelated things that are somehow merging in my mind, in my Mindless Morning Musings. I know that Melanie Brown considered sophisticated and that now, but speaking more on the perceptions of a child compared to the realities of adulthood.

[mixedwithmonet]

all is silent, but it's so loud in my head.

[mixedwithmonet]

Really wish I had someone I could talk to about the issues I'm having entering poly relationships.

[mixedwithmonet]

Can we stop saying "black women have curves" as one of our ways of defining black women's beauty? I'm all for embracing the beauty in curviness that has been rejected by white norms for so long, but please stop acting like that's a universal. Black women are beautiful with and without a "fat ass."

[mixedwithmonet]

Gonna change it from heartbreak to heartBRAKE. Nobody gets in without passing some hunger games-esque tests of good fit. Complete stop on all feels until further notice.

[mixedwithmonet]

people get on my fucking nerves.

Coworker: Aww, you braided your hair! It looks good!

Me: oh! thank you :)

[5 minutes later]

Coworker: Your hair is too fine for braids, they're all frizzy and slipping out and stuff.

Me: -__- leave.

[mixedwithmonet]

when all you want is a little love and won't nobody show it to you.