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I SHOULD JUST START PRETENDING I LIKE THESE, SHOULDN’T I?
Happy Turkey 🦃🦃Day you Slut👅👅 Be A Smart 🤓🎓📚📖📝 Ho👅💦💦🍆🌺 And Remember Thanksgiving 🦃 Celebrates The Genocide💀💀🤕😵Of Innocent Indigenous People 👦🏽👧🏾👨🏽👩🏾👱🏽👴🏾👵🏽 So Make Sure to Celebrate 🎉🎊🎉🎊 Getting That Dick🌺🍆💦💦💦Instead Of Celebrating 🎉🎊🎉🎊Thanksgiving🦃🚫🦃🚫
I’m really glad I didn’t read this right after I stuffed my face with all that turkey.
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baileyjcarter replied to your post “ofeliamysteries replied to your post:Question: How big is your penis....”
I DON'T KNOW WHAT DICK SOCKS EVEN ARE. NO
I MADE IT UP BUT IT’S ACTUALLY A THING! SOMEBODY MADE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. WEAR ONE BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T WANT HIS DRUGGY DICK NEAR THEM IN A LOVE SCENE IN A MOVIE.
Caleb tread slowly as he walked towards the front door of the apartment that Bailey J shared with Cobie and Kenzi now. He'd spent all afternoon being too confused to be sad; he didn't understand how things had gone wrong so quickly, but literally none of the theories he had about why he'd gotten dumped factored in that Bailey might be telling the truth about still liking him. He was sure that there was some other reason, something he'd done or something about him that wasn't good enough, and as he raised his hand to knock on the door, he just hoped that seeing her face to face would help him get some real answers.
Bailey rushed to the door as soon as she hear the sound of a knock on the door. Despite how much Caleb frustrated her with his inability to understand her attempt to let him down easily while also making it clear that she didn't want to do it, she was kind of glad he'd been so dumb that she'd been practically forced to give in and invite him over to admit the truth. However, unwilling to even slightly risk Mickey's life Bailey J was attempting to take every precaution to prevent the mysterious stalker from finding out, including changing into a green bikini top and swim shorts to avoid any bugs that the person might have placed in the apartment when they'd broken in before. After unlocking all of the new locks Cobie placed on the door, Bailey J flung the door open and quickly put her finger to her lips signaling for Caleb not to speak before whispering. "I hope you don't mind getting wet but if you want to know what's going on I have to talk to you in the shower just to be safe. Okay?"
Caleb was starting to think this was all too much for him. He'd come over here to ask her why she'd dumped him, but she'd flung the door open and Caleb hadn't even gotten a word in edgewise before she was whispering that he needed to follow her to the shower. Were Cobie and Kenzi the reason that she had to break up with him? Were they still mad, and since she hadn't gotten to poison him, this was their price for letting BJ live with him instead? He'd just wanted a nice girl he could finally let himself open up to again, and instead things were...crazy. Still confounded, Caleb tilted his head to the side, nodding slowly to agree to her terms. "Are you like... trying to have break up shower sex with me or something?" he asked stupidly, although he was still too hurt by the events of the day to even take in how great she looked right now. "Because I'm not sure I'm into that."
Bailey raised an eyebrow at Caleb and had to seriously pause and attempt to figure out why he would even think she'd do something like that. "What? Neither am I! I told you why I invited you over." Bailey J hissed before leading him into the bathroom and turning on the shower before she stepped into the tub. "What I'm about to tell you is beyond top secret so I need to be extra careful that that creeper can't hear anything. It's literally life or death."
Caleb narrowed his eyes at Bailey J, not sure why she was the one acting confused when nothing she'd said all day had made any damn sense to him. She'd shot down all of his theories about it, too, so Caleb kept having to come up with new ones, each more and more unlikely than the last. Shrugging, he gave in; it wasn't as if Candice hadn't put him through worse hoops every time she'd dumped him, so he slipped his shoes and socks off, set his watch adn cellphone on the toilet lid, and stepped in after her. The water hit Caleb, making him swat water out of his eyes and miss the first half of Bailey J's sentence, which left him scrunching his nose. "I mean, I'm really bummed that you dumped me, but I'm not going to die over it, I promise."
Bailey pulled two pairs of swim goggles out of her pocket, remembering how hard it would be to focus with so much water in their eyes and handed Caleb the pair without her prescription in them before she continued speaking. "What? That's not what I meant at all!" Bailey J yelled, hoping the judgement in her tone was evident despite the sound of the water rushing around them. "I got a message from this creeper that's been harassing the gang about Gabe's murder. They sent a creepy video from outside of Mickey's window. They said I had 48 hours to dump you and get back together with her or she'd be in the morgue too. She'd be the one to die, not you." Bailey J made sure to clarify just in case Caleb decided to be annoying again.
Caleb could just barely make out Bailey J's shake in the spray of water, and he took a step backwards, pressing his back against the wall of the shower and trying not to stumble. He nodded gratefully for the shower goggles, although he didn't put them on - he'd found a good spot where the water didn't blast his eyes, and he was more focused on trying to hear what Bailey J was saying. "Wait, you dated Mickey?" was the first question he managed to sputter out, surprised. Bailey J had always kept the identity of her girlfriend from high school a secret, and this was news to him, and his lips pursed together in confusion. "So you mean you really didn't want to dump me?"
Bailey glared at Caleb's first question, not even believing that of all things that was his first question. "Seriously? Of all the parts to focus on? Yes, I dated Mickey forever ago. That's barely the point!" She said before sighing at his next question since she was almost certain she'd texted him that a number of times as she tried to dump him. "Of course I didn't! I just got you, stupid."
Caleb shrugged; he'd told Bailey all about his ex, and he'd never heard much about hers, but now he supposed he knew why. There were a ton of questions he still wanted to ask, like what she even did when she hung out with a person who didn't watch TV, but those seemed kind of beside the point right now. He had to remind himself that even if she didn't want to dump him, he and Bailey J were still technically broken up, and he wasn't quite sure what was supposed to happen now. "I didn't know! Candice always managed to find little stuff I messed up to dump me for, I really thought there was something and you just didn't want to tell me what it was." Caleb frowned, a part of him wanting to reach out and hug her in relief, but the other part of him remembering what she'd said, about Mickey's life being in danger. "So... what are we supposed to do now?"
Bailey couldn't stop herself from wincing hard as Caleb brought up his ex-girlfriend. While she usually managed be pretty chill (in her opinion) about Caleb's ex randomly being brought into their conversation. Ofelia's comment about Bailey J acting just like Candice was still fresh in her mind, so Caleb 's bringing her up really irritated Bailey J that time. "Can you stop bringing Candice up when we're talking about me? I'm not like her, okay? I tried to tell you what was going on the best I could." Bailey J explained, starting to twist and tug on a lock of her hair as she tried to think of an answer. "I don't know... Especially now that you know what's going on, it feels really stupid to say that we're broken up for real."
Caleb frowned; he didn't want Bailey J to think that he was comparing her to Candice, but it was the only experience he'd ever had, and his brain automatically just compared the situations whenever things started to get tough. "I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry." Caleb brought his hand up to run it through his hair, frustrated with the whole situation. "But if we don't say we're broken up for real, then doesn't - I mean, I really like you, and I want to be with you, but I also don't want Mickey to die. So I guess we kind of have to sell it, right? To keep her safe?" Caleb hated the idea that he and Bailey would have to be split up, and a part of him was even scared she'd start liking Mickey more than him again, but what could they really do?
Bailey shrugged her shoulders a little. "It's fine." She answered trying to actually mean it. After all, she was fake dumping him for her ex so a simple comparison to his was really nothing. "I only have 48 hours to pull it off, so it's not like we'd have to sell it for very long."
Caleb tilted his head to the side, but it was hard to read her facial expression when it was blurred by the water. "Are you sure?" If there were other issues, he wanted them out in the air now, before they broke up with some kind of plan to get back together later on. "So like - in a few days we just pretend that we had a fight and that it's better now?" Caleb asked her, unsure. This was all getting too real for him, and he shuddered a little at the idea of Bailey J failing. "Do you think you can do it? I mean - how long do these people want you to stay with her?"
Bailey shrugged again awkwardly. "I don't know. It's bad enough Ofelia thinks I act like her, I don't really like that you seem to think I do too sometimes." Bailey J answered, just barely remembering to keep her volume loud enough to be heard over the shower. "I think so? There wasn't any time frame on how long I have to be with her. I don't know how I'm supposed to be able to do it though, we dated for two years and I'm still pretty sure it was just an accident on both of our parts. She compared us to the blues brothers and Anna and Elsa last time I talked to her." Bailey J said with a shiver, that was part weirded out-ness and part worry.
Caleb chewed on the inside of his cheek. He didn't know how to respond to that; Ofelia was his best friend, and knew him better than anyone else. If she'd said that Bailey reminded her of Candice, it was because she really thought that and was just looking out for him, trying to spot problems before Caleb himself caught on. But there was no way Bailey was that bad; she'd made him happier than he'd been in a long time, so he tried to ignore that part and focus on the more important topic at the moment: saving Mickey's life. "Two years is a long time; why did you guys break up? Maybe you could just apologize for it or whatever and try to pick up where you started." He tried not to laugh at the disgusted look on her face. "I've totally seen people talk about Elsa and Anna being in love on the internet, that's not that weird of a comparison. Plus she's happy and you're grumpy, I get where she's coming from."
Bailey kicked limply at a puddle when Caleb didn't even attempt to disagree or make her feel better about Ofelia's comparison. "We broke up because I was going through some stuff senior year and backing out of going to OSU with her really pissed her off. It's not really something I can really make myself apologize for." Bailey J said with a small shake of her head, not even bothering to entertain the idea of actually apologizing. "Okay disgusting. I have sisters, comparing myself and my ex girlfriend to sisters is honestly the most disgusting thing I've ever heard and I'm resisting the urge to puke now."
Caleb nodded his head slowly; all of this was starting to sound familiar, although it was a little weird that he'd heard it from Mickey, a virtual stranger, and not from Bailey J herself. "Oh yeah, she mentioned you were supposed to be her roommate - the girlfriend part, though, not so much." In spite of how serious it all was, and how tense he still felt thanks to the uncertainty of what they were supposed to do next, he couldn't help but chuckle at her comment. "Well, if you're going to puke anywhere, at least it would just like get swept away down the drain right now. I can hold your hair and everything."
Bailey shrugged unconcerned about what Mickey told Caleb. "Well yeah, she's not into talking about liking girls like at all, so that makes sense." Bailey wrinkled her nose for a second at the joke before laughing too. "Gross, we haven't even been together for a full month yet, I'm not going to puke in front of you."
Caleb frowned; someone who wasn't even into admitting she was interested in girls didn't seem like she'd be an easy person to start dating overnight. "Do we need to come up with like a wooing plan? To make sure you guys can get back together super fast and get this over with?" he asked, trying not to pout at the idea of Bailey J having to sell a relationship that wasn't him with someone else. At least it wasn't like Mickey would be into PDA and would be kissing his sort of still girlfriend all over Coolsville. "So? You think I'd stop liking you just because you got sick? I'd even like you if you were gross and snotting all over me, or puked on my shoes. Although diarrhea, that one might be a dealbreaker."
Bailey cocked her head to the side in confusion. "How would a wooing plan even work? Mickey isn't really type of person where flirting and stuff would win her over that fast. And I don't know about you, but even though I'm not 100% sure what we even are right now, I really don't feel comfortable with having sex with her just to make some stalker happy." Bailey J giggled at Caleb's response, she had never for one second pegged him as the type to stop liking her for being a functioning human, but she did love the reassurance. "As sweet as that is, I still think a little mystery in the relationship is good. Besides, I could accidentally make you associate me being in a bikini with throwing up and that would actually be the literal worst thing ever."
Caleb grimaced at Bailey's suggestion. Was that what she thought wooing someone was? Just trying to have sex with them as fast as you could? "No, no, I don't mean that! Like... buy her flowers, get her her favorite candy, take her somewhere she likes, make her a romantic scavenger hunt, cook her dinner with candles -- that ind of thing," he corrected, not wanting to give off the wrong impression. "The idea of you actually hooking up with anyone else sucks, I hope you don't have to do that to eep her alive." When Bailey J drew attention to her bikini again, Caleb couldn't help the way his eyes raked over her body, appreciating the view. "Yeah, I really don't think anything you did would ruin the bikini for me."
Bailey considered all the ideas Caleb offered and took a mental note to figure out how to make any of those ideas work in the short time frame she had left. "Those are all really great, I'll keep those in mind. I don't think me having to hook up with her is that big of a possiblity in order to keep her alive, so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." Bailey J laughed again and smirked mischievously at Caleb. "What if I got a marker and wrote a very detailed summary of why Jaws isn't that great of a movie all across here?" She asked running her fingers across her chest, barely able to control her laughter as she did so.
Caleb realized that he had just blurted out a ton of future date ideas for Bailey to use on someone else, but what else could he do? He wans't an asshole; he didn't want anything bad to happen with Mickey just because he was jealous of the girl he was dating being with someone else. Or not dating... That was all still super unclear, but he couldn't worry about that until Mickey was safe and sound. "Just do whatever it takes, okay? I get it, whatever's going on right now is more important than you and me." Caleb's eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened, and he pressed his hands firmly against the wall of the shower so that he didn't take a step closer to Bailey J when they were supposed to be 'breaking up' instead. "Well, I guess I'd just have to help you wash all those lies right off, then."
Bailey nodded. "Alright, I will. It's not like it's supposed to be for some lengthy period of time, so we'll be back to normal soon enough." Bailey J's eyes widened too in surprise at Caleb's reaction and then smirked even wider. "But I have a tendency to ramble sometimes when I write essays, so it would probably have to be written on the bikini too to make sure there was enough space. Would it be ruined then?"
Caleb had nearly forgotten that they'd come here to focus on a serious topic like a murderous blackmailing psychopath; somehow, in the near month they'd been dating, he and Bailey had managed to take things pretty slow physically. He wasn't sure if it was more his doing or hers, but she was basically giving him an invitation to stare at her boobs, and he was a guy who had always appreciated the view along with the person herself. "Well, you don't have to wear it forever, do you?" he asked, feeling his cheeks burn at the comment. In case it was too much, though, he quickly added, sputtering, "Or, you know, you could turn it inside out or wear my t-shirt or whatever."
Bailey was a little confused by Caleb's apparent embarrassment at his comment. She didn't really see anything particularly wrong with the comment and wondered what she was missing there. "Of course not." She answered with a small shrug as she tried to act more unaffected than vaguely confused. "It's pretty thin, and probably really easy to take off even on accident." Bailey J said fingering one of the strings on it while she spoke. Since Bailey J's personal issues with close contact didn't make it exactly obvious that she didn’t mind speeding up the physical aspect of their relationship, she didn't mind taking advantage of her and Caleb's habit of flying through topics to make it a little more clear while he was staring right at her.
Caleb wasn't always the best at reading signals; he'd definitely been tentative about being a boyfriend again, with the way that things had gone with Candice while they'd been together. He wasn't used to having to read the signs and make the moves, he was used to being bossed around and told exactly what to do - but he grinned a little, thinking maybe, just maybe, Bailey was giving him a sign right now. It was weird to go for it when they were being blackmailed and threatened and forced to break up, but with a shrug and a shy grin, Caleb pointed out, "You know, most people don't even wear bathing suits in the shower. Or, like, anything at all," he added as an afterthought.
Bailey smiled back at Caleb once it was clear that he was perfectly fine with going in the same weird direction she was attempting to turn things. "True. So it's kind of dumb that we're both fully dressed, isn't i-" Bailey J started to ask before cutting herself off as she remembered that she was trying to initiate things in the shower she shared with Cobie and Kenzi, who probably defiled the shower more often than she washed her hair. "Actually, you know what. We probably should get out of the shower completely. I mean, you don't want a cold do you? We should probably go in my room now that we're finished talking about the other thing."
Caleb hadn't even realized that the water was already starting to cool down until Bailey J pointed it out. He'd started to psych himself up for the idea of finally doing more than just the kissing and hand-holding that had sort of been established as the norm between them, and he'd actually been really looking forward to it... but reality came crashing in, and the moment was lost. "Um, actually -- speaking of the other thing, I should probably go home, right? We don't want to make the stalker dude suspicious, and stuff would be... you know, more special later, when it's not maybe putting Mickey's life in danger for me to be around you," Caleb stammered, adjusting the belt he'd forgotten to take off before climbing into the shower to try and get more comfortable.
Bailey slightly widened her eyes, a little surprised that Caleb was actually turning her down. Not because she had a lot of faith in her seduction abilities at all, she just really hadn't been expecting that. "Um, if you want to I guess? Are you sure you want to drive back in wet clothes like that?" Bailey J asked awkwardly as she turned the shower off and stepped out of the shower trying not to look disappointed at all.
Caleb reached out to grab Bailey J's hand, but she was already slipping out of the shower. He stepped out after her, wrapping her in a hug since they were both already wet anyway and kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, I may as well really sell it, right? Maybe our stalker dude will think I'm so heartbroken about being dumped that I tried to drown myself in your toilet and you had to like, forcibly kick me out or something," he hypothesized, not sure if they were being watched or not. Maybe he shouldn't even talk about it all being an act in the privacy of the bathroom, since Bailey J had been worried enough about a bug to have a chat in the shower.
Bailey immediately felt better after Caleb followed her out of the shower with a hug. "Trying to drown yourself in a toilet? Sounds weird enough to be believable for you." Bailey J giggled quietly in case of the bug, moving her arms to return the hug for half a millisecond before pulling away. "Can I get a 'break up' kiss before you go or is that off the table too?" Bailey J whispered, putting air quotes around the word break up with a tiny conspiratorial grin happy to hopefully be getting one over on their antagonist.
Caleb tilted his head down -- way down -- to meet his tiny girlfriend's lips, trying not to grin too much. It was nice to know that this wasn't going to end forever, the way he'd been worried it would just a few hours earlier. Instead, there'd be a lot more of this - someday, when they were safe again. "I'm probably the desperate loser who tried to kiss you one last time to change your mind," he murmured against her lips. Pulling back reluctantly, he joked, "So did it work?"
