all of our flaws

dig them up, let's finish what we started. dig them up, so nothing's left untouched.

[gentlesharks]

Baby Blacktip Reef shark!

[cutie-sharks]

D'awwwwwwwwwwwww

[gentlesharks]

[gentlesharks]

[cutie-sharks]

Cutie!

[gentlesharks]

[cameramancaleb]

TEXT || CALIA

Ofelia: The only people to ask would be Jace and Cam. And fuck knows where Cam is or if he's even alive to ask. And what if they both have different answers? It being 50/50 is like not having an answer at all. DON'T WORRY. HE'S ACTUALLY PRETTY FAIR WHEN IT COMES TO THAT KIND OF STUFF. Because you are better than that. It looks like her definitely. And I guess it looks like Milo too, but I don't really remember what he looks like.

Caleb: But doesn't Bailey J know where Cam is? Still, you're probably better off without that tool so I wouldn't bother looking him up. I doubt they'd have different answers, though. Wasn't Cam even still into you when he was getting Cobie pregnant and stuff?

Caleb: Hey, uh, instead of talking about how much Bailey J sucks, though, why don't we talk about you. Like, the whole not having babies thing, are you okay? You're not dying, right?

[cameramancaleb]

Do you want to build a snowman?

Yeah, I guess? But we’re on an island so right now I’d rather build a sandman.

[cameramancaleb]

Why do you want to meet your baby cousin so bad?

I mean, at first it was because I like babies and I was curious, but now mostly to piss Bailey J off.

[cameramancaleb]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

This sentence makes my head hurt.

[cameramancaleb]

rank your sex partners and critique them

Ofelia, she’s the best person I know so it makes sense she’d be the best at this. Plus she’s the only one I had sex with more than once, and she was like basically my trainer so she was obviously really good at it if she was like teaching it. 

Bailey J, because at least she didn’t leave right after it was done and tell me I better not think it meant we were going back together.

Candice is literally in jail forever, does that not tell you something about how much she sucks?

[cameramancaleb]

TEXT || CALIA

Ofelia: Maybe, but it's not like I've ever taken a poll to find out. I KNEW ABOUT HIS SIDE HOES BEFORE WE EVEN GOT ENGAGED! MAYBE I HAVE A SIDE HOE, YOU NEVER KNOW! Hate her in peace without calling her a bad mom! Caleb, I have seen her with my own two eyes. You're seriously starting to slip into crazy town, babe.

Caleb: I'm actually surprised, you're the girl who used to fill up whole binders with info about us but you haven't even done a poll :-p I GUESS THAT'S FAIR GAME. JUST MAKE SURE HE CAN'T NAIL YOU FOR THE SIDE HOES IN YOUR PRE NUP I GUESS. Meh. How come I can't be mean just this once? Okay, but think about this: maybe she stole it. I mean, does it actually look like her and Milo?

[cameramancaleb]

did u ever try any drugs??

Just pot. And normal cooking mushrooms, not the psychic kind.

[cameramancaleb]

Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yeah, grandma had an open casket funeral. It’s ‘cause she died on Christmas Eve and we had to prove to Richie she didn’t get run over by a reindeer.

[cameramancaleb]

baileyxjames:

You’re not meeting her at family gatherings or at anything ever.

Pretty sure “good mom’s” don’t forbid their babies from going to family gatherings with their dads and meeting all their relatives.

[cameramancaleb]

baileyxjames:

BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID! I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE STUPID, BUT YOU’RE LIKE ONE PUFF OF WEED OR SLIGHT BRAIN INJURY AWAY FROM BEING AS SMART AS KENZI. We’re not sort of related, you dipshit. That’s not how being related even works. It’s not withholding information when it’s not your business!

YOUR MEANNESS ISN’T GONNA BRING ME DOWN TODAY, 23 YEAR OLD MOM WHO GOT STUCK LIVING IN FLORIDA! If it’s not my business then why did Milo bother hiding it? OH WAIT, CUZ IT’S RELEVANT AF.

[cameramancaleb]

TEXT || CALIA

Ofelia: Yeah, but I think he also likes being romantic with people so that was probably more important to him than mourning me. I'll definitely have a lawyer by the time it comes to sign, but I'm sure it'll be fine. He's not exactly a diabolical mastermind. SHE REALLY LOVES HER KID, CALEB. SHE DOES THE BEST SHE CAN TO BE A GOOD MOM. I KNOW YOU'RE MAD AT BAILEY J FOR SLEEPING WITH YOUR COUSIN AND FOR BEING MAD AT YOU, BUT IT'S NOT HER KID'S FAULT.

Caleb: Eh, I think anybody that loses you is probably a lot more bummed than you think they are. ANYONE WHO'D WANNA HAVE A SIDE HOE WHEN HE HAS YOU HAS TO HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM, THOUGH. Okay but like, a concept: I just wanna hate her in peace, let me live! Besides, I have no evidence the kid's even real since she won't let me meet my cousin so yolo.

[cameramancaleb]

did you fuck a shark

JOKE’S ON YOU, I’VE NEVER HAD SEX WITH A SHARK! But if someone wants to dress in a shark costume and seduce me, like... bring it on.

[cameramancaleb]

baileyxjames replied to your post “Why do you want to meet your baby cousin so bad?”

lol nah

That doesn’t even make sense! I didn’t say anything that deserved a ‘nah’ in response!