Feb 27, 2023
a gnarly side effect of living alone (and by that I don't just mean "your abode is only yours" but rather "you do not move through life on anyone else's schedule and are not beholden to anyone or anything day-to-day") is a sort of double-edged hyper-independence you train yourself into.
#like#going ''I want to do something'' and then finding a way to make that into ''I am going to do something'' is a very streamlined easy process#simply.#there are very few barriers. there's no rearranging of my life or consulting of anyone's schedules but my own.#and when arranging shit with people these days is so often full of people pulling out last minute or just refusing outright because life is#busy or crazy or overwhelming (I get it)#it's SO easy to go ''fine I'll just do it myself'' and there's no 'fear' or whatever of doing it alone because: you do everything alone!#like sure my rejection sensitivity is also partly to blame in some cases because I take it so personally when people cancel last minute#or even when people don't have time for me in their busy lives (like I get it but I can get upset. it happens!)#so sometimes the ease of saying ''fine. I know how to do this myself.'' is SO easy that it becomes the default#and then there's no fear of people letting you down so you just. do it.#mneh.
