he’s to put together the pieces &. to wonder why they’re to
constantly insist they have no idea. it’s in his HEAD, he says, to be ignored by
them; if you CHECK you’ll find it, &. while they disregard him, disregard what
akira believes to be facts --- he’ll not know himself, what it is.
he’s not to trust doctors, in any case ( how dare they treat
him as if he’s nothing more than a machine ), but he’s heard good things from the
internet, when he’s been permitted to cruise it. ( even in the midst of all the pain,
he’ll understand not all are the same --- maybe. )
( headache will POUND in his head &. he’ll find his vision blurring. )
despite this he’s to run, run from them, they’ve done NOTHING to ease his pain, only to
pour more &. more into his blood, he’ll REJECT them, apologise to his grandfather for
forsaking his memory ( ah, to beg &. beg the stars &. heaven, please understand he’s
doing this to stop the pain, even if it must end with death--- ).
he’s to remember the map of the city --- painstakingly memorised,
even when he claims the headaches get worse the longer he’s to TRY, a sob will rise as
he SCORNS the weakness in his body, why can’t it keep up with the pace of his mind? ( why
did it all happen to HIM? )
ah, his mind will not CLEAR, but he’s to make it to the desk anyway. ( unable
to see the woman clearly as he pants for air to fill his lungs, to feel the flush burning his face--- ).
will straighten with all the dignity he’s able to muster, realises he’s not to know
if he entered the right building --- perhaps this place is even owned by the very people he’s to run
from? but perhaps he’ll have a sympathetic ear ( even if all doctors are the same---- ).
“ my head--- ” oh, the words will stop, &. he’s not to form any more words, body
will lose strength ( he should have taken some of the ‘ medicine ’ with him before he left --- what a
stupid genius he is ), will cling to consciousness before he feels his body nearly give way ( NEARLY,
not quite ), grabs onto the first thing his hand will reach, wants to plead with whoever will listen---