Diary of a Self-Absorbed Empath
Today, I’m a traveler and I’ve spent the better part of my airport lag time in souvenir shops and bookstores. There is a bestselling trend taking over 2019: How to remain empathetic and genuine. So many authors out there are pleading for readers to be their true selves. Self-help books are a guilty pleasure of mine, but this subgenre had me puzzled at first. It’s strange that modern people must be purposeful about caring for others and removing themselves from their own priority bubble. I thought being decent was a given. After all, social science frequently asserts that humans are inherently good. But we have limits. Hard ones. Inherent goodness does exist, but it is not a state of being, it’s a means of currency. I used to believe my capacity for caring was above average. I work as a civil servant, I’m a reliable friend/daughter/sister, animal lover, and a seasoned volunteer for worthy causes. On paper, I’m a real stand-up gal. However, I’ve come to realize that I’m eerily similar to the city suits who don’t hold the door open for anyone and veer far away from the homeless on the street. We are all selfishly moving through our days, only set apart by what motivates us. For example, I feel most empowered when I learn and can apply a new concept. I love to submerge myself in the unfamiliar and gain understanding. So, as a middle-class Caucasian millennial living in western culture, what could be more unfamiliar to me than racial and class disparities? Or how about the chronically ill? I consistently associate with these groups of people either directly or indirectly through various organizations and not solely because I have their best interest in mind. Although to be fair to myself, that’s part of it; I do want to help. My main driver is my addiction to having a more “well-rounded” viewpoint of the world and gaining self-reassurance of my own life and identity by way of comparison. Most of your neighborhood philanthropists are some version of me…. our return on investment is just some insight to grow wiser with. Other individuals give time or compassion in exchange for status or monetary gain, that’s the price of their goodness. For every dollar donated to UNICEF or hour spent at the soup kitchen, you get extra voter approval, improved company branding, and maybe a super wholesome Instagram post. However, the bottom line is that all of the aforementioned exchanges are perfectly okay. A good deed is a good deed. Empathy is the new theme of our generation and I fully support it! Nonetheless, we should accept the fact that egotism trumps everything. Let’s be aware enough to embrace how we are evolutionary hardwired. Keep making it a point to step outside your comfort zone and interact with the folks outside of your herd. Be selfishly empathetic because it’s better than doing nothing.
**Disclaimer: I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a long time and for whatever reason, this man’s sign finally compelled me to jot my thoughts down. I’m not sure if jetlag has helped or hindered this post but hopefully I made some kind of point.
