Finally managed to sleep a full five hours, had my first clear & detailed dream in fucking months - do you know what my stupid brain did with it? This superior product of millions of years of evolution? It cooked up a scenario where our pediatrician was Sue fucking Sylvester for some weirdo reason, and she was all mean and matter-of-fact and twice as tall than I am and this is legit how the conversation went:
“Hello, Mrs Frog. How are you doing?”
“Uhm, fine thank you. The baby -”
“We’ll get to that in a minute. I meant: are you working? Are you making any money for your family? At all?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I know you’re a translator, so - here - this is a leaflet about sex work, it’s something I suggest to all my translator moms - it outlines the different paths your career could take, see - you could have customers in your home - do you have a guest room by any chance? - or this is how you set up a webcam system, all the technical details, bits and bobs -”
“What?”
“Come now - even at your age, you’d be making double what you are now. Furthermore, it’d greatly increase your chance of getting pregnant.”
“Getting...what?”
“Mrs Frog, it is a well-known fact that breastfeeding while pregnant will dramatically increases your milk’s nutritional quality, and therefore your child’s IQ. See here? Stephen Hawking had a younger sibling, so did Einstein. It’s because of a hormonal response - at least, that’s the best theory we have for now. Further studies on sloths and puppies are currently ongoing.”
“Look, I’m not sure -”
“Of course, if you’d prefer to jeopardize your baby’s future - ‘Mom always knows best’, that’s been our motto for five decades now...and I have to say, I’m disappointed but not surprised that your husband’s not here...I know, I know, we still have that sign on the door - safety regulations, and how we only admit one adult at a time? But that’s an old sign, Mrs Frog...don’t tell me you still believe in the pandemic? Anyway, I think we’ve finished here - no no, there’s no need to see the child - this is the 21st century, Mrs Frog - here - just take some measurements with this (*hands over banana*) and send the numbers to my office so we can check on baby Frog development. A good day to you now.”
(For the record, I would have taken anything. One of those blue screens with flying toasters sounds like fucking heaven right now. But, nope.)
