#monic rambles

[glorioustiel]

there’s a lot of unreleased graphics on my draft and i just?? ? who dis

[glorioustiel]

tbh i feel like unless i physically harm myself, no one will actually acknowledge i am struggling with mental illness thing

at this point i am just living because i know i will die eventually. even though i do hope that the day will come sooner. everything is shit, i am fucked up, genuinely cannot see any future tbh it’s all useless anyway, covid or not, we all gonna die 

[glorioustiel]

that feel when you accidentally turned on your thinking™ mode at night and cannot sleep

[glorioustiel]

ok i haven’t been here for a long time and i just want to say that, i’m mostly doing fine.

(( not that anyone asked about my condition, i just want to give you guys an update ))

my job is ok, although i feel kind of slow and unproductive. but i’m trying to fix it.

i feel somewhat burdened with school bc i gotta make my final thesis but i’m also busy working my ass off. 

my sleep schedule is messed up, i used to sleep at 10pm and woke up at 5-6am, now i can only sleep after 1am and wake up at 8am.

also, i’m in a “relationship” with a guy who makes me feel conflicted

like

i love him but he’s not a “good christian neighbor” type of guy. he looks like a thug but sometimes, he looks dazzling too. he smokes. he doesn’t dress neatly. he hates everyone. he doesn’t go to church even though he’s a christian. he’s got a stable job as an ux lead and he’s good at sweet nothings (and i am a sucker for cheesy lines too). he gives me surprises, he shows up when i need him. i’ve never liked someone this much.

god i’m probably gonna regret writing this later but i just, i want him.

then again, i’m not sure if i /really/ like him for who he is or is it because i don’t receive much affection from anybody (i feel that everybody always prefers somebody else to me) and he gives me the attention i craved

kthxbye sorry for the ramblings

[glorioustiel]

honestly being tagged in things makes me so happy because it’s like?? ? you think of me?? ? you remember me?? ? i don’t even remember me sometimes

[glorioustiel]

oh my god so today

i was hanging out with my friends when one of them was like, “well, is he your type?” [asking me about some boy who’s texting me a lot these days] and i was like, “not really, no. but i have nothing against him, i don’t know.” and then my other friend immediately said, 

“i’m pretty sure that her type is older mature guys. she’s not into college boys, she’s into their teachers.”

amazing

[glorioustiel]

holiday notice

i’m going to singapore tomorrow until january 1st, i already set up a queue but it only last for.. 2-3 days. if i get some internet there, i’ll be sure to check in here once in a while. i hope you’re all having a lovely christmas and a happy holiday 🎅🎁

[glorioustiel]

i like to think of myself like the description of the “scorpio” column on astrology posts but then i remember i cried watching that dog story from avicii’s “waiting for love” mv lmao