Let me in, please
Kaelix had been worried about you lately, since you hadn't been doing well after your accident. And to be honest, you really weren't doing well, indeed.
≫ A/N: So this is that fic based on his partial cover of "monitoring" that I was talking about. So... uh... enjoy, I guess, idk. I also based it on some theories regarding the song. I am quite happy with how it turned out. Writing it was an absolute joy. I hope you like it!
Contains: female reader, substance abuse, uh I guess angst as well somewhat?, there is quite a bit of fluff there too, smut, I am too lazy to think of the rest. It's just really interesting and it has smut, you know what you're signing up to at this point.
Art credits.
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DING DONG
Your doorbell rang, but you were barely acknowledging it. Even if the doorbell was loud as fuck, in your current state, how could you? You took another swig of your whiskey and a puff from your joint afterwards.
DING DONG
You were sure you heard right this time, but you couldn't be bothered to go and check, so you stayed in your spot on the couch. The doorbell rang a few more times, and then you noticed your phone buzzing on the table. You had turned it to silent mode because you knew this was going to happen. Reluctantly, you picked up your phone and squinted your eyes when the bright screen greeted your face. 2 missed calls from Kaelix, and a few texts on top of it. Then, the doorbell rang again. You sighed and struggled to get up from the couch, due to the chronic, very aggressive back pain, and the alcohol and weed you had consumed that day. You should definitely take another painkiller soon; this was ridiculous. You shuffled over to the door and looked through the peephole. You were greeted by a restless Kaelix, hopping from one foot to the other, popping his hip and fumbling with his shirt and his phone.
Another sigh left your mouth as you opened the door only far enough to sort of hold a conversation; you didn't want him to see you this way. You knew he hated seeing you like this, under the constant influence of whatever you could get your hands on. Painkillers, benzos, alcohol, weed, just to name a few.
After your traffic accident about a year ago, where you were hit really hard by a car, your back pain and your anxiety about going outside were so severe that you decided to never go outside ever again. You had severe nerve damage and had already had a few surgeries up until now. Those were the few times you had actually seen Kaelix face-to-face without a door between the two of you. He would always be by your bedside, fetching you whatever you needed and gently squeezing your hand when he noticed you were stressed.
Groceries were delivered to your door, and so was all the other... "stuff". You would occasionally hold a conversation through the door, just like you would be doing now with Kaelix. He had been the only pillar in your life for years now, the only person who actually seemed to care about you enough to actually check in on you. And you were thankful for that, truly, but because you loved him so much (in both ways, you later found out, you had a suspicion he was feeling the same way), it hurt even more to push him away the way you were doing lately.
"Reader... Thank fuck you finally opened the door." He said as you peeked your head a little bit around the door, barely enough for him to see your eyes, illuminated by the lamp next to the door of your apartment. "I knew you wouldn't be leaving anytime soon if I hadn't gone to the front door otherwise," you replied, shrugging to appear as nonchalant as possible. But honestly, you were happy to see him. You missed him so much. "I am tempted to ask the obvious questions, but, Jesus, you look terrible. What have you been using today?" he asked as he tilted his head like an adorable puppy. He did that a lot, and you loved that about him. "Just the regular, really. Ordered some whisky for once instead of vodka, I had forgotten how good it tastes," you replied meekly, always embarrassed about answering such questions he asked you. But you couldn't lie to him about it. There we plenty of things you had already been keeping from him anyway.
The main secret being the delusions you often had. Like, really severe hallucinations due to all the drugs and alcohol you had in your system clashing with each other. Often, you would see bright colours, along with Kaelix's face, when you looked through the peephole, imagining the most lewd of conversations the two of you would be having. He would talk to you about how he would hear you having "fun" on your own in the bedroom, about how much he would want to mesh his body together with yours and get lost in a sea of pleasure together, imagining the most sexual kinds of things the two of you would do together when you were so strongly influenced by painkillers and other drugs in your system. Somehow, you always managed to hold a proper conversation when he was actually at your door when you were hallucinating, almost like a different part of your brain carried the conversation while the rest of it was over in lala land. You blamed these particular delusions on your massive, massive crush on Kaelix. God, you really wanted to do those things to him. But in the end, you'd always be alone in your bed, using toys and your own hands to get you off and finish with another drink and a cigarette afterwards.
You heard a worried echo of your name, until you were brought back to earth, and you realised that the sound was coming from in front of you. "Reader.... Reader, are you okay?" Kaelix asked you. You shook your head and lied, "Yeah, I'm fine, just lost in thought, is all." God, you were making such a fucking fool of yourself, and you mentally facepalmed yourself. "Your next surgery is next week, right? The one where they hope they can fix the pain?" your crush asked, and you just replied with a hum. "I really hope they can take your pain away. I hate how much it changed you. And I hope I will be able to reduce your anxiety about going outside, even if for a little bit..." Kaelix said with a slight blush appearing on his face as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah.... Yeah, that would be nice..." you replied, trying your best to not zone out again towards these intimate thoughts about the person in front of you. "Please, text me the exact date and time. I'll be there for you. You know I always will. I want to be there for you," he said as he wanted to reach out to touch your face, but you instantly pulled back. "Don't! Just... Don't..." you said, tears so close to spilling over. You wanted him to touch you so badly, but not now, not like this. Kaelix sighed as he said, "I will be expecting that text within an hour. If you don't, I'm coming back over here, got it?" You just meekly nodded once more and rounded off the conversation to close the door. You sent him a screenshot of your appointment date and time. That night, you pleasured yourself, thinking about Kaelix all the way through. He was just irresistible to you, and you needed him so bad. But after you finished, you fell asleep crying like you often did, hating what you had become so much.
The day of the surgery came, and Kaelix was driving you towards the hospital. Most of the road was smooth, but if you encountered a speed bump, you would wince in pain, and he would apologise. You were being prepped for surgery, and so, Kaelix would be patiently waiting in the waiting room once more. It seemed like an eternity had passed until someone approached him and told him the surgery went well, and he was allowed to see you now. He quietly approached the recovery room and sat down next to you, gently holding your hand while you were recovering from the anaesthetic. After some time, you blinked a few times and fully opened your eyes. For the surgery, you had to be sober, and he loved seeing you like this more than any other way. You threw him a weak smile and, with some effort, managed to lift up your hand to leave a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. Kaelix turned into a stuttering mess when you did that, and tried to leave you alone as much as possible because you seemed really tired, and he wanted you to rest up properly. That, and he was so flustered that he had no idea how to face you anymore.
You had to stay in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were recovering well, and Kaelix would be there as often as he was allowed to. As always, he would get you anything you needed. Getting you whatever food you craved (and were allowed to have), bringing you some soda, and even helping you towards the toilet if you needed it. He offered to help you shower, but the nurses didn't agree to that quite yet. They would be keeping a close eye on you to make sure your body is functioning properly. He would even sneak in a few times far after visiting hours were over. You meant the world to him, and he didn't want to leave you alone. He would whisper sweet nothings to you while you would be drifting off to sleep, and tell you about his day because he knew it calmed you down.
Your release day came, and you were packing up to leave. Kaelix then finally asked you the question he had been meaning to ask you for days. "Reader.... How is the pain?" your crush asked you, giving you a hopeful look. "You know," you replied, "it's barely noticeable now. I am really thankful to the surgeons who did this for me. I am totally bringing them a gift sometime soon." Kaelix was trying his back to hold back his tears; he couldn't believe he had seen you in barely any pain, and also sober, for days now. It was new to him, but he was not complaining. It was new to you, too, but you weren't complaining either. The drive home, you were still really tired, but when you weren't dozing off, both of you would crack some jokes about all the stupid shit you did and said while you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It was somewhat confronting, but you felt like a new life was approaching you now, and it felt okay to joke about it.
In the following weeks, Kaelix would be coming over daily, and you actually allowed him in. He noticed you had stayed sober now that the back pain was much, much less than what it used to be. He would gently force you to go outside with him a few times to get you used to the outside world again. It would start with short walks around the block, allowing you to get some fresh air. But in due time, the walks would become longer and you'd occasionally ride your bikes to your favourite ice cream place to get some ice cream. You even got some groceries together! Both of you would be enjoying life more than you ever had before, and genuinely enjoying each other's company. In the weeks that followed, you did more enjoyable things to provide you with more positive experiences outside again, and you were grateful that he was with you all the way.
At some point, both of you were over at your place, having a few celebratory drinks to toast to the massive progress you've made in recent weeks. It felt so different from the usual drinking you would usually do when you were in such massive pain, and for once, it just felt like something to do for fun. When both of you were pretty tipsy, you finally admitted your biggest secret to him: the delusions you had been having while you were "medicated". Kaelix just listened to you in awe, not sure what to say for a little bit. When you finished your story, there was an awkward silence in the room. He eventually broke it when he said. "You know... I uh... I had been having such thoughts for some time too. Not under influence, obviously, but... Yeah, they were there," The bouncer said while he scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling a massive amount of shame to admit this to you. A shy giggle left your throat as you looked at your crush. At that moment, he just looked so adorable to you, and you decided that if it wasn't happening tonight, it was never happening at all. You took a deep breath and blurted out, "You know... We uh... We can go to the bedroom, if you want," while you were turning 50 shades of red. Kaelix was caught really off-guard, but considering how much he loved you, he quickly agreed.
While you entered your bedroom, you would share some sensual kisses while you stripped each other. He gently pushed you back onto your back onto the bed and whispered, "Please let me know if you're in any pain, okay?" and you meekly nodded. He asked you if you had any condoms, but you told him you were on the pill, which he already knew, actually, so it would be fine. Kaelix held you close as he slowly pushed into you, soon bottoming out.
Both of you moaned out loud, so happy to finally feel each other's bodies after dreaming about this so many times. You soon begged him to please start moving already, and he was happy to oblige. Both of you would be sharing orgasm after orgasm, getting more and more vocal with each passing round. You were overstimulating each other to hell and back, but it felt so incredible that neither of you was able to stop. After, uh, you lost track of time, hours maybe, you felt so tired and overstimulated that you just knew that this would be the final round. You could tell that Kaelix was so close to collapsing as well; he kept holding you closer and closer, while he kept whispering into your ear how much he loved you and how good you felt to him. You would be returning the favour, however, moaning his name over and over while you kept whining about how good he made you feel. It just took a few more thrusts of his hips to help both of you towards that final orgasm. With an incredibly loud moan, both of you had your final release of the night as Kaelix unloaded into you one final time and collapsed next to you.
Both of you took some time to catch your breath as you held each other close and shared some kisses, stealing each other's breath away. You gently pressed your foreheads together, so incredibly happy to finally share this moment together. "You know," Kaelix said, "I have loved you for years at this point. And I am so incredibly happy to see you like this... Sober, enjoying life, enjoying me. It's truly a dream come true," he said as he pressed a gentle kiss onto your forehead. "You know," you started "I told you about these delusions for a reason. Both because I was tipsy, but also because I felt it would be in the past, and I always trusted you. And on top of that, always loved you, too. Please... Stay with me... Forever..." you replied as you were close to tears at this point. Your (now boyfriend?) noticed and gently wiped those tears away with a thumb while leaving some gentle kisses all over your face. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love you so much. And I will do anything to keep you happy forevermore." Kaelix said between long, passionate kisses on your lips. "And I am so incredibly happy to have you in my life, too. You mean the world to me, you know that. And tonight, I feel on top of the world. This is all I could ever dream of. I... I love you, Kaelix..." you admitted in the dimly lit room, a blush covering your cheeks. "Reader... I love you even more. Good night, princess," your boyfriend said as he hugged you as tightly as possible, feeling both of you drift off to sleep soon enough.