Some AcceleRacers profile drawings while everybody else is off buying Silver Series merch
Taking a detour from Motorcity for a bit to focus on the other niche edgy racing cartoon that ended too soon. Figured I use this as an oppurtunity to redesign characters without the limitations of awful early-2000s CGI.
I might expound on this more later, but I just had a thought. What if one day while the Metal Maniacs were searching the junkyard for parts, they found a dog amongst the piles of “trash?”
———
Stray
Monkey was on his third set of bumpers this month. He had the worst luck when it came to his car. Usually, after a fender bender, he’d reshape the metal to the frame and call it a day, but lately the damage had been so bad that he couldn’t just brush it off as ‘adding character.’
That’s why he was at the junkyard. Well… that and Porkchop had been pestering him about getting some spare spark plugs for Old Smokey.
He was about elbow deep in a pile of trashed parts when he felt something poke at his back. He’d been tossing things behind him to make more room for his digging, so at first he thought it was something that had just slid back down the pile. But then it happened again…and again.
With a sigh, Monkey pulled his arms out from the pile and turned around to see who was bothering him. The who actually turned out to be a rather large and mangy looking dog. A Rottweiler with no tags and a comically large piece of metal hanging out of his mouth. Big enough to be Monkey’s new bumper actually.
The mechanic brushed his hands off on his shirt, which was also covered in grime from digging through heaps of garbage for the last two hours, and kneeled down next to the dog.
“Uh…nice dog?” Monkey called to it, uneasiness clear in his voice as he beckoned the mutt closer. “…drop it?” Another less than confident command, but the dog followed it without hesitation, barking in satisfaction as it did.
Monkey carefully picked up the near perfect bumper and walked it over to his car. The replacement bumper had been the last thing he’d been looking for so all he needed to do now was load up his finds and leave. There was only one problem. When Monkey popped his trunk and tossed the bumper in, the dog followed it.
“Hey!” Monkey exclaimed. “Get out!”
The dog did not. Instead, he paced around for a second or two, before plopping down and resting his head on the bumper. He did not seem interested in leaving. Not even when Money tried to coax him out with some left over chicken bones he’d had from lunch.
For a while, Monkey stared at the open trunk with the dog lying happily inside. With a groan, he reached up and closed the hatch and walked around to the drivers side door.
“Tork’s gonna kill me. How am I going to explain this? Hey guys- this dog brought me a bumper and then wouldn’t leave me alone, so let’s give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Metal Maniacs??” Monkey was grumbling. He did that when he was nervous. He didn’t stop grumbling until he reached the garage where the Maniacs hung out. Of course, everyone was there when he pulled up.
As soon as he popped the trunk, the dog came happily bounding out and began exploring the garage, sniffing everything in sight, including the people.
“What the hell, Monkey?!” Wylde was the first to say something about their uninvited visitor, despite kneeling down to pet the dog. The dog immediately lunged to lick at his face, and Monkey though for sure that Wylde would try and throw the mutt off of him, but despite his tense words, the driver looked like he was fighting back a smile.
“He hopped in and wouldn’t get out!” Monkey tried to explain, but by the looks of it, Wylde wasn’t listening anymore.
That was when Porkchop and Taro began to meander over to see what all the commotion was about.
“You brought back a dog?” Taro questioned, his eyes flicking between the hound and Monkey for a moment. He looked unimpressed, but all things considered, that was how Taro usually looked.
“I didn’t mean to he just-” Monkey was interrupted by Porkchop as the big guy leaned down next to Wylde and was the dog’s next victim. The mutt jumped up and put his paws on Porkchop’s shoulders before viciously licking him all over his face.
Porkchop bellowed with laughter as he tried to move his face away to speak.
“He reminds me of Baby.” Porkchop said through fits of laughter. Baby was Porkchop’s childhood guard dog, and now that Monkey was really looking at him, he did sort of resemble the pictures Porkchop had shown him.
“Huh, yeah. I guess he does.” Monkey agreed quietly.
Everyone was so caught up with the dog that they almost missed Tork finally approaching the group. He didn’t look too happy, but like Taro, that was par for the course.
“Thought we’d agreed about not taking in anymore strays.” His voice rang out through the garage as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the mutt. The dog was still having the time of his life, alternating between Wylde and Porkchop. “Get rid of it.” He said, fixing Monkey with a look that had the mechanic shrinking in his boots.
“I’ve tried. He just won’t leave!” Monkey tried to explain, but then, against all odds, Wylde jumped in to help.
“Maybe he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.” Just like I didn’t. He wouldn’t say it. Even if he laid awake at night thinking about how having the Metal Maniacs had likely saved his life. How Tork taking him in when his own brother’s actions, or rather inactions, had landed him behind bars for two years, had comforted him more than he’d ever let on. He was a stray once too. One that bit. They’d let him stay.
“I said no.” Tork reiterated, frowning down at Wylde. Wylde frowned right back until Porkchop spoke up.
“He’d make a good guard dog.” He looked scary enough to spook anyone dumb enough to steal from the Metal Mainacs. Plus it would be like having a free alarm system that you could play fetch with.
“I’ll help train it. Besides we were all strays once.” Taro chimed in, but Tork stayed silent. You could hear a pin drop if it weren’t for the dogs loud, excited panting.
Their leader pursed his lips as he surveyed the group. His strays. His people.
With a frown and a sigh he rolled his eyes and finally relented.
“Fine, but the first time that dog barks while I’m tryna sleep, it’s back to the junkyard, understood?” Tork said sternly, but the dog’s tail stayed firmly wagging behind him.
They ended up naming him Bumper, for obvious reasons. He fit in well with the group. He was protective, sweet, and made a good heated blanket when winter rolled around. He even grew on Tork eventually.
By the end of his first year with the Maniacs, Taro had him fully trained to help out around the garage. Needed something that wasn’t within arms reach? Just ask Bumper to fetch it. People parking too close to their cars at a meet? Bumpers got it covered with a few vicious sounding barks and growls. He even helps Porkchop through storms, curling up next to the big guy whenever he hears one rolling in.
In fact, he helps out all the Metal Maniacs when it comes to their mental health. All in all, Bumper ends up being a great addition to their gang of strays.
Nolo Pasaro - Okay, when I rewatched the Acelleracers recently, I literally had to look up the voice actor for Nolo because I genuinely thought it was Dante Basco (Zuko) for a second. They sound so similar. Plus Nolo’s firey personality and his pride really make me think he’d be a Firebender. “Tork! I challenge you to an Agni Kai!”
Vert Wheeler - I feel like I don't need to say it, but I’m gonna… Vert’s a Waterbender! Water is the element of change and Vert is all about adapting to the different tracks. He’s also a surfer- so… yeah I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory. I swear this dude would become one with the ocean if it was possible. I can’t get the image of him making a surf board out of ice and just using the full moon to make the biggest waves possible for himself.
Shirako Takamoto - Shirako is so chill all the time I can’t help but see him as an Airbender. I also feel like he’d use his bending in the most creative and chaotic ways possible like manipulating the air around his speakers to make them sound louder or clearer. Not to mention that he’d use his bending to mildly annoy the Metal Maniacs. Think blowing their tools just slightly out of reach or speeding by them on an air scooter.
Kurt Wylde - Kurt has such strong Firebending vibes that it literally inspired this post lol. He just seems like such a hothead. He’s got the sass and air of superiority that comes with most Firebenders. It doesn't help that he and Mark have a sibling rivalry that reminds me of Zuko & Azula. Kurt also seems like he’d be able to manipulate lightning, and I’m not just saying that cause he looks like Mako.
Karma Eiss - Karma also gives off Firebending vibes. Her drive for perfection fits the precision a Firebender needs in order to safely manipulate their element. One wrong move and it could mean trouble. Karma would have her element fully mastered. She would have the wisdom to take skills from other bending disciplines and apply them to her own style. She can bend both fire and lightning, and I feel like she’d be skilled enough to turn up the heat for those blue flames!
———
Metal Maniacs
Taro Kitano - Oh, look at that. Another Firebender. I mean come on! He’s the leader of the Scorchers in World Race. His car has a classic flame paint job!! The Fire Nation was literally modeled after Imperial Japan!! There are so many connections I could make here, but what really convinces me is his overall attitude. He follows a strict honor code, and just like Karma, he’s got the control a Firebender needs to be successful. I feel like he’d make a great Lavabender too.
Tork Maddox - I’m getting strong Earthbender vibes from Tork. He’s built as sturdy as a rock, and his personality is just as solid. He stands his ground a lot in the Acceleracer movies, and although he’s got some fire behind his eyes, it’s usually only in response to being antagonized by one of the other racers. He’s the very foundation of the Metal Maniacs and like any good Earthbender, he seems to listen before he reacts. I also love the idea of Tork being a Metalbender.
Monkey McClurg - Monkey strikes me as a Nonbender, but if I had to give him an element, he would be an Earthbender. Mainly because I feel like he could make a great Metalbender. That being said, at my core, I really think he would end up not being able to bend, but he would make up for it by being an extremely creative inventor. He just reminds me of Sokka so much with how resourceful he is.
Porkchop Riggs - Porkchop is a full on Earthbender, baby! In fact, If Monkey ended up not being able to bend, he’d be who Monkey goes to for all of his Metalbending needs. He is one with the dirt. Especially since he's terrified of water.
Markie Wylde - Markie is 100% a Firebender as well. Like his older brother, he’s hot-headed and cocky. He gives off those Book One Zuko vibes in most of the Acceleracer movies. I don’t think he’d have the precision to be able to produce blue flames, but I do feel like he could pick up combustion. Could you imagine Markie with combustion tattoos up his arm instead of the stuff he's got now?
———
Bonus Round
Brian Kadeem - Okay, I wanted to put Kadeem in the Earthbender category due to Sandbending, but Kadeem’s personality SCREAMS Airbender. He’s got too many pacifistic tendencies and is just so damn loveable I can’t not associate him with Aang. Not only that but due to the scenes in World Race where his mentor comes to him in visions, I feel like he would be able to connect to the Spirit World quite easily.
Banjee Castillo - Surprisingly, I feel like Banjee would be an Airbender too. If not an Airbender, then probably an Earthbender. He’s just so quick-witted and has such a lighthearted view on life that I can't help but stick him with the Airbenders. Also, the way he teases people (like when he waves at Kurt as he passes him in World Race) reminds me of when Aang is being mischievous.
Acceleracers HC’s! Road Trip Roles! Metal Maniac Edition!
Metal Maniacs
(Taro Kitano, Tork Maddox, Monkey McClurg, Porkchop Riggs, Mark Wylde)
+Bonus Round
(Doctor Tezla & Lani Tam)
Metal Maniacs
Taro Kitano - Taro is the mediator and is in charge of making sure the group is alive by the time they get to their destination. I love the Maniacs, but these idiots will pick a fight over the stupidest shit. Obviously they’re all friends, they’re welded, but when Porkchop starts snoring like a buzzsaw, and Wylde starts kicking his seat to get him to stop, someone HAS to step in. That’s why he’s also in charge of discreetly picking the seating arrangement. Before every trip he strategically packs everyone’s stuff in the van to where they basically have assigned seats if they want to easily reach their bags.
Tork Maddox - One of the drivers but due to his role as leader, he’s also in charge of planning the trip. Whether or not that plan is actually carried out exactly as written is anyone’s guess really. No matter what happens, he seems to always have a solution for it though. No gas station for miles and their tanks running low? Good thing he’s got one of those extra gas cans filled up. Someone (Wylde) in the back is getting cranky cause they haven’t eaten? Good thing he packed extra sandwiches because he knows how his guys get. Let it also be known that Tork WILL stop if he sees someone having car troubles and he thinks that they can help.
Monkey McClurg - Like Shirako, I feel like Monkey’s roll is pretty obvious. He’s the mechanic!!! Before every road trip, Monkey is elbow deep in whatever van like vehicle they’ve decided to fix up and make their own. From oil changes to tune ups, this guy is ON IT. Nevermind the fact that his tool bag takes up at least half a seat… Luckily, he’s a pretty scrawny guy so it doesn’t bother him too much. Even when he’s not working on the van he’s thinking of ways to make it better. Monkey is also the main guy Tork shoves forward when they stop to help a stranded driver. He’ll grumble about it, but he really does enjoy helping people out. Especially if the people they’re helping are attractive.
Porkchop Riggs - Porkchop is driver number two! Him and Tork switch off anytime the other needs a break. If it’s an overnighter, he’s usually on the night shift because of his aforementioned buzzsaw like snoring. Porkchop can sleep through a lot so when the musics on and the windows are rolled down you can almost tune him out in the daytime. His secondary job is planning their stops. I like to think that either Mama Chop or Papa Chop (or both) were truckers so this man has all the insider information on what stops to take and which are better left in the rear view mirror. He has never missed with his roadside diner selections either.
Mark Wylde - Road rage connoisseur. You ever have that friend that flips off asshole drivers for you? That’s Markie. It’s his favorite source of entertainment on long drives. He may not be the one driving, but he’ll be yelling out the window at people like he is. He is a classic shit starter. I love Mark to death, but genuinely, he will argue with anyone about anything. When he’s not being a little shit, however, he is an excellent source of endless entertainment. He’s somehow always able to keep a conversation going, and between his endless sarcasm and witty comebacks, it’s never dull.
Bonus Round
Doctor Tezla - Doctor Tezla travels with one person and one person alone…or should I say robot? No matter what, he’s always got his emotional support Gig with him. It also helps that Gig can simply connect to whatever car they take and essentially autopilot it all the way to their destination so that Tezla can continue working or catch up on some much needed sleep. Sometimes Gig will purposely make Tezla a decaf cup of coffee for the road so he’s more likely to pass out halfway through the drive.
Lani Tam - Okay so I may have lied… Doctor Tezla USED to only travel with Gig, but now that Lani has taken up a role at the Acceledrome, he’s hesitantly extended an invitation to her as well. Mainly because when they’re on the verge of a breakthrough, he doesn’t want lack of communication to be the reason he couldn’t reach the Accelerons quicker. Lani sorta loves autopilot Gig too- especially when Tezla inevitably passes out from prolonged sleep deprivation and she can catch up on reading or even do a little crochet. Lani is also the type to pick up souvenirs from wherever their destination is. It’s like Christmas when she gets back because she’s just handing out keychains, shot glasses, and T-shirts from wherever they visited.
Taro Kitano - Taro has one of the best poker faces in the world. He’s impossible to read, and on top of that, he always seems to be able to pick up on everyone else’s tells. After an entire lifetime of stoicism, he’s learned that, in most cases, waiting and watching is a much better option than verbally bluffing out a hand. He enjoys Five Card, but his favorite is Texas Hold ‘Em. Other than poker, he’s a big fan of the game Sequence. He likes the mix between strategy and luck.
Tork Maddox - It’s not so much a party game, but Tork seems like the type of guy to really enjoy Pool. He used to make the Maniacs meet at the local dive bar for a couple rounds, but eventually they fixed up an old beat up one that they found at the junkyard. It’s definitely got some character, but now they don’t have to worry about assigning a designated driver. Plus, with all its dents and and scuffs, it fits in more with the Maniacs.
Monkey McClurg - Monkey plays Dungeons & Dragons. I will take no notes. But for real, could you imagine the Maniacs finding out he plays this big nerd game. I feel like they’d give him shit for it for at least a week, but when Monkeys all like ‘don’t knock it till you try it.’ He’s basically daring them to play. Of course, eventually they give in and he makes a big night out of it. Snacks, drinks, lighting, the works. He even helps them all make characters he thinks fit them the best. None of the Maniacs would admit it, but they all had fun that night.
Porkchop Riggs - With all the truck stops and diners he’s been to, Porkchop is a master at Checkers. When he was young, he would actually ask people to play with him while they waited for their food or for a shower room to open up. Because of this, he got really good at it at a decently young age. Y’all ever hear the saying, “they’re playing checkers, I’m playing chess.” That’s Pockchop accept he’s playing Checkers like Chess. Other than that, he also loves playing Go Fish!
Mark Wylde - Mark has a love hate relationship with Uno. There are times where he loves it, and there are times where it makes him want to pick up the chair he’s sitting on and lob it across the room because his dickhead brother just skipped his turn and stacked a plus four so now Mark has to pick up sixteen cards. However, when Kurt gets to Uno and Mark gets to give him the same treatment, he claims that Uno is the best game ever created. It’s a fine line he walks.
Bonus Round
Doctor Tezla - You think Tezla has time for games??? You think this stressed out mf has time for a nice round of checkers??? Who do you think you are????? That being said, Tezla cannot go a week without playing at least one game of Chess. It’s a good stress relief, and it keeps his mind sharp. He really only plays it with Gig, but Lani has since joined their little club too. Eventually, Tezla even asks Karma to join them.
Lani Tam - Despite playing Chess with Doctor Tezla, it’s not her favorite game. She mainly does it to pick his brain and see where his thoughts are for the day. Usually, his game reflects his current state of mind, which unfortunately, is almost always slightly unhinged. I feel like Lani’s favorite game would be Mafia. Specifically when people are getting way too into it and holding fake trials on who they think the Mafia members are. As much as she tries to unite the two teams in the Acceledrome, she loves the fake drama that comes with playing Mafia.
What dnd class would each character play as? I can just see Monkey telling the rest of the MM that they can't all be barbarians when they played for the first time 🤣
What D&D Class are the Metal Maniacs?
Firstly, thank you for asking because after the game night post I low key was having brain rot about this lmao!!
Secondly, you are so right. The way that Tork was 100% the first one to be like “I’ll play a barbarian” and then everyone just jumps on the rage bandwagon until a very exasperated Monkey is like YOU CANT ALL BE BARBARIANS!!! That being said- here’s what I think everyone else would play as!
Taro Kitano - I feel like for obvious reasons Taro would want to play a Samurai Fighter. He already follows Bushidō in real life, so being able to play as a Samurai would be the easiest thing to get into character for him. After like two or three sessions, Taro actually gets absurdly attached to his character too. He’d never show it, but Monkey 100% has fudged a roll or two to keep his Samurai alive if Taro starts rolling bad.
Tork Maddox - Like I mentioned before, Tork claimed Barbarian first so he’s the only one who actually gets to play the class. Specifically, he would be a Path of the Giant Barbarian. He basically just makes his character a giant ass beating machine so that he can protect the rest of the party. An evil wizard can’t cast spells if he’s too busy choking down a knuckle sandwich.
Monkey McClurg - Monkey, despite being the forever DM of this group, would play a Battle Smith Artificer if he had the chance. I mean come on! He’s basically one already! Look at Sparky!!! He loves to tinker and that what artificers are all about baby! He settles for making his theoretical character an NPC in a shop the part passes through until he can actually play them.
Porkchop Riggs - Circle of the Shepherd Druid. It’s a great support class, AND HE GETS TO SHAPE SHIFT INTO A BEAR??? Uh yeah sign him up for that!!! It also gives him an excuse to have a pig companion. Plus, with Porkchop having the Speech of the Woods feat, it makes it way easier for Monkey to sneak exposition and plot hooks into the game play just by having Porkchop’s Druid overhear woodland creatures gossiping.
Mark Wylde - I see Mark as an Oath of Vengeance Paladin. Especially, if it’s before he makes amends with Kurt. Monkey would help him write him a ‘terrible and nondescript sibling character’ into his characters back story that he could have fictional beef with to work through some of that trauma. Cause that what D&D is all about folks. Catharsis. After him and Kurt start talking things out though, I think it might be fun for him to possibly develop into an Oath of Devotion Paladin - his devotion being to keep his party safe.
Taro Kitano - The Kitano family strongly follows Bushido. Bushido is the samurai code of ethics, and Taro has always taken the tenants very seriously. Even as a boy, he was always taught to act with those core values in mind. He was expected to serve his purpose with honor and benevolence. With that in mind, he found that when his family was gossiping about the other boys his age, they always pointed out how chatty they were. Those who were criticized the most were often the loudest of the group. That’s why Taro has trouble communicating. He associates expressing his boundaries and needs with being accused of lacking wisdom and humility. His stoic persona is his way of proving to himself that he is worthy, so when that inevitably ends up getting in the way of his relationships with the people he cares most about, he’s not sure how to react.
Tork Maddox - Tork’s core memory stems from that small scar he has just above his eyebrow. Before becoming the leader of the Metal Maniacs, he worked on cars and occasionally contract welding. Due to all the heavy lifting and long hours, he built up muscle fast. So when he gets burned during a freak welding accident, people begin to find him…intimidating. Tork’s a big guy, and between all the other cuts and bruises he gets working jobs, people, unfortunately, automatically assume the worst when they see him. It’s a HUGE hit to his confidence. He looks tough, but back then he didn’t have the same no nonsense attitude towards life. It takes about a week of Tork avoiding his friends, family, coworkers…and everyone else for his uncle to approach him about it. Tork confides that he doesn’t want people to be afraid of him, but his uncle suggests that maybe it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe that knee jerk reaction people have could weed out the ones who aren’t worth welding himself too. That’s where he gets “we’re welded” from.
Monkey McClurg - Monkey’s first engine is something he will never forget. He always liked puzzles growing up and an engine was just a bigger and better version of that. Every second at home was spent experimenting with different solutions for every problem that junkyard relic had to offer. It was genuinely in shambles when he had picked it up from the dump- but in his opinion, that was half the fun. It took a solid year for him to even be able to get it to run for more than five minutes before ripping itself apart. Every step forward always seemed to be followed by three steps back, but with every problem he ran into, he gained that much more knowledge on what worked and what didn’t. Truly, failure was his greatest teacher. He basically learned everything there is to know just from messing around in the town junkyard.
Porkchop Riggs - Sometimes core memories are grand events that change a person for the rest of their life. Other times it just something small somebody did for you when you were just big enough to remember. Porkchop’s core memory is just that. He wasn’t even big enough to see over the dash of his momma’s rig yet, but that didn’t stop him from being the best little helper he could possibly be. Between swapping out the music and handing her the ham radio when asked, he almost felt like a genuine trucker. Almost. For some reason, in his tiny child mind, you weren’t a real trucker until you blew the horn. The day he gets to was the end of a full week trip. They traveled from one end of the states to the other and it had taken them about 40 hours of driving time with stops along the way. He’d been so good the whole way there, Momma Chop let him blow the horn for as long as he wanted on a long strip of empty highway. It was glorious.
Mark Wylde - Like I mentioned in the Teku Edition of this series, I like to imagine that Kurt & Mark’s dad was the one to get them into racing. However, before they could drive, he wanted to get their hand eye coordination up to par via sports. Kurt chose baseball, and Mark, idolizing his big brother at the time, followed suit. At the time, they were too young to really start having a sibling rivalry yet, so both boys were just excited to be doing something together with their old man. The best part, however, were the shitty concession stand hot dogs they got after every game. They were always prepared on one of those gas station style roll cookers and the buns were usually just slightly stale, but that never mattered to Markie. Especially, as they grew up and a wedge started to form between them, no argument couldn’t be solved with a good old fashioned hot dog. It was like their form of a peace treaty. It’s the first thing Kurt offers him once they get back from the drone headquarters.
Does anybody else think about the fact that Mark low key had a very justifiable reason to be upset when Monkey comes back without his car in Speed of Silence??? Cause I think about that a lot.
Don’t get me wrong- I love Monkey, and the rest of the Metal Maniacs, but the way Tork just lets Monkey, who (in my opinion) is one of the worst drivers in the Acceledrome, take Wylde’s car as he actively objects to it, is so sad to watch. Like, I know that Tork & Monkey had no idea what would happen inside of the realm (Marks car getting ripped apart by the sweeper), but also I couldn’t imagine having a friend STEAL my car because another one of my friends told them to and then show back up empty handed 💀
Again, very happy that Monkey lived to tell the tale but???? I would be upset too??? I think it hits a lot harder due to the fact that Wylde, after being betrayed by his brother twice, probably felt like he had finally found a place where people treated him as an equal and accepted him only to have one of them take his car (that he’s probably spent a shit ton of money and countless hours working on) and completely destroy it. THEN when he confront Monkey and Tork about it, they basically were like “well it was an accident so what are we supposed to do?” Essentially brushing off his feelings of frustration.
Maybe I’m crazy, but if my brother almost got me killed (during the Ice Track on Highway 35), then invited me into a shady business deal before inevitably bailing and letting me serve time in PRISON, AND THEN my friends stole my car, totaled it, and got apprehensive when I get upset about it, I TOO WOULD BE PRETTY PISSED. I would literally never trust anyone ever again 😂
Not to mention that right after he gets a new car and challenges Tork to a race for leadership of the Metal Maniacs, which everyone seemingly agrees to, they literally ignore the fact that he wins the race 💀 That being said- the Metal Maniacs are right. It takes more than one race to make a leader, especially when said leader is making irrational and self-sabotaging decisions. It was just one more think to push Markie over the edge.
