#months 7

[leaf-bones]

Forthcoming

Imagining little bits of sunlight falling through my old window I don’t think I ever processed leaving Or anything

I’m too attached to place And now it’s breaching my brain I couldn’t see this coming right in front of my face I’m too attached to place And while everyone leaves I can never get away From the urge to stay

I might be fine where I am now And alright with change But when it hit me all at once it scared me And now the bits of sunlight found me in my new place And again, I choose to stay

Right around the corner The chance I’ve been waiting to take I can never get away from the urge to stay

Everything burned down But not to ashes It burned to a shimmer And now the bits of sunlight found me in my new place And I choose to stay

[leaf-bones]

Banishment

Is this my best that I’m going off and trying? If it is it better be enough, so I’m not back to square one I’m putting all of my joints into this So it’d better leave me breathless

I don’t want to be banished Back to where I started I don’t want to be sent back underground Hiding in a blanket of static sounds

I’m seeking stability like I never have before Once would’ve seen it as defeat but once I’m grasping it, it’ll feel like victory But if this fails, if I fail I won’t know what to do I’d be back to trudging through, confused

I don’t want to be banished Back to where I started I’d be back to trudging through Until I’m here again, that’s what I’d do

I’m caught between Perfecting and hurrying And I’m only A step from the sunlight

I don’t want to be banished I don’t want to be banished If I’m banished, Just let me back

[leaf-bones]

Dayspring

This year the atmosphere has become my friend My favorite color stains eye-line Getting life in line and feeling human again

The start of my summer Feels so tantalizingly soon I’m not the wilting blossom I was Nor the rotting fruit

The year before now was limbo But before that I just ceased to exist Throwing out the fragments of the life I thought I wanted

I’m cleaning out closets And shoving things into boxes No I’m not dwelling on this I’m riding this wave through to accomplishment To to start another season And see another side No I’m not dwelling on this like I’m not dwelling on this like I did

The start of my summer Feels so tantalizingly soon I’m not the wilting blossom I was Nor the rotting fruit I feel the late-spring coming So I know what’s coming soon

It’s over False spring has ended So I’ll find some confidence In wherever I’ll choose to be rooted

I feel nourished now Soaking out under the winter clouds I feel nourished now I’m springing into sunlight

[leaf-bones]

Grotto

I’m afraid I’ll hit a wall And my vocal chords won’t vibrate I’m afraid I’ll hide myself away Fall into habit and never initiate

I’m afraid my sentences all start with “I’m afraid” But I’m afraid I’ll let my eyes begin to shift away

Stuck in between again Waiting for this all to cave in

Convinced that it’s all up in flames When I don’t feel any melting skin Convinced that it’s all up in smoke When I’m breathing just fine

I need to step outside So I can drink the sunlight

Stuck in between again Waiting for this all to cave in Now I’m back in my head Convinced that it’s all about to end

[leaf-bones]

Apricity

Is it me or is it bad luck? I don’t know which way to come from I can’t discount anything yet Is there one thing wrong? What if everything is? I’m setting myself up to hurt But I think I’ll be okay either way There’s rain instead of snow It clings to the windows I think I’ll be okay either way I let the January sun sink into my skin I know it won’t be long—it’s only fleeting I’m feeling little shreds of something like being alive again I denounced the way that my brain was reacting I let the January sounds sink in Saying “You’re not as pathetic as you thought, you’re fine” I can get used to breathing this cold in The air hurts my lungs a little less every time I’ve been waking up from bad dreams It’s good to see that waking is finally better than asleep

[leaf-bones]

Sustain

I’m frighteningly skilled at Emotionally adjusting And horribly inept at Moving on accordingly I can only handle one thing at a time not equipped for this kind of life Shoving skill sets in my brain Hoping to find what might sustain But nothing out there warms the freezing blood inside my veins Everyone’s leading me in every different direction And I’m afraid that I might split Every feeling has been fleeting there’s no one listening But I’m not speaking so Who am I kidding Soon I’ll be committing to Something I’m not sure I’m committed to I want to feel warm in December I see that it’s too much to ask I’m splitting in every direction And every feeling is fleeting On the bright side that means this one is too