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Moody Image Dump

#moody #aesthetic #mood board #moodboard #moodblog #goth #dark #inspo #spooky

I might drop less stuff going on in my head here, jumped on the sideblog wagon too

#moodblog #sometimes it can be sad there sorry

Since my ADHD diagnosis, I’ve gotten to put a lot of names to behaviors I’ve always had, such as hyperfocus. What I didn’t really realize today though is that hyperfocus isn’t JUST the ability to spend twelve nonstop hours tending a garden or writing a manual. Hyperfocus can apply to thoughts. That is SO IMPORTANT to understand! I’d been trying to figure out what exactly my fixation on an idea taking over my thoughts for hours or days was, but it didn’t occur to me that it was also a notch in the hyperfocus belt. Like when I wake up six times in one night and IMMEDIETELY am thinking of technical details for my next chicken coop without rhyme or reason, as if I never was asleep. Or when I’m looking for a piece of hardware for a project and have a picture in my head, but don’t actually know WHAT it is so I spend three hours obsessively looking at every item at home depot trying to find that one thing in my mind.

It applies to feeling too. This is also important to me. And it helps explain why taking stimulants have done some odd things to my mental state. They have made my hyperfocus in general more frequent and more severe. It’s also made my obsessive negative thoughts so much more stubborn. Before, I’d occasionally get ‘stuck’ in a feeling, but now it’s happening more. When I feel self loathing in an obsessive way, it’s ALL I think about and nothing can distract. Or when I’m feeling like I need to make changes, I’m obsessed with introspection on improving myself and can’t pull myself away.

A lot of people affectionately refer to hyperfocus as a super power. I get it, but it’s not been my experience.

#adhd #hyperfocus #moodblog