cw: mental health / depression, angst with comfort
He had learned long ago that when you were falling apart, it wasn't loud - it was quiet.
A loose thread snagged on a poorly placed nail, pulling bit by bit until there is nothing left but a pile of string.
There were signs of this proverbial snag: a nibble of a lip, sleeves being pulled over hands, a particular playlist that was currently slipping down the hall out of the bedroom.
He found you out on the balcony, overlooking the neon sea below as dodie sang through the speakers.
Little things, all the stereotypesThey're gonna help you get through this one nightAnd there will be a day That you will say you're okay and mean it
He moved like a shadow, but you always seemed to immediately know he was there. You had said once that his presence filled a place - it's how you always knew when he arrived. It's how you always knew when he had your back.
And while most seemed to slip around and away from it, you found deep comfort, always leaning in.
One stride - then another. He was next to you, mimicking your lean on the railing, forearms bearing most of the weight and hands loosely clasped.
But instead of the view, he took in your profile instead. Let the song play out in it's entirety.
To anyone else, you were enjoying the night air. But he wasn't just anyone else. He was half of your soul - and the part of you that lived deep within each other would aways recognize the cry of the other.
I promise you It'll all make sense again
The track switched - TriLL this time.
No words. Not yet. Instead, a gentle touch. The back of larger fingers against smaller ones. A quiet reminder he was here.
Your knuckles slipped between his, still back to back. You knew. You were thankful. But you just...weren't.
'Cuz I'm tired of being strong. Tired of holding on. Tired of saying I'm okay when everything is wrong.
"I don't have a reason to feel this way - a good one, anyway," you began. "I have a good life. One that I know most would trade things away for to have and I just..."
Your voice trailed as you shook your head.
"I don't know if I feel heavy or empty or lost I just...I'm not okay, and I don't know why."
There was frustration at the end of your statement. Frustration at being wrapped in layers of emotion without a clear understanding. Frustration that you couldn't shake whatever had a grip on your mind so tightly.
He could see the moment you started to cave inward. Stopped it with a gentle tug at your elbow, becoming a physical anchor in a cacophony of thoughts.
He wrapped you in strength, in heat, in heartbeats. Solid. Steady.
Your body reacted on instinct - arms around his large frame, as if you pulled hard enough you could merge into one being. An ear against his sternum to remind yourself he was here. The one thing in this life you could count on.
A safety net in human form.
Brenn! filled the space where your own words failed.
Lips brushed the crown of your head, quiet murmurings of reassurance being pressed into your mind in the only way he knew how.
"You're allowed to fall apart, with or without reason, sweetie. I'll always be here to help you pick up the pieces when you do."
Arms tightened - pressure behind your eyes and a lump in your throat warned of an incoming cry. The next words came out choked. "I feel you've had to do that so much."
"And I will do it again and again, in this lifetime and the next. As long as you need me, I'll be there."