#moralstood

[heroheart]

UR ALIVE!?

debatable this early but we move

[doctorkierans]

five times kissed

five times kissed

i.       you look down at your hands and marvel at how they shake. it was your idea. the date with jackson lingers at the edges of your mind and you know what he’s like. but your mother is excited and you had no idea how to say no. even though he doesn’t excite you. but you can’t bear the thought of sharing your first kiss with him because it’ll end like that. or he’ll come back and call you a frigid bitch. you’ve heard them call you that behind your back for months now and you can’t handle it anymore. you hate it because you aren’t frigid. maybe you’re built differently. something inside you is wired wrong. but you’re okay with that because you’re barely fifteen and what does it matter. no one has it all together. you witness it everyday. 

       but still, you’re tired of the name calling. so you’ll kiss jackson and he’ll brag about it. probably lie about what you allow, but it’s expected. you’ll let him tell his friends that he stole lena luthor’s first kiss. but it’ll be a lie and that secret is enough to make you smile. so, your fingers settle because your first kiss will be with someone who matters. 

      you reapply your chapstick, the one she always asks to borrow. when you look up, kara’s staring at you, eyes wide. you can tell she’s just at nervous and for some reason that calms you down. you’ve both seen plenty of romantic comedies. you’ve seen shows with kissing. and perhaps you even spent hours in the library attempting research, not that you’d ever admit that. but you want it to be good or at least not terrible – better than it would be with jackson. 

       shifting closer, you lift a hand to touch her face. it almost always starts like this. you have the data to prove it, but you won’t ramble about it now. a soft, “hey,” follows with a chuckle. her skin, as always, is impossibly warm and you wonder if her lips are just as warm. this makes sense. she’s your best friend and she would never hurt you or spread rumors. with an inhale, you crowd her space and leave your eyes open for a few extra seconds to make sure she hasn’t changed her mind. but her face softens and she lingers closer to you, shifts a little and then – maybe not fireworks, but she’s warmer like this. her lips taste like you imagine yours do and all you know is peace. it’s not anything like you imagine, but you feel safe. you feel at home. and when you look back you realize this was the beginning. 

ii.       the alcohol makes you clingy as it always does. and like always, kara only pulls you closer. she never asks you to stop or tells you that you’re too much. you’ve heard both of those things before. but your best friend never stifles you. she encourages the warmth. she encourages the affection because she knows how long you went without it. how all of that changed when she landed on this planet and you made a point to sit next to her at the lunch table when she was labeled a pariah. since then, you’ve known affection and warmth and you know you’ll never tire of it. the alcohol only makes you openly crave it and kara, well, she gives. she gives and she gives until you’re dizzy with it. 

      she’s tipsy too. you made sure to get her favorite alien alcohol – the one that makes her cheeks go all rosy. you think she’s never looked more beautiful. the thought rocks you, as it often does lately. you had a fun night out, dancing until your ankles and feet hurt. until she practically floated you out of the bar – both of you giggling obnoxiously loud. you’re not drunk, no. but you feel light. you are tired of the boardroom and your pristine office. you love l-corp. you love the work you’re doing. but you’re still young and people forget that. but not her, never her. she forces you out because she know you need it. you’ll always be grateful. 

       you don’t know how exactly you got home. you were too busy laughing with her, so hard that your sides now hurt. but you’re home in the penthouse apartment you both share. it was easy enough to move in together, four years apart was far too long. and even though she came to visit you as often as she could, it wasn’t the same as this. because you’re sitting on the counter kicking your bare feet as you watch her putter around the kitchen. you feel light like this. work doesn’t matter. in fact, it’s not even on your mind – a rare thing. college was worth it, obviously. but now you’re home once again.

      you’re not sure when it shifts. not exactly. just that the kitchen feels a little heavy, not in an uncomfortable way. it makes your stomach twist. this has been happening more often. you swear it has, but both of you pretend it hasn’t because how do you explain it. how do you venture into the what if’s? but then kara’s stepping between your swinging legs. they stop moving when a hand settles on your thigh. it’s pure flames that lick up from where her fingers extend. you’ve never felt something like this – all encompassing. not from one touch. but kara’s not everyone else; she’s in a category all her own. 

      when she lifts up on her tiptoes to kiss you, it’s different than the first one almost ten years ago. it’s more sure. the warmth is still there. she still feels like home. but the flames are now consuming you from the inside out. your stomach twists and you feel your chest explode. kissing has never felt like this and with crystal clear clarity you know it never will again. not with anyone else. when she licks into your mouth, your hands come up and grip the front of her shirt. you grip so hard you swear you’ll have to buy her a new one. you never want this to end. it’s been second and it feels like an eternity. 

      a sound escapes your mouth and it breaks the moment. she stiffens and moves back, an apology already on her lips. lips that are swollen with the memory of you. your eyes train on them as your cheeks burn. you can’t hear what she might say, voice perhaps filled with regret. so you slip off the counter and rush to your room. you close the behind you and rest your forehead against it. you can’t hear anything, not over the racing of your heart. your eyes prick because everything’s changed and you aren’t sure how to shift it back. you aren’t sure you’d want to. 

iii.      you both pretend the kiss never happened. you’ll both blame the alcohol and move on. even though alcohol hardly played a part. it only allowed you both to stop thinking and just feel what’s been there for years. you felt it when you got your first tattoo and she touched your collarbones so reverently. you felt it when you gave her your mother’s ring and her eyes filled with tears. you didn’t understand it then and you barely understand it now. but you can’t stop thinking about her. you can barely look at her in the mornings. it feels too heavy and too much. so you throw yourself into work. work makes sense. work doesn’t make your stomach flutter with butterflies. 

      you work until you can’t. you work until she clouds your entire mind. you work until you start to crack.

      you come home early. you come early and you pace. you pace until you swear you wear down the italian marble. you wait. you wait until you hear the personal elevator churn up. she’s home. your heart flutters wildly and you know she can hear it. you find you want her to hear it. you need her to know you’re home. and when the door opens, her eyes are frantic. she’s ready to rush and make you’re okay. she drops her bag as soon as she enters the apartment, but you’re already moving towards her. your feet have a mind of their own. 

       a question lingers on her lips, but you ignore it. you lift up on tiptoes just as she had. you lift up and place a hand on her cheek. you guide her down and kiss her. you initiate the kiss and that flame erupts inside you again. ignorance didn’t make it dampen. it only allowed it to smolder waiting for ignition. and here it was. salvation was always painted on her lips. 

      when you can’t breathe, you pull back. it takes you a few seconds to remember how to work your body. your eyes flutter open, but hers are still closed. your arms stay wrapped around her neck and her hands are steady on your waist. you press a soft kiss to her chin. 

      “i can’t pretend i don’t feel it anymore.” 

iv.       it’s been months since the kitchen incident. it’s been months since you both decided to stop fighting. it’s been months since you decided to lean into the way you both feel. because it feels right with her. it’s not because she’s the safe choice. yes, kara will always be home. she’s been home for as long as you can remember. but this is the scariest thing either of you have done. all you want is to protect her heart and all she wants is the same in return. failure isn’t an option. it could never be an option when all the stars in the sky depend on it. 

      life’s been complicated lately. lex makes sure to cause enough drama that it keeps you impossibly busy with work. which in turn makes things at catco busy for kara. and you try. you try to make it work because it has to or the world doesn’t make any sense. 

      you feel yourself fraying at the edges. you feel the irritation wrapping around the base of your spine and stay there. it’s a snake waiting to lash out. you feel it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. sleep comes in fits and spurts because it mostly happens on the couch of your office. you can’t remember the last time you woke up beside her and that makes it far worse. because when you both are home, she’s typing furiously into her laptop and you, you’re allowing yourself to be pulled in fifteen different directions. 

      when you crack, when it comes out sideways, you regret it immediately. you snap at her, voice ringing into the vaulted ceilings of your living room. and everything goes deathly silent. regret cracks you in two and your eyes fill with tears. you’ve never snapped at her before, not like this. not with venom. not when she’s the most important person in your life. it hurts. you can see it on her face. you expect her to run because she does. when things get hard, sometimes she slips out onto the balcony and flies off until she can think clearly again. you don’t blame her. and you wouldn’t this time either. you wait for it. you wait for the alarm to beep signaling that she’s gone. 

      except.

      except.

      except.

      she doesn’t. 

      she crosses the living room towards you and cups your face. she frames your face and crowds your face. the hurt on her face dissolves into worry. “i haven’t been loving you right,” she says it so devastatingly soft that you break. your tears cloud your vision and almost as if she’s not there, she kisses you. she kisses you for what feels like the first time in a long time. she kisses you so warmly that everything melts away. because this is what you’ve been missing. work can wait. lex can wait. you’ve been depriving yourself out of self sacrifice. you both have. but now that she’s here and kissing you over and over, you vow to never allow this again.

      when she pulls away, your heart hammers wildly and you mumble out an apology. but she doesn’t let you finish. she only kisses you again, lifting your body into her arms as if you weigh nothing. she carries you to the couch and when you settle into her lap, you kiss her again. you kiss her until you can’t. you kiss her until each wound is fixed. you kiss her until you forgive yourself.

v.       when she asks you to introduce her at the ceremony, you’re hesitant at first. it isn’t about you. it’s about her and you don’t want to shift the focus away from that. she’s gotten here on her own merits. you’re proud of her. more proud than you’ve ever been about anything. she works hard and finally recognition. recognition that’s been years in the making. but she insists. she assures you that no one else could do it the way you could. so you agree and the way she picks you up and twirls you makes you dizzy with glee. you realize, not for the first time, how crazy in love you are with her. you realize that when she landed on this planet, you found your home. 

      so you practice. and practice. and practice until you can recite it backwards and forwards. you practice because this matters more than any other public speaking event you’ve had. not even your TEDtalk made your insides twist like this. but when it comes to kara, you want it all to be perfect. so, you practice again even though you know she’ll be happy either way. 

       then the day arrives. you wear her favorite dress and heels. you do your make up in the soft way she likes, bright red lipstick rounds out the look. you do these things because you secretly love the way her eyes linger on you. you love how her eyes meet yours from across the room and you know she’s stopped paying attention to conversation. because the same happens to you. she’s never looked more beautiful ( even though you tell yourself that exact thing every single day ). you wear her favorite things and you go over the introduction in your head a few times – until it’s time.

      you don’t miss a word. your eyes tear up as if on cue. pride swells in your chest. you know you should look around the room, but you can’t take your eyes off her. you tell the room about her heart and her worth. you tell them about her work ethic and her brilliant mind. you tell them so much and when you sniffle, the room does it with you. near the end, you go a little off script, unable to help yourself. 

       then you’re calling her to the stage to accept her pulitzer. you go to hug her, but she pulls you into a soft kiss. your lipstick stains her lips. your fingers come up to smear it away, but she kisses them instead. you both trade whispered i love you’s and then she’s at the podium. all you can do is turn to watch her. all you can do is fill yourself with her love and sink into it. because you were right about the first kiss. she was home then and she’s home now. everything else was irrelevant.

[caomhnighean]

@moralstood​. random gen sc. 

     ‘ For some reason, ’ she says, and the worst part is that she’s able to watch Kara be like this and still mean it, ‘ I’m attracted to you. ’ 

[wordscanburnarchive]

♗♗ hello

ICON MEME :  //       𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 .

[daxambcrn]

"&"

send me “&” for my muses reaction to yours tracing one of their scars for @moralstood​.

you aren’t expecting the contact. to say that it catches you off guard is an understatement. the jerk away and sudden stiffness is reactionary, though once your mind catches up with your body, you relax. you offer an apologetic smile, turning to kiss the inside of her palm. there’s a part of you that hates this, your seemingly conditioned response to affection and touch. but you’re learning. it takes time, but if there is one person you are more than happy to accept love from, it is kara.

the light scar tucked against the top of your lip is old, but the flash of memories still rush through your mind all the same. “let’s just say my mother hadn’t approve of my behavior,” you start, a small huff of laughter escaping you. it’s a mixture between amusement and bitterness. “apparently princes were supposed to act a certain way, and i had become a disappointment in that area.” only now, after kara, after arriving on earth, do you understand how utterly backwards daxam had been. and how much you yearned to unlearn all that your mother had tried to instill in you.

[scavengered]

✧･ﾟ * ｡ﾟ.*  @moralstood​​  »  liked for a festive starter !

                           “      Are you sure this is how it should be put together ?     What about all that tinsel ?      ”

[iriswaest]

iris, sara and kara in one gc is too powerful cause it’s just sara and iris trying to give kara dating advice and kara forgetting it as soon as she looks up at lena.

[dllsprk]

@moralstood​. sc.

     ‘ I had that completely under control, I assure you. ’