( As this is horribly UN-edited...please don't be alarmed if not everything makes sense or seems too blunt, clunky, etc. at this time. It'll look a lot better when it's ready, and that's a promise I know I can keep. ^^ --Coffee )
005: Backlash
“What. The kriff.”
Whatever happy bubble you might have been trapped in before has now popped…and with it, you’re not sure if you can feel anything else but betrayal.
“So this is why you came, huh? Because dear old Dad cried you a river, Briana joined in, and I’m the one who got put up for sale?”
Betrayal from whoever might have ratted you out at home, betrayal from yourself simply for agreeing to come back…oh, but most of all from him.
“Now that’s not exactly true—“
“—It’s true enough to me.”
What right did he have, exactly, to sell you out like this?
“I should have known you’d just become Dad’s doormat in the end.”
Was it just some social side effect of the Republic treating his people like factory made machines, or had this been his idea all along?
“More like your own welcome mat, if you will accept it.”
“Don’t get cute with me, Captain. I don’t ‘accept’ a karking thing!”
Either way, it doesn’t look as though “dear old Dad” is all that celebratory any more, because you’ve just succeeded in wiping that shit-eating grin right off his face.
“N-Now Katie, this-this is hardly the time for—“
“—Don’t. Call me. ‘Katie’.”
He’s looking somewhat scared of you this time, in fact, so much so that you start to get a little thrill out of it.
“I’m not your ‘Katie’, I’m not his ‘Katie’, and I’m definitely NOT going to—“
“—Y/N, PLEASE!”
Orinna, by contrast, is giving you the Look. The one you used to get as a kid when she caught you running too fast in the hallway, or else chasing Briana one time too many around the formal dish ware cabinet.
In other words, she’s not too keen on watching you do something dangerous.
Not if she can help it.
“Zis is not ze time to begin a second war, all right? Ze Troopers and ze Separatists ‘ave all laid down zheir arms. Why can you not do ze same?”
“Rebels are meant to fight, and so am I.”
“Mothers are meant to worry, and so am I!”
“Whatever for?”
“Because I do not want ze authorities being called in to arrest you for violent acts! Think upon zat!”
Missing pieces find me (Captain Howzer x F!Reader)
Gif by @nobie
for Operation #MoreHowzerFics
Words: 791
Howzer hadn’t slept well in a long time. He wasn’t sure he’d ever gotten a full nights rest since the war ended. In the past it hadn’t seemed to bother him, but now working in the Clone underground. He wondered, if maybe something wasn’t quite right with that. He realized at some point he couldn’t focus on the Data pad in front of him, His vison was hazy and he felt off. He blinks a few times, looks up and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Howzer? You alright there?” Rex raised an eyebrow at him from across the room.
“I…I think so…it’s just a headache.” Howzer tried to brush it off. Rex wasn’t at all convinced. He walks over to him and takes the Data pad from his
“Vod… you need some rest…go.” Howzer can tell by the tone of Rex that he isn’t asking, he’s telling. Howzer sighed dramatically before standing up.
“Whatever you say captain.” Howzer replied with an abundance of sass in his voice. Rex rolled his eyes and waved him off. Howzer made his way to the makeshift Barracks. He passed by the medbay on his way and he stopped for a minute. His immediate reaction is to search the room for her. The medic who had caught his eye the moment they had met the first time. They had formed a close friendship that developed into more but they hadn’t really put a definition on it. He found her talking to one of the other medics over a box of supplies. He waited patiently to be noticed, not wanting to take her attention from the task at hand. He wasn’t waiting long before she noticed him and made her way over to him. She gave him a kind smile.
“Captain, can I help you with something?” She asked.
“Uh, yeah I’ve been…feeling kinda off…Rex sent me off to get some rest…” He rubs the back of his neck as he looked at her. It was hard to stay professional with her.
“and why aren’t you?” she asked with a cheeky smile knowing full well why he stopped by.
“I…I wanted to see you.” He admitted shyly. She smiled knowingly.
“I could probably get away for a short time, if you need some company…” She looked over her shoulder. “I think the others can make it on their own for an hour or so.”
“I’ll take whatever I can get.” Howzer said with a laugh. They both walked to the barracks, fingers grazing each other occasionally as they walked side by side. Howzer felt, increasingly nervous, and incredibly inadequate. Once they finally arrived in the barracks, Howzer started to take off his armor, leaving him in just his blacks. As he does this she sits down on his bunk and watched with a smile on her face. He turns to look at her, his face slightly flushed as he noticed her watching.
“Like what you see?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes…But that’s not why we’re here.” She laughs. She pats the bunk beside her and he gives a shrug and a chuckle as he lays in the bunk. She lays next to him, running her fingers gently though his hair, her touch was comforting. But as much as he tried to sleep, he couldn’t. It was nearly painful. His face contorted with pain, and she gently traced her fingers over his face. “Talk to me Howzer. What’s going on?”
“I can’t sleep, and it hurts…I don’t know…” He hesitated, He definitely wasn’t used to talk about his problems. But she made him feel safe, like he could tell her anything. “I…I feel like I’m missing pieces, of myself. Of normalcy. I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m doing anything. I’m trying to figure out what my purpose is in all this.” He says quietly. Her gaze softened, and she gently holds his face in her hands.
“It’s okay to feel like that, you have spent your whole life, with one purpose, to fight a war. The war is over, and there’s a learning process. You are, missing pieces, every one of you. You’re finding a way to feel whole again without the republic, without so many of your brothers. It will take time.” She says these things softly and lovingly as she runs her thumbs across his cheeks and gazes into his eyes. “But I’ll be here, for every step. Alright?”
“I…thank you.” Howzer sighs. Wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in close, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He felt…for just a moment, that he was whole, she made him feel that way. And finally, for the first time in a long time. He fell asleep.
Content: blind dates, bad first impressions, Howzer has some thoughts and feels to work through, maybe some demi vibes?, no real fluff but I think it's sweet in its own way
Prompt: I came across this concept of a "Meet Ugly" and thought it'd be interesting to explore. Used this scenario: Getting set up on a blind date and not having the best reaction when they first see each other.
Part of Operation #MoreHowzerFics
He did not have time for this.
Maybe the rest of the galaxy had been duped into thinking the war was over, but Howzer knew better. There was still a fight to be had, and a more dire one at that. A fight for his brothers. Their fates were hanging in the balance... and here he was, sitting at some cafe on Pabu waiting for a date.
He wasn't even sure how it had happened. Rex had insisted there was a reason soldiers took R&R, and even though they technically weren't soldiers anymore they should still try to relax every once in a while. Fireball had taken to saying "you need to get laid" every time Howzer was in an even slightly bad mood. Greer was always going on about how they needed to think of the future, find a dream worth fighting for, like a home or a family. And Gregor was weirdly interested in figuring out what everyone's "type" was; everywhere they went he'd point someone out and gauge their reactions.
All of that somehow had culminated in setting Howzer up on a blind date the second they touched down on Pabu. As if he had time for such things. As if he cared about such things.
And yet... here he was. Wearing his armor and a frown, but he'd still shown up. If he wasn't so busy cursing his brothers in his mind, he could have analyzed why he was here. Or whether he maybe secretly did care about such things.
His leg bounced and his narrowed eyes stared unfeeling out at the planet's glistening waters. He glanced down at his watch every few minutes, growing more upset at how the time passed without this supposedly "cute" date of his showing up. A memory of Echo whispered in the back of his mind, saying something about "Pabu time", how people here didn't need to move with the same urgency he was used to, but he didn't listen to it.
A few people passed by and gave him pleasant smiles. Some entered the patio and gave warm hugs to neighbors they recognized. An elderly couple went up to the counter, leisurely reading the menu as if they had never dined here before. One girl confidently strolled in, at first acting like she knew where she was going, and then halting in the middle of the tables and looking about in confusion. She then tried to cover and got in line to order, as if that had been her plan, even though Howzer had seen the whole thing and knew she had probably absentmindedly gone to the wrong place.
He fought back the urge to roll his eyes at these people. He wasn't really annoyed at them. If anything, he envied their peace. They didn't have family enslaved by the Empire. They didn't have uncertain futures. They were allowed to wander and smile and act a little silly. It's what he would want for his brothers once they were freed. No, he was annoyed because they weren't free. This peace was not theirs. But here he was, sitting in a cafe overlooking a beautiful view and waiting for a date as if he had earned it. How in the galaxy had he let Rex and the others convince him to do this?
Just when he started to entertain the idea of bailing, the girl from earlier caught his eye. She had made it up to the counter now and the worker was pointing over in his direction. Howzer subconsciously shifted, his back straightening and his hand settling on his thigh next to his blaster holster. Usually he'd pretend not to have noticed, let any potential threats think they were catching him unawares while all along he had the upper hand. But here, he decided to send a different message. I am aware, I see you staring, try to mess with me.
The girl followed the path that the worker had pointed her in, right to Howzer. She didn't look like a spy or some other kind of threat, but these days, who really knew. Especially when she seemed determined to appear pleasant and confident, despite the nervous gulp Howzer clocked from across the patio, not to mention the little display of carelessness he had seen from her earlier.
"Hi there," she said when she came within a few feet of his table.
She gave out a breathy laugh and Howzer frowned, waiting to see what she wanted from him.
"Um," she gulped again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Another nervous tell. What was she hiding? "I uh... Phee told me to meet someone here. For a... a date?"
Howzer's eyes widened in realization. Kriff.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to walk right past you," the girl continued to fill in the silence. "I guess I wasn't expecting, um..."
She trialed off as she realized how the thought was sounding out loud, and then quickly tried to save face by hurrying over to the seat opposite him and pulling it out. But Howzer wasn't going to let her off the hook that easy.
"Weren't expecting... what?" he asked once she sat down. He eased his hand away from his blaster but kept his posture upright. She may not be a threat but he wasn't exactly comfortable.
She exhaled quickly with a sheepish smile. "Well, a clone."
Howzer's eyes returned to their narrowed state, sizing up this girl he found himself sitting across from. She interpreted the silence as offense and immediately started babbling.
"I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's... it's just... You know, you've all just recently started coming here... I mean, I guess I shouldn't be surprised... Of course Phee would set me up with someone I don't know, I know practically every other guy here, and there's a reason I'm not with any of them... And she's been working with clones more recently... But like, I know only a few of you are sticking around for good, so I guess that's why it didn't occur to me that..."
Howzer wasn't sure when he had started zoning out. He felt bad, but also couldn't help it. He didn't have much time for this date to begin with, and certainly no time to listen to a stranger ramble without getting to any sort of point. He was a soldier; he valued conciseness. Whatever suppressed little hope he had that maybe this date wouldn't be so bad after all, maybe he finally would find a romantic connection with someone, dissipated into the saltwater breeze.
He sat forward and the girl stopped spewing her thoughts, eagerly awaiting him to interject and contribute.
"Look, you seem like a nice girl," he lied. He honestly didn't really have an opinion about her one way or the other. He'd been hit on plenty of times back on Ryloth but had never felt anything by it, other than occasional annoyance when it interrupted his duties. "But it seems like we both have some disappoints over this arrangement. Why don't we cut our losses now, get some time back in our days, and part on good terms?"
Now it was her turn to frown.
"You... you're disappointed?"
Howzer was already scooting his chair back to stand. "It's nothing personal against you," he tried to reassure, though even he could hear how impolite it sounded. He hated that he was in such a situation. He should have never come in the first place.
He gave her a formal nod, almost like a salute, and then strode through the patio gate and down quiet, cobbled streets back toward the town square. Each step felt heavier and heavier and he did whatever he could to ignore the guilt twisting in his chest, even trying to look at his surroundings and focus on taking in the architecture and flora and beauty. It was a hollow focus, but he was determined to keep walking, believing he'd soon forget about this awkward encounter and the rude behavior he'd displayed, and things would go back to normal... as normal as they could be in a war.
But then a voice started to cut through to him from behind.
"Sir? Sir!"
He turned in confusion to see the girl jogging toward him. She pulled up a few feet from him, only slightly out of breath.
"Sorry. Um, I don't know your name. Or your rank."
"My rank doesn't matter anymore," he said, immediately regretting how defensive it sounded. He really was a mess today, wasn't he.
"Sure it does," she said with a small smile. "It was an accomplishment, something you should always be proud of."
Without realizing, the tenseness in his shoulders started to loosen. He took in a deep breath and said the first normal thing all day. "My name's Howzer. Captain Howzer."
Her smile grew just a bit more. "It's nice to meet you, Captain Howzer. And... I'm sorry if I came across rude or annoying before. I understand if you don't find me attractive, but I really don't want that to be your impression of me. I really wasn't disappointed to find out you were my date. In fact, I'm disappointed I didn't actually get to have you as a date. But, like I said... it's okay if you're not interested."
Howzer's heart was twisting again. She was a nice girl. Sweet, thoughtful. Still used too many words, but he supposed he didn't use enough sometimes. As far as attraction, he wasn't entirely sure he knew what that felt like, but those bright eyes and soft smile weren't so bad to look at.
"It's not that I'm not interested," he started to say slowly, but then realized he wasn't sure how to finish the thought.
The girl stepped closer. "You're just not ready?"
"Honestly, I don't know if I ever will be ready." He gave a sheepish shrug, though he was starting to feel better. He appreciated that she was helping him sort through these confusing feelings. Her eyes were closer, swimming with the reflection of the sky and what he believed to be genuine care. Before he knew it, he was elaborating. "I mean, do I like the idea of sitting down for coffee with someone and getting to know them? Of course. But to what end? I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I can be a good friend, let alone... something else."
She nodded in understanding but still offered a different perspective. "To be fair, no one really knows what the future holds. And relationships come in all different forms. There's no one way to be a good friend. Or a good something else."
Howzer's eyes slipped away from hers, pulled toward the glistening sea in the backdrop behind her. He mulled over her words as he watched the waves, nothing but tiny little ripples from this distance. It reminded him of some of the paintings he saw back on Ryloth. He'd always been impressed with artists who could make small details seem real. They were only small strokes on a canvass but they captured a whole entire feeling.
He shook himself, not sure why he was thinking about such a thing right now. The girl was still watching him with a small but knowing smile. She stepped back and returned the nod he'd given her back at the cafe.
"I'm really glad to have met you, Captain. I wish you all the best."
She turned and started walking back the way she'd came. Howzer let her get a few steps before finally calling out.
"Wait. I didn't get your name."
She paused and smiled at him over her shoulder.
"Hope."
Every Character Tag: @dangerousstrawberrypie, @justanothersadperson93, @arctrooper69, @sleepycreativewriter, @techie-bear,
@theroguesully, @cw80831, @cdblake1565
Other Clones Tag: @kaijusplotch, @lucyysthings, @marvel-starwars-nerd, @severalseashellsbytheseashore, @lackofhonor,
I know that the specific request wasn't for Howzer and reader, but I really thought our blastiest of bajas deserved some funny stuff. He's had a lot happen to him. Yikes.
Anyways Howzer is shit with pickup lines ok. Tw for mentions of alcohol and being at a bar.
@masterjedilenawrites organized this, thank you! It's a quickie, but fun, I think.
Extroverted as he was, the club or bar wasn't really a scene Howzer partook in super often. He would go with a large group of friends or if he was particularly bored. Tonight was the latter.
Ryloth was great, and when he was shipped back to Coruscant he missed it, the people, his platoon. Unfortunately his rank required the occasional travel back to HQ for reports and other unsavory administrative activities.
So here he was. Nursing a nonalcoholic beverage in a bar, thinking of his brothers (the ones not in the bar, at least), and ignoring the absolutely awful music.
His eyes drifted to the bartender, who was good-looking. Well, maybe...
"Hey." He grinned, raising the cup, which still had a little drink in it. "Howzer- bout another one?"
The bartender smiled and turned, picking up another cup and going to refill it. Howzer fought off an internal groan and the urge to put his head down on the counter. Of course that wouldn't work. No one here on this stupid planet even knew his name.
He hated administrative visits. He was done with them. Well- he wanted to be done with them. This job was perfect, or would be, if he could remove the pesky stupid performative stuff.
Sitting with Cham was far more causal and relaxing than being guided stiffly through the halls of high ranking security buildings. It was menial. Dreary. Boring.
The cup slid in front of him. He sat up, straighter, and looked at it. "This isn't the same thing."
The bar tender shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of their lips. "It's on the house. May as well, right?" They smiled at him, brows raising. "Howzer?"
Howzer's mood flipped. He smiled and raised his glass to the bar tender, then abandoned his cold glass for the newer, more refreshing drink. Maybe he needed to hang out in weird clone bars more often. And just maybe, he hadn't lost his touch.
